The head of a counseling service writes in the Catholic Times about how jealousy makes life difficult. She uses the data of two professors of psychology who showed how jealousy produces blindness. Those who are jealous are confused with their unpleasant emotions and unable to perform their tasks properly. The human brain gives priority to the emotional stimuli that appear. Jealousy is a comprehensive and complicated state of anxiety, anger, and humiliation.
Jealousy affects all of us, it brings great harm to relationships. A neighbor who threatens a good marriage relationship, a new friend shaking a deep friendship. Jealousy occurs between two people: "I want to have what you have." The problem is that you think you have to have what others have, which comes from our egotistical understanding of what we need.
Usually, jealousy is a painful emotional experience, but among psychologists, jealousy is a kind of signal that warns us to be awake. It is a kind of warning that reminds one that a precious relationship is in danger. When jealousy is triggered, it should be a chance to check once again the affection towards the family, the loved one, the friend and develop it into a better relationship. In this respect, jealousy may be a necessary emotion because it helps to maintain a healthy relationship that may not be seen without jealousy.
In some cases, jealousy may cause the most serious problems in life. In the movie 'Black Swan' directed by Darren Aronofsky, Nina was jealous of another actress Lily and was mentally disturbed enough to think that she had stabbed her rival for the role but instead stabbed herself. Jealousy often brings about the death of oneself both literally and figuratively.
Dostoevsky said emotions are strong and jealousy is the strongest. Once it arises it just doesn't disappear by itself. But when a person is the object of jealousy for a long period of time they can live happily without ever knowing that someone is jealous of them. So, for our own sake, we don't want jealousy to take hold in our lives.
To do that, I first need to find out my inner desires. It is not 'I have to be number one' but 'I want to be number one'; not 'I should be prettier' but 'I want to be pretty too'. We should not compare with others nor hide what we feel from ourselves. We work to achieve what we want. No matter what the end results of the effort, I choose not to be unhappy because of the happiness of others.
