Marriage Requires More than Love

Statistics show that among OECD countries Korea has the highest number of  divorces, but this may mean less than it seems since we do have so many forgetting about marriage in the first place. Writing a column in the Catholic Times, a diocesan priest working pastorally with families gives us his understanding of the problem.

He has asked young people what they consider the most important qualities for a partner in marriage. A typical female response would be: "First of all, one has to make a good choice; one who is tall, good looking, capable, with a good personality is the  kind of  man I want to marry." A typical male response would be: "I want a girl who is thin, beautiful, good natured, cheerful, and cultured."

After these basic and mostly unrealistic expectations,  there is the interest in the mate's finances, the house, the place of  marriage, dress, and the other factors considered essential for marriage. It is understood that not having money problems will make for a happy marriage. But is that the case? the priest asks.

Love is not enough, he says, and notes that his maternal grandfather, who very much loved the priest's mother, did not allow her to do what she wanted. Do you think that his mother appreciated this great love of his grandfather? he asks. The grandfather did not consider his daughter's needs but only his own love. What one person thinks is love is often seen by the other as discomfort and pain.

The priest refers to Genesis 2:24: "This is why a man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife, and the two of them become one body." God does not ask for love, he says, but that they be one. The partners to be married are brought up in different environments, circumstances, educational backgrounds, and understanding each other will require much effort. Questions that are helpful in reaching this understanding would be: Am I a suitable match for my mate? Can I make the effort to bring harmony and unity to the marriage? Can I overcome my own faults, and at the same time am I mature enough to accept the faults of my mate that I may see later in life? Otherwise, he counsels his young people, the unity will not be achieved.

The priest reminds Catholics that the Sacrament of Matrimony allows one to be open to the graces of God, for what is demanded is not easily achieved without  grace. We have to know what we lack and ask this from God. The priest laments that many young Catholics opt for marriage in a wedding hall instead of the church, which is a sign that the desire for the spiritual help necessary to make their marriage a holy union is missing.

Fair Play In Life

A Religious Sister writes about fair play in the column "'Window from the Ark" in the Catholic Times. Although she has little ability in sports, walking being her only exercise, she enjoys watching athletic events and sees them as miniature portrayals of life.

No one plays any sport with the intention to lose, winning is usually the primary goal. Tenacity and challenge are also incentives motivating those who pick up a sport, along with the desire to win. However, it is necessary that the winning comes with nobility. We are all moved by seeing a sporting event played properly following the rules. When this is the case, the winners and losers all receive a fitting round of applause. In life this is also true. Sister does not see sports separated from life.

She brings to our attention the news story of a gold medalist who was thought to have plagiarized in getting his doctorate. An editorial wanted the readers to understand that he wasn't a scholar, and to understand with magnanimity his position as an athlete. Sister was not happy with this attempt to understand what was done, and says that when we sympathize without objectivity we are not doing anyone any favor.

It is understood that we make mistakes but when we do, it is necessary that we face what was done, feel sorrow, and face the morrow with hope. When a serious mistake is made, and the embarrassment is so great that to say I am sorry is difficult, then at least it should be acknowledged in the person's deportment, in his eyes and attitude. This will be seen by others and forgiven. However, we don't often see this fair play attitude of sports in the game of life.

She sees lack of fair play permeating a great deal of society.  A few years ago when we  had an irregularity that some considered a blotch on the  reputation of the country, some thought it was a sign of patriotism to overlook what was done for the good of the country.  Sister sees this as a strange way of behaving; does this really benefit the country? she asks. Can this lying continue for long?  Thinking that it's good to hide from other countries our disgraces and embarrassments is rather to retreat into exclusiveness, nationalism and inferiority.

Sister concludes that plagiarism or other irregularities are not the big issue. The effort to hide what was done, she believes, is the bigger problem. That the young people are influenced by this way of acting is regrettable, she says; we will never accomplish anything by trying to cover darkness with more darkness. The pain and embarrassment that come from mistakes, when acknowledged, can often lead to a better tomorrow.

46th World Communication Day

"Silence is an integral element of communication; in its absence, words rich in content cannot exist. In silence, we are better able to listen to and understand ourselves; ideas come to birth and acquire depth; we understand with greater clarity what it is we want to say and what we expect from others; and we choose how to express ourselves." These are the words used in Pope Benedict's message to us on World Communication Day, the Feast of the Ascension.

The editorial in the Catholic Times reminds us that this day was created 46 years ago to show the importance of the mass media and to foster its use in spreading the good news. We are told of the Pope's concern and the importance of silence in communication. He points out the many sites  across the internet that can help us grow in our spiritual life, and he urges the Church to become interested in the possibilities of evangelization using the mass media.

We live in a world flooded with information, and the quality of life we experience is mostly influenced by how much of this information from the mass media is used to form and guide our lives. The extent of mass media communication is so pervasive today that we have christened it the information age. Understanding its potential to shape our lives through the power of satellite broadcasting and the internet will help us see how revolutionary this new network encircling the world has become.

The Church needs to put this technology to use in spreading the good news. Granted, the editorial states, the Church cannot  compete with the commercial efforts of big business; however, in her  own way the Church has the mission of spreading the truth that she  has received. This will require all who are working in the media to expend their energies in achieving this goal, if we are to follow the example of Jesus, who was the communicator par excellence. Churches have to make efforts to spread his love to all;  this is the  vocation we all have. Use of the mass media has to grow if the Church's future is to be bright. 

In the same issue, a  journalist comments that the Church's message of truth is just one of the messages among countless others around the world. We can think it is only a question of speaking about Jesus, but this is not what moves hearts. It is the experience of Jesus in our lives that is the message that we need to give.

Silent scream

The desk columnist of the Catholic Times focuses on a troubling societal problem that has been much discussed but without finding a satisfactory solution. The large number of youthful suicides in Korea leads the developed world, and the number contemplating  suicide is one out of ten. Obviously, a serious issue for Korea.

What do the adults see as the reason? he asks. Is it the 'body' getting larger and the spirit getting weaker? Are parents telling children we are doing everything for your future but endure present difficulties? In the past, the young only had to worry about the last years of high school to prepare for college, but now it begins in kindergarten, where the competition and specialization begin. Those who have the means can accept what comes but those who do not, blame their parents and envy the more fortunate, which tends to create many other problems.

Efficiency and ability are the measuring sticks used to judge the worth of our young. Violence and bullying in school are ignored, and students with the poor marks lose the sympathy of teachers and adults, and become the object of ridicule.

The children understand the thinking of the adults on this matter, the columnist explains. They know their parents want them to succeed, have a good job, meet a good mate and live a decent middle-class lifestyle. If it wasn't necessary to go to the best schools to achieve this ideal, their battle to succeed in a highly competitive society would not need to be waged.

These are the reasons parents put pressure on the children; those who can't take the pressure often end up as suicides. The parents realize the risk but think their child is different, and will not be affected. And when these incidents do happen to their child, the parents find it difficult to understand. Obviously, it is not only a problem of parents but of society as well. It is a chronic, silent malady within our society, and he wonders how long it will continue.

Although he sees no easy solution, he would be happy with a makeshift solution. Isn't there some way of discovering the children who are hurting and do something about it? he asks. He believes there must be ways of reading the mind and heart of these children before they end their lives.  Isn't there, he pleads, at least one person out there, somewhere, who can read the silent screams of  agony of these young people?

New Archbishop of Seoul

On May 10, 2012,  Bishop Andrew Yeom Soo-jung was appointed the new archbishop of Seoul. Bishop Yeom replaces Cardinal Nicholas Cheong Jin-suk who resigned when he reached 75, but  not accepted at that time. Both Catholic Papers, of course, carried the news and had editorials on  the change of leadership in the Seoul Diocese. June 15th  will be the farewell Mass for Cardinal Cheong; the installation Mass for Archbishop Yeom will be on June 25, 2012.

Archbishop Yeom was born in Anseong, Gyeonggi Province in 1943 and ordained a priest in 1970. In 2002 he was appointed Auxiliary Bishop of Seoul. He has served as vicar general of the diocese for the last 10 years. Few would know the diocese as well.

On receiving the announcement  he said, "I am so overwhelmed that I will have this  tremendous responsibility succeeding Cardinal Cheong. I will always try to listen to the opinions of diocesan priests and the faithful with open mind. I will also pay more attention to work for the Pro-life and the  evangelization ministry, the pastoral aims of Cardinal Cheong."

The reason all have been concerned  on the new appointment was because of Seoul's position in the country. Seoul is the capital and  Catholicism has its roots in Seoul. 27 percent of the total number of  Catholics live in the archdiocese of Seoul. Many see the Catholicism of Korea through the eyes of Seoul.

The problems that the Catholic Church has to face are many. The large increase in the number of Catholics requires concern for the inner maturity of these new Christians. There is also the decrease in the numbers entering, the exodus of many of the young, many leaving behind the traditional spirituality of the past, and the importance of sacramental life is fading. Serious problems that the new archbishop will encounter.

The editorial goes on to mention the problems of the larger society that  will impinge on the Church: gap between the rich and poor, the economic recession, the pervasiveness of the culture of death, and environmental problems. The  Church can't only be  concerned  with  its own  internal Church problems, but has to go out into society to be the salt and light. 

We all congratulate the new ordinary and are happy but at the same time as the bishop said: "afraid and with a trembling heart" he begins his new work. We will remember him and the diocese in our prayers.

 

 

Interfaith Harmony

The United Nations in October of 2010,  proclaimed World Interfaith Harmony Week an  annual event to be observed the first week of February starting in 2011. The Korean religious communities have been coming closer together in inter-religious dialogue and a search for understanding,  but this year have  taken seriously the invitation to participate in the World Interfaith Harmony Week which they did during the month of May.

Editorials in the Catholic press have noted that there  are few countries in the world that have progressed as far as Korea has in inter-religious dialogue and  searching for understanding among the different religions in the country. Seven Religious Communities have come together seeking reconciliation and unity not brawling  and feuding  but respecting one another, sharing their common elements,  and working to be at peace with each other. Instead of looking for what divides them looking for what unites them.

There are many areas in which they work together  to  foster understanding, reconciliation and the welfare of the citizens. Rather than seeing what separates  seeing the oneness in the variety. This is not only a motto or theory; the editorial reminds us, but the present reality.

 We Catholics meet together as one in the Trinity, but  we also understand what St. Luke says  in the Acts of the Apostles chapter 10 verse 35: "anybody of any nationality  who fears God and does what is right is acceptable to him." The editorial also quotes from the Pastoral Constitution: "It offers to mankind the honest assistance of the Church in fostering that brotherhood of all men which corresponds to this destiny of theirs. Inspired by no earthly ambition, the Church seeks but a solitary goal: to carry forward the work of Christ Himself under the lead of the befriending Spirit. And Christ entered this world to give witness to the truth, to rescue and not to sit in judgment, to serve and not to  be served" (#3).

Editorial in the Peace Weekly wonders in preparation for  the general elections at the end of the year how much disagreement and  division we will have to experience.  Selection connotes exclusion, and this allows for the seeds of disunion to grow. The Peace Weekly is celebrating its 24 year of foundation, and the director wonders how much they have contributed to unity.

Contemplative Life

Living an integrated life in harmony with  God's will is the topic for the spirituality column in the Catholic Times. The columnist starts with the words of Mencius telling us to develop  the original nature that we have been given by God. He calls this  the integrated life; the opposite would be a fragmented or broken life. It is impossible to have an integrated life, he says, if meeting others, talking,  and  our actions during the day are done without  meaning.  We have to be integrated  with all of God's creation. Most live a fragmented life: meeting with a few people and tied up with a few activities  and  lacking  confidence.

As babies, when hungry we cried; when we wanted a special toy, we pestered our parents; we were concerned only with ourselves. This is an example of the fragmented life. As grownups, even if hungry we knew how to take what we have and share with another. This is a life that has integrated God and others into our vision.

The community of the Church also is infected with self-serving  selfishness: the "doing it my way" approach to everything. We realize the presence of God, but it is still my will. We should not say only that it's my fault but cry out in a louder voice you desire to do  God's will.

The columnist recommends that we examine our fractured life and look for the problems, committing oneself to working for a renewed integration and  formation.  He suggests that we go back to the past and give a new interpretation to what has happened,  and make it fit into the mental, spiritual and physical person that we are at present, related with others at home, school, and at work.  If our lives are fragmented, it is difficult to say that we lived in congruity and in harmony with God's will. When we live in harmony with God' will we can say it is a contemplative life, an integrated life.

Some see the contemplative life as concerned only with the head: intellectual and logical, involving the mental faculties. Many want to relate with God, intellectually.  People of faith have to take another step; we  have a  desire for God and want to receive his inspiration. We can't explain this with the head. One can go far with the head but for a person of faith, we know there is a limit to this and wait for the inspiration of God to renew us.

The mental and physical aspects of life can do much for us but without the spiritual dimension we can not have integration in life. This is the contemplative way of seeing life and it is this life that we are continually being  tempted to neglect by the worldly distractions surrounding us. The search for God's will is this integrated life. To do it by reason and with techniques is to do it my way.

Persons of faith should be in a higher dimension than those without faith because they are open to another aspect of life, which is the  reason for our life of gratitude.