When children grow up in a home where parents love and respect each
other the memory of the relationship is their reference point, and the
blueprint for their marriage. On the other hand, when you have divorce,
separation or children living with a parent who has remarried they have
many different models of married life.
A priest who is
working in pastoral work for families writes about the topic in a
diocesan bulletin. Children who saw love and joy in the lives of their parents, becomes the blueprint for their own marriage; when they did not
find this in their own family they will look for another blueprint: they will
vow to do things differently. Depending on the maturity of the
children they will internalize their experience as an example to
follow, or not.
Since
husband and wife have different experiences of family, this can
result in family squabbles. Mother may have not liked the way the
father was authoritarian, and the father may have disliked the mother's
sentimentality and fragility. They both may want to work against what
they did not like in their own upbringing, but this is not always easy
to do.
Not always surprising is when the parent ends up
imitating the very things that they didn't like in their own home life. The conditions of the work place can influence the workings in the
family and this often unconsciously.
Family experience
will be a great help to the young couple; they will also look for an ideal of family life from the popular culture. Those with a strong
spiritual life will look for answers from their faith life and the
family of Nazareth.
Young people have been exposed to
family life from an early age in the popular culture as seen on TV,
movies, popular songs etc.. They did not understand all they saw and
heard but has been absorbed. Often what they have received is not
going to be helpful, and forms their convictions that will
influence their married life.
Common ideas
about marriage the young have heard are many: a spouse should be this kind of person-- satisfaction in marriage should be of this degree-- married life is something to be endured-- married life is heaven, is hell--
these and many other expressions have been heard and remain with
the young.
Married life brings changes and the environment changes. This is part of the married journey. Much of the common expressions are false, and this has to be understood. He concludes the article by asking: are not the common notions that have been accepted about marriage going to prepare for the hurts that are experienced?
Recently, the law criminalizing adultery was found “unconstitutional”
by the Constitutional Court of Korea. The results from the decision have
been noisy. The Catholic Times has an article on the issue by a priest director of a research center on family. There is a fear, on the part
of many, that the sexual act will be seen outside the context of
marriage to the detriment of marriage.
The
Constitutional Court said the criminalization of adultery infringes on
the right of the sexual determination and privacy of the individual, and freedom in one's personal life; the duty of maintaining the family bond rests with the individuals in the marriage and not the government.
Times have
changed and adultery is no longer a violation of the
constitution, however, society is still swayed by Confucianism, and
religion continues to influence society. In Catholicism marriage is the
joining of husband and wife by God. Marriage opens a couple to be in service to life, realize the blessings of God in history, and share the image of God with others. In the marriage act the couple are
cooperators with God in passing on life.
Sex is not
merely a biological act but the way a husband and wife give themselves
completely to each other, and relate to each other in one of the deepest manners. With
sex the couple gives themselves to each other until death. "I
promise to take you, N, to be my husband, I promise to be true to you
in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, I will love you and
honor you all the days of my life." Catholics believe in the indissolubility of marriage and therefore for a Catholic divorce is not
possible.
For the crime of adultery to be established it
was necessary to assume divorce proceedings, had already begun. This was the practice in society. The partner who was suing for divorce, was saying they no longer were able to live with the person in
the marriage bond. The Constitutional Court saw the question as one of legality and excessive punishment. There was no need for the nation to
enter and punish adultery as a crime; it was a moral issue, where
censure was in order and not a case for criminal law to solve.
No
longer was adultery to be punished by law but was a question of
morals and ethics and the concern of religious convictions and moral values. Seeing adultery as a crime was not an area the church had much to say.
Adultery was seen in society as the beginning of divorce proceedings. Catholicism had higher values to follow,
so the issue is not meaningful for the church.
We are
sexual beings but not limited to this, we need to be directed to the
spiritual. The church goes even beyond the act of adultery to the 9th
commandment where even impure thoughts are forbidden. With the
abolition of adultery as a crime, couples have to be
concerned with the weakening of the marriage bond in society where
pleasure of sex is the only issue, and the trend towards selfishness becomes paramount, consequently, the family needs to straightened the precious standards of family life.
In the Maryknoll Magazine for January/February Fr. Gerard Hammond our local superior had an article describing his volunteer work with the Eugene Bell Foundation. This U.S. based not-for-profit organization provides medical humanitarian assistance to rural North Korea, where at least 100,000 people are living with tuberculosis. Below are some of the words taken from the article.
"Visiting North Korea to bring medical supplies to people with tuberculosis is like being in one of the passages in the Bible where the sick crowded around Jesus begging to be cured.
We do our best to enroll as many patients as possible, giving priority to those who are sickest. But, unfortunately, due to a chronic shortage of medication, we have to turn many away. Not everyone who receives treatment recovers, despite our best efforts.
Last year's visit of Pope Francis to South Korea was a great blessing for all of us, especially the people who have suffered so much after the Second World War divided Korea into two countries in 1945. The pope celebrated a Mass for peace and reconciliation at Myeongdong Cathedral in Seoul, South Korea. Although North Korea rejected the pope's invitation to allow North Korean Catholics to attend the Mass, I hope his visit will be the spark for the beginning of a move toward peace on the peninsula and for the reconciliation of the peoples of North and South Korea.
The Catholic Church, like other religious groups, is allowed to operate in North Korea only under extremely tight restriction. It must work within the confines of the state-controlled North Korea Catholic Association (KCA) there are 3,000 Catholics in the North, but outside experts put the figure at around 800. The best Pope Francis could do was to invite to the Mass for peace and reconciliation five representatives of families whose loved ones were kidnapped by the North and 30 elderly Catholics who crossed into the South during the 1950-1953 Korean War.
On Aug. 14, the pontiff met each one of the 14 Maryknollers serving in South Korea. When he greeted me, he simply said, 'North Korea-tuberculosis' and squeezed my arm.
On every trip we provide each patient a six-month supply of multi-drug-resistant medication. On average, a patient will receive four medication boxes over a two year period. These boxes give patients one last chance at recovering from this deadly disease and help prevent the disease from spreading to their families.
Part of the North Korea trips includes 'graduation ceremonies' for patients who have completed treatment. Usually members of the delegation place necklaces of cranes ( a symbol of long life) around the necks of these patients. I am often asked to say a few words of congratulations and encouragement. I get a big smile when I promise to pray for them. I hope you too will remember our patients in your prayers."
Structures in society influence the way we think and act, some for the good and some not for the good. A university dean
writing in the Catholic Times tells us that children who know how to
play are the ones who are successful, and goes on to explain his thesis.
In
Asia, he says, we like to see landscapes with mountains, and rivers. It makes us feel at peace. However,in much of our society we are
separated from nature, and those who suffer the most from this isolation
are the children. There are many maladies and mental difficulties that
can be traced to this isolation.
Sports are good, but
other games and being close to nature, animals and plants are a great
help in relating with others, and developing the imagination, and
creativity. A Japanese scholar is quoted as saying that the children who
know how to play do well in their studies.
All parents
want their children to be leaders in society. Preparation for this
comes in friendliness with others, having a moral sense, able to
understand another's situation, and able to sustain a loss. We want a
person who is genuine, and has developed their humanity. Capability in
society demands more of their emotional make up than IQ. Nature
stimulates the child's senses, they come in contact with different
sounds and smells, they feel the bright rays of the sun and fresh air,
all help to heal, console, jolt the spirit of inquiry, adventure and
creativity.
We know that there is not a direct connection
of success in life and honors in study. Without the ability to related
with others one will not be successful in life. According to the dean,
the International Civic and Citizen Education Study placed Korean
students very low in cultural interaction skill, and the ability to
live harmoniously with others. The results have been shocking to many
in society.
Our students no longer have to go to school
on Saturdays and have the weekend to play and to develop their
emotional and human qualities. Our students, says the dean, have the
longest hours of study compared to other countries and when they go to
Sunday School and are faced with more of the cramming methods of
education it is easy to see why they don't want to go.
He
recommends another way of conducting the Sunday School programs so that
the students will be looking forward to meeting their friends and to
enjoy the time they are together. He feels that if that is accomplished,
even if they fall away later, they will remember the happy days of
their Sunday School years which will help them to return.
Here we have a
ideal situation but there is the need to impart some knowledge to the
students, and without that we only entertain which is not what a Sunday School program should be.Those who
are responsible for the programs of the students in parishes
know the difficulties and the need to make the programs more
attractive and better attended, a work in
progress.
Prayer,is a frequent topic of Lenten Sermons; the Peace Weekly
reports on the talk given by a Benedictine priest at the Cathedral
Parish in Seoul. He begins with the definition of prayer as the soul to
soul talk with God, briefly describing what is central to our religious life.
This was the thinking of Clement of
Alexandria (150-215) and Evagrius of Pontus (345-399). Prayer is dialogue
with God. What can be said about the subject is plentiful. God transcends us but also has 'personality'. Our prayer is from one
person to another. Christians believe they can relate with God.
We need to understand, he says what we
mean by dialogue. It is not a simple give and take of words but the
receiving and giving. Receiving the word is to hear the word
attentively; giving is to respond. With this understanding we have
hearing and responding. Since we have difficulty hearing what another
says there is a problem with our response. Our prayer with God also has
this pitfall. We need to hear what he says, and live it in our
lives.
Steps for prayer: with the body-- vocal
prayer, with our head-- meditation, and with our spirit--
contemplation. We do not know God with our mental faculties, but with
our whole being-- the inner recesses of our being. We have to go from the
head to the inner most parts of our being. At Baptism we received this
Gift from God, his Spirit.
Prayer should be
short and simple. In the Gospels the tax collector and the prodigal son were reconciled with God with few words. Prayer is not a transaction
with God but done with a pure heart not to receive something but to turn everything over to the providence of God, and desire all that he
wants for us. This is the way the Blessed Mother prayed: "may it
happen to me as you have said." Jesus in the Our Father taught us to
pray: "Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven." We pray not to
have our way, but by the help of the Holy Spirit to become the tool that
will accomplish his will by emptying ourselves.
Our attitude in prayer
should be one of humility. We are to lose ourselves in God. In
searching for God we are to forget our self-- the attitude of the
tax collector in the Gospel. We need the attitude of gratitude.
The highest point of our prayer should be as in the Mass where we thank
God for all he has done for us.
Prayer continually draws us to a oneness with God, which requires sorrow for our failures; the key that
liberates us from the illusions of our spirituality.
Yesterday, March 17, we remembered the 150th anniversary of the
finding of the Hidden Christians of Japan. Both the Peace Weekly and the
Catholic Times had articles on the history of the Church in Japan. In
1614 Catholicism was banned in Japan. Many were martyred but many also
went underground, passing on what they received to their children for
over 250 years.
Japan opened the door to foreigners
only slightly in 1853, and Catholic Missioners from France belonging to
the Paris Foreign Missionary Society built a church in the Nagasaki
area that was only for foreigners. The priest Fr. Petitjean had just
finished the church and shortly after was visited by a small group of
those living in the area.
The story of this first
encounter of a French missioner with the ancestors of the Christians from the
16th and 17th century are well known. Details are told in many different ways but
the essential elements are pretty much the same. A family of ten who were the descendents of the early Christians met the French missionary with trepidation and the expectations that this
had something to do with their belief, and when they learned about the
Blessed Mother, the Pope and that the priest was celibate, they knew
the priest belonged to the church of their ancestors from 250 years
earlier. They had continued to use the word from the
Portuguese--Christao, transliterated in Japanese meant Christian.
March
17th 1865 at noon was the beginning of a new era in Japan of
Catholicism. At the beginning of the 17th century there were 400,000
Catholics in Japan who because of the persecution were killed or forced
underground, and this year is the 150th anniversary of their discovery in
the meeting with Fr. Petitjean. They have kept the history of
Christianity in Japan alive. Little by little they began to appear from
other areas of Japan.They became the central figures of Japanese Catholicism.
Even
after this meeting with the priest, however, persecution of
the Catholics continued,with death and exile to remote areas of Japan. Because of
the serious criticism of many of the countries of Europe the Meiji
government withdrew the edict of persecution in 1873, but it wasn't until 16
years later that the constitution was changed, allowing religious freedom for the country.
For
seven generations Christians were considered wanted criminals; in
exterior action they acted like Buddhists and when they were thought to be
Christians and picked up for questioning, often would walk on the
holy pictures to save their lives and on returning to their homes
would ask God for forgiveness. For hundreds of years without priests or
books they remembered the liturgical feasts and continued to baptize
and have Catholic weddings. This year they are formally celebrating the
Feast of the Hidden Christians, with the representative of Pope Francis present at the festivities.
Sunday Mass: can't help but not go (obligation),
others look forward to going. The subject of an article
in Bible & Life written by a priest who spent 40 days on a silent
retreat at a Benedictine Monastery where the monks go to Church four
times daily: early morning, before noon meal, before evening meal and
before going to bed at which time they sing the Liturgy of the Hours.
The
article mentions the numbers of Catholics who come from different parts
of the country to spend time at the monastery and attend the liturgy.
The large church is often filled. On feast days the Mass is sung in
Gregorian Chant; visitors are given books with Korean lyrics below the
Latin, with the strange musical notations, few are able to follow.
The
Mass usually lasts about one hour and half, and on big feast days two
hours, yet they come long distances to be present at the Mass. There is
nothing extraordinary about the Mass except for the singing which many
fine moving and helpful in directing their minds and hearts to the
altar.
The priest who is from Seoul sees a big difference
in the way those who come to the monastery for Mass and the way some of
his parishioners are quick to leave after communion and some after the
last blessing even though the Mass on Sundays only takes 40 minutes.
After the Mass is over at the monastery the 70 monks process out which takes time for them to leave the sanctuary, all the visitors wait in their
pews.
He
has spent some time in the country parishes and notices a difference
in the way the city and the country parishioner attend Mass. It is not
possible to say that the country people have more time on their hands;
they are also busy. The difference is not, country and city however, but the way we look upon our spiritual life, and the importance we give it.
The
future will without doubt see greater distractions and reasons to be occupied with our daily cares. Advances in technology more common, and we will be more attached to our smartphones as a 'vade
mecum' (something useful that one constantly carries about), which
already is the case for those both in the city and country. We are
already finding it difficult to address the question of smartphones and
liturgy for many will see it as a help instead of a distraction but
this is an area where we need a great deal of personal discernment and
discussion.
Some remember to set the phones to vibrate
so the ringing will not distract others but at Mass should not we be so
intent on what we are doing, that God and what he wants to
say to us is all important. On our part we do everything we can to diminish the distractions, smartphones and even watches distract. We need to see the time spent at
the liturgy as the most precious time of our week and not do anything
that will take our mind off the Mass.
