'Home Sweet Home'

Random thoughts on the month of May is the topic for the desk column of the Catholic Times. During the month, we have special days for children, parents, and teachers. It is the month for families. In these days of bleakness as we move ever closer to an individualistic society, it is necessary, he says, to have the experience of things as they should be.
 
Last year on parents' day, many Koreans were buying carnations sold on the streets to give to parents,  happy and thankful for the opportunity to show love for their parents.The ability of giving thanks and experiencing joy comes from families, says the columnist. Those who did not have that experience growing up will find it difficult to trust and love others.
 
From the moment of birth, we are all members of a family community. We are not able to live alone in society. We need a place like the bosoms of our mothers as a place of refuge. This place of refuge is the family. It is the place where we see love, trust and sacrifice in the beginning of the drama of life. It is a place where we should not be seeing 'the everyone  for himself hardheartedness'  we now find in life. It is not a place where we should find jealously, envy, and competition.
 
What is the reality in our families? Those who are putting up walls between families are not an uncommon sight. In a fit of anger, we often have words and acts that result in a situation that is difficult to remedy. Some think that because it is a family, one can vent anger, and it will be understood, acting in the company of others by following all the rules of politeness but in the family acting like an unruly child. 

What is the reality in our families? Those who are putting up walls between families are not an uncommon sight. In a fit of anger, we often have words and acts that result in a situation that is difficult to remedy. Some think that because it is a family, one can vent anger, and it will be understood, acting in the company of others by following all the rules of politeness but in the family acting like an unruly child. 
 
There are many that forget the importance of family; it is taken for granted. We are too busy to spend time in conversation with family members.  Even though this is an essential element in families, it is put on the back burner thinking we know each other well enough so communicating is considered unnecessary.

The columnist introduces us to the song 'Home Sweet Home' written by John Howard Payne.  "Mid pleasures and palaces though we may roam, be it ever so humble, there's no place like home." Strangely, the columnist reflects, Payne never had a wife or family, which is the very reason he felt this yearning. Many who have a family do not know how precious the family community is. 

He concludes that Christians should make efforts to make the family a place of faith: the basic community church.  We should  search for ways to foster trust, communication,  forgiveness, reconciliation,  understanding, gratitude, laughter, and fullness of love within families. This is what God would want from us, he tells us, and he himself will begin to do so today by returning early from work to spend precious time with his family.                                                                                                                                                              



 

Helping Others to Grow Old Gracefully

In his Sunday chat column, the Catholic Times' writer recounts how his mother at the age of 70, after the death of his father, was baptized. They lived in a small village on the outskirts of Seoul. Together with the neighboring women, she was happy doing volunteer work for the church. One day, desiring something more important to do, she asked if she could become a member of the Legion of Mary. She was turned down.

Her son doesn't know for sure, but suspects his mother was deeply saddened when she was not accepted. But she soon became active in the Purgatorial Society. It was at that time that they moved from their village and circumstances changed. The women were extremely kind to the mother. When the bus going to the cemetery had many who were going, she was kindly told she need not go.  When she heard there was a need for someone to clean the toilets at the church, she happily prepared all that was necessary. But when she went to the church, she was told: "Granny  there is no need for you to work, go home and rest,"  Disheartened, she returned home.

On reaching her 80th year, she lamented that "Others can work as volunteers, but they want me to stay home and do the house work." At ninety, she works around the house  after hurting her back, she is not able to stand up, but crawls around the house, cleaning and doing her work.

To make his mother happy, the writer became a member of the Legion of Mary.  On the  day of the Legion meeting, if he complains about having to attend, his mother is always ready with her unfailing question: "Aren't you going to the meeting?" The mother's devotion has been a great assist in his own spiritual life, he says.

Age in Korea is an issue that will not disappear easily. Workers are asked to retire at an early age. Respect for the elderly is an important part of  the culture, but at the same time the aging process is quickened by the hands-off policy of parents who turn everything over to the children.  How many grow old gracefully and find great joy in old age even when they enjoy fairly good health?  It is not a difficult question to answer. The elderly are put on a pedestal, respected and loved, but not always seen as a person having an important place in society.  When one feels of little use, something happens, to that person's morale.

New Vision for Pastoral Work in Korea

Looking over the recent statistical report for the year 2011, the editorial in the Catholic Times mentions areas of serious concern. The numbers of those not coming out to church and those not frequenting the Sacraments present serious problems, but just as serious is the ebb and flow of Christians: the continuing loss of the young, and in the opposite direction the increase of the elderly membership.

Comparing last years statistics with 2001, very conspicuously there is a decrease in attendance of 24.4 percent of those under the age of 19, but an increase of over 127.5 percent for those more than 70 years old.  Even compared with the whole of society this is a very serious gap between these two groups in the Korean Catholic community. The loss of the young and the aging of the Christians is a serious problem confronting the Church. The effort and money expended in these two areas is also seen, regrettably, as insignificant.

The editorial sees a need for an order of preference in the pastoral work of the future. There are mountains of concerns but the young and the old are two problem areas which will escalate, according to the editorial, to more serious problems if efforts are not made now to remedy the situation. 

The recent issue of the Kyeongyang magazine profiles a diocese that is doing something about the youth problem.  Bishop Chang of Cheongju has always considered the young in his pastoral message each year, and just recently built a youth center in the oldest parish of the diocese. The diocesan center, an expensive piece of property will also be used for youth activities. This in itself is a sign of where the bishop wants the  diocese to go. There is a room where the tabernacle and altar of the first bishop of Cheongju, Maryknoll Bishop James Pardy, is kept, showing the connection with the past, the present and future.

The Center is still not operating according to plans but this will soon change.  Before programs can be effective, however, the priest responsible for the youth work in the diocese feels there has to be a change of attitude among those working with the youth.  Our youth are not only the future but they are now making the future, he emphasized. The Center is not only for the young but will be run by them, he said. The young will make the Center the vibrant environment he hopes it will become.

Communication with the youth is the starting point, and from there everything else will develop naturally.  He hopes that it will be a stimulus for the young and a bridge to working with all the youth of the diocese.

Comunication in the Nuclear Family

A professor of sociology in a Catholic University discusses the modern Korean family in a recent  article titled:  "Communication is Necessary in the Korean Family."

Women's role in society, she said, has changed greatly in modern times.  In the past, family relationships, including the ancestors, was strong.  Family was the extended family and not the  nuclear family most of us are familiar with today.  Traditional families were to raise a son to be a success in life.  A  woman's future was not to marry and raise a family with her husband but to join the husband's family.  As a young daughter-in-law she was to be the worker of the family and would continue to do so until she in turn would have another woman, married to her son, enter the family circle. This would give her power she did not have before. 

In modern society, women are educated for their future role more by what they learned in school, from specialists and from books, than by receiving help from the family members. The traditional extended family has changed into the nuclear family, popular in the West. The influence of the extended family system, the professor believes, has been weakened, and the wife's family has become more important than it was in the past. She reveals, after showing us many of the problems that have to be faced as a result of the new understanding of family life, how communication can be improved by returning to more traditional ways.

There is a lack of communication in the nuclear family that was not the case with the extended family, she said. The effort of the nuclear family was to better itself and to work to develop as a family. And they became very good at this. They have contributed many talented people to help develop Korean society. However, the emotional life of the family suffered. Each member was a tool in the developing of the family but in the process, emotional harm could be inflicted on some of the individual members, and of course it did not always lead to the happiness of the family, either.

The professor feels that the acceptance of the nuclear family model left much to be desired. She feels that it inflicted much pain, but that the interchange among members of the extended family and neighbors enabled the family members to rid themselves of pent-up  frustrations.  Divorce and violence in families, she wonders,if it is not a breakdown of the opportunity  to express one's  emotions.

Women, traditionally, have been the primary impetus in forming stable families, she said. She wants women to continue this practice by expressing what they feel  and what they like to the members of their family. She believes that we all can join together to help in restoring the positive aspects of the traditional family system as the common stabilizing element in our society.
           

Korea and Music

Confucius gave music a prominent place in the field of study. Koreans within this culture have shown a  great love for music and many have been blessed with talent. There were times when some parents were not happy when their children played a musical instrument because of the pressure of studies, but that has changed. Today we have many famous Korean musicians on the world stage.

“To educate somebody, you should start with poems, go on to ceremonies, and finish with music.” These are the words of Confucius that are often heard. He considered music, after ceremonies, a very important part of life. Koreans have shown this in the easy way they take to music. They sing with ease and do it in their daily life, in the fields and in their fishing boats. They  enjoy watching and listening to  any type of musical program.

The Catholic Times has an article on seven priests from Incheon, who from the time they were in the seminary enjoyed coming together to play their instruments: guitar, drum, piano, clarinet, cello. They are now priests with different pastoral obligations but they still have the same love for music.

They will have a concert this month which will be called "Different But the Same," appropriately named since each of them will be playing their different instruments, while presenting a unified harmony.  A disk of their music was made when they were in the seminary.

Music, they say, helps them to feel the presence of God. They received the support of the seminary and now meet once a week for practice. They are all busy in their different pastoral works but have not been able to set aside their passion for music, wanting others to enjoy the music as much as they do. 

Music is one of the best ways to open up our hearts, one of the young priests said. This love for music is seen even in mission stations when the Christians get together for a big feast or a celebration, with individuals standing up before the group singing favorite songs. The Karaoke craze is not as popular as it was a few years ago, but Norebangs, which is the Korean word for 'rooms for song,' are still seen in many parts of Korea: a visible sign of the place of music in Korean society.

Not the Common Vision of a Book Publisher

Although few publishers will  bother to print a book that has little chance of making money, that has not been the concern of the Bundo (Benedictine) Publishing Company of Korea. They may not have many best sellers, but they have steady sellers, books the president of Bundo Publishing believes will continue to sell a hundred years from now. This year is their 50th year of their formal registration as a publisher, but they go back to 1909 as publishers. The Peace Weekly recently interviewed the president, Fr. Seon.

Each year for the past 12 years Fr. Seon has attended the International Frankfurt Book Fair in Germany to see what is being published in the world of books and to decide what books not known in Korea would be good to introduce here.

When it comes to books on theology, spirituality or the arts, there is little competition among the publishers to gain the copyrights for most of these books. He has no desire to enter that contest; books that are easily read, brilliantly written, and give consolation he knows are popular but that is not the Bundo publishing's vision.  The intention from the beginning, and continues today, is to publish books that the Church and society needs.

He mentioned that occasionally they have published books critical of Church teaching, and have been criticized for doing so. However, Fr. Seon feels that it is the duty of a publisher to make their readers aware of issues and diversity within the Church so that they will be able to have a healthy discussion of these issues.

In order not to be left behind it's necessary to keep up with the different developments in the publishing world. The number of those searching for E-books  is increasing and the Bundo publishers are preparing for this eventuality. But for the most part the books published by Bundo, Fr. Seon said, are the kind you put on your desk, underline and write in the margins, so this new technology will take time to introduce.

Many publishers have had to close their doors in recent years, and others are becoming smaller but Bundo is still operating, thanks, he said, to all their readers.  He thanks them for their love and concern; even thanking those who have on occasion scolded them. He asks us not to turn quickly away from difficult books that Bundo publishes, wanting us to go deeper into the teachings of Jesus, and into all books that can help us change the way we live. Books that will lead us to the good life will continue, he said, to be the intent of Bundo in the future.

Giving the Refugees a Chance to Dream

 The Peace Weekly  has an article about a young man, Mr. Kim, 36 years old, unmarried, who is the head of a family of 10 middle and high-school students. It all started when he met a grammar school student while working as a volunteer helping refugees from North Korea. The student, Ha Ryong, left North Korea with his mother because of the difficulties of life there and made it to South Korea. Seeing the boy living with his mother, who was  without work, with not enough to eat, Mr. Kim found a  job for the mother and took the boy to live with him. That was the beginning of the family of displaced North Koreans.

Working with a group of religious brothers, who were preparing a camp experience in 2005 for 30 young men who had left North Korea for the South, he was moved by seeing their service to the young men, and decided to devote himself to helping the displaced North Koreans.

At that time, he was not a Catholic and asked the Sisters what was a religious brother and the answer he got, he told the journalist, laughing, was "a male sister." He was impressed by the way the brothers reacted with the young men. He was working as a volunteer with the Perpetual Help Sisters, who were responsible for the "Becoming One Group." Not once during the years as a volunteer did the sisters ask him to come out to the church or become a Catholic.  They saw his willingness to serve and gave him responsibility; he even became the group's leader. Eventually, moved by what he experienced, he became a Catholic.

It was this experience that prompted him to start the group home for 10 displaced North Korean children. Official approval was necessary and is the reason it became a  group home. The first boy, Ha Ryong, introduced him to other young boys with similar difficulties, who had left North Korea because of hunger, swimming the Tumen river between North Korea and China. They were among the fortunate ones, for there were many who drowned because of the swift currents or were shot by the border patrol.

Mr. Kim finally gave up his job and devoted himself full-time to the group house. He majored in art while in college, and in an effort to have the children search for their dream he began teaching  art and music. He wants each child to have a specialty. The fruit of the effort was an exhibition of the works of the students in 2010; last year, he had a concert. He also  takes an interest in their religious life.

His own future work and marriage are important but right now his first mission is to raise these children well. Living with the children, and seeing the new opportunities that are now available to them, he has come to a new understanding of the preciousness of life, and takes satisfaction in sharing the joy which the boys in the home are now able to experience.