Monday, November 25, 2019

Victimitized By the Way We Think


In her weekly column in the Catholic Peace Weekly, a religious sister looks at the way we make ourself victims and also the way society abets this in the way the media treats the news.

 All of us if we look back will find painful memories. She wonders if there is anyone who has grown up without some hurt in the heart. Just as there are people who suffer from chronic diseases, there are people who suffer from heartache for a lifetime which began in childhood. However, it hurts more so because it is unfair. Why me? Painful, using up energy explaining, complaining and trying to justify oneself. As a result, self-degradation, inferiority, guilt, depression can lead to many complications.

H, the victim, was not loved by his mother as a child. He hated her so much. He often says, "I was scared as a child." Besides, when a conflict arises the cause is found in the childhood scar.

One day he told a fellow employee, "You can't live your life like that. I'm very much like you and speak from experience." His fellow employee returned with a tremendous rant. Perhaps his colleague was his shadow self. It might have been a passing event, but it touched his wounds and they always hurt more.

The wounds can heal depending on whether or not the immune system is healthy. Stress increases the chances of catching a cold. Stress hormones interfere with the normal functioning of the immune system. No matter how much medicine you take, if you can't control the stress, the cold will last.

It may be the same as the pain of the heart. We live with some degree of hurt or damage. Nevertheless, some grow up overcoming the trials of daily life with antibodies of the mind as they maintain their health by fighting bad bacteria that have invaded the body with immune antibodies.

One day H was complaining to the sister. "People say a lot of things. They see and say what they want to, they don't care about what they say. Think about it. Would this happen if someone in a high position did the same thing? It's because it's me." At the moment, his face turned red, struck his chest with his fist and you could see the veins in the neck. Sister felt so sorry for him. The world he lives in was so dark, narrow, lonely and sad.

When trapped in a world made by the wounds of the past, they constantly make themselves victims and sacrificial lambs. Causes of much suffering are the wounds of the past. "Why me?" Even when they laugh and talk, they are anxious about who will do them harm. It is more likely that driving H into misery is considering himself a victim, rather than the hurt that came as a child.

She wanted to say but never did: "Forgive your mother who is no longer in this world. And yourself too…" She would like him to have the hope that one day, buds of new life will look bigger than the scars of the wounds from the past.

In life when one feels that they gave more than they received they should feel great about being such an altruistic person. Often, when we don't act in the manner we think, the way we live will determine what we think and poison much that we do.

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