May we sink into ‘spiritual sorrow’ filled with hope, not anguish. Emphasizing a heart that weeps in sorrow upon realizing one's sinfulness before God. The greater the longing for 'God's love,’ the more profound the sorrow... ultimately bearing the fruit of joy.
As long as we are human, we cannot avoid sinning. If anyone claims to be without sin, it is a lie and a grave delusion. No one can be completely sinless as long as they remain bound by the ego (false self). Striving to be free from all temptations to sin is our duty. Part of this effort involves constantly remembering and grieving over the sins we have committed. St. James the Apostle says, “Weep and mourn and lament.” (James 4:9)
The Desert Fathers consistently taught that a monk must grieve over his sins. Abba Macarius says, “Sit in your cell and weep over your sins.” When a brother asked Abba what he should do about his sins, he replied: He who desires to atone for his sins atones for them with tears, and he who wishes to obtain virtue obtains it with tears. For weeping is the way the Scriptures and the Fathers have left us, saying, ‘Weep!’ Truly, there is no other way."
While there were some exceptions, most monks were upright and honest men. Through constant communion with God in solitude, their consciences became purer and more sensitive. Consequently, they felt pangs of conscience over even the most minor sins committed through human weakness. “The closer man draws to God, the more he realizes his own sinfulness.” Indeed, our hearts are like mirrors: the more we polish them, the more clearly they reflect our own flaws and faults. As the heart becomes clouded with grime, the conscience grows dull. Therefore, the more we polish our hearts to purity, the more sensitive our conscience will become.
Spiritual sorrow is a grief filled with hope, free from anguish. The Desert Fathers wept and grieved out of love for God.
The Desert Fathers' views on sin varied and could differ. Thus, their methods of penance also differed greatly. For instance, a story is told of two brothers who left the desert to marry. Later, they regretted it, and the Fathers imposed the same penance on them: a year of strict seclusion, living only on bread and water. As the year drew to a close, one man was pale and gloomy, while the other was happy and joyful.
The former spent the year in fear, dwelling on his own fault and the punishment he deserved, while the latter was filled with joy, grateful that God had delivered him from impurity and thinking of Him. Both cases represent meaningful and valuable forms of repentance. Depending on where one focuses, repentance manifests in different forms, and the resulting outcomes also differ. This likely stems from differing thoughts about sin. In the columnist's view, the second person's approach is more appealing.
There is a Greek word, pénthos, meaning sorrow, lamentation, and contrition. This is a spiritual sorrow distinct from the natural sorrow that brings despair and frustration.
Spiritual sorrow also springs from an unfulfilled longing. Namely, the longing to be freed from evil, the longing for perfection, the longing for the Kingdom of Heaven, the longing for God Himself. In this sorrow, one still believes that God loves me and will one day grant me all these good things.
Therefore, spiritual sorrow is sorrow filled with hope, not anguish. This is precisely the sorrow the Desert Fathers speak of. They wept and grieved out of love for God, out of a longing not to wound His heart. They also grieved over their own sins and the sins of others, and wept because they were far from God. Tears are a gift from God. But what matters is not the visible shedding of tears, but the state of the heart. The Desert Fathers understood this well. Tears are merely the outward manifestation of the heart's state.
There is a popular song lyric that says, ‘Love is the seed of tears.’ It is true. What love can there be without tears? But tears shed for love always bear some fruit. Likewise, the tears we shed for God's love also bear fruit. What exactly is this fruit?
First, tears purify the body. The Desert Fathers said, “Tears that come from on high purify and sanctify the body.” Second, tears drive away sin. Abba Longinus experienced great contrition during prayer and psalmody. One day, his disciples asked him, “Abba, is it a rule of the spiritual life for a monk to weep during prayer?” He replied, “Yes, it is a law demanded by God. God created man not for tears, but for joy and happiness, just like the angels. But since man has fallen into sin, he must weep. Where there is no sin, there is no need to weep.”
Third, tears become a weapon against the devil. Abba Evagrius says, “When a strange thought arises in your heart, do not try to pray in this or that way; sharpen the sword of tears.” Fourth, tears give birth to prayer. Abba Paul said: “I, who am mired up to my neck in the mire, cry out to God: ‘Have mercy on me.’”
Finally, tears bring joy. St. Syncletica says: “For those who advance toward God, at first there are many struggles and much suffering, but afterward comes an indescribable joy.”
As Moses the Abba said, if we always remember our faults, weep and mourn, and live as if death were before us, our sorrow, tears, and sighs will bear fruit and ultimately turn into joy. The greater our longing for God’s love grows, the greater our spiritual sorrow will become. Before the majestic God, we humans reveal vast emptiness.
