When she was young she was a Sunday school teacher in her parish community. A work she found extremely enjoyable and would not consider it anyway as a task. Her attachment was like a person with a new car. Attachment gave birth to selfishness and from there she said she became arrogant and wanted to do everything her way. When we get our way, she says, results are not always good. Leaving her teaching also came with a lot of pain. Looking back, numberless times, and reflecting on what happened, she knows that it was her selfishness that brought about the unwanted results.
Whether it was fortunate or not she moved her parish register to another parish. She began anew with another community and got involved as a volunteer with a scripture study group. But here also she had problems. Here again under the mask of devotion, her selfishness was quite different from those with whom she met. She was intent in overcoming her fault but it disappeared only to appear in another guise, and to destroy everything she was trying to achieve. Unkind words were spread, and not intended, feelings of hate were past on to others and received, and she again removed herself from the community.
The real problem,however, came following on this: "I am a person that causes disorder in community!" With this thought in mind she felt it best not to be part of the community which would be doing what God would want. So from then on she quietly prayed, studied and went to Mass, and in doing so she felt closer to God than she did when she was part of the community.
However, with the help of grace she made the Cursillo and again experienced community. She realized at that time how foolish were her thoughts that she had living the solitary life of faith. Fear you might sin, and consequently doing nothing is not what we are called to do. Far better is to be sorry for you faults, and continue to work to grow and mature.
God does not want us to make him 'my God' but wants us to make him 'our God'. Jesus has told us: "Where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I in their midst" (Matt. 18:20).
