He introduces us to a new over 60-year old woman, Caecilia, always smiling, living a life of sacrifice and service for others. This woman's philosophy of life was to be "everything to everyone." She considered the purpose of life to be like a rotten grain of wheat that would reproduce hundreds of times by its dying to self.
Caecilia was always ready to help others both at work or in the church community. As long as she was able to move she was prepared to sacrifice and serve others which made her happy. If acquaintances asked to borrow money she was always willing and if she didn't have it, she would borrow from others to solve their difficulties. When she would have a cup of coffee or a meal with her acquaintances, she without hesitation would be paying.
She was well aware that others did not have her values. There were always persons to help when tasks were attractive, but when the expenditure of time and money was involved there were plenty of excuses. She was not happy with this but was able to sublimate the disappointment with gratitude.
However, Caecilia suddenly began to feel depressed, helpless and crying. Not only was she having difficulty in serving, going to Mass, eating and sleeping but problems both mental and physical. She didn't know why she had to suffer this pain. Not once or twice was she surprised to see herself saying, “I want to die.” In this situation, she wondered if it was just depression or the work of the devil.
Caecilia had not been in touch with her feeling until she reached 60. The memories from the past were there but the feelings only vaguely felt; when negative were suppressed or avoided. If you think about it, not easy to admit negative emotions in ourselves. We try to live with concern for others, which makes it difficult to acknowledge the fact this is returned with depression, anger, and lethargy.
No one expects that living by gospel values we will have only joy and peace, however, also we know it doesn't cause depression or anger. Caecilia began to feel something wrong in her life. It raised serious questions about what was a true gospel life and how to live it in the future.
Is it possible to be everything to everyone? If this altruistic life is possible is it through one's efforts? Caecilia tried to live this kind of life, but she realized that she excluded herself from 'everyone'. She came to realize that the Gospel life was more than what she believed and began to give it more thought.
The Latin proverb says, "Nemo dat quod non habet." You can't give what you don't possess. Real love for others may begin with the experience of being truly loved. At this time, the experience of being loved by others is necessary, but above all, a will and heart to care for oneself can be the basis of a love that goes out to others. It's not necessary to explain that care and love for oneself are distinguished from selfish love that only thinks of self. For we are mature enough believers that such discernment is not difficult.
