Friday, February 23, 2018

"You Die Me Die" Situations

It's difficult to repress the emotion of anger.Recently in the daily paper, a picture of a five-story building with two PC Rooms shows this graphically.  (These are gaming places where patrons can play computer games for an hourly fee. Usually, about one dollar for an hour being a common rate) Koreans would know quickly that something was not going well between the owners. It was another one of those "You die, me die!" situations, long used as a joke but it is not a laughing matter.

An article in the Catholic Times Weekly by a counseling psychologist explains how this situation arises and what to do. You die I die kind of thinking is not rare in society and we wonder why we go to such an extreme. Social concerns about anger control are high because of the harm it causes.

Road rage gives us retaliatory driving (driving for revenge), arson, and assaults are all signs of "intermittent explosive disorder" sometimes called anger control disorder. This impulse when not controlled ends up with disruptive behavior. This says the writer is different from the tendency of the 'hot-blooded' or quick tempered person. Normal anger varies depending on the degree of psychological and social pressure.

The hot-blooded or quick-tempered person gives you signs of the anger that is building up but the person with an anger control problem gives no signs and consequently, both in the home, the workplace and   interpersonal relationship we have problems that often become legal issues.

A person with anger control problems needs to receive help. Anger is an emotion that is expressed with words and not actions. A person with anger problems needs to work on the opposite virtues.

She gives us the  Korean proverb: If you're patient three times, you can prevent a murder. Our culture directs us to suppress and restrain our emotions. However, anger is not something you want to  suppress but something we want to properly regulate.

If you suffer the emotion of anger for a long period of time it will burst out and we have an anger control problem. She quotes from the movie Star Wars, Jedi's teacher said: "Fear is the way to darkness. Fear makes anger, anger makes hate and hate make pain." In other words, fear can be seen as a wound of the mind that comes before the feeling of anger.

The root cause of anger is ultimately the result of fear within us. We need to listen to the voices inside to find what fear is in us. She recommends going to the mountains or the seashore and to express anger to your heart's content but not reproach others. If this doesn't work go to someone who will listen and  sympathize. If nothing works then go for professional help.

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