Misunderstanding of Love

In View from the Ark of the Catholic Times, a college humanities professor gives us her thoughts on Love and Age in Korean marriage society.

"The number of couples with a significant age difference is increasing, and the trend of older women dating younger men is also rising. The age difference may exceed ten or even twenty years. It's commonly thought that people of similar ages get along better, but these perceptions are changing. If two people choose to love each other and can take responsibility for their relationship, age is not an issue."

However, if the object of your love is love with children or teenagers, you need to think again. Especially in a male-dominated sexual culture, younger women are interpreted as valuable and pretty, and men who date or marry younger women are envied. The United Nations bans child marriage in member countries under the Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination Against Women. However, child marriage still remains a custom in poor developing countries. Parents marry their girls to middle-aged or elderly men to solve poverty. In addition to the violation of the girl's human rights, the parents' attitude arouses public indignation.

However, not being able to send their daughters to school and having to survive in poverty along with conservative sexual norms that require women to be modest cannot be blamed solely on ignorance. When girls are not physically mature, get married against their will, become pregnant, and give birth, this can lead to deterioration of health or even death. Their marriages are not respected and prone to violence from husbands who have an economic and age advantage in an unequal relationship.

The movie ‘Priscilla’ (directed by Sofia Coppola, 2024) deals with the relationship between singer Elvis Presley and Priscilla, his wife. Priscilla met Elvis as a fan when she was in middle school. Her first love led to marriage, but their relationship was not romantic.  Her friends were immersed in their studies, had dreams, spent their school days with friends, while she was courted by her idol, Elvis, and believing she loved him,  married him. However, after her marriage, she was hurt by her husband's infidelity, violence, and lies, and realized that her love was not mutual and left him. This was not easy because her love can be interpreted as grooming sexual violence.

Grooming sexual violence is when the perpetrator tames, neutralizes, and dominates the victim by making her dependent on him. Such sexual violence occurs in relationships of respect and trust. In other words, because sexual abuse occurs after forming a psychological bond with children and adolescents who are vulnerable in terms of age, economics, and intelligence, it is difficult for the victim to escape, let alone recognize the violence. Grooming sexual violence occurs in relationships between teachers and students, clergy and believers, counselors and clients,  between adult men and children, women and adolescents in digital space, and offline, causing serious damage.

The position that recognizes the sexual self-determination rights of female adolescents has given a free pass to perpetrators by interpreting relationships with adult men as love. The sexual fantasies of men who prefer young girls and believe that these girls like them have overlooked the sexual victimization and suffering of female adolescents. After the Nth Room incident ["Nth Room" case is a criminal case involving blackmail, cybersex trafficking, and the spread of sexually exploitative videos online]  regulations were established to punish sexual relations between adults and adolescents aged 13 to under 16. ( 'Youth Protection Act').

However, there is a backlash against this in the male-dominated sexual culture. It is necessary to recognize the structure that makes female adolescents vulnerable to sexual violence and to have mechanisms in place to prevent and protect them from suffering and victimization. Their human rights must be prioritized. Furthermore, beyond legal punishment, there is a need for criticism and reflection on the male-dominated sexual culture that objectifies female adolescents and sees them as something that can be bought and sold instead of treating them with dignity.