They say it snows a lot in Korea, but in Alameda, California, where she lives, it has been raining hard for several days. Sitting in the corner of her cozy attic and feeling the wind blowing hard makes her happy but also guilty. She thinks of the homeless and the many undocumented immigrants who are hiding in fear of being deported. She feels sorry and wonders how to protect their humanity and dignity.
There is a sense of anxiety in the hearts of many due to the current chaotic and worrying behavior of President Trump. In this context, Spiritual Directors International held a special meeting on what we should do for those angry and afraid in the face of recent executive orders. In particular, how we should respond to the reality that our purpose of embracing diversity and difference may be threatened (in fact, one of the Trump administration's executive orders was to cut off federal support for DEI programs, which stands for Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion, and many who want a just society by embracing diversity have been hurt).
We gathered on Zoom to share our feelings and listen to each other. Ultimately, we talked about how we cannot give up our values no matter the situation and find opportunities to embrace and listen to people's anger and fears.
While talking about this, they felt some new energy. Someone said that the message that this series of violent situations is forcing on them is that they feel powerless, so it seems essential to continue to make small gestures as resistance, like a flying bird flapping its wings. She nodded vigorously, and others in the meeting did the same. Then, they started to break free from the tense atmosphere and laugh a little.
The daytime moon in the blue sky comes to mind. Sometimes, God's calling is so unnoticeable and gentle that he's beside her and feels more grateful.
Thinking about it, even though we have difficult times, in the end, a spiritual person, and therefore a person who pursues a human life can continue to laugh. In fact, we see an abundance of humor in many saints. On a cold winter night when her whole body felt frozen, Saint Teresa of Avila, struggling to pull up a carriage stuck in a puddle, said that God doesn't have many friends because he mistreats them. We are also familiar with the stories of saints who, seeing themselves as old and infirm and unable to move well, called themselves old donkeys and laughed at themselves.
In fact, living as a person of the Lord in today's secularized world requires caution when dealing with many difficult and disturbing things. Perhaps that is why Isaiah's confession, in which he groaned, "Oh, I am ruined!" when he saw his unholy and sinful existence while facing God, lingers in her mind. If God came to her and called her as he did with Isaiah, she would respond like the prophet: "Oh, I am ruined!"
She confessed to catching many fish because she cast the net as told, just like Peter in Luke 5. All her work, teaching students, writing books, and providing spiritual guidance while claiming it was her work on the path of following the Lord, was nothing more than casting her net where told.
Today, she returned after a meeting with a desire to live in a deeper community with her fellow nuns. Many nuns are now going to nursing homes, and she promised to work hard to build a smaller but deeper community of love. She hopes to live anew with a humble heart and focus more on God.
The sight of the nuns who will soon be scattered and leaving the Bay Area, to which they have grown accustomed, is sad and beautiful. "We are people destined to sing about how we have always lacked love and our desperate hopes to become fishers of men from now on. So today, as we finished our meeting, we shared a delicious chocolate cake. And we whispered blessings for each other's old age. Ah! Until yesterday, we were ruined. So, from now on, let's fish for people and love."
