There are many commonly held ideas about marriage while common are not helpful. An aspect that is basic to all of them is trying to change the other. When we achieve this, problems will disappear but they don't. We look for the answers outside of ourselves.
What is important is to change ourselves. These wrong notions that we have about marriage make finding the solutions more difficult.The wrong headed ideas:
1) Both have to change.
2) Working hard to change the partner.
3) My partner is every thing.
4) My partner has to satisfy all my wants.
5) Marriage does not require a great deal of work.
6) Efforts continue with no change.
7) Love is in the feelings.
8) Ideal love is outside marriage.
9) My parent's marriage went smoothly so will my marriage.
10) Great change is required for a good marriage.
The relationship of husband and wife is the most important relationship in the family. When this is healthy the other relationships grow. Children learn from this relationship: the values that make for a happy life and the way they will see the world. After children are born often the concern is for the children. The couple's relationship becomes less important, and ignored, will surface again after the children leave. The estrangement will appear in their awkward relationship: silence and avoidance will just make the bond more difficult. This relationship will leave scars on the children that will last a lifetime. This reality is well know by most parents, and a prod to nurture the love they have promised each other. A precious gift to the children.
