Family Happiness: Is There Anything More Important?

A father of three children,  a member of the Seoul Diocesan pastoral office in family matters, writes in the Kyeongyang magazine about family happiness. May is family month, and he gives us his thoughts on the subject.
 
Speak with your eyes is his first recommendation. Our eyes are the passage way from  one heart to another heart. If we don't look our family members in the eye, we are not communicating heart to heart. Make sure to remove strength from our eyes  when we look at a family member: we look at them with a soft and attentive gaze. 

Embarrassed, we don't turn our eyes away to the nose or other parts of the face but look directly into the eyes. We have to become used to looking directly and warmly into the eyes of the family member and begin talking and showing our love. 

He mentions not to be stingy in hugging. We have the five senses of hearing, tasting, smelling, sight and touch; the most sensitive of the five is touch. It is the sense that easily conveys love.

Koreans often say they want to return to the mother's bosom since that is the place they felt fully embraced. He reminds us the cry of the baby after birth is for loss of that embrace the child felt within the womb: embracing  the baby the crying stops. Another name for the embrace is longing. One hug is worth a hundred words.

Never fight in front of the children. Children are taken up in their own world: they are at the center and the sun is rising for them everyday. When parents fight they consider it their fault: "I am no longer lovable; I am of no value;  my life will only be full of sadness; I am afraid of the world. My mother and father are fighting like this here and now."

If the children come into the room when the parents are fighting they should stop immediately, no matter what,  and tell them they must be  surprised to see the parent's fighting, but  they are not the reason for the fight. When they have resolved the problem, they should make it clear to the children they have reconciled and show it by a kiss. It is not easy to be parents.

Refrain from giving  admonitions. The reason for dialog is not  to solve problems but to understand and be sympathetic. When this is absent no matter how much one tries, matters only get worse. Most of the time  when you have understanding and sympathy problems are solved. Many of us are like frogs and see only what is next to us. We are not moved as much by words as we are by a person that cares for us.

In the family, there is no need for a prosecutor who  determines who  is right and who is wrong, but rather a family lawyer who adjudicates on what is  best for the family.  In Korea, the word for a family member is one who eats together: this should be the case at least once a day.
 
He finishes the article by telling the readers that the problem is not a lack of knowledge on what to do,  but rather we find all kinds of reasons for not doing what we know we should.  Knowing what to do is not what is  important but doing it. "Love one another as I have loved you" (John 15:12).

Not Either Or, But Both And Thinking

Inclusion and not the exclusion of finances, begins an article in the Peace Weekly on the visit of Dr. Eutimio Tiliacos, Secretary General of the Centesimus Annus-Pro Pontifice Institution. He is active giving talks to business people, and those working in finances to overcome poverty and presenting the Church's teaching on the subject.

While in Korea he attended talks with those working in finance, explaining the Church's understanding of the issues in its teachings. He was in a discussion with the bishop's Justice and Peace Committee, and explains the subject as not exclusion of finances but embracing it for the common good.

He asked those on the committee if they met and talked to those in industry and  finance. No answer came from the group, Secretary General  stopped for a moment in his talk. Both within and outside the Church we have to see the situation as it is. Catholic teaching is obviously on the side of the poor. An important principle and  teaching and must be upheld he says, however, one wonders at times if this is not understood as exclusion of those who are wealthy without reason.  

The reason we select the poor is not  that their situation is something good but because their dignity has been degraded, and they have lost their enthusiasm for life.  We want to return their dignity, meaning and hope for life. Help them get out of poverty and to live a life of dignity.

Consequently, we can't stop talking to the wealthy and employers and urging them to have concern for the poor and workers. We must meet them and talk to them.  Both the poor and workers are God's people but so are the rich and employers. They like the poor, and workers are objects of God's salvation.

Is it not the impression that being on the side of the poor and the workers the Church is against the wealthy and  employers? But is it not the wealthy and employers who help the Church continue its work?

In Pope Francis' Apostolic Exhortation on  Joy of Love he mentions that what the world needs most in pastoral care for families is dialogue, discernment and  integration.  Is this concern only needed in families?

The columnist finishes his article with the need to meet with the wealthy and employers to discuss the problems of poverty and workers. He admits that he had a one sided understanding of our 'preferential option for the poor' and forgot that God's salvation is for all.

No Longer Two but One

In a diocesan bulletin, the writer tells us a warm story of a recently  young married  couple. The wife went visiting the home of a neighbor, while in the room, she saw a pearl ring on the dressing table and overcome with its beauty, and the temptation to possess so strong, she  took the ring.

Next day seeing the ring missing from the dressing table, the neighbor, knew immediately it must have been the young woman, and quickly went to her house. Screaming she told the women to give her the ring.  She denied that she took the ring. Her neighbor told her no one was in that room except for her family: "You are lying,"  she rebuked her.

The neighbor notified the police of the theft. In the meantime, the husband coming home from work heard of what happened. "My wife is not that kind of person. Why are you falsely accusing my wife? I believe my wife, Please leave." Hearing the words of the  husband, the police and neighbor had no choice but to leave the house. The husband attempted to placate his wife.  

That night after his wife went to sleep, he found the ring in the bathroom table draw, and immediately went to the neighbor with the ring. He knelt down before the woman and asked for forgiveness. "My wife was not able to overcome the temptation to possess the ring and committed a great fault. My wife and I are one in mind and body, so I will take the punishment that you want. Seeing the great love the husband had for his wife, she sent him back to the house without a word.

Unbeknown to the husband the wife followed her husband and saw what he did and overcome, started to cry uncontrollably. The next day the wife at the break of day went over to the woman's house and with great sorrow asked for forgiveness.

The neighbor took the woman's hand warmly and said: " I envy  you." The husband's actions moved both his wife and the neighbor's wife to see beyond what was done to new possibilities.

In the year of mercy we hear many of these stories and are moved, but at  the same time we know it is far from the reality in which we live. Mercy does not cancel out justice but shows us justice even more clearly.

Is it Wrong to Wish that Swords and Spears be made into Farming Tools?

A priest writing in the diocesan bulletin recalls the time he was with seminarians in their military reserve force training, required after discharged from the military. They were on the shooting range when one of the seminarians raised his hand and told the officer in charge: "I don't want to use the gun." The officer asked jokingly: "Did you have a  bad dream last  night?"  "I  was discharged as a soldier in the military chaplaincy," replied the seminarian, which got a laugh from the group.

Should it be a surprise for a soldier who was in the military chaplaincy to refuse a gun which is aimed at another human being to kill? Would it be strange for a Christian to refuse the use of a gun?

Recently, the conservative press with the doings in North Korea as they are, with the nuclear and rocket experimenting, there is movement to return tit for tat and expand the armament race. Seeing the response of Russia and China there has been a recent hesitancy on part of the conservative press.

The liberal press sees the power struggle between China and the United States as the problem and the build up of armaments. Talk about an anti-ballistic missile system will just increase the armament race and distance Korea from China. Lack of trust is a reason for the struggle in East Asia.

After presenting the conservative and liberal press response he gives us the  thinking of the bishops of Korea in an appeal by the president of the Korean Conference of Bishops.

The bishop was not happy with the returning to use of amplifying speakers for propaganda to the North and the withdrawal from the Kaesong Industrial Complex.(This was a joint venture in North Korea which was a source of income for the North) He also mentions the military maneuvers with the Americans that have brought more tension to the peninsular. 

The writer mentions in more detail what the military maneuvers entail, They were joint maneuvers with 20,000 American military and 30,000 Korea military lasting for almost 2 months with nuclear powered submarines, aircraft carriers,destroyers,and fighter aircraft. The only ones who will feel pleased are the militarists of Japan and the defense industry. China and Russia are not pleased and it makes for tension on the peninsular. Korea is one of the biggest importers of munitions and most of it from the defense industry of the United States.

The bishops would like both North and South to follow their previous declarations and agreements made together and to continue in that spirit.  Kaesong Industrial Project was a sign of working together and wants the closing to be reconsidered. They hope the six countries concerned will meet together for talks that will deal with the problems of the build up of armaments on the peninsular.

" He shall judge between the nations, and impose terms on many peoples. They  shall beat their swords into plowshares and their spears into pruning hooks...." These words of Isaiah are the hope of the bishops and the Church of Korea.

Spirituality of Shame

On the opinion page of the Catholic Times, a columnist gives us his thoughts on the Korean movie, Dong Ju: Portrait of a Poet, a black-and-white movie about Yun Dong Ju.

During the Japanese colonial period, while studying in Japan, Dong Ju suffered much at the hands of the police for his thinking. He was imprisoned  and died in 1945.  Each scene of the movie was for the columnist a verse from a poem.

At that time in history, the connection between life and thinking was stronger and deeper, he writes. The nation, world peace, justice, morality were considered noble truths but wonders if the will that existed to give one's life for these truths, still exists.  In these postmodern times, these noble ideals both in Korea and the rest of the world are forgotten and considered like a throwback to the rustic black-and-white  movies of the past.

However, the movie Dong Ju moved him, and left him with nostalgia for the past. The movie showed him the depth and extent of shame in the life of Dong Ju.

Below are some verses where shame was depicted in his poems translated literally:

I would wish  to look up at heaven without a jot of shame up until the moment I die. I suffer even when the wind moves between the leaves. ( Prologue)

Life is difficult and writing poetry is so easy.
I feel shame.  (Poetry is easy to write)

I cry as I hug the wall, the sky shamefully blue. (The Way)

The poet felt he stood before God naked: the reason for his shame. A person who thinks is one who wants to be different, but  there is always a gap between what a person shows to others and who they are. Within this gap lies cowardice, weakness, self-deception, rationalization, darkness: the generic name is sin. 

We prefer to call sin by another name and look up to heaven without shame. How many times, called before a tribunal for suspicion of wrong doing, do we hear the words: "I look up to heaven without a jot of shame' and misunderstand the meaning of the poet.
 
The faces of these persons outwardly seem to be at peace but internally not clean and transparent but a soul muddy and shameless. We should be like the poet upset with shame:  a sign of a mature person and hope for the world.

Pope Francis was asked who is Jorge Bergoglio. He answered after some thought: a sinner. To feel shame is a grace from God. Another Korean poet thundered out: "In a  world that doesn't have shame, to know shame is not shame." Shame teaches. "Blessed are the sorrowing; they shall be consoled" (Matt. 5:4).  Columnist concludes with  hope this Year of Mercy will help us understand shame is a grace from God.

Women in Korean Politics

Hatshepsut  was the first female pharaoh of Egypt. Writing  in View from the Ark of the Catholic Times, a professor wonders how a woman could be a pharaoh back 3,500 years ago when women were considered the possession of men.

She was the daughter of Pharaoh Thutmose I. After the death of her father, her half-brother and husband became pharaoh. They had one daughter,  from a royal concubine. Thutmose III was born but died early, and she became Pharaoh.

She wore men's clothes and even a fake beard. In later times, her rule was seen  as a time of great progress, launching building programs and bringing  prosperity.  Her reign was known as a time of peace. Instead of pyramids built by her predecessors, she started  cutting back by building obelisks: beginning a new tradition. She united upper and lower Egypt and ushered in a time of peace. She is remembered as a woman who received great respect from the citizens.

In the world today, we have many women in political leadership positions around the world. They have broken the unfair system that prevented a woman from reaching top positions in society. Chancellor Angela Merkel has been elected three times and the first woman to lead the country. She has shown a strong stand in dealing with migration and terror, and other crises, the personification of a mother as a leader of a country.
 
Liberia's  president has with patience, and nonviolence changed a system of government, and in Croatia, Kolinda- Grabar-Kitarovic has with her simple honest attitude  got rid of the authoritarianism in the government of Croatia with which the people had grown tired.

The world today is different from the world of 3,500 years ago, No longer is the feminine seen as a fault but something that we need in society. There is a need  for a mother's approach in  the way a country is led.

Fiercer, competitive, combative and at times more destructive than men is not what we are looking for in  women leaders but women with a mother's instincts. She finishes her article by hoping that we will have more of this  leadership in the world.

In the recent election in Korea on April 13, there were 100 women who registered to  compete and 844 men vying for 253 seats. 51 women were elected: 4 more than in the last election.

Catholic Statistics For Korea

Both Catholic Weeklies gave us articles on the 2015 statistics showing us the present situation of the Church. Overall we see a continual increase in the number of Catholics. Total Catholics rose by 1.7% to 5.65 million, 10.7%  of the country's total population of 52.67 million, but at the same time a decrease in the religious practice  of the parishioners. Substance is not following appearance.

From 2009, the number of Catholics continue to increase yearly to over 10 % of the total number of citizens. The number of clergy continues to increase. Numbers of  women religious, on the other hand, remains stagnant and the number in formation continues to drop.

Women number 57.9% of the total number of Catholics, and men 41.8% but last year there was a slight increase for the men. Under 20 years of age the males have a slight edge. After 25 the number of women increase until after 80 years of age, women are 73.7% of the total.

17% of the  Catholics are over 65 years old.  Number of those baptized, attending Mass and frequenting the Sacraments continues to fall. The number of Catholics in Korea numbers 10.7 % of the population. Seoul Diocese has 15 %,  highest of all the dioceses.

Ages of those between 50-54 number 9.3%, 45-49, 8.9%, 40-44, 8.2%, those over 65 number 17%. The church continues to age. Last year the numbers baptized dropped 6.9 % from the previous year: 116,143. The number of those married decreased 3.9% from the previous year.  Confessions dropped 6% and there was a drop in confirmations, marriages, and first communions.

Mass  attendance increased by 2 % from the previous year and  the percentage of those attending Mass on any one Sunday would be 20.7 % of the total number of Christians.
 
Korea has two Cardinals, 36 bishops,  4,909 Korean priests, 182 foreign priests, for a total of 5,129. This has increased 145 from the previous year. Male religious increased 0.7 % women religious remain about the same but those in formation: men 59 and women 335 is a decrease of 28 % for the men and 7.2 % for the women.

There are 1706  parishes an increase of 24 from the previous year. Mission stations continue to decrease 3.9% from the previous year with 761.