"Mr. A speaks a great deal and mostly with complaints." A religious sister in the Catholic Peace Weekly writes about her experiences and in this week's column on what a young friend tells her about an encounter with a person who as soon as he sits down begins complaining. Her friend respectfully but with determination: "Sorry, but that kind of talk makes me uncomfortable. Why don't you speak to the person directly yourself?" His face flushed, got out of his chair: "OK, OK I understand," and left the room slamming the door.
Complaints may be an indirect way of calling attention to oneself. I want to be confirmed that I am right, good and just. I may be looking for comfort and looking for some kind words, possibly struggling to seek revenge for some injustice and painful situation.
The more we complain the easier the words of dissatisfaction with others come out. The world is unjust, ruthless and here I am suffering alone. They lose their peace of mind. St Francis de Sales says about this situation: they try to remove the reason for the thorns but the thorns only go deeper into the body.
In modern psychiatry, people complain a lot about health problems due to a biochemical imbalance. Stress hormones increase, resulting in sleep disorders and body aches. Even little irritations can increase the stress hormones and instigate feelings of anger and uncomfortableness.
Of course, those who complain are not always complaining. They also have many positive things to say, are humorous and enjoyable to be with at times. They can praise, joke and be very pleasant but it doesn't last. Negativity is not easy to overcome and being positive is not a familiar situation. They forget quickly their good feelings. They go along at peace but irritation arises. They want to be cheerful, but pain here and throbbing there is the reason for lament. The feeling of peace comes and goes like a stranger. The brain has been accustomed to this way of dealing with life's problems. Habitual complaints reinforce the negative view of the world and make it difficult to overcome even the most ordinary situations.
Even if my thoughts and feelings are negative when we speak and express ourselves positively, will we not change our thoughts and feelings in some way?
My sorrow and suffering of the heart are transferred to the persons who are close. Repeatedly, however, being negative and complaining about others makes others uncomfortable and tires the listener. The brain is unable to distinguish thought or imagination from the actual situation. What we see and hear and the feelings aroused are being transmitted to others
I have to tell myself every day that I am fine, there is a reason for everything, all said with a smile. Then, as you become acquainted and familiar with the positive feelings, will not the world and neighbors look brighter and clearer?