Stealing the Hearts of the Grandparents

Many ethnic parishes still exist in the States, and the Korean parish would be one of the more recent. The Korean pastor of one of them recounts, in the Korean Catholic Digest, what he heard about the trip of Sarah and Taihyoun, who spent their summer vacation with their grandparents in Korea.

There are  many Korean children in the States who not only speak English perfectly and obey their parents, but also speak Korean fluently. When they speak among themselves, they use English; when they speak to their pastor it's in Korean, as a sign of respect. Sarah, a beautiful child, and Taihyoun, mischievous but likeable, are two such children. Their parents are exemplary parishioners, and the mother a paragon of what charm is meant to mean, said the pastor.

During the children's stay in Korea, something very unexpected happened. The children "stole the hearts of their grandparents," was the way the pastor put it.  They would be constantly holding on to the apron strings of the grandmother, he was told, and going wherever  she went. And in the evening they massaged the aching legs and arms of the grandfather. Although a special room was prepared for them, they preferred to sleep with the grandparents. He was surprised to hear this since Korean children usually shun older people because of the body odor. But Sarah and Taihyoun were different, they wanted to be near their grandparents at all times.

Hearing that the children spoke Korean, even though born and raised in the States, made the pastor feel proud of being Korean. Sarah remembered some of the meals her grandmother had prepared during previous trips and begged her to prepare them, which she always did with great joy.

When it came time for the children to return to the States, the grandparents wondered how they would get along without them. Hugging the children and crying, it seemed as if the whole village were joining the grandparents as they shed tears on the departure of the children. Soon after, the grandfather called his son and  thanked him for raising such wonderful children. And not much later the father received a letter from the brother of his wife, a teacher, who explained that he tried to inculcate in his students some of the traits he saw in the children, but with little success. Having seen the way the children behaved with their grandparents and feeling embarrassed at his own failure as a teacher, he asked in his letter how they had managed to raise such wonderful children.

The children, of course, had no idea of the impression they were making on the grandparents and villagers. Just looking at their faces, the brother-in-law said, you knew they had no idea why they were being praised. They were simply enjoying themselves, eating and playing and just being themselves, oblivious of the effect they were having on others. A state of mind, perhaps, that more of us should incorporate into our daily lives.

Christian Responses

On the open forum page of the Catholic Times,  the columnist explores a troubling matter that has bothered him since middle school: when is behavior a conditioned response, one that is learned; and when is behavior unconditioned, not learned, but the natural response in the presence of stimuli?

Russian physiologist Ivan Pavlov (1849-1936), in his experiments with dogs, discovered that though a dog's unconditioned, natural response to food is to salivate, it can be made to salivate to a stimulus that does not normally cause the secretion of saliva. The stimulus he used, as many may know, was the ringing of a bell which the dog would hear whenever food was given. After this was done on numerous occasions, the dog would salivate whenever the bell was rung, even when no food was present. He also was able to show that by manipulating stimuli the conditioning could be changed: increased, decreased or erased completely.  

The writer states that since everybody basically has the identical unconditioned responses to stimuli, he finds the conditioned responses more interesting and recounts his own experience playing in a reservoir, when he almost drowned. His fear of the water from that moment on kept him from learning to swim. He doesn't know exactly what happened, but remembers that his feet lost contact with the ground, and he panicked, fearing he would drown. Since then, even in a bathhouse, whenever his foot goes into the water the memory of the near drowning returns, along with a swooning sensation. And this happens not only with water, he explains, but also in tunnels, subways, and in cable cars. 

The conditioning present in our lives is not that simple or that obvious, he points out. In his own case, he says the drowning incident has affected not only him but has affected in some way those he comes in contact with. Mindful of this possibility, he recommends that we strive to be conscious of what  stimuli we are unknowingly reacting to in our daily lives.

We should be aware of the reflex reactions that others see coming from us. Are we like  the dog who was conditioned by the bell  to salivate and then not given the food? There is a certain conditioning that has taken place in our lives as a Christian. There are expectations that others have of us: are we  disappointing those who expect a Christian response from us and not receiving it? He concludes with the admonition that we not be like a bell heard by the dog without the appropriate response.

New Korea of 2050

The U.S. firm of Goldman Sachs has published information the columnist of the Catholic Times' View from the Window uses to prophesy that Korea will move up to second place as an economic power in 2050. He wonders how many Koreans would agree with him. But there is a catch, he admits, the Goldman Sachs report said a unified Korea would surpass the economic power of France, Germany and Japan in gross domestic product, and do so because of the mineral riches of the North.

Unfortunately, there is a lack of optimism for unification. And judging by the present political climate, with the North threatening nuclear war, unification seems impossible. But the columnist relates another unlikely scenario that turned out well. In Numbers 13-14, Moses sent twelve scouts to the land of Canaan to reconnoiter the land in preparation for an invasion. Ten returned with a negative report, seeing themselves as grasshoppers compared to the giants in the territory. Only two saw the possibility of success. Here, says the columnist, we have the image of a great leader who did not simply follow the suggestion of the majority. Instead, after weighing the merits of both sides, he chose to heed the advice of the minority and went on to victory. 

Today, a greatly improved economic life for all the Korean people is possible, the columnist assures us, despite the obvious difficulties, if unification becomes a reality.  Less than 10 years ago there were trips to the North to visit family and the popular destination Diamond Mountain.  Now our deteriorating relationship with the North is like riding a roller-coaster; no one is comfortable with the relationship.

To see meaningful change, he says, we will need leadership like that shown by Lincoln during the American Civil War.  After the defeat of the South, the North showed respect for the South. The Korean North and South must also respect each other, as well as improving the negotiating skills on the part of the South and encouraging the belief among all Koreans that unification and peace is possible.

Obviously, negotiating with the North is a very delicate matter but the results of a rapprochement, he insists, will affect the whole region, leading to a peaceful North East Asia. But regardless of our most hopeful plans, we have learned in the last 50 years that we can lose it all if we resort to war to solve our problems. The columnist presents his own scenario for the next 50 years.

By 2020, enter a peace agreement with the North and agree to provide economic assistance. Work on the highway from Kaesong to Sinuiju to Chongjin. Construct North-South factory districts and complete the rail line to Siberia. Agree to unrestricted family visits, both in the North and in the South, and facilitate cultural and educational exchanges. By 2040, significantly reduce the income differences between the North and the South. And by 2050, we will have, he believes, the birth of a great nation--a united and prosperous Korea. 

Is this only a dream? he asks. It is no exaggeration to say we may need a  leader like Lincoln or Moses to realize the dream. But he wants us to think about the possibilities, and to remember that what is finally achieved will depend on God.

St. Francis and St. Clare

A Korean lawyer and vocalist, who studied in the States, writes about a spiritual insight she had in her third year of law school. Not until she saw a movie about St. Francis and St.Clare, she explained in her article in the Seoul Bulletin, did she have any interest in saints. And the Italian actor who played the part of Francis was so handsome, she said, that at first he was the focus of her attention, along with the remarkable cast of actors. But she soon forgot them and the beauty of the Assisi countryside, as the force of Francis' personality, particularly his decision to live a life of poverty, resonated with her need to find something she could dedicate her life to.

Though he was the son of a rich cloth merchant and could afford the finest clothes, he gave his fine clothes away, content to wear a rough woolen coat tied about him with a rope (the habit that would soon clothe his first followers), and decided to live a life of intense poverty. Greatly moved by his progress in spirituality, she began to read everything she could find about her now favorite saint, as well as his own poetry and prose. He was, she decided, the saint she would follow.

The words of Jesus, "Take nothing for the journey," and "Whoever wishes to be my follower must deny his very self, take up his cross each day, and follow in my steps" were the reason he became a mendicant monk, she discovered.

She then goes on to tell us about her struggle to understand and live these same words, and confesses that they made her think a great deal. She felt strongly the need to succeed in life, to do better than others, and be financially independent.  She had dreamed of making her mark on the world, but now the thought of living a life of poverty and renouncing the self sounded crazy. Francis' life seemed to her to make little sense in our modern world.

With these thoughts on her mind, she talked to a priest about what was bothering her, and received from him help in justifying her own life. Is it wrong, she asked, to desire to live the comfortable life?  Wanting to know what she thought poverty was, he asked, "What does it mean to deny yourself?" The priest answered for her. Poverty is of many kinds: the difficulties we experience, such as loneliness, stress, uncertainty, sickness, and in general the frustrations that come with living--these are all part of our poverty, he said.  To accept these trials with our whole being, without bitterness, and happily accepting whatever difficulties come our way is to choose poverty and to carry the cross.

The priest's words put her heart at rest, and she thanked God for leading her, by that good-looking actor, to a new understanding of poverty. Pope Francis has done much to bring the attention of many Koreans to the saint from Assisi. Many are reading in the daily papers brief accounts of his life, and why the pope picked the name Francis. Nearly everyone would find the life of St. Francis rather odd, but they would also have a chance to reflect on a way of life without possessions and what such a life might mean in living a more fulfilling life for us who live in a consumer-oriented world.

The "Rescuing Hug"

The "Rescuing Hug" was discussed in the Taegu Diocese Bulletin this past week, as it recounted the story, originally appearing in the American press many years ago, of twin baby girls, Kyrie and Brielle, born prematurely and each weighing about one kilogram. It's a story that is sure to touch the hearts of many in Taegu this week.

The twin sisters were put in incubators, but Brielle was not doing well, her heart was weak and she was not putting on weight like Kyrie, the sister born first. It looked like Brielle was not going to make it. The nurse taking care of them suggested to the doctor that they be put in the same incubator, since they were together in the womb. Though not permitted by hospital rules, the doctor gave his permission.

Now together in the incubator, the first born twin put her arms around her sister, astonishing those who saw it and, miracle-like, her vital signs--breathing and blood pressure--soon began to improve. It was not long before Brielle recovered completely.

Premature twins are usually placed in separate incubators, but after this incident, co-bedding for multiple birth babies became the standard procedure in this hospital, the practice soon spreading to other hospitals.

Many similar stories documenting the healing power of human touch can be found in many parts of the world. Babies who lost their parents and were put in hospitals in years past, receiving no loving care, would often die, and even if they managed to live, we are told the integrity of the adult personality was seriously affected.  
 
The bulletin article recommends that we also reach out to others by offering a healing touch whenever appropriate. A hug, a reassuring tap on the shoulder or arm, a handshake--all show a loving concern for the other. This show of human warmth and love, judging by the many remarkable healings that have resulted from such simple gestures, may at times be more important than medical help.

Retirement in a Mission Station

"I eat, play and  live well. I like the quiet life, and  this mission station  is perfect for me"--words of Bishop Chang Ik, retired from the Chunchon diocese in 2010 and now living in a small village mission station taking care of the spiritual needs of the community.

His life as bishop was very satisfying, he explained during a recent interview by the Peace Weekly, but said he was always pressed for time; now he has the time to reflect and see the world through refreshed eyes, and regrets that so many do not have the same leisure time he has to fully appreciate their  lives. In the old days getting information was difficult, he said; today it is at your finger tips. But we still have seen, he said, a drop in the number of readers which comes as a  surprise to him.

Our young people, especially today, are living on the fast track because of the demands of the digital world they live in. But fruits do not ripen quickly, he reminds us, and we can't make rice grow any quicker by pulling at the rice stock. Desiring a faster lifestyle, he warns, is just going to bring us more problems.

The bishop laments  the loss  of our value for truth and the acceptance of relativism. With each person having a different take on what is happening, there is less opportunity to sympathize with another person's opinion, and our understanding of universal truth is quickly disappearing. Because the majority thinks one way, he added, does not necessarily  mean that is the correct way.

When asked what can the Church do when relativism is so wide spread, he recommends that all of us in the Church follow the example of  Pope Francis, who took upon himself the role of a servant and is preaching by example. The bishop believes that is what we all should do.

He told the interviewer he was reading Smell the Mother Three Hours Each Day, which surprised the interviewer who felt that the book, judging by its title, did not match his serious demeanor; the bishop admitted he learned about the book from a radio broadcast.

He recommends that parents read the book, especially parents. There are too many children today who live separated from their mothers, he said. Up to the age of three, children should spend at least 3 hours with their mother to ensure emotional health. The book also lays out the basic reasons young people are having problems adjusting to our society. That bit of information alone should make the book a valuable contribution to our efforts toward solving our many societal problems. 

Knowledge in Search of Wisdom

We have been hearing lately the same sad refrain about the need to change society but few positive suggestions on how to bring about meaningful change. Our society, according to most observers, seems fatigued and in danger mode. Writing in the Peace Weekly, a professor in the Sogang University philosophy research department turns to a Korean scholar who  teaches in Germany and is the author of The Society of Fatigue, in which he writes that "Everyone living in the self-displaying modern society has been worn out and frustrated."

Our society is sick and drifting, the writer says, and we don't know where it is headed. She  goes on to cite several reasons for this dire assessment, calling it a crisis of life: intense competition for college entrance, graduates  are finding it difficult to find work, high unemployment, escalating small business bankruptcies, more 'tin house' transactions (Buying a house and finding that the present price is 80 percent lower than the price you paid years earlier),  increase of the homeless, the skyrocketing suicide rate--all  indications we are living in a severely dysfunctional society and the reason so many are looking for healing.

The writer tells us about a young woman who, while in college, was filled with energy even though her situation at the time was difficult. Today, with no steady employment, she looks tired and without a sense of belonging. She is attending an academy at government expense and working part-time in a Shabu Shabu  shop, making about 400 dollars a month. Never did she imagine  this as a possibility for a graduate of a distinguished teachers college. Although we can say there are no  noble or  base occupations, when college graduates are forced to look for jobs as domestic helpers, they are taking the work that normally goes to older women. Where are the older women going to go?

The numbers going to college have increased but not enough jobs are available when they graduate. What is the reason for this situation? the writer asks. She feels that we have not been educated in a way that will help in solving these societal problems. The emphasis on memory-style education, she says, leaves no room for creativity, and when faced with problems, we find it easy to give up. Living means that we are going to have problems, but they are solvable problems, she says, when we are properly educated.

To illustrate what she means, she quotes a line from the Analects of Confucius. "When we learn only by gathering information and don't think, we will perish; and learning only by thinking without sufficient information is dangerous." She adds that knowledge that does not bring luster to our lives is dry knowledge. Our college students these day learn to meet specifications that society has given them to succeed, but this is not going in search of wisdom, she says, and ends by expressing her desire that our educational methods will ultimately educate the whole person and enable our students to think creatively and search for  wisdom. Creative thinking and wisdom will help in the urgent tasks of solving our societal problems.