Sunday, September 24, 2017

School For Love

One of the strange realities of life is the lack of education for the most important events in our lives. Catholics are required to attend a course of instructions before marriage but it's very short.   

In the Catholic Peace Weekly a woman who began a school in teaching about love, remembers that before her own marriage she spent only 4 hours in preparation and she believes it should be for a least a semester. Looking back on her own experience before marriage she decided to begin her school for communication and healing-- Love School. She is interviewed by a journalist for the paper.

The divorce rate continues to rise and even among the couples who have lived together for many years.  Divorce is not contemplated but many marriages are not happy. She had for 8 years given talks on marriage and met many married couples and was familiar with their concerns and concluded that if they were to love correctly they would have the solution to many of their difficulties. She spent time preparing the course and will begin this month.

How does one go about loving? Sweethearts, couples and family members can leave  scars in their encounter with the other. They express love for the other and at the same time, out of their mouth they spit out poisonous words. Isn't this because they have not learned what is happening in the encounter with the other? The reason for our writer to begin her school for communication and healing.

In the program, the participants will spend a great deal of time learning about themselves. Examine one's tendencies. How does one express what is going on inside, what are the feelings and how to express them and to practice how to make a request and say no. We need to know our hearts and bodies if we are to love.  'Love another as we love our self' but we understand this in our own way. For many, it calls for loving the other more than oneself. She maintains this is not loving but a sacrificial act.

The interviewer asked what did she think was the biggest problem between lovers. Thinking that they are loving was her answer. The male thinks it is by doing something for the loved one but the loved one has no desire for what was given. This is a common event between lovers. The female by talking feels she will achieve pleasing the other. Each fails to understand the other.

She was asked what did she believe was Jesus' understanding of love?  M.Scott Peck, in The Road Less, Traveled defined love thus: "The will to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth." She gives the example of not caring for a fish meal but eating it on occasions for the other. This extends me for the other. This is not forcing oneself but doing it willingly for the other and for one's personal  growth in virtue. This is what love is. Not using the other, controlling or using the other as an accessory for that is not love.