An old couple came to visit him. The wife said that her husband has been depressed and irritable lately and that she would like him to give him some help. Mr. Lee looked like he had been dragged along reluctantly. It wasn't a big problem, he said, but he scolded his wife for making a fuss and bothering the busy priest. However, as if he could not resist his wife's persuasion, he soon confessed his concerns.
"Father, I don’t have a smile these days. I had a prostate cancer procedure 4 years ago, and although the procedure went well, I am worried because my PSA (prostate cancer tumor marker) has not returned to normal. The doctor who operated on me said that there is nothing to worry about because prostate cancer is a good cancer and if left untreated, you can live for another 10 to 20 years. They say that if I die during that time, I will not die from this disease but from a different disease, so there is no reason to be anxious.
"But I'm so depressed right now. No matter how beautiful the scenery is, I can't feel any joy in the thought. 'Those mountains and plants will still be alive even after 10 or 100 years, but I will soon be leaving this world.' So, I've been working out at the gym for 4 or 5 hours these days, but this depression doesn't go away. I even tried dancing at a club where the elderly gather but it was no use.
"I have worked hard up until now, raised all my children well, and now have enough to live well, so I feel so wronged and resentful that I have contracted this disease. I don't know why I want to live like this. I have lived 70 years of my life, so I have lived enough.”
Obsession and desire for life are natural to us humans. How can anxiety and fear for the rest of life be the only emotion felt by Mr. Lee? How would my life change if I was told by a doctor that I had only a few months or weeks to live? Can we truly prepare for death by feeling the preciousness of the present and being grateful for the rest of our lives? Or will we live in pain and helplessness, feeling fear and fear for the short time we have left in our lives? Although we will not die right away like Mr.Lee, just anticipating death can make our lives depressing and helpless. I wonder where the power to transcend death and live happily ever after comes from.
We already know that death anxiety can be overcome with meaning in life. However, only a few people can say with confidence what meaning their life actually has. What anyone can say with confidence is that, at least, I have raised a normal family, had children, raised them well, and have done my best to make a living.
However, it seems that the great meaning of life was not felt. Could it be that he thought that his life had to be plausible to have some meaning? It is not that I have made a great contribution to the world, nor have I lived a life of great service and love for others.
The meaning of life may not be as grand as others think. Just living each day with joy and gratitude in God and practicing small acts of love is of great significance to believers. Mother Teresa once said, “We cannot have great love, but we can make small loves great.” The meaning of the nun's life was a small life of love that God viewed as great even though it seemed insignificant in human terms.
He concludes with the words that if Mr. Lee who has worked hard to serve God could discover the meaning of ordinary love in his life, he would be able to recover more joy in everyday life. He thinks that perhaps the feelings of anxiety and depression we feel in the face of death are a spiritual message from God that we should live the rest of our lives loving on a deeper level.
