Where Do We Look For Love?

" Where do we find love?" was an article I recently read. The writer, as a young boy, remembered attending a small Protestant Church in his neighborhood. The service had ended and it was time for snacks. The minister asked the children for questions; the young boy raised his hand and boldly asked, "They say we have a soul. Where is it?"

The minister, laughing, asked him: "Do your parents love you?" The boy answered yes, and the minister asked again: "Where is that love?"

The writer tells us that it was the first time in his life that he was introduced to abstract concepts; on that day, he became conscious of the unseen world.

If our heads do not understand, we tend not to believe, he writes, and what we cannot verify with our eyes we put on the back burner. We see and believe what we want to, and in most cases we depend on things that are not certain. We often follow mistaken certainty, and our actions follow suit.

We hear, notes the writer, that we only use a small part of our brains--true. But we've also heard that listening to Mozart will increase a child's IQ. This is not true and has been generally recognized as such for sometime. It was once thought that venting your feelings was good for you; now they tell us differently.

In Korea, we were captivated by the idea of EQ (Emotional Intelligence Quotient) that came in from the States. Parents of perfectly normal children, with no need for this exposure, were sending their children to academies to learn all about it, spending thousands of dollars. It was the thing to do.

Instead of too quickly accepting what is being passed around as the truth, we have to begin by getting rid of what is covering our eyes, getting down humbly on our knees and clasping our hands. Knowledge that is not ripe, mistaken convictions, mass thinking and unquestioning belief should be discarded. He concludes the article: "We do not fix our gaze on what is seen but on what is unseen. What is seen is transitory: what is unseen lasts forever" (II Cor. 4:18).

"A little learning is a dangerous thing; drink deep or taste not..." is a saying we are familiar with and know to be true. There are many things that we think we know but are deceiving us. This may be a blessing in many cases, as we sometimes struggle to know the truth, but it should also humble us and enable us to be open to truth that may come into our lives in different ways, grace not the least.

Attempts to See Marriage as Sacrament

The Korean Bishops' Committee on Family, in their recent seminar, considered the widespread problems connected with marriage: deciding to marry late or not at all. There is a sizeable increase in the numbers that do not plan to marry and who defer marriage, who prefer international marriages, and who divorce and remarry. The intention of the committee was to see what can be done to alleviate some of the problems.

There is a rejection of many of the traditional values associated with marriage, brought about, in part, by generational changes, financial difficulties, and the cultural aspects of modern life. Marriage is no longer normative but something that one selects. The part played by finances in this selection is important.

The consciousness of women's equality brought a change in society; women's ability to earn a living has also increased the number of divorces. The number of divorces since 1970 to 1990 has increased fourfold. Discrimination in salaries and more difficult working conditions often make women put off marriage, and at times the opportunity to marry is missed.

Catholic families in the cities are healthier and more affirming than families of other religions or those with no religion. This, however, is not the case with the younger generation. They do not have the values of the older generation; their way of looking at marriage is often the same as their
peers, regardless of religious affiliation--except for a slight difference in the way they look at divorce.

The committee concluded that the Church has to be more involved with pastoral care of families; they are the basis of our society. Children are a part of the family and the love that the spouses have for each other should show in the family. The religious education of our children is an important part of bringing about a change in the way our Catholics see marriage. Marriage is a sacrament and a vocation which has to be a part of our Catholic upbringing and view of life.

The article in the Catholic Times suggested 4 proposals to bring about change: Catholics should set an example for the married life. All should work to deepen our faith life. To work not only with temporary expedients but with long-term preventive measures. And to provide programs and educational material for families.

It All Begins By Loving Oneself.

A College Professor writes of his experience in getting students to submit a profile of themselves, at the beginning of each semester, by asking: Who am I? The question is believed easy to answer but many find it's not as easy as they thought. The question not only tends to bring up troubling negative self images, as well as positive ones, but tends to reveal how much we identify with our superficial personality traits. Not content with most of the answers, many students had difficulty in meeting the deadline for the report.

In these difficult times, there are students, fortunately, who are able to have positive self images, but also, unexpectedly, many who see their existence negatively and pessimistically. The professor mentions that he repeatedly tells students to have a positive view of life. However, they are not able to do it. Some constantly belittle themselves, can't forgive themselves for being dropouts or for their inferiority complex, for feeling guilty of something and being alienated from family and neighbors, for worrying about jobs and the future. These are some of the negative profiles received by the professor. .

He uses the moral writings of Hans Rotter, a German theologian, to stress that most of the problems that determine how we react with others and God result from a poor self image. The remedy is to forgive and to love oneself and to realize our dignity. One cannot do this by oneself; help is needed.

He recounts his own difficulty with achieving a positive self image: poverty of his family, problem meeting registration fees, frustrations in not doing well in studies, facing puberty, feeling out of place, no self-confidence with women--all leading to low self esteem and a period of drifting. About 30 years ago, thanks to his wife, he went to church and found himself. It brought confidence into his life, his negativity disappeared, and he now lives with a grateful heart.

A proper self image is necessary to understand our relationship with God and others. The students who saw life positively and had a correct image of themselves were, for the most part, those who had a relationship with God.

The professor stresses that even Catholics may not have the proper understanding of who they are. The love of God and others must start with oneself by acknowledging our dignity and being able to forgive ourselves. Our movement towards the other and to God will then follow.

Another Reason to Enjoy Life

Today is the Church's birthday, a Feast with great meaning for Christians. Wind, fire and tongues have enough information within those words to give us a clear idea of what the Feast can reveal to us, as well as providing thoughts for meditation that can last a lifetime.

A priest of the diocese, reflecting on the Feast of Pentecost, recalled a poem he once read, the poet noting that the oceans are vast and thinking that boats should then be able to travel in any direction, when, in fact, there is a direction each boat must follow. And noting also that the sky is vast, and thinking that planes can then travel freely in any direction, but they too have a route to follow. In the same way, we think we are free, but we also are moved, unknowingly, in most cases, in certain directions by our habits and life patterns.

Although he does not know the reason many of us live with our hearts closed off to this truth--suggesting that it might be because of emotional scars, fears, pain, anger or spite--he names it the chaos before God's creation. God's Spirit, when accepted, changes all of this. The direction that is mapped out for us by the Spirit brings joy into our lives. To achieve this, we have to break the unhealthy patterns and habits we have nurtured over a life time and now determine how we live.

The Christians meeting together on that first Pentecost had been washed and tried in a baptism that they never expected--they died with Jesus. All their dreams, plans and beliefs disappeared. It was not what they expected; they felt lost and demoralized, and showed it by their actions, until the emptiness was filled with the Spriit.

The Catholic Times editorial for Pentecost tells us we have to change. There are divisions we see developing in Korea between the young and the old and between different social levels. If this unnecessary and divisive thinking is not to harm society, we need to empty ourselves so our prejudices, even our stubbornness, do not prevent us from hearing the Spirit. We have to fight against greed, and especially against the manipulations of society when they don't benefit all of its citizens. Unless we make an effort not to be compromised in any way, the Spirit will not find a welcoming home in our hearts.

'Common Good' More Than A Word

Many years ago before coming to Incheon, I lived in a country parish, Yong Dong, with a mission station called Hak San, The Peace Weekly recently had an article about the mission's pharmacist, Lee Henry,who is also the parish council president and has been for most of the past 43 years.

There are many devoted Christians who have worked for the Church. Lee Henry and his wife Colomba are such a couple.

He was baptized many years ago in a parish where a Maryknoll Missioner, Fr. Mike Zunno, was pastor. Henry at that time was a student at Chungbuk College, studying pharmacy. He brought his fiance to meet Fr. Mike who told Henry that he was thinking of starting a mission station near the college and asked him if he would be willing, after his marriage, to become the catechist. He accepted the invitation and began his new life working for the Church.

Henry and Columba found accommodations in the area and began the new assignment without having even one Catholic. He was a busy man: catechist, student, husband and father.

It was a difficult time in Korea and the family struggled during those years. In 1967, he was asked again if he would go to a mission station of the Yong Dong Parish where Fr. Zunno had been newly assigned as pastor. He went to the mission station, took over the duties of head catechist, and opened a pharmacy, the only one in the area. Because there are also no hospitals or doctors in the area, the pharmacist is allowed to prescribe medicine.

During the 43 years in Hak San he lived a full life, raising a family of 5 children and sending them all to college; one daughter is now a sister of St. Paul of Chartres.

His concern now is to find a replacement. He has a heart condition that requires constant care, so he wants to move to a city where he can be near his children and a hospital. But he will not leave until he finds a suitable replacement. In the Pharmacy he added benches so that people waiting for their prescriptions could socialize, and in difficult times he would often destroy the books of credit. This is no longer necessary; many believe that buying medicine on credit affects the medicine. A certain sign that life has gotten better.

I lived in this parish for 6 years and know that everything in the article was not embellished. It was through efforts of the couple that the mission station was made a parish, fulfilling a desire the Christians had for many years. There are many working in service to others that are not only looking to do well for themselves but working for the common good. May their numbers increase.

Happy Buddha's Birthday

In Korea, Buddha's birthday is celebrated today, May 21. It is a national holiday and celebrated in much the same way Christians celebrate Christmas values.

Buddhist monks in Korea are for the most part celibate, so celibacy is a value that Koreans have little difficulty in accepting. Ascetics play a major role in the training of a monk, and there is no end to study and devotion to one's faith. Meditation on greed, on suffering and the nature of the self, and the impermanence of material things is an important part of their life. Integrity and simplicity are stressed. These are values that most religious people acknowledge.

In a recent interview in a daily newspaper, a well known monk was asked, Why did Buddha come? "We have within us," he answered, "unknown to us, a treasure house of jewels which allows us to live a truly full life. In the West, there is the separation of the 'you' and the 'I', the separation of God and humanity. In Buddhism all is one, all connected, the past, present, and future, the big and the small, existence and non-existence, good and evil, the strong and weak points, we do not distinguish. With this teaching, the Buddha came to bring us happiness." Quotation marks are used even though the translation-interpretation may not have fully captured the intent of the monk's words. However, the monism that is apparent here is quite different from the views of Christians.

Reading the interview I was attracted to much of what was said until coming to a section in which the interviewer mentioned that the monk was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in 1998. He conquered it with prayers of penance and devotion to his faith. The disease was retribution, he thought, for some fault in a past life, a karmic debt that must be paid. With his penance, it has disappeared and he doesn't think of it any more. As Christians, we would have difficulty accepting his explanation.

The monk recalled an incident that happened to him as a child. He had the job of preparing the porridge for those visiting the temple that day. While he was preparing the porridge,

a centipede fell into the pot. What was he to do? It was lunch time, and he couldn't throw the whole pot away. Not knowing what to do, he asked the head monk who told him to remove the centipede and bring the porridge to the table. It was eaten not only by the visitors to the temple, but by the head monk, who thanked the young boy for a job well done. A humble person has a big heart and can accept anything that happens, were the concluding remarks of the head monk. This consoled him and gave him strength to continue with the training.

The relationship of Catholics and Buddhists in Korea is harmonious. There are visits and exchanges during the year at each others' big events. Today, the archbishop responsible for ecumenical matters will visit one of the temples to give his greetings. In matters that relate to life and in caring for nature, they will continue to work together as closely as possible.

Another Way to Overcome the 'Ego'

The history of the saints tells us that many have acted strangely, not only to our modern sensibilities but to the customs of their time. One such saint was St. Philip Neri. He gave bizarre penances and performed crazy antics to humble his own pride.

He would meet people with his clothes turned inside out, danced through the streets with his beard half shaved, carried a bunch of brooms which he sniffed like a bunch of flowers, appeared in public with a cushion on his head, seen in church with his biretta cocked on one side. He was pleased to draw ridicule for his antics. He acted as the clown for very unclownlish reasons.

We also have this kind of priest in Korea. We will wait until he dies to make a judgement about his sanctity. He writes about his experiences in parish work in the Catholic Peace Weekly. At a seminar for diocesan priests, they commented on his hair style. "Father, you're really chic, please no more of these antics." His hair was long and slightly in a permanent.

In keeping with his unpredictability, each spring, he shaves his head; he can feel the wind on his head and have a light heart.

His eccentricities have led to difficulties in parish work. "Mom, a Buddhist monk has come to the church." This was the reaction to the pastor after arriving at the parish. A girl who had returned home from studies overseas said to her mother that she was hoping to see a classy priest. However, with his head looking like a Buddhist monk and his fluent sermon delivered like a Protestant minister, she didn't know what to think.

The priest mentioned that one day a group of nuns came to see him. He showed them around the area and left while they prepared lunch at the beach. He was dealing with an annoying problem in the parish and was looking for another way of seeing the issue. He went to a nearby beauty shop, had his hair shaved off and soon returned to the sisters. When they saw him, they thought he was a monk down from his temple in the mountains, but it didn't take long before they realized that this was their host. It was difficult to eat lunch in the usual manner, and they remained bewildered.

In Korea in recent years many have their heads shaved in protest to what they see in society. This is a common sign of protest both in the East and in the West: the skinned-head look without the ideology. It is a sign that they are willing to look strange, to look different, giving up something many think important--our physical appearance--to make a point. Our priest if it is a protest it is against himself, perhaps very much in line with the motives of St. Philip Neri.