It is said that the following words were inscribed on the tombstone of a certain hypochondriac: “See, I told you so!” Was he right? Did he contract a fatal illness, just as he feared? Or did his doubts cause mental illness, which in turn harmed his body?
During his time studying abroad, the professor once fell into a deep state of doubt. Especially after he started feeling sick. He couldn't sleep properly, and strange bodily symptoms began appearing. He wondered if he had contracted a serious illness. It was health anxiety. He lived in a constant state of gloom, and his fellow students would ask, “Still struggling?” They tried to pull him out of his depression, but he was overcome by doubt. It took a long time to escape that doubt.
As everyone experiences, humans are weak beings who often fall into doubt, which possesses tremendous power and dominates us. The more you doubt, the more doubts pile up one after another. The more you fight against your doubting self, the more you get trapped in it and sink deeper into doubt. Yet the Lord, who draws good even from evil, does not abandon us in our doubt. He guides us to confront and overcome it.
Doubt has many stages. There is a simple doubt about facts, a doubt that refuses to trust in people, and finally, a doubt about the very foundation of existence. Is there meaning to life? Does God exist? Or do I simply return to nothingness with death?
Because human existence itself is uncertain, doubt always lingers beside us, within us. This holds true even for people of faith. When great trials strike, when confidence and certainty vanish amid tribulation, when we suffer from illness or the threat of death, when only a bleak tomorrow seems visible, when hope feels far removed—we fall into profound depression. This doubt stems from the loss of faith that the Lord is with us, the loss of hope that the Lord will care for and protect us to the end. Ultimately, doubt is also a matter of hope. Even Jesus sought God on the cross. “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” (Matthew 27:46)
Where is hope, and how can we find it? "Take courage. Do not be afraid." (Mark 6:50) Since the Lord is with us, let us not fear but entrust all our worries and anxieties to Him.
At a reunion of a Holy Land pilgrimage group, a nun shared: "Throughout the pilgrimage, my heart felt heavy and uneasy. But while visiting Assisi, standing before the bed where Saint Clare passed away, with just a single candle lit and a single flower placed there, in her simple passing, in that humble bedroom, I saw hope. Right then, my heart felt at peace, and I felt hope blossoming."
Her words were that hope sprouts from emptying, erasing, and letting go. Ultimately, isn't the reason we cannot entrust everything to God because we cannot empty, discard, and let go? Is that not why we fail to find hope and instead doubt? Detachment once again illuminates our dark night path. This poverty is a source of hope.
