In his column in the Catholic Times, a priest psychologist and counselor explains the way of diminishing our annoyances that come to us daily.
There are many varied ways of becoming annoyed in life. People get annoyed with their husbands or children, their bosses or subordinates, or themselves. Why are you annoyed? It's common sense that you get irritated when you're physically overloaded.
It's because of psychological causes that I'm annoyed even though I'm in good physical condition. In other words, irritation is caused when the level of expectation is too high. Expectations are needed for a person to live a healthy life. Especially for young children, the expectation given by adults is the same as essential nutrients.
Children who grow up with expectations live successful lives as adults, but those who don't can't bloom and will wither and die. But like anything else, excessive expectation kills both oneself and others.
It's like giving too much water to grow quickly. Koreans expect a lot from other people.
The psychological aftereffects of having frequent marital fights after marriage, even divorce, and being enthusiastic when the new pastor comes to the parish, and bored with him shortly after: "When will he leave?" are the psychological aftereffects of expectation that are too high.
But why does it give birth to irritation and nagging? It's because of the expectations and the way they push themselves to achieve them.
Sometimes he sees people on TV bragging and saying that they live by whipping themselves. all the time. At first glance, one may think: "They are really living with great zeal" but he feels sorry for them since they are treating themselves like a cow or a horse because of their high expectations.
People who push themselves like this demand the same thing from others. It's to live like a cow. This level of over-expectation is worse for people with compulsion problems. These people look like adults from afar, but living together with them one gets tired.
Then how should I live to reduce irritation and live comfortably? It's simple, lower your expectations. You make a list of expectations for the other person and erase one by one that the other person cannot do. Then the nagging decreases and you let it go, saying: "Yes, you live your own way."
This is true of oneself, too. You make a list of expectations that you want from yourself and erase the unrealistic ones. During this process, the burden is reduced one by one.
And that's when people start coming close. It's because I feel comfortable with myself. If you feel like people are avoiding you while living zealously one should check if there is anything wrong with your life.