When Trying to Forget is not a Good Idea

The weekly column dealing with questions from readers of the Peace Weekly discusses the common problem of emotional scars that are difficult to heal. This week the discussion focused on the problem that could result when losing a girl friend. The father of the troubled youth wrote to the priest-columnist to ask for his help. His son can't sleep, drinks a lot and says he wants to enter a monastery.

We are told that even when we suffer from loss of memory as we grow older, we don't forget the emotional scars and sorrows we've experienced in our life. When we try to forget these traumas from the past and can't, it  becomes a problem both in our daily living and in our spiritual life. Learning to forget these past traumas is an important skill to have if we are to live a healthy life.

A young woman came to a priest telling him she can't forget her boy friend who had died. She wanted the priest to recommend a convent. The priest selected a very strict community, thinking that this would help her forget. However, within a year the young woman left the convent and told the priest that as time passed, the thoughts of the boyfriend became even more vivid, and she had to leave.

This time the priest recommended a very lax community where the religious did little praying and a lot of talking. Even though the young woman again did not last a year, this time she came to the priest with a beaming smile, thanking him.  "The religious in the  community asked me so many questions about my boyfriend," she said, "it made me sick and tired, and I forgot about  him."

The priest goes on to say that learning to forget is not the same as trying to forget; when we try to forget we are creating stress for ourselves. We are trying to repress, and this is bringing  the issue more to our attention, and making an imprint on our brains. He cites a Japanese psychologist who tells us that the way to forget is not to try to forget but to do everything possible  to remember, to bring it all to mind. If we have lost out in love, cry like you have never cried before.  If you  have failed at anything, feel the pain and do it daily.

Why? He believes that we all have a forgetting curve within us. In 3 months, you will come to a point when you will forget. There is within us a self-cleansing mechanism that will take over. We have all heard of women who continually cried for their dead husbands, and very abruptly married. Men have more difficulty with this approach because they do not talk as freely as women about emotional issues. Men keep it inside, and it takes more time for the process to take over.

It's good to remember that our emotions are sporadic not permanent; they are fickle and we get tired of them. We don't  want to deny this fact but work with it. When faced with something that we can't forget and the pain of the memory keeps bothering us, don't make the effort to forget but rather bring the troubling memory to mind. Think about it and tell others about it. If this is done for a period of six months you will find peace.

Drinking and Driving in Korea

The statistics show that in Korea deaths from traffic accidents are one of the highest in the OECD (Organization for Economic Co-operation and Development) with twice the number of deaths than the average. A professor at the Suwon seminary writing in the Catholic Times says this is a sign of callous indifference to traffic safety.

One  of the reasons for traffic accidents is driving while intoxicated. All  know it should not be done. It is accepted as a basic principle of morality that we are to do good and avoid evil. If one drives while intoxicated and foresees the possibility of something going wrong, he then is morally responsible for the results.

This holds true for the owner of a factory who out of carelessness pollutes the surrounding rivers; owners of coal mines who don't show care for the safety of miners, and the makers of medicines who are not attentive to the adverse reaction of their products. When the results of these actions are evil, we must try to avoid the action itself.

Does this mean, the professor asks, that we must avoid any action when there is a  possibility that the results of our action may be evil?  Should we not use electricity because of the potential danger of a short circuit? Should we not drive because of the fear of accidents? Should we not allow children to use the computer because they may see porn?

These questions are easily answered, he says, by the application of the principle of the double effect  If the intended good is greater than the possible evil that may occur, and does not directly follow from the good, we are acting morally.

When driving after drinking even though we do not have an accident the possibility for an accident was there, and we have done  something we shouldn't  have done. If there is an accident the principle of the double effect is not applicable  because the act of driving intoxicated is an evil act.

The professor no doubt knows of cases where the principle of double effect was used by those driving drunk. In recent memory this principle was even used by many commentators as an explanation for what the Pope said on condoms in the book Light of the World. The clarification from the Vatican makes clear that the Pope was not using the double effect principle.To understand another  person is no easy task, especially when you are not sympathetic to the person speaking and his ideas.

Abuse of Medicine and the Culture of Life

A professor emeritus of Seoul University  starts off  his article in the Peace Weekly by introducing us to Paracelsus (1493-1541), who said all medicine is poison. It is, he thought, a question of dosage. Depending on the amounts given, medicine can be either helpful or harmful. 

It is good to remember that when medicine is taken there is always a side effect. Only when the good achieved far outweighs the potential bad side effects is the risk of taking medicine considered prudent. He goes on to say that Koreans are unusually fond of taking medicine. In every house, you will see full medicine cabinets and boxes of medicine everywhere, with all kinds of medicines which they take like food.

The professor says that according to one statistical finding more than half of those taking medicines don't follow the instructions that come with the medicine. And many are mesmerized by the irresponsible  advertisements on TV, in magazines and leaflets. Many are also too easily influenced to use medicines solely on the recommendations of friends.  

This problem of the overuse, abuse and dependence on medicine is something that militates against the culture of life we should be working to bring into our society. This is a problem that affects all of us. In many cases, the use of medicines is not prescribed. This is the case not only with drugs for the more serious diseases but with medicines to help digestion, relieve pains and headaches, stimulate bowel movements, and to put us to sleep, among a host of other remedies. Even when the use is no longer necessary, the habit often continues.

The misuse of drugs can be broadly distinguished as either institutional or personal. Institutions like hospitals and clinics often immorally incite the overuse of medicines because of the financial incentives. And individuals will alsoself-medicate to treat some abnormality, and do it improperly. The professor tells us that  compared to many other countries, the number of medicines prescribed in Korea to the ordinary patient is much higher. The government intends to do something about this problem, he says, but it is not only doctors but patients who have to change their dependence on medicine.

The professor's words should serve as a warning to all of us on the misuse and abuse of medicines. If we are serious about working for the culture of life in our society, we need to be better educated on the proper use of medicine in restoring and maintaining health.

Separating Addiction from Culture Not Easy

Interviewed by the Chosun Ilbo, a priest, Fr. Heo, recounts the story of the student addicted to Internet games who killed his mother and himself. Addiction, whether or not it leads to actual death, as in the case of the student, will gradually bring the addict, he believes, to the despair of a death-in-life experience. If we are to change this culture of death to one for life, not only are the addict's efforts necessary but society must also be more involved in efforts to help.

To help society move in this direction, Fr. Heo founded The Movement for a Sound Mind and Sound Culture, which will look at addiction primarily from a cultural vantage point. The Church has been involved in this work for many years; now there will be a concerted effort to show what we as a society can do to end the problem of addiction.

Fr. Heo said he has taken an interest in the problem because of an earlier addiction of his own. When he was younger, he liked to drink--a lot.  From the time of his Mass in the morning to the time when he would go to sleep at night, he would be drinking.  There were times he did not say Mass because of his drinking. He tells us of an episode in his life when he was the late Cardinal Stephen Kim's secretary, and they were attending the commencement ceremony at the Military Academy.

" I drank so much with the soldiers," he said, "I lost consciousness." The Cardinal took him to his living quarters where he was cared for; he no longer felt like the Cardinal's secretary, he said,  but had to acknowledge that, because of his actions, their roles had been reversed: the Cardinal was now acting like his secretary.

His excessive drinking lasted for about 10 years, starting from the time he was an army officer.  During this time, he damaged his stomach and liver and was admitted to a hospital where he was treated for addiction. He has since written two  books that helped many: "If At That Time I Did Not Drink," a book of poetry, and "I am An Alcoholic."               .
 
Fr. Heo felt the support he received from the Church has helped him to maintain an alcohol-free lifestyle and prompted him to do something for society. He has worked in counseling, given lectures, and worked in the treatment of alcoholism.
 
The problems of alcoholism are many. There are today, in Korea, an estimated 4 million who abuse alcohol and 2 million who are addicted to gambling. And internet gambling and gaming, drugs, and many other addictions continue to plague society. Fr. Heo is helping to change this. Because of his efforts--his books and his Movement, which has drawn the attention of many to see the intimate connection between having a sound, addictive-free  mind and living in a culture that discourages addictive behavior--we can look forward to having more recovering addicts who can again take their rightful place in society.  
 

Using Time in the Womb to Educate

A columnist in the Catholic Times speaks of the time when Jesus was in the womb and of what preparations Mary might have made to begin the education of her son. The East came to appreciate earlier than the West the potential for educating the child while still in the womb, and considered the thoughts, words and actions of the mother as important as physical nourishment. This interest sparked a new discipline: Tai Kyo, the prenatal  care of the unborn child through the attention of a pregnant woman to her own mental health.

She mentions the  mother of a Chinese King: during her pregnancy, she did not  want to see anything  bad or hear anything impure; she wanted no bad thoughts and no proud words uttered. She gave birth to a famous wise king of China.

One of the world's first books on the training of a child in the womb, the columnist proudly states, comes from Korea back in the 1800s. It was written by the mother of a famous scholar, with his help.  It contains 10 chapters detailing what to do before and after the birth of the child. She considered it important that not only the mother but the whole family should be involved. A famous quote from the book: "Teaching a child for 10 years is not as important as the teaching in the womb for 10 months."

It was in the 19th century that the West, with its scientific methods, showed that  during pregnancy one has to be very careful. The state of the mother and what she did would affect the unborn child, emotionally, mentally, and physically. The hearing faculties begin to develop after three months, and at five months the child can hear outside sounds.

She introduces us to Shin Saimdang, the first woman to appear on a Korean banknote- the 50,000 won note. She was the mother of seven children and the mother of the  great scholar Yulgok. She is admired as an ideal mother--a model of how to raise children--a loving wife and daughter, and at the same time she was a poet, artist and calligrapher. The columnist wrote a historical novel about Shin in 2007. She received much adulation for the novel and consequently, was invited to lecture on her life and remarkable achievements.

This is an area where much superstition can be found, but at the same time shows  the period in the womb was considered influential not only in forming physical characteristics but in forming mental and emotional characteristics as well. Scientific studies have corroborated this. Believing from early on that this period in the womb could be used for the educational development of the child one, can easily understand why  Koreans count the age of their children from the time in the womb.

Christmas Is Not Only a Birthday Celebration

Once upon a time there was a kind and wise king. Having worked a long time running his kingdom, he decided to take time off with his attendants to go hunting. They left early in the morning, planning to return to the palace before nightfall. Taken up with the hunting, they lost track of time until it was too late to return to the palace.

The  devoted attendants began to feel uneasy. The king said, " Let us go to the village to pass the night." His attendants disapproved, saying it would not be right for him to sleep in one of those shabby common homes;  even though it was late at night, they urged him to return to the palace.

The king answered with a question. 'If I go and sleep in a shabby common home, do I become shabby and common? Or does that house become a palace?

Today we celebrate Christmas, the birth of Jesus among us. And what Christmas says about Jesus is important, but equally important is what it says about us.  Emmanuel (God is with us) loved us so much he wanted to be with us.

A writer in the Kyeongyang Catholic magazine starts off his article with the story of the king, and compared the king's willingness to live with his people to the mission of Jesus to bring the news of the kingdom of God to all of us. Jesus came to, "Pitch his tent among us." He filled this world of ours with his glory, making this world a holy place, a place of beauty for those with the eyes of faith. He wanted us to partake of His divine nature, who became a partaker of our human nature. This is our prayer at every Mass we offer.

In rejecting those who would see the world as a prison to escape from (the Gnostics), and their dualistic way of seeing life, separating the spirit from the body and making the soul a prisoner of the body, St. John asserted the value of faith over knowledge. By becoming a human being, God shattered this belief of the Gnostics.

"Let this be a sign to you: In a manger you will find an infant wrapped in swaddling clothes"(Luke 2:12). A manger is where food for animals is stored. Jesus wanted to make us aware that he came to offer up his life, as food, to give us  life.

God, taking on our flesh, has made this world his place of operation. God wanted us to experience the joys of heaven here on earth. Living on earth with all of creation we have the opportunity of enjoying the beginnings of eternal life. "God is not the God of the dead but of the living. All are alive for him" (Luke 20:38). Christmas is not only the time for remembering the birthday of Jesus but the time for remembering that Jesus took on our flesh and wants us, his followers, to awaken to our call to make the world holy.

To all a Blessed Christmas.

Is Conflict Between Science and Religion Necessary?

A priest with a background in science and a doctorate in theology recently reviewed for Kyeongyang magazine the book, The Grand Design, co-authored by Stephen Hawking. Extensive coverage by the press has served to publicize the controversy surrounding the book and has sparked discussion among the general public.

For Hawking  the law of gravity is the sufficient reason for the existence  of the world; creation doesn't need God to enter the picture. This assertion caused quite a stir in the world of ideas, and in particular, the religious world. The reviewer feels that Hawking stepped outside the boundaries of science and is justly censured by many for doing so.

In college, the priest majored in mathematics and physics. While in graduate school, he  studied  theoretical physics (particle  physics) and had no problem with living in both worlds. There was never any conflict, he said.

Science is interested in the "how" of the natural world, and religion in the "why" of the world and how it relates to human life and its ultimate meaning. These two viewpoints are not in conflict; they are looking at reality from two different angles. When they encroach on the  other's domain, there can be conflict. He uses the words of Ian Barbour, an authority in this field, to show where the conflict comes from--usually when the scientist starts off with a materialistic view of life, and when the religious-minded takes the scriptures as literally true. Barbour: "Science seeks to explain objective, public, repeatable data. Religion asks questions about the existence of order and beauty in the world and the experience of the inner life."

The book, The Great Design, shows the two realms of thought in conflict by posing questions that elicit very different responses. Questions such as, "How are we to understand the world we are in? How does this world move? What is the essence of reality? Where has all this come from? Does this universe need a creator?  In the past, philosophy considered these questions, but it has proven not to be up to the job, and physics has taken its place.

He tells us an anecdote that comes from an academic meeting of scientists at the Vatican in 1981. The Pope, in his address to the participants, said, "Scientists are continually in search for the origins of the universe and are faced with unsolvable questions. Those of us who are religious are not looking for answers to these questions from science or astronomy; they are beyond physics."

"How things work together is the subject matter of science. Why we  exist is not a question scientists can answer. This is the area  of concern for philosophers and  theologians."

On his way out of the academic meeting, Hawking, who gave the first talk, said, "There was a possibility of their being no beginning or creating moments; the Pope did not understand,  and I was happy that was the case."

Our understanding of the truth changes with the flow of history and is seen more clearly with the advance of science and culture. The more we learn about other systems of truth and dimensions of reality--seeing what we did not see before--the more we understand our own area of truth.  This is why theologians, with patience and effort, should learn about the advances in science in order to deepen our understanding of humans, the world and God.