'Know that we are loved.' Is the topic the nun columnist in the Catholic Times wants us to remember as an important part of the spirituality of
communication. She gives us the example of a writer that came to the
conclusion that he and his three teenage children were addicted to the
digital screen. Any free time they had would be with the computer or
the smartphone, glued to the screen. One day coming home from work, out
of the blue, he declared: no more 'screens' for six
months.
Let us suppose there were no smartphones or
internet, what would we be doing? she asks. We would be walking in the park with our
friends more often than we do it now; reading, and going to the
dictionary, talking more often and looking people in the eyes and communicating, and wanting to understand another more deeply.
She
recalls giving a group some homework: go home, look a family member in
the eyes, and have a conversation. One condition was to spend 10
minutes doing nothing else put looking directly at the person and
conversing. A week later she asked for the results of the assignment, and not
one out of the ten spent the 10 minutes in conversation. One woman said that she couldn't find the time but did talk to her husband while
she was driving. There was no time to spend in eye to eye contact, and
speaking to one another.
In a questionnaire recently,
parents have difficulty speaking to their children for even 30 minutes a day,
and mostly about their school work and their complaints. There are many couples
that do not even speak to each other in a proper fashion for even ten minutes. Reasons given can be unnerving: busy, fear of a fight,
it is useless. There are even those who communicate by means of Twitter until their anger subsides.
Another study showed
that those families that eat together at least 4 times a week have
two times more satisfaction in life than those that don't, and relate
better with the society in which they live. Communicating with one
another is a sign of a happy family.
A condition for
happiness is relationships, and this requires communication. This does
not only include talking to one another. St. Don Bosco in talking to
his teachers said: "Do not just stop at loving your children but make
sure they feel that love." To make them feel love means there is a need for mutual understanding. Full attention given to the other, and speaking
as if they were the only person present.
We are communicating with others without meeting the other.
Communication is everywhere, but mutual understanding is rare. We are
daily communicating with our smart phones, but are we meeting the other?
How about spending ten minutes today speaking face to face with a person you love; you will find there is the possibility of having it develop into a heart to heart
talk.
For
over a year there has been an hour long radio program, 'Korean Songs'
for overseas Koreans, mostly in China, Sakhalin and North Korea. The
best time for the listeners is from midnight to 7:00 am. There is little
feedback but one of the vocalists writing for the Peace Weekly
expresses his feelings on the outreach to the North with song.
On
occasions he has met defectors from the North or those who have spent
time in China before coming to Korea and has been told the songs and the
program have been a great consolation to them. Some
listened secretly to the programs while in North Korea, or heard the program in China while waiting to come to Korea.
Here in Korea we have TV programs in which North Korean defectors appear
together with celebrities from the South so there is a coming together,
but a distance is maintained, fear and avoidance of contact. The writer admits that even he after a year working with them doesn't find it easy to relate.
Those brought up in the South have difficulty with their way of
speaking: coarse and stiff. From the time they were in elementary school they heard only negative remarks about the North which makes forgetting the past difficult. The North Korean defectors have entered a
society altogether different from what they were accustomed. They find it difficult to open up to those in the South. With
the passage of time,he says, we will reach a point where we will see them as
members of our society. Separation has been long; it will
take time to overcome the language difference and customs.
In our efforts to become closer we will bicker, have misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and feel uncomfortable. If
we avoid these difficulties we lose the chance for intimacy. From the time we were born we have learned to relate with
others. We need not only envision unification of Korea, and coming closer
to the refugees from North Korea, but when we look around there are
many with whom we avoid. We should be the first to
approach them with a warm greeting.
Often
we hear, he says, that the vibes are not right, from the
start we exclude others from our company. But it is not difficult to see
that others may not like the vibes they experience in our company,
and choose to avoid us. We should ignore our feelings and do what we
know is right.
When
we were children our mothers often told us to get along with our
friends. Not only not to fight, but to know what they like and
don't like, and to enjoy what is in common and to understand what
is different. This is the way we need to go if we are to see a change not only with North Korea, but with those we choose to avoid in our society.
"Holiness doesn’t mean doing extraordinary things, but doing ordinary
things with love and faith." These words appear in Pope Francis' Tweet
for Dec. 13, 2013. Sister Claudia Hae-in Lee
writing in the Seoul Diocesan Bulletin gives us her thoughts on these
words. She prays that her ordinary life, motivated by love will become a
beautiful and exquisite flower.
In the one of the
rooms of her convent there are many scrolls on the walls, Chinese
Characters expressing words of wisdom; one of them is the 'ordinary mind'.
She mentions the wisdom from the writings of St.Therese: to do the
common things with uncommon love.
Also from the Analects of Confucius, Chapter 14-45 we have the 修己安人 (Making our self better gives peace to others) cultivating
ourselves, practicing the virtues, so we can give peace to others.
When
the sister is asked for an autograph she writes: 'may all your days be
renewed daily'. Although she has lived in the convent for half a
century she does not find living the ordinary life in an extraordinary
way with humility, patience, and with love, easy. Eating, cleaning,
washing, working, writing, reading, meeting people, etc. and to do it
with a prayerful heart, and to the best of her ability is not easy. When
this is accomplished the happiness that comes is not confined to one
place, but prepares the foundation that opens us up to the pain in the
world, our care for neighbor, and to be of service to others.
She
wants to experience her journey of faith in a special way, she wants
to relate in a special way with others, in the field of literature she
wants to be more elegant, and quietly vanity creeps in and annoys
her. But she knows without the ordinary she will not get to the special.
Without the tedious, and the desert like experience, she will not be subdued and matured by the ordinary.
Looking back
on her life she sees times that were not ordinary and she has cried
much, but she is looking forward to the ordinary and the joy and song
that will come. She wants to invite all of us to walk this way
of the ordinary
"Lord, today give me the grace to
accept the ordinary boredom that comes. Make me remember that faithfulness is the first step in the way of the spirit."
Korea is a small country, divided now into the North and South. The organizational abilities of South Korea are well known, and this ability also appears within Christianity. Korea is a fertile area for home grown religions, and Christianity has many. They have charismatic leaders and organizational ability and as off-shoots of Christianity use the Bible to spread their particular ideas. This is the tragedy that Christianity has faced from the beginning and time has only made it worse.
Almost half of the Korean population has no religious belief and the other half would be divided among Protestants, Buddhists, Catholics and Confucianists, and many other smaller sects. Protestants have a strong aversion to the cults and pseudo religions. Catholics are more laid back, but are conscious of the harm that is being done and alert Catholics in their religious press of the dangers of these groups that often seek out Catholics and work to bring them into their fold.
Many Catholics do not have trust in the Church, a knowledge of the history of Christianity, and a solid foundation in Scripture. Many of the cults use the Book of Revelations as their text book, and many Catholics lack even a rudimentary knowledge of the book. Often in the Catholic press we hear reported the large number of Catholics who have
difficulty with the teaching of the Church and do not have a loving attachment to the Church, which would make them an easy
prey for these fringe groups.
Catholics realize that the culture of life is disregarded in society, but in their lives not even half follow the teaching of the Church. The survey made in preparation for the Synod in 2015, 84 percent of the respondents think the disregard for life has got worse. And 94 percent think that something should be done. There was not a big difference between believers and non believers. However, only 52 percent of the Catholics felt that life began at conception. 73.6 percent have no difficulty with abortion, 74.3 percent accept euthanasia, and 52.1 percent, capital punishment. Only 25.5 percent accept all the teachings of the Church.
A professor at the Catholic University says the results of the survey shows the separation of life and belief. We see a red light that has to be addressed, he says, in the programs to educate our Catholics, not only to do what the Church teaches, but to know the reasons why, and to understand them.
The failure of many of the Catholics to understand the teaching of the Church makes them open to the enticements of the these small charismatic fringe groups.The editorial in the Peace Weekly mentions the warmth of these small sects and the concern shown to the newcomers. The lack of Scriptural knowledge makes many of the Catholics receptive to the invitations, in many cases they do not even know it is a cult, but once they are involved they find something they did not experience in the large impersonal communities to which they belonged. The estrangement they already have from the Church's teaching prepares the way.
A
parish priest writing in a bulletin for priests asks: Does the Church
recall the feelings of the Sabine women in Roman 'history'?
Jacques-Louis
David was a painter who found favor with Louis 16th, the King of France.
When the French Revolution began he was a member of the revolutionary
forces but when he saw the excesses of the Jacobin Club, the radicals,
and the Girondins who wanted a more moderate course, both
pro-revolution and fighting among themselves, he painted what we know
as: The Intervention of the Sabine Women.
The
French Revolution promised the French populous living in difficult
times: Liberty, Equality and Fraternity--a better human life, but
instead the revolutionary movement became divided, and violence and
conflict developed. David the artist wanted to see this end: the
message of his painting.
Romulus
the founder of Rome and his fellow Romans had few women among them
so they went to the neighboring tribe of the Sabines, who were gentle
and meek, abducted their women for wives, and killed their men. The
Sabines angered and in time invaded Rome. The war that issued is the
story depicted in the painting by David.
The
Sabine Women are in the middle of the painting asking for peace. On one
side their former husbands, and their paternal families, on the
other side were their present husbands and children. In the center of the painting you have the
woman's father on the other side her husband and the father of her
children. The women have no choice, and the tragedy is that they are asking for peace with their bodies and the bodies of their
children.
In
our society we don't have trust between the government and the
citizens, lack of harmony between the rich and poor is increasing,
and anger between those in the country and city deepens. The older
generation, he says, doesn't want to lose control of the society or let
it pass to others so they unite; the younger generation
disregards what they hear and distrusts and resents what is going on.
He wants to know what the Church is doing with this situation?
The
Painting reminds the writer of the essential mission of the Church: to facilitate communication between God and humanity. Daily, seeing
the conflict and hostility in our society he reflects on the desire of
Jesus for reconciliation, and wants the Church to take a move active roll in the reconciliation.
No need to learn how to criticize, we find ourselves doing it easily. Without any effort another person's flaws come readily to the eye. Why do we have so many people without manners in the world in which we live? People talking loudly in the subway, driving without concern for others, parking any place....
On the opinion page of the Peace Weekly the columnist mentions going to a martyrs shrine for Mass. The shrine is close to his house; he and the family walk frequently to the shrine, not only is it close, he likes the atmosphere at the shrine. A small parking space is located adjacent to the shrine, but those who come from a distance usually park out side the area of the shrine, and walk. Buses that come would also do the same.
On one occasion as they were walking along a narrow street, a car came by, and those walking went to the side of the road to give the car space to pass. If he is going to Mass, the columnist thought, why doesn't he walk the last section of the road to the shrine? He watched the car go into the small parking lot and as the driver descended he thought to himself, here was a slow witted person. The driver went to the trunk of the car, took out a wheel chair, and helped the woman get into the wheel chair.
During Mass he found it difficult to look in the direction of the man and the two woman who were with him. He was completely embarrassed by how it all worked out. He realized that he was too quick to judge and didn't see the whole picture before he jumped to his conclusion. Many are the times he has judged without the necessary facts, and felt embarrassed. "Do not judge others, so that God will not judge you" (Matt.7:1).
How many times do we have to change the way we think because of what we learn? A lesson not easily learned because of our habits. We all have experienced blurting out words without thought and reckless actions for which we are sorry.
What we see is not always all that we should be seeing. To make a judgement on fragments that we hear or something that we see without sufficient thought is looking for trouble.
We are living in times when speed is important, but when it is dealing with our fellow human beings it is well to give ourselves plenty of time before coming to a conclusion.
"Do not keep judging according to appearances; let your judgement be according to what is right" (John 7:24).
"Remember this, my dear brothers: everyone should be quick to listen but slow to speak and slow to human anger" (James 1:19)
A priest writing in a Bulletin for priests recalls his days as an
elementary 5th and 6th grader. He had to walk 40 minutes to get to get to church and on Sundays they had Mass in the morning and Sunday School
was in the afternoon. Because of the distance he would often miss Sunday
School.
Often prizes of clothes from relief goods
would be given to the students who had a a good attendance record. He
never was one of them. Those who lived close to the Church would be the
recipients.The prizes were not enough to overcome the distance he had
to walk.
Two years ago 20 to 30 children from a
city parish were given a free trip to Everland, the largest theme park
in South Korea. All expenses were paid by the parish. The priest
wondered about the results of the trip and the feelings of those that
were not selected to go.
One of the parishes gives
electronic gifts to those who attend Mass faithfully, and he gives
another example of a priest who gives presents to those who answer his
questions correctly during the sermon. There are a differences in
the kind gifts that are given, but the giving of prizes is a common occurrence.
The
interest of children in religious teaching is disappearing. Mass attendance is low and those who are responsible for the parishes are
looking for ways to stop the tide. Some of the priests work with the liturgy, music, sermons, visual aids and the like, while
others make use of material goods to increase the interest.
There
are times where this giving of prizes as an incentive is acceptable,
but educationally and looking at it from a religious vantage point it he does not see it as wise. When one receives a prize one considers that it is
deserved, there is little thanks and little humility. When one takes
care of a younger sibling and is given a prize, we lose the chance
to inculcate the importance of brotherly love. Religious education is
to instil responsibility and maturity.
Our society draws people by material goods and competition. Those who win at
competition and pile up material goods are the ones who are setting the
societal standards. Those who have lost out in competition and have little are
those who go to the the periphery of society.
When the church uses the same methods of society, we are failing to educate wisely. Jesus complained about the way society shunned and alienated people, and the same can be done in our religious teaching programs.
After an event we as church do not meet formally to evaluate what was done. When many thousands of dollars are used for trips and in
prize money, time should be set aside to assess the pros and cons of the event. What did the students learn? Was it
valuable? What was not of value?
Most of the time there are informal evaluations made by those in charge but this is not sufficient, he says. What is necessary is to examine in detail what was done, and to analyze it with the future in mind. This would prevent many future mistakes and allow growth to happen.
