Has there ever been a family that
has not experienced pain? Writing on the opinion page of the Catholic
Times, the writer recalls his own family difficulties experienced some
20 years ago. Its aftermath is still influencing the family, he said,
and he looks back with gratitude to God for the strength to overcome the
problems. He wonders about those who were brought up in luxury and done
all they wanted--whether that kind of life is more insipid than we
generally suppose. Without the trials and failures of life, he wonders,
if it's possible to experience the joys and happiness that life offers?
The
Korean family of one nation, he reminds us, has now been separated for
the last 60 years with violence and misery. One-tenth of the population
were killed, property was destroyed, and the animosity still continues
with the poor suffering the most. Is there any reason to hope that the
future will be any different? he asks. Each side stresses their dignity
and their claims, and yet the feeling of helplessness and frustration
continues to grow. In the last 10 years there have been glimmers of
hope, as North and South have come together to dialogue. Will the day of
peace and happiness ever come? is a question the people of this separated family are still wondering.
The
writer introduces us to Prof. Lyubomirsky, who has studied happiness
for most of her professional life, dividing it into three constituents:
our genes, our life circumstances, and our intentional activities. The
first, our genetic makeup, we receive from our parents, accounting for
50 percent of our happiness: our positive outlook, humorous disposition
and health. 10 percent would be dependent on our life circumstances:
our age, gender, education, our place in society, income, family and
children, our physical attractiveness. 40 percent would be determined by
our intentional activities, our willed actions. According to this
thinking--since we cannot control our genetic makeup, and the
circumstances in our life are thought to have little to do with our
happiness--it is our intentional activity that is going to have the
greatest influence on our happiness.
Acknowledging
the present North-South relationship between the separated factions of
our Korean family, and realizing we can't change the history of the past
60 years, we can, however, make intentional changes in our thinking and
the way we deal with each other.
In
the Old Testament book of Tobit, the angel Raphael said to Tobit: "Take
courage! God has healing in store for you; so take courage!" The writer
prefers to see the two-nation Korea, as a blindness that has to be
healed and as demons that have to be expelled. The lack of trust has to
be changed to trust, hate to forgiveness, anger to embracing, fighting
to dialogue. And trust that God's grace will be there for the change.
It
is only a widow, it is said, who can understand a widow.
And only those who have experienced pain and conflict, and have been at
the
bottom, can give hope to those who live without hope. The bitter
experience we have undergone as a divided nation, when healed, will go a
long way to passing along, in God's providence, what has been learned
to other struggling nations of the world.
The addictive behaviors of the
young, and yes even those of others, is a serious problem within
society. A priest writing in a bulletin for priests mentions that in
his work among the young, he has come in contact with many who, finding it difficult to adapt to society, have resorted to violence. And today, the addiction, more often than not, finds its outlet in internet games.
In Korean society with its digital environment, the
young are easily exposed to the allure of internet games. In the homes, public PC rooms, and the easy availability of smart devices, it is
all very natural and easy to enter the gaming world of cyberspace. The
writer delves into the question whether it's easier for Korean youth to
be addicted to the gaming world than it is in other cultures. He feels
that it is, and presents a few of the reasons why.
First,
the young face the pressure of studies, and have few ways of ridding
themselves of the stress, gaming on the internet provides them with one
way of overcoming some of the stress. Second, the games are enjoyable,
easy to access, and the social networking game is inviting and
technically well-constructed, enabling the players to react with one
another with ease. Third, without a familiarity with the gaming world,
the young would be alienated from their friends.
In
addition, in the home where there is a lack of proper care, with the
young finding themselves unclear about the future, games tend to fill
this lack in their lives. It is when the problem appears that parents
then begin looking around at the other children to find the answer. When
it comes to this point, the priest says, the children are usually
already addicted to the games, and the only thing that can be done
is to help free them from the addiction. The priest says that all those
who are knowledgeable about the addiction process understand that more
important than any therapy is to prevent the addiction in the first
place.
The writer recommends that the older generation uncover the reasons why young people find the cyberspace world of games so
enjoyable and entertaining, in order to better help them re-enter the
real world. To do this, it is necessary, he says, to change a few of
the ways we think. Games are not unconditionally bad; elders have to be
able to speak about the games, and the young have to be told of ways
they can find joy in the world outside of cyberspace.
We
all need to be concerned, he says, but those in pastoral ministry,
especially, have to give this problem much thought, not forgetting the
importance of nurturing a life of faith as the basic solution for overcoming not only this problem, but all others as well.
In and out of church circles, we
hear a lot about spirituality. Religion and the development of
psychology have turned our attention to the inner workings of our psyche
and the spiritual. A seminary professor, a priest with a doctorate in
spirituality, sees this recent interest in spirituality and the psyche
with serious reservations. (We commonly hear today: "I'm spiritual but not religious.") Writing
in the Catholic Times, he suggests that in today's world it's difficult
to have a correct understanding of spirituality and its psychological
implications without straying beyond the Catholic tradition.
A
2004 Gallup survey of Protestants, Buddhists and Catholics, on the
reason for believing, revealed that almost 80 percent of Catholics were
searching for peace of mind; 23 percent of Protestants considered
salvation and eternal life the reason for their religious belief, while
only 6 percent of Catholics had this as their response. The priest sees
this as a problem for Catholics, indicating an incorrect understanding
of spirituality, which Catholicism has traditionally meant to convey. He
does say that seeking peace does not necessarily mean one cannot
practice a correct spirituality.
However,
Jesus did say: "Peace is my farewell to you, my peace is my gift to
you; I do not give it to you as the world gives peace" (John 14:27).
Jesus had another way of seeing peace from an earthly viewpoint: "Do you
think I have come to establish peace on the earth? I assure you the
contrary is true; I have come for division" (Luke 12:50). Because
Catholicism has stressed that we are not on this earth to look for
blessings, only 8 percent said that receiving earthly blessings was not
their understanding of religion. We can understand why some answered in
the way they did, the professor said, feeling that living the Christian
life would bring peace of mind.
Visiting
a Catholic book store, we are likely to see many more books on the
general topic of spirituality than on scripture,
liturgy, theology, and the catechism. He feels that reading these books
on spirituality, without a strong
religious foundation, will only provide, at most, a psychological boost,
an emotional lift. Jesus tells us: "In a word, you must be made
perfect as your
heavenly Father is perfect" (Matt. 5:48). We are called to be holy. This
is the beginning of a Christian's spirituality, the professor said, and
its end.
At
times, we have to fight courageously against ourselves from falling
into temptation and make efforts to practice the virtues in our daily
lives. We need a correct understanding of God and Jesus, with the goal
of being with Jesus after death. Even though each has his own way of
practicing their spirituality, there is a common element, a direction
that is true for all. That is why Catholicism has, for over 2000 years,
looked at spirituality objectively and made judgements in a scientific
way on methods to attain a healthy spirituality.
Charles
Andre Bernard, an authority on spirituality, defined it this way:
"Spirituality is based on revelation, the study of the spiritual
experience of Christians, its gradual development, and the desire to
understand its structure and laws. It is one of the departments in
theology."
The
professor points out that without the
correct understanding of the foundational teaching of Catholicism, we
are not going to have the correct spirituality of a Catholic.
Spirituality
for a Catholic, he emphasizes, is not a vague do-it-yourself effort. He
ends
the article by noting the need for a disciplined search, within the
teachings of the Church, to bring more clarity to the term
'spirituality'.
Dreams have great meaning for
many in Korea. Pigs and dragons appearing in dreams are good signs, and
for some a good time to buy a lottery ticket. In a recent Catholic Times
article, a priest mentions a woman he knew, a mother of two children,
who came to him to interpret a dream.
"What kind of dream did you have that you want me to interpret? I know nothing about dreams." he told her.
"Father,
in my dream I saw, coming from my son's room, an intense light enter the parlor. I ran
to the bedroom but couldn't open the door although it was not locked. I
kicked open the door and entered the room. Lying on the bed was my son,
half robot and half human. I quickly embraced him and he responded by muttering "Help me to be a human, I
want to be human, help me." While I listened to what he was saying, I looked at the mirror in
the room and saw that I was a robot. Startled, I woke up."
The
dream was much longer and interesting, said the priest, and they
laughed a lot during the retelling. That dream without any
interpretation is a gift from God, he said. We can say that as a mother
in raising children, there is the need to be concerned with the thoughts
and feelings of the children. Nowadays, young mothers have all kinds of
information on how to raise children correctly. Doesn't this, the
priest thought, turn the mothers into robots and their grownup children
into robots. Mothers are always thinking of what is to be done today,
tomorrow, next week, next month. Consequently, many children do not
sense the mothers' feelings as much as they do the information the
mothers have gained and passed along. Isn't this what can be assumed
from the dream, he said.
"Good heavens! Father," she replied. "I'm not that
kind of person. Compared to other mothers I give my children all kinds
of freedom. In any event, it was a strange dream. You are very busy,
Father, and have given me of your time, thank you."
" How about a cup of tea before you leave." invited the priest.
"No,
I have to be on my way," she said. "My child has three academies to go
to, and I have to take him there, prepare his snacks, help with the
homework, and shop for what is necessary. I have to work
being a mother, you know. Good bye."
She had in her hands
notifications from school, and as she hurriedly
scurried off, the thoughts that came to mind, he said, were of the
creation story. At the end of that story, humanity appears, and he
wonders why we still continue to desire a robot's existence.
The term "New Evangelization" has few rivals in the number of times it's used in
our Catholic World, and for good reason. Evangelization is the reason
the Church exists and is our constant mission; no other words are
necessary. Adding the word 'new' to 'evangelization' does not change
the meaning. Society has been changing drastically and to keep up with
these changes the word evangelization was modified. The Peace Weekly, in
its editorial on this continuing mission of the Church, which discussed
a recent seminar on the topic, held in a Korean diocese, begins with
the headline, "The First Step of the New Evangelization is the Renewal
of the Clergy."
Since
clergy were singled out to be the object of concern for the new
evangelization, some may think they are not in step with the times and
should be brought up to date, that they should use more of the tools
from modern culture, or get more involved with what is happening in
society. But the drift of the seminar was not in that direction, the
editorial pointed out.
One
of the speakers said priests have to witness to Christ. The Christians
are not looking for a great administrator, or for one who gets involved
in movements in the greater society that are secondary to his calling.
If these pursuits are taking away time and the interest he should have
for evangelizing, this will limit him in the work he should be doing,
and the Christians will not be seeing Christ.
Another
participant suggested that the administration of the parish should be
handed over to the laity, and the priest should be solely concerned in
making Jesus known. Since sermons are extremely important in fulfilling
this function, as much time as possible should be devoted to their
preparation.
Another suggestion, strongly expressed, was that the exterior expansion
of the
Church should be resolutely avoided, otherwise we are likely to have
trouble in the future. Though admitting this proposal seems difficult to
implement presently, the participant thought it important enough to
merit careful attention.
In the same paper, another article on the seminar considered the priests' relationship with the bishop. The relationship should be one filled with respect
and trust, otherwise the priest's fatherly relationship with the
parishioner will suffer because of a lack of confidence and peace of
mind. One participant saw the relationship as one of master and
servant, a vertical relationship that makes it difficult to approach the
bishop. It is hoped that the new focus on clergy renewal will go a long
way to not only improving the priestly relationships, but improving the
relationship between priests and bishops.
The Christians want
to see Christ in their priests, who need to make an effort to
fulfill this calling by imitating Jesus. And the Church has to prepare
the conditions where this is possible. This imitation of Jesus on the
part of the priest is the
first step in the renewal process of the new evangelization. Whatever
way we choose to modify the word
'evangelization', or however the world changes, evangelization must
begin with
meeting Jesus. And the renewal of the clergy, concludes the editorial,
will begin when this first step in meeting Jesus is taken.
Marriage
Encounter, a popular movement within the Korean Church, was covered
recently by the Peace Weekly, as it profiled three couples who attended
the weekend program in the Seoul diocese. They said they learned a lot
about the value of dialoguing during the weekend.
One
couple, ethnic Koreans from China, took a four-hour plane ride to
attend the weekend. The wife said she was a tourist guide working in
China and had met a Korean on a visit to China, who looked exceptionally
peaceful. When she asked her for the reason, she said she had a good
relationship with her husband because of attending a Marriage Encounter
weekend. She gave the care of their seven-year-old child to others,
after overcoming the initial opposition of her husband, and they
traveled to Korea for the ME weekend. Her relationship with her husband,
she said, was neither good nor bad, just so-so.
During
the weekend, however, by participating in loving dialog with her
husband, she shed many tears. She realized she did not know the basics
of how to communicate: looking into the heart of the other to understand
the other--that is what she learned, and that, she said, is what it's
all about. The husband thought that money was the answer to everything,
but learned that you don't buy love with money. They are not in the
least sorry for the money spent for the trip and the weekend. They
received more than they imagined: the key to living a happy life.
Another
couple came for the weekend from Australia. They lived with the wife's
mother and when the mother died recently, the pain of the loss was
unbearable for the wife. But instead of getting closer to her husband,
she spent a great deal of time at the church, which upset her husband,
causing a great deal of bickering between them. Her older sister
recommended the ME weekend. At the beginning of the weekend, she said
she resisted whatever was suggested. She did not follow the
instructions given and wrote letters to her husband that brought tears
to her eyes, realizing that she hadn't lived as she should have. In the
privacy of their room, she said she embraced her husband and cried
profusely.
The
husband said that for 45 years he had not been able to rid himself of
his impetuous temperament. He said he had no reason to dislike his wife
but things of no importance would often be the reason for fighting. He
had no idea of what dialogue was about, but could only resort to
bullying his way in the home. He said he learned the meaning and the
importance of dialogue during the weekend.
The
third couple, married for 50 years, was considered a well-matched pair,
with no serious problems. The wife mentioned she wished she knew about
the ME weekend earlier in life.
They
were not used to expressing their love for each other, she said, but
kept it inside. Expressing affection in words and actions seemed
awkward and embarrassing. In the home, talking about the children was
considered enough dialogue. Now, by talking to each other to understand
the other, she said, they were able to find an opening to a new way of
life. At their age, however, she said the decision to attend the weekend
did not come easy, fearing it would be awkward for the others, much
younger, to have a much older couple in the group. But a lot was
learned, she said. We now exchange loving words, often.
Abuse of the elderly is the topic
of a recent Peace Weekly article. June 15th has been designated World
Elder Abuse Awareness Day by the United Nations. In Korea, there
are 24 organizations whose goal is to protect our elderly. In 2010,
there were 3068 abusive incidents reported, and in recent
years, there has been an increase in these numbers. When one remembers
that
most of the abuse comes from children, it is easy to understand why
this is greatly under-reported.
The
abuse may be physical,
mental, sexual, financial. It may entail violence, neglect or even
abandonment. There are a variety of ways in which it can be seen. Even
the
refusal to go to a hospital for treatment or refusing necessary
attention,
which is the neglect of self, comes under this heading.
Those
who have studied the issue see much of this as handed down from
a climate of violence within the family or from neglect of the children when they should have
been nurtured. The break-up of families is also a cause, and when the
children come under the care of the grandparents, the resentment often
shows up in the abuse of the grandparents.
To
prevent this, the
article mentions the need for the elderly to prepare for their old age.
For the elderly to think that by raising and educating their children
the children now have to take care of them is the kind of thinking that
has to be discarded. Parents should not depend, the article strongly
advises, on the
financial help of the children, who in most cases are intensely involved
with caring for their
own children, and taking on any additional financial burden is bound to
be extremely difficult.
The so-called Kangaroo and NEET (Not in
Education, Employment or Training) Generation--those in their thirties who are receiving help
from their parents--are increasing, which tends to create the conditions leading to even more parental abuse.
There
is a need to acquaint the public of these conditions and the
help needed by those who are being abused; this will require educating
the public. The stubbornness of the younger generation and their
blindness to traditional cultural values are also problems
here. The article cites Sirach 25:6: "The crown of old men is wide
experience; their glory the fear of
the Lord," and urges the young to remember that wisdom that comes
with old age.
The
respect that Asians traditionally have had for their elders
should be remembered and passed on to the children. Filial piety has an
important place in our culture and should not be forgotten. If this
alone could be kept alive in the culture, we would see less cases of
abuse.
A religious sister who is involved in this work
says: "A child becomes an adult and then becomes old. Consequently, the
old person is what we too will become. We need to realize that respect for our
elders is respect for ourselves, and prepare for a culture that
will have respect for all of us."
