When I Wrote My Name in the Place of “Love”
In the Sunday Chat column of the Catholic Times, the director of the Korean Branch of the Catholic World Evangelization Mission shares his feelings after substituting his name for 'love'.
“Love is patient and kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others; it is not self-seeking; it is not easily angered; it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” (1Corinthians 13:4-7)
During a homily, a priest shared an anecdote about the late Cardinal Kim Sou-hwan (Stefano). Who encouraged us to substitute our own names for the word “love” in the Bible passage above. The columnist closed his eyes and quietly recited it: “I am patient and kind. I am not jealous, boastful, or arrogant…”
But as he continued to complete the sentences by substituting his name for “love,” a massive resistance arose within him. When he reached the line, “I do not hold a grudge,” his mind was filled not with self-reflection but with the face of someone who had deeply hurt him.
“It’s not me who should be patient; that person should have been patient first. It’s not me who should change; shouldn’t the person who hurt me be the one to apologize and change first?”
To his shame, the top priority in his heart was not “me” putting the Lord’s words into practice, but rather a judge who still blamed others and believed that waiting for them to change was the priority.
They say love covers all things, yet he was digging up every wound that person had inflicted and recording them in the notebook of his heart. They say love is not resentful, yet just hearing that person’s name made him feel a hot surge rising from the depths of his chest. In that moment, a deep sigh of despair escaped him. “Oh, Lord. It seems I am still so far from where I should be.”
At this time of year, when flowers bloom, and the world sparkles with the vitality of resurrection, it pained him to realize that his own heart remained firmly sealed like a tomb, hardened by stones of resentment and hatred. While anyone can love those who treat him well, he knew in his head that loving those who prick him with thorns and praying for them is the true path of resurrection shown by the Lord—yet his heart remained frozen solid.
The humility and anguish that Cardinal Kim Sou-hwan must have felt when he read that verse, substituting his own name for “love,” resonates softly in his heart today.
“Lord, it is so difficult to empty the ‘me’ within me and fill that space with Your love. Just as a scream bursts forth when a painful wound is touched, when I think of the one who hurt me, a sense of injustice takes precedence over love. But today, I offer even this aching heart to You. Since I cannot possibly unlock the bolt behind that door with my own strength, I ask that You, the Risen Lord, open the door to my closed heart and come in.”
“I hold fast once more to that simple truth: that the world changes only when I change, and that the Kingdom of the Lord comes only when I love first. This spring, just as those flowers bloom profusely, may the hatred within me melt away. I earnestly hope for the day when I can, without shame, place my name in the place of ‘love’ and smile.”
