The first she experienced herself recently. She met Mr. B, who she had known for some time. They exchanged greetings when suddenly an uncomfortable memory about him returned. The wound had not healed. She doesn't remember the exact situation but the gist of what came to mind: "some people say" introduced his complaint about her in the words of others. She was young at that time and felt an excessive sense of responsibility and did not give him the consideration he deserved. The feelings on meeting him brought back memories, resentful of his act of 'gossiping' and raising the level of the attack by anonymity.
There is a saying that "gossip kills three people": the speaker, listener, and the object of gossip. However, delivering the "gossip" directly to the object of gossip is an act of killing twice.
She lists the three most cowardly words. The first is Mr. B's way: "Someone doesn't think too much of you" and goes on the attack. Second are the words that come after the gossip—"actually I was not going to repeat this but...." These words are not only cowardly but mean-spirited. 'I am not the person who tells you this'—defending themselves and at the same time, blaming others.
The third type of gossip tears down another's personality and then says: "Of course I don't believe this..." These are not my words, but someone else is saying this. This is the only way they say what they want to say and escape behind anonymity. They shoot the arrow and hide.
Jesus tells us not to murder, but also not to injure our neighbors with our words (Matt. 5: 21-22).
Many are the ways we can kill another and words do it fairly well. Pope Francis is quoted as saying:
"Gossipers are terrorists because with their tongues they drop a bomb and then leave, and the bomb they drop destroys reputations everywhere." He also said: “I am convinced that if each one of us would purposely avoid gossip, in the end, we would become a saint! It’s a beautiful path!”
It's difficult to have a face to face fight with another but being attacked by an unidentified person when defenseless, inflicts a bigger wound. Online it is easy to hide behind anonymity— cowardly and maliciously making gratuitous comments and using them as tools of attack.
Today with the internet we are bombarded with false news, distortions, satire difficult to discern, yellow journalism, exaggerations, sensationalism, ideology disguised as news and a plethora of opinions masquerading as truth. Gossip may be even true but that doesn't mean there is a need to make it known to the whole world without good reason and in a manner that is unnecessarily cruel.
We don't realize the power of the words we use. If we don't have something good to say, better to say nothing is not the ideal, but unless we are absolutely sure of what we utter it is only just and honest to make this known to the listeners and not to pass it off as certain truth. Transparency in what we say is the ideal, and when it comes to having an uncomfortable feeling about another we need the courage to face the person directly and to convey our thoughts and feelings instead of speaking behind their back.
