Love That Goes Down

The price that one paid for the good life is quietly seen in the homes. No time to talk, to play and enjoy each other's company. A columnist writing for the  Catholic Times refers to this condition by quoting from a poem written by a 2nd year grammar school child:"I have a mother who shows me love/A refrigerator that gives me food/ A dog I can play with/And a father--why he exists, I don't   know."

The columnist remarks on the humor of what the child wrote, but it also left him with a bitter taste, reading this sad portrait of a Korean father. Apparently getting up early in the morning, coming home late every day, and having to sleep during the weekend are not as important as the refrigerator in the kitchen. Another child wrote: "Dad is the one who loves Mom, puts food in the refrigerator, and feeds the dog."

A father himself,  the columnist reflects on his  life and his feelings of what a father should be: A father is like a pillar of the house that keeps the roof from coming down; a father is like a camel with a large pack on its back in the desert. He wonders how his children see him. The 2nd grade grammar school child was not describing the families of most Koreans, but there is a difference in the way the fathers of the past related with their family and the way modern fathers are forced to relate in the present.

What do children want from their fathers? He asks.  As parents we want to raise children well so they will become good human beings. However, in the future,  the child will not consider important that he was brought up in a well-furnished home and given the best things to eat. More importantly, they will remember that they were loved or not loved, that they enjoyed or did not enjoy the company of their father and mother in play and conversation.

When returning home from work, there are times, the columnist says, when irritation breaks out on both sides. Children are expecting to be greeted with warmth, and the parent is expecting not to be harassed. He believes that to understand the heart of a parent it is necessary to be a parent. He distinguishes the love of a parent for a child by describing it as a love that "goes down."

"Love that goes down is a  one way love but without sadness. Not expecting the object of my love to love me in the way I love them. Happy if the love just doesn't bounce off. No matter what the circumstances it is the love that I have been made to give. It is the love that I have received from above that I give to those below. But at times this love gives pain. It is not a choice but our calling."                         

Interviews: Often the Cause for Much Misunderstanding.

The Korean Church is having its own problems on misunderstandings that the world Church had concerning condoms a month ago. Both Catholic papers dealt with the issue. Like the interview with the Pope, which got sidetracked onto another issue, the interview of Cardinal Chong, which was to discuss his new book, became focused instead on the Four River Project, making  it the big news instead of the book just published.

It is sad that interviews can take the place  of a  carefully thought-out position and given more importance than they deserve by the press. Questions are often answered without the thoughtfulness that more time to consider the questions would provide. Since what the Cardinal said is now seen by some as  going against the decision of the Bishops Conference, it is upsetting to many in the Korean Church.

The Catholic Priests Association for Justice has asked the Cardinal to resign for not going along with the consensus of the  Bishops Conference, which expressed some concern about the Project.  We don't know what happened in the meeting of the bishops--it was a secret meeting--but we can be sure that in all particulars, there wasn't unity. The  priest working in public relations for the  Archdiocese of Seoul, who was present at the interview, explained the Cardinal's position.

On the Four River Project, he said the Cardinal is neutral. The bishops' document uses the word concern (which may be taken to mean "worry") for the damage that would be done to the environment, but was not in absolute opposition. He acknowledges that the document can be interpreted as being against the Four River Project but the bishops did not absolutely oppose or approve the project.  Many Catholics were told in parishes that to oppose the guidelines set forth by the Bishops Conference would be a sin. Cardinal  Chong was not concerned whether constructing the Four River Project was a right or a wrong decision. He was merely making a pastoral decision and telling Catholics they were free to be on either side of the issue.

The Diocese is now making plans to develop the area around the Myong Dong Cathedral into a park, and this was brought up as a reason for the Cardinal's position. Some believed his desire to expedite the work on this future project had compromised his position on the Four River Project.  This was complete nonsense, said the spokesman. The interview was not about the Four River Project but about hisbook that was published.Consequently, when the Four River problem came up, he just repeated what he had said in the past.

To the question on how the Cardinal felt about the opposition he was receiving, his answer was that he has received much opposition over the years and was not surprised. There are many things on which people can disagree, he said, and he has himself changed his opinion many times. Outside of those who are using  this issue for  personal or  political  reasons, those for or against want the same thing, said  the Cardinal, and Catholics even more so. Everyone wants the Project to be good for the country. We try to understand the other person's opinion and come to a position that is reasonable to all. We in the Church have many different positions but when in faith we try to understand, love and accept one another, we will be going in the right direction.

Have I Selected the Better Portion?

Age quod Agis, Latin for "Do what you are doing," is a phrase we heard repeatedly in seminary. A similar idea, with variations, that might be heard in most cultures of the world would be: "If it's worth doing, it's worth doing well." The columnist writing on spiritual matters in the Catholic Times, without using the phrase, gives us a worthwhile  lesson on how to apply this advice in our daily lives by referring to the story of Mary and Martha from the scriptures.

A priest friend who came to visit had an interesting take on the story. He had studied scripture in Europe and asked his friend what he thought of the story in Luke.  [Chapter 10:38-41, "On their journey Jesus entered a village where a woman named Martha welcomed him to her home. She had a sister named Mary, who seated herself at the Lord's feet and listened to his words. Martha, who was busy with all the details of hospitality, came to him and said, 'Lord, are you not concerned that my sister has left me to do the household tasks all alone? Tell her to help me.' The Lord in reply said to her: 'Martha, Martha, you are anxious and upset about many things; one thing only is required. Mary has chosen the better portion, and she shall not be deprived of it.'"] 

Without giving it much thought he told his friend that Jesus was telling Martha, and all of us, that prayer and meditation are important.

The friend, laughing, said, "Every time I  come across this passage I reflect on my life and  wonder if I, like Mary, have  selected the 'better portion.'  The story can be understood," he believed," as contrasting Mary, who was right, and  Martha, who was wrong. However, it is important to remember," he went on, " Jesus did not say  Mary was right and Martha was  wrong. All that  Jesus said was Mary, at that particular moment, had selected the 'better portion'."
 
"Brother, if we bring the scene to mind we see that Jesus was in the house and was talking. When Jesus is speaking the right choice is to listen, is it not? After he finishes talking he will eat, won't he? When visitors come, it is natural and proper to prepare a meal for them. This is selecting the better portion. If Mary had said to Jesus 'Continue talking,' when Jesus was getting ready to eat, then  we can say that Martha selected the better and  proper portion. To select the proper portion is to remember what you are doing," the priest said, "and to give it your all."

Our columnist was thankful to his friend for the chance to reflect on the story of the two sisters, and what it means in  his life.  When  at study or work and  we think of play and  at play think of work; at a sermon, we pick up the Bulletin to read, or when at the end of Mass, we close our eyes to pray instead of listening to the announcements, we have not chosen the better portion.  We have to be present  to each  moment completely. Only those who are able to see themselves as they are, the columnist says, can give of  themselves undividedly  to what they are doing and choose the better portion.

Living each moment completely is certainly the  way to grow in virtue and maturity. It is not all that easily done for multiple reasons; most importantly because we do not  know ourselves. It would be a good way to atone for the past and prepare for the future.

Small Community Meetings

In recent years the Church has made efforts to have Catholics meet in their villages or districts for prayer and Scripture sharing. Protestants have been doing this for many years, providing a stimulus for us to be as faithful to the practice.  Usually our Catholics meet once a month while Protestants have a weekly district  prayer service. In addition to the meetings in someone's home, Catholics would also have the Mass. And because attendance at daily Mass is good, it's understandable why the small basic communities remain, for the most part, on a monthly schedule.

A pastor of a small country parish, in his column in the Peace Weekly, tells of his visit to one of these meetings. When he arrived, six or seven of the elderly were already preparing for the meeting. A grandmother bent over, an almost deaf grandfather, and some who had difficulty walking were helping.  His only thought: How difficult it must have been for them to come out to the meeting.

During the meeting seeing how one of the grandmothers struggled reading a short Scripture passage, saddened the pastor.But this soon passed when it came time to reflect on their life. A grandfather, who was in his 80s, said he was thankful he could still help others and would continue to do so as long as his health allowed. He was given encouraging applause. Then each member had an extemporaneous prayer, which the pastor found very moving.
   
They then  shared what they had  been doing during the  month, which was followed by refreshments, fruit, beverages and some  alcohol. It was a feast. During refreshment time  each talked about their families and their problems. The pastor, impressed with their efforts to make the best of difficult situations, couldn't help but reflect on how easy his life was in contrast, and decided to be of more help to his parishioners in the future.

In the early Church, we know that the Christians met together to hear about the teachings of the Apostles, to have fellowship, to break bread, and to pray. Our own small basic communities are attempting to do the same, and succeeding.   

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Understanding What You Do At Liturgy of the Mass

Catholic Liturgy is the public and official worship of  God by the Church, as distinct from personal spiritual practices.  Liturgy comprises the Mass, the sacraments and the daily office. The Pope, speaking of the Eucharist, said that it is "the center and permanent source of the Petrine ministry, the heart of the Christian life, source and summit of the Church’s mission of evangelization." It is the public work of the Church to which we are called to participate  weekly.

The Catholic Times' editorial this week brings our attention to the recent  founding of the Liturgical Institute which will try to educate our Catholics to a mature understanding of the liturgy. In our teaching of the catechism liturgy has not been given the importance that it should have. The teaching has three phases: giving witness to the words and teaching  of Christ in our life and actions, following our Lord by being the salt and light of the world, and participating fully in the liturgy. We have this presented to us in The Acts: "They devoted themselves to the  apostles' instruction and the communal life, to  the breaking of bread and the prayers"(2:42).

The editorial tells us that many Catholics feel they know what the liturgy is all about, but this is usually a superficial understanding of the rites and not their meaning. The hope is that the Liturgical Institute will provide a new way of making liturgical life a daily reality.
 
The Institute describes its mission in the following ways: To promote and develop liturgical learning, to give life to liturgical practices in the parishes, to deepen our liturgical spirituality, to publish and translate books on liturgy, to work to have some uniformity in the words we use, to begin a school on liturgy, and to recruit future members--all part of the dream of the Institute.  They have their own Internet  site and will continue to develop this along with many other possibilities.

The first president of the Institute, in his interview with the Peace Weekly, gave as the  reason for starting the institute: "Catholics know something about the externals of the liturgy but not the  meaning, which is sad. The reality  today is that those attending Masses do not find it a joy but a burden; this I want to change. I want to help our Christians to participate with enthusiasm."

Passing on the Wisdom of a Good Marriage to the Young

One of the priests who write about evangelization for the Peace Weekly tells us of his experience attending a Catholic Engaged Encounter Weekend . Arranged similar to weekends for married couples, starting on a Friday evening and ending on Sunday afternoon, these weekends consist of couples who will  be marrying within the year, along with two  married couples and a priest.

The priest-columnist  had doubts about whether the couples, some having a non-Catholic partner, would get anything from the weekend. He was quickly relieved of his  worries. The first talk focused on having the partners introduce each other to the group by stressing his or her strong points; a very positive beginning.  Each of the couples and the priest shared their experiences and  the teachings of the Church on each of 16 topics that were covered during the weekend.

The talks aroused in them feelings that spoke to them. The priest remembers, especially, the talk "Opening your heart to the other." It laid out the guidelines to follow when fighting: not to broaden the argument, don't bring up the partner's faults, don't go into the past, don't go to a third person for help,  before going to bed agree to a truce, keep your sense of humor--and do it all while holding hands.

The writer sensed a growth in affection as the time passed.  Especially memorable was the evening of the second day when they entered a room lighted only with candles, and sat in a circle.  Whether Catholic or not, each prayed for a happily married life together. After the prayers, the couples received the laying on of hands asking for God's blessing on their married life. It was a moving experience.

The Mass at the end of the weekend was attended by couples with hearts more open than before and pledging to make their married life an answer to the call of God. The priest  heard later that most of those who were not Christians when they participated in the weekend shortly after did  receive  baptism and began living the Christian life.  The aim of the weekend had nothing to do with trying  to evangelize, but it was an indirect result of the weekend spent together; a valid way of bringing others to Christ.

It would be encouraging to see more of our young people who are contemplating marriage attending such a weekend, but the difficulties of persuading the young to take time out of their life for an unknown experience can be great.  In life, we prepare for our jobs by years of education, but preparing for marriage--not the wedding or the externals of marriage--is not seen as necessary; one can learn by doing, many believe. Yes, trial and error do work, but it would be better to spend a few days in these encounter weekends, sharing ideas and learning skills that will help engaged couples to get the most from their married life, especially when the wisdom passed along comes from those who have made a success of their life together.

How a Wise Judge Surprised the Accused and Others

A columnist in the Catholic Times reports on what she witnessed recently in a family court.  A young girl was  accused of stealing a motor bike, among other things. The judge  dismissed the case. He spoke to the girl with tenderness: "Stand up where you are." Expecting a heavy protective custody penalty, she stood up with her shoulders pulled back, shuddering. The judge said, "Okay, now repeat after me in a loud voice what I say: 'I am the world's classiest looking person.'"  Expecting something quite different, after some hesitation, she repeated in a low voice what the judge wanted. The Judge then said, "Say in a loud voice, 'I can do anything, there is nothing that I am afraid of, I am not alone in the world.'" When she repeated what was said and  came to the words "I am not alone," the tears she  tried to hold back came streaming down her face.

In school she had been a lively student and was at the top of her class academically; her dream was to be a nurse. One day she was attacked by a gang of boys and raped. From that time she was bothered with a sense of guilt, not able to mix with others in school, started hanging out with  delinquents, and ended up stealing.

This girl came to the court of law as a perpetrator of a crime but those who knew what happened to her would not consider her a criminal. If there was something wrong with her, it  was her lack of self esteem. And the penalty should serve to help her in regaining it. The Judge called the girl to his chair and taking her hands in his said, "Remember who is the most important person in this world. Remember it is you. Never forget this, and you will always be able to overcome the difficulties that you will meet."

The article goes on to show the importance of having love and respect for oneself. Here in Korea we have had too many young children who have killed themselves. This is a problem that the country is facing. When  children receive treatment that is demeaning and hateful and they lack a strong sense of who they are, they will develop a feeling of inferiority, and often hate themselves for what others have said or done to them, making it difficult for them to see themselves as they are.

The columnist mentions that it's important to help a child realize that when they have done something wrong, they have a responsibility to correct it. When they see how embarrassing their behavior can be, the child often has difficulty separating this feeling of embarrassment from who they are, and can begin hating themselves and feeling no one loves them. Parents need to point out wrong behavior and show how to correct it, but doing so with love. The columnist  believes that only when children feel the love of their parents, can love for themselves grow naturally.  

There is now a strong movement in Korea to make us more aware of the culture of life: To see life as a gift and to work to correct the many ways we are cheapening the value of life because of the competitiveness of society and the search for prosperity. The Peace Weekly considers this the hot potato Korea has to deal with. Seeing life as no more than a commodity used to achieve some selfish end is not good for the society we should be creating.