Preparation for Happiness in the Twilight Years

Can we be old and happy at the same time? Old age and its social implications was the topic discussed this week in the Peace Weekly column on happiness. The columnist reminds us that we are entering a time in history when reaching the age of hundred will not be all that unusual.

 In our passage through life, the decade of the twenties usually is spent by continuing study for the fortunate few, and for most others, work; in our thirties, marriage, and extending into the fifties raising a family. At sixty, most plans have been completed. But, the columnist asks how many have a plan for the next 40 years? For our old age? It's important to think of these remaining years, he says, and make them profitable ones.

Without a plan for these remaining years, loneliness is bound to be a problem for many. We know only too well from the Korean experience that many find life unbearable and have no desire to keep living.

The later years should be years of blessing. A long life is an unexpected gift. These final years  should be appreciated and enjoyed, but for many it's all about loss. Yes, it is true that with age, much sadness comes, and much is lost: the death of friends, relatives, and at times even children. There are also family problems to contend with, as well as financial and health problems, but with the proper attitude these can be overcome.

During the last years, it is important to have friends with which to share our losses. Furthermore, we have a need to continue to study, which is encouraged by the Church by providing parish educational programs for the aged. The columnist recommends these programs to all the elderly.

Living close to the children means  there will often be conflicts. Parents often see the desires they had for the children crushed, but rather than accepting the sadness this brings, the columnist suggests that parents see themselves in their children's shoes, to better appreciate the challenges they have to face in a much more competitive society than existed when they were growing up. The parents and the children both tend to experience different realities: raising their children was the primary interest of the parents; preparing for the eventual  death of their parents often becomes the primary  concern  of the children. These divergent viewpoints only brings sadness to both. Instead of expectations directed to the children the trust in the spouse would be the wiser course of action.
 
In  the States, the house parents live in constitutes about 30 percent of their possessions; 70 percent is in investments. In Korea, the house is 90 percent. The columnist ends by stating that when aging parents give their children their inheritance before they die, they lose three things: their children, their independence, and their savings.  It is better to use that money, he says, to enjoy their lives together.

Japanese and Korean Bishops' Meeting

Korean and Japanese bishops met together November 13-15, in Korea, to discuss nuclear power plants and the problems they pose for our society. After the Fukushima nuclear disaster in Japan there is a sensitivity on what position to take on nuclear energy. Where should the bishops stand regarding the movement to abolish nuclear power plants was the topic discussed for three days.

They listened to talks on the likely problems that would develop and the direction needed for the future; they visited a nuclear power plant and offered Mass commemorating the meeting. At which time the bishop celebrant said, "God gave us this earth as a place to live on and to take care of,  which requires that we live smaller, simpler, plainer lives. With the abolition of nuclear power, our lives on the earth will be safer, and we can enjoy peace. Is that not  the direction in which the Church has to go?" Furthermore, he stressed the importance of cutting back on the use of our natural resources, which requires that we simplify our lifestyles.  The three days ended with small group discussions and a plenary session.

Both Catholic papers devoted space to the meetings of the Japanese and Korean bishops' conferences commenting on the  discussions  to develop renewable  energy from wind and sun, water and other natural sources. By renewable energy is meant energy that comes from natural resources that  can be easily replenished. One participant said the issue is not a political one but one about life.

On the visit to the nuclear plant they were told  by the representative of the plant that the energy produced, relatively speaking, is cheaper to produce than that from fossil fuels, and that Korea has fewer and less severe earthquakes  so the plants can be built with relative safety. Because there is just so much that can be done with renewable energy in Korea, nuclear energy can be produced safely and is economical was the representative's response.
 
The president of the Korean Bishops Conference was quoted as saying in the article in the Peace Weekly, "We can't see radioactivity, but it is harmful to life. The Church should make known to the citizens the necessary information, so they can make the right decision on the use of nuclear energy." 

Whether or not to use nuclear energy is obviously a very sensitive issue. It is known that it doesn't take an accident for a nuclear power plant to release radioactivity into the air, water and soil. All that is necessary is the everyday routine operation. Germany has made the decision to do away with nuclear plants and there will be other countries doing the same. What will Korea do? The position of the Church on this issue will be watched closely by many.  

Medicine and the Culture of Life

A column in the Peace Weekly, which aims to help create a culture of life, deals with some serious medical issues . The writer of the current column, a doctor and a medical university professor, is a member of the Seoul Catholic Committee for Life.

The first issue discussed concerns patients who begin their treatment in Korea but then opt to go overseas for stem cell therapy. The facts, according to the doctor, are still in the experimental stage and yet there are some patients who stop successful treatment here in Korea and go to countries less advanced for treatment. The expense of being treated outside the country is great: transportation for the surgery and accommodations in the country put a great burden on the patient.  However,many patients see it differently, says the doctor, they see the treatment in the home country lasting a long time and without any guarantee of success.

In Korea, having surgery that has not been approved by clinical testing is against the  law. These stem cell medical treatments have not as yet been proven, and yet many are convinced by the publicity that they are. The doctor feels they are  going overseas to commit suicide. We should be very slow to accept claims of cure and he wants the citizens to become familiar with the facts.

The second issue is the use of secret formulas to treat disease. In Korea, there are many  ways of being treated for disease. This is publicized by the newspapers and by many other media. The sick hear of a certain medicine, a person with the same disease was healed by taking the medicine and, consequently, the sick person wants the medicine. It is very common response. But the doctor says he has treated many from the side effects of these self-prescribed medicines.

The medicines are usually extracted from plant life and not just one ingredient but a mixture of many that can have an effect on the living organism. Consequently, they should also be tested clinically before use. 

The third issue was clinical tests for medicines, both for adults and children. There is a difference in the   results of  medicines given to children, who are still growing, and to adults. There are medicines that are allowed for adults but not for children. This requires that we have tests for both groups, says the doctor. Some of the   companies have difficulty with the tests because of the time necessary and the expense. And since the adults make up most of the consumers the tendency is to want to avoid the clinical test for children. This requires, concludes the doctor, that these companies be cognizant of their ethical mission in the production and marketing of medicines.

Importance of Prenatal Environment

Koreans have an expression for the prenatal care of an unborn child: the attention of a pregnant woman to her own mental health and education of the fetus.

Strange as it may seem, a well-known physicist with a doctorate from Columbia and now teaching at the Korea Advanced Institute of Science and Technology, is one of the leaders in the study of the influence of the environment on the formation of the child in the womb.
 
Professor Kim Soo-yong was interviewed by the Catholic Times recently to uncover the reason for his interest in prenatal education. With his background  in science, it makes many shake their heads when they hear about a physicist becoming interested in the education of the fetus.
 
He has for years read many of the Korean classics in this field and wants to validate what they have uncovered with scientific knowledge. To the professor, the human brain is as  complicated as the universe which is his primary focus as a physicist. He began to take an interest in the study of prenatal education while in the States. He wondered how his brain was different from other brains. He couldn't give up the study of  physics but continued the interest in prenatal studies. There was, he admits, much frustration in the quest for knowledge on prenatal training.
 
Pittsburgh University some years ago made a study of prenatal care  that suggested that inadequate prenatal care significantly affects a person's intelligence. This was accepted with much interest throughout the world, but the professor says the Koreans knew this many centuries before. In other words, nurture is more important than nature. The Koreans often say that one year in the womb is more important than 10 years after birth.

The professor gives us the example of the Holy Family with Mary and Joseph doing all that was necessary in the prenatal education of Jesus. They were both obedient and prayerful, waiting patiently and courageous. The Holy Family is an example, he says, of putting into practice correct prenatal care.
 
It is not only for intelligence that prenatal care is necessary but to  prepare the child in the womb to receive all that God wants to give.The first thing the fetus should come in contact with is love. And during this time to have the fetus come in contact with the love of Jesus. This energy from love will make the brain supple, says the professor, and enable the child to overcome the many difficulties in life.
 
With these words, the professor recommends that pregnant mothers routinely attend Mass. He hopes  priests will be more understanding of the importance of the prenatal period. This interest in prenatal care and education is something that has had little foreign influence, he says, and is native to the Korean way of life.
 
He wants the Church to consider this a vital  part of its teaching and to have the laity put into practice this teaching by stressing the importance of holy family life and the influence this will have on the  prenatal education of their children.

Blessed are they who Mourn

 In Matt.5:4, we read,  "Blessed are they who mourn,for they will be comforted."With these words, the Catholic Times introduces us to a program to help those faced with the death of a loved one. The death of a loved one is always painful but when the relationship is close, scars are difficult to heal.
 

In 2006, two Jesuits started the program to help not only those grieving for a spouse but children who have lost a parent. The two priests were  enabling others   who were faced with the same  sense of loss to join others  who were encountering the same difficulties. Receiving help from specialists in the field of death and grieving, the Jesuits put together an eight-week course for the two groups, each Jesuit being responsible for one of the groups.

Emotions are a gift from God, says one of the priests, and instead of repressing or distorting our feelings they need to be expressed, especially when caused by pain; expressing our feelings, he says, is healthy and good. For this reason, he would like to see the movement spread within the Church.

The life force of the groups is empathy. Because it is a meeting of those grieving, they understand each other, are able to speak freely about feelings they would have difficulty expressing even to their families. To have a priest present is also a help for those who are working through their grief. Having spent many years working with the bereaved, the priests can rely on their experience to make the appropriate response in any situation, if the participants request help.

In most cases the priest does little, only providing an opportunity for expressing shared griefs and the consolation that often results from healing those griefs. The group meetings are also a school for priests. Anything the priests want to say is often said by the participants before hand. They are both patient and doctor at the same time.

The first meeting of bereaved sons who have lost their parents occurred this year. Korean men do not find it easy to express their feelings, said one of the priests. They have not been formed in that way. Meeting together in a group has made it easier for them to deal with their feelings.

These groups, usually about 8 participants, are open to all to attend regardless of their beliefs, and last for eight weeks, after which the St. Paul sisters take over. The groups then become forums, talking about books that are selected.

During the month of November we are also given the opportunity to deal with our griefs, as the liturgy focuses on death and dying and about all those who have preceded us on our journey to God. The Buddhists, in a similar way, have the four annoyances: living, disease, old age and death. The four annoyances can also be seen as a way to a more mature understanding of life by the way we accept and respond to them.
           

Preparing Oneself for Death

Experience is the best teacher: a familiar cliche but also a fact.  Most of our teaching is lecturing  and cramming, using visual aids a great help, but to have the students experience what is being taught has the best chance for retention and bringing about change.

This method of teaching seems to have been more popular years ago, though we now have simulation teaching, which can be done with games, role-playing and other activities. One parish written up in the Peace Weekly had an activity suitable for the month of November, the end of the  liturgical year, and the month during which we think of death, and pray for those who have died.

One Incheon parish had a program to try to experience some of the aspects of death. A large casket was placed in front of the main altar and, while praying the office for the dead, people took turns getting into the casket and for 5 minutes having the lid closed over them. The thoughts and feelings expressed by the participants were mostly positive.

While some were taking their turn getting into the casket, those waiting their turn were writing their last will and testament. These would be offered up at the offertory of the Mass for the Dead that was celebrated at the end of the retreat.

During the  experience, there were many different thoughts that were expressed. One woman came to a realization that not to forgive a person with whom she had a grudge was foolish, for she would be returning to God, and she didn't want to bring the grudge along with her. The president of the Purgatorial Society told the participants that they came into the world without anything, and they leave without anything. He wanted the participants to see themselves as they were without making any excuses, and to appreciate God's love for each of them.

The pastor, after getting out of the casket, said that he felt a great peace while in the casket. He was conscious of the words of Jesus, "I am the resurrection and the life; whoever believes in me, though he should die, will come to life; and whoever is alive and believes in me will never die (John 11:24-35).

After the "death" experience, many said there was a new appreciation of God's love in their lives. And when they left the church to go home, they noticed that the trees along the road had become more beautiful.

What Is Important?

"Yet the solution of the pastoral problems that arise in the diocese must not be limited to organizational matters, however important these may be. There is a risk of putting the accent on the quest for efficiency, with a sort of “bureaucracy of pastoral work”, focusing on structures, organization and programs. These can become “self-referential” for the exclusive use of the members of these structures and will then have little impact on the life of Christians who have drifted away from regular practice. Evangelization, on the contrary, needs to start from the encounter with the Lord in a dialogue founded on prayer. It must then focus on the witness we must bear in order to help our contemporaries to recognize and rediscover signs of God’s presence." These are the words of Pope Benedict to the French bishops on their Ad Limina visit to the Vatican.

An article written for priests does not use the words of the pope but says we are too often sidetracked by accidentals and fail to face situations with Gospel values.  And accountability is often easily passed over. We do not make effort to critique our work with an honest appraisal in order to do it better the next time.
 
An example of being caught up in accidentals was given in the article:  a parish event was recently held after a great deal of time and expense went into its preparation, in anticipation for a traditional game Koreans play around New Year's day. They have had the event for many years but there was never a review of the event: an examination or evaluation of the results. What did the Christians think about the money raised and the way it was raised? Was the event worth the money and effort? Was the community better for it?

The temptation is not wanting to face the issue squarely because we may hear what we don't want to hear. The priest writing the article does not want the persons responsible for the preparation and execution of  the event doing the evaluation, for their participation in the event will make it difficult for them to be impartial evaluators.

The example he gives is rather insignificant but in many of our pastoral works, the Gospel values and God-given common sense is far from realized in what we do. We fear to know the truth in many cases and prefer to do what we have always done in the way it was always done.

Jesus spoke a great deal about God's kingdom and worked for its realization. It's not a localized space nor something we can see, but God's love, truth, justice and peace: a movement that begins in us and spreads to all of society. This was the nature of the work that brought Jesus to the cross.

This is the work Christians are called to do, but we get bogged down with the accidentals, the structures, programs, buildings and their upkeep, and forget what our  main concern should be: bringing people closer to Jesus