A college professor reminisces over her resurrected life in the Catholic Peace column of the Peace Weekly.
She remembers the Paschal Vigil, the Feast of the Lord’s Resurrection, 10 years ago. On that day when 304 lives were lost in the cold sea. She parked her car in the dark parking lot in front of the church, sat there for a while, and then returned home. She couldn't handle the light that would brighten up the church announcing the resurrection. It seemed as though she was left sobbing, wounded, at Paengmok Port, which had become a graveside. It seemed like resurrection morning would never come.
After that year, the Feast of Resurrection was not the same for her. Whenever she still listens to the reading of Exodus 14, the image of a huge body of water comes to mind and makes her flinch, and when she sees the yellow forsythia flowers in front of the church, the yellow ribbon comes to mind and her heart tingles, but the memory of the Sewol Ferry has now become a part of the Lord's resurrection for her. She asks herself: 10 years after the Sewol Ferry, has she experienced resurrection?
There is something you can see if you look closely. There are things you can hear only if you listen. Over the past 10 years, she has learned what resurrection is like. Resurrection is not a momentary change. The only thing that allows her to recognize the difference between before and after is her open heart toward the resurrected One. Like the disciples who looked closely at the gesture of a strange traveler breaking bread and suddenly realized that he had returned alive, like Mary Magdalene who heard his voice calling from a seemingly innocuous gardener, our eyes and ears must be opened to meet the resurrected one. Although it may seem subtle and faint, if we do not discover the person who is being resurrected at every moment through our lives and the lives of our neighbors, we will not be able to change the world of violence and death.
Has there been a resurrection? She learned that life after resurrection is not a choice between life and death, but a life that remembers death. As we endure this time of pain, some of us have had our entire being turned into scars. Just because she laughs like everyone else doesn't mean the wounds have healed. She is learning how to live with the scars etched into her being. That's why she is choosing the path of life more earnestly and fiercely. Memories of death always bring collapse and confusion. Breaking, falling, and scattering are repeated. That's why it sometimes looks embarrassingly boring. But that's not the end. Life eventually makes us stand up. That is the mystery of Pascha. It is more beautiful and persistent because it is a life that remembers death.
Has there been a resurrection? She is learning that she must love in order not to be swept away by a world where hate has become the norm. Anger towards an unjust world is justified, but hatred is not. Anger is a perception of a situation and a surge of emotion, but hate is an attitude toward an object. Anger can be converted into energy to change the situation, but hatred is expressed through violence that seeks to destroy the target. She turns the other person into a monster, and she turns herself into a monster. When anger accumulates and is internalized, it can easily turn into hatred. Ultimately, the power that transforms anger into change is love. Christ was angry in front of the profiteers who turned the temple into a den of robbers, but he did not hate (Mark 11:15-19).
He chose love. Instead of destroying the world, it revived it. In front of those who hated him, he tore his body into small pieces and became the bread of life. In this way, he is revived through the lives of each and every one of us. Resurrection is like that. It involves self-annihilation to conceive a shared life with others. She foolishly believes that love will ultimately save her and the world.
Has there been a resurrection? Resurrection must be ongoing. She is experiencing resurrection. now.
