Abandoning Our Volition

He was in first-year middle school and in the art class, the teacher put a vase with flowers on her desk and asked the class to paint what they saw. The priest writing in Biblelife recounts the experience as a child who thought he was a gifted artist and the lesson he learned.

They were given two hours to work on their masterpiece and many of the students who had no taste for art, found the time boring; he relished the opportunity to show his genius. He finished the painting in a little over an hour and felt very pleased with his efforts. He was ready to receive the exclusive attention of the beautiful art teacher for his achievement. The painting  was in his eyes perfect he had no regrets. He was another Vincent Van Gogh.

The teacher walked up and down the rows in the class, stopped at his place and began to look carefully at what he had painted. He was humbly ready to hear words of praise for his masterpiece; however, that was not the case. It was more a  critique of what he had painted than praise.  'Wonderful', 'extraordinary', 'exceptional', 'great', were not the words he heard, but 'too much', 'a little more',  'this would have been better,' and the like. As he was trying to figure out what the words of the teacher  meant, she took the brush and began to change what he had painted. The priest said he was completely befuddled by it all.

The white vase became yellow; the leaves became purplish. He was ready to cry out in protest. His creation was being destroyed, and  he didn't want to see any more, and closed his eyes. The teacher:  "Are you sleeping?" " No,"  he answered, and opened wide his eyes, and gazed at his painting. The colors stood out, and the composition heightened; he was excited and proud of what he saw.

A new understanding came to him: erasing and correcting made an  unfinished  painting  complete. Whenever there is cancelling, erasure, change, loss, we have wounds to deal with, for I have to give up something, and I am asked to embrace a loss. How many people on the face of the earth are able  to accept loss and are not afraid of wounds. This he says is the way of love.

He concludes the article with the first pages of the Bible. God made Adam and  said it was not good to be alone; he needed a helpmate. A great sleep overtook Adam, and a rib was taken and God gave it flesh; she became his helpmate.  Adam had to lose part of himself to gain love. Love is not given without cost is the message of the article. A masterpiece is made with deletion, modification, loss, abandonment; total love also requires loss, abandonment, death, the process of being scarred, and time, to come out of the dark tunnel.

Dreaming of Making Gyodong a Neutral Peace Island

Here on the island of Gyodong from June 13 to 15, we had Ganghwa-Gyodong Peace Leadership Camp sponsored by the Saeurinuri Peace Movement, Young-Ai Kim (Theresa) is the movement's representative. They received financial aid from the Inchon City government for the three day program.The camp had parts of the program both in Ganghwa and Gyodong  for three days of study and training. The participants were middle and high-school students from 12 different schools and students from multiple cultural backgrounds.

June 15th was the 14th anniversary of the North-South Joint Declaration that was adopted between the leaders of the North and South. As a result of the talks in June of 2000 there was the meeting of separated families. The movement for peace would like to see more of these steps to  improve the relationships between the two Koreas.

The program included talks by  specialists on different aspects of the peace movement: war, conflict, emotional  involvement in our present environment, co-existence, and preparing future generations of  leaders.  Especially with the recent Sewol tragedy and the shock to the young students, healing programs were used to give confidence to the participants.

The displaced persons from the North now living in the South expressed their feelings on their being forced to leave their homeland. The students were again introduced to the scars and results of war. Students listened carefully to the talks of the older citizens, and were determined to do all in their power to help them  realize their dream of returning to their birthplaces.

At the end of the month we will have the opening of travel on the bridge that unites the island of Gyodong with the mainland. The traffic from the island will be made easy and inexpensive, and the movement for peace thought it would be a good time for the peace camp. The new world peace movement has prepared a 'memorandum of understanding' to entice the UN International Youth Council to make Gyodong a peace camp to train leaders. The island is at the mouth of the Han River, and with geopolitical meaning would  be an ideal place for the peace island.  They have  worked in getting the support of the citizens of Gyodong and will present their proposal to the government. To prepare for unification, we need education for peace, and helps in resolving the  discord for reconciliation. Gyodong would be a model in realizing this ideal.

At the cease-fire agreement on July 27, of 1953 both parties agreed to allow civilian vessels to navigate at the mouth of the Han River. This was not like the (DMZ) Korean Demilitarized Zone or the (NLL) The Northern Limit Line, a disputed maritime demarcation line in the Yellow Sea between North and South Korea. This was meant to be a neutral zone. For 60 years,this was the case, without any confrontation between the North and South.Kim Theresa says this  is one of the reasons we should make Gyodong the Neutral Peace Island.

Vulnerability

Vulnerability: allowing ourselves to be hurt. The word comes from the Latin able to be wounded. In the bridge card game, the situation of vulnerability gives one the chance to make more points or increase the chances of being penalized. When we continue to wear  armor that prevents us from being hurt, we seem to be at peace, but possibly we are missing the opportunities to grow and be more human.

A priest in the Catholic Digest writes about an experience he had while in the army. He was responsible for the store at the shooting range, and  for the goods bought and sold. One of the biggest sellers in the army stores is usually raw rice wine. It was the custom to add water to the wine which increased the profits of the store and selling wine with less alcohol  was good for those who  bought the wine. However, his conscience would not allow him to do it. Actually, it was not a big item in his unit for outside the army base, there were all kinds of wine shops. He sold matches to take care of the losses he incurred.

One of the soldiers in his company always seemed to be out of money, whether he had accidents that he was paying off he didn't know, but he would pester him to  sell on credit. He had a serious exterior appearance, although he had been in the army for some time, rank was low, he was a loner and not one to go out to others. In order to avoid confrontation the writer would just laugh. The soldier would get angry, but in time the anger would cool, and he would withdraw.

One evening the soldier came into the store asking for credit, and he responded with his customary forced laughter. The soldier continued pestering him and finally with his fist hit the table and yelled: I am down in the dumps and all you do is laugh, and he began crying. The writer mentions how surprised he was and began to apologize, and they began a deep conversation. The soldier felt so shunned and empty that he was looking for a fight with anyone who would  break the loneliness he felt. He wasn't able to find anybody. His outrageous behavior was to engage another person, and he was greeted only with laughter, which made matters worse, and he continued to cry.

Dealing with the soldier in the way he did he felt great shame and sorrow. In the future when he came the laugh was from the heart. They  came to be good friends. His serious demeanor also was appreciated as his dignity. He was transferred to another army base, and the writer found the address and continued corresponding with him. Even after discharged from the army the friend visited him.He concludes the article telling the readers he doesn't know what happened to him, but in his heart, he remains a friend.  

This experience the priest had during his army days would remain with him and the lesson that we all know so well, when we take time to reflect, not all is what appears on the surface. If we had the patience and good will to see other possibilities than those, we are programed to see, we would be better for it, and be an instrument for peace and reconciliation.

Burn-Out for a Christian

Burn-out is a word we hear often. In Biblelife, a priest with a doctorate in spirituality and now  studying counseling writes on the topic. He uses the phrases he found on the Internet to begin the article.

"The burn-out syndrome-- one starts out full of passion why does it end  spiritless? How do we break out of the situation? Not only lacking  passion but becoming despondent. Three ways of breaking out of the malaise. Test for the symptoms of burnout. It is not easy to cure."

The above words leave one with a very negative feeling about the situation. There are many different ways to judge and cope with the person's burn-out. One of the easiest ways to illustrate the case of burn-out is to use the example of fuel for a car. When the car has fuel, it runs well,without fuel it stops. If you continue trying to move the car, you will harm the engine. When this happens even after you put in the fuel you have problems with the engine. This is also true with burn-out, without finding the reason for the problem, we can do damage to the psyche and even our bodies.

When we are without fuel, we have to understand the situation. 'Why am I having this trouble?' This is not working for myself but for others why so lethargic?' These should not be our thoughts. It is not the time to put more effort into what you are doing but to rest. There is a need for the person to be loved and to receive help from others. The person needs to know his limits and humble enough to accept them, and as a believer to entrust oneself to God.

We have to search for what is missing. When we feel burn-out working in service to others, does that mean we need more prayer in our life? Does that take away our feeling of lethargy? When a person works from morning to evening for others, doesn't eat, is hungry and is utterly exhausted, do we tell such a person to pray, and they will regain strength? What good is that? They need to rest and take care of their health. They have to examine themselves and determine what the problem is. Back to the example of the car, if the engine needs oil, and we think it needs gas the car will not move.

When dealing with a machine, we can solve the problem easily, but we are not machines so the example can go just so far. Finding the cause is not easy, and even if we know the cause not everything goes back to normal once we know it. So what is necessary?

We have to remember our hope is in God. As people of faith, we have to return to God. We have to rest in God. Once we know what we need we have to find out what God wants to give us and ask for that. It is not prayer for a return to a relationship with God: vague and sentimental, but a prayer that is concrete and humble, giving myself to God and asking for help in the relationship we want. We need to surrender to God.

Our trust is in God. When the object of our services are only the persons we want to help we are going to have trouble. When we reflect on the love God has for us and his care for us we will not have burn-out.

The Selfish Tower of Babel

A professor in the  Philosophy department of the Catholic University, writes in an article in the Peace Weekly, on how some foolish words of some pastors on the Sewol tragedy were criticized by the press and provoked the anger of many of the citizens. They attempted to justify God's action in the tragedy and the words used were,he believes, an undigested understanding of Theodicy.

The reason behind the words uttered was the understanding that the existence of evil in the world is the result of punishment or for the education or testing of the just. Theodicy is the philosophic word that wants to justify God in the face of all the evil we see in the world that militates against an all powerful and all good God. The term was coined by the  German philosopher Gottfried Leibniz (1646-1716).

The place of evil and the goodness of God have always been a problem and the way it is explained has always posed difficulties.One existentialist philosopher reading the words of the pastors trying to justify God's place in the tragedy said: "Even if his whole body became a tumor he would oppose to death the God who permitted the slaughter of the children," 

One of the strongest opponents of theodicy was the Jewish philospher Emmanuel Levinas (1906-1995). After Auschwitz concentration camp history, in the 20th century, Levinas believed we can no longer use theodicy with any intellectual or rational support. When we see the tears of suffering on the face of others we are responsible to do what we can to alleviate the suffering. With this kind of thinking the immature understanding of theodicy has no room in which to stand.

In the Sewol tragedy we had from the beginning to the end human greed and incompetence, there was no need for theodicy. If we do not know how to give warm words of condolences then it is better to say nothing rather than to be a false  prophet. When we see the tears of the families of the victims we feel with them and do what we can to diminish the suffering they have to endure.

My suffering and the suffering of the other when seen separately is of no help. We have to join our suffering with that of the other and do what we can to be with them in their suffering. If we see the tragedy of the Sewol with these eyes than we see how many of those volunteers at the scene of the accident were doing just that. The teachers who accepted death to help the students, the divers who died, and many others working to rescue the passengers.

The efforts of the politicians and religious people who were trying to give meaning to the disaster and wanted their meaning accepted were only adding to the violence that the families were feeling. The attempts to find scape goats, side shows and  temporary remedies to soothe the citizens' anger is not what we should be about, but work to dismantle the selfish tower of Babel we have constructed, and be led by a just moral order: a time  to listen or our consciences.

Are We Using Our Smart Phones Correctly?

" Well, I will rest a bit." Without finishing the words out comes the smart phone and like a person who hasn't eaten for a few days begins to finger the device. To the religious sister writing on smart phones in the Catholic Times, they appear like zombies in a horror movie. Sister has studied media ecology in the States and is now working to find harmony between the digital world and spirituality.

"Let us begin our class!" Putting away the smart phone is like saying good-bye to a loved one and once put aside there is an emptiness that is conveyed with the eyes. We should not be surprised at this for they have become like one of our body's appendages.

In the home, the father is watching the evening news, the mother and daughter are with the smart phone peering at some beautiful landscapes or getting some recipes. On the subway or bus as they go to their seats, they are fingering the smart phone, walking along the street, or in a park, sitting or standing, there is more interest in watching the screen than what is going on around them. Rather than ask someone to take their picture, they are more comfortable in taking a selfie. There is nothing strange about all this for everybody is doing the same.

She has a question for us. When we have these repeated actions are we forgetting our inner selves and who we are? Are we being oversensitive? Let us overlook what many scholars say about what the use of the smart phone is doing to our mental structures, for are we not able to see that  something strange is happening to us? Is not the  smart phone doing harm to our patience, making our thinking shallow, interfering with our ability to examine ourselves?

Our ability to concentrate and to be absorbed in what we do is weakened. We are not able to accept boredom and the slowness of much of what we do. Rather than using the smart phone as a tool is it not the response of an addiction and to amusement?

With this repeated  craving for more are we not feeling the emptiness in ourselves? Only the persons that know that they are dreaming can return to reality. She is not recommending that we give up this useful tool. We are not able to  get rid of a technology that we have become comfortable with. We need to question what we are doing, otherwise we will not have answers or know the way to go.

We need to know what is real and what is not, what gives true happiness, what restrains us, what gives us freedom and what helps us to know ourselves. In conclusion, she wants us to reflect on the words of Aristotle: "knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom." It is with the correct appreciation we have of our needs as a human being that we are able to judge whether the use of our digital world is good for us or not.

Medical Treatment of a Friend

Cancer in  Korea is common. A doctor who is a professor in a medical school cancer center, reports that one out of 3 are diagnosed with cancer. He writes in the Kyeonyang magazine about his feelings when boyhood friends come for help when they hear they have cancer.

He tells us the story of a close friend  from elementary school days, both  going to the same college. He became a university professor. One day, he received a call  telling him that he was diagnosed with cancer in the inner part of the nose. Looking over all the information on the treatment, the doctor, who had much experience with head and neck cancer thought without an operation radiation and chemotherapy was possible, and he became his primary doctor for the case.

He made the general examination of the patient and discovered high blood sugar and a serious case of diabetes. The professor explained that he was eating irregularly, a lot of instant food, eating quickly, working late and slaking his thirst with cola. He began the treatment and his friend lost all his hair, which made the doctor feel uncomfortable but continued to give hope to his friend. A month later he was given a CAT scan, and the cancer had completely disappeared.

Two and a half years passed without problems, but then he heard they found lumps in his throat; the cancer returned. The doctor felt his heart drop. He started the process again, and  all worked out well. With the recurrence of the cancer, the patient's mental state was fragile. He didn't know when he would hear the same words again. And a year a half later they discovered  some abnormalities in the lymph gland. The biopsy showed a recurrence of the same cancer. Fortunately, it was a small area and with radiation and chemotherapy, they eradicated  the cancer.

The doctor with these recurrences  also began  to feel anxious. There was an area of the lungs that looked suspicious, but it was only an inflammation but  an area near the previous spot was  the third occurrence of the cancer. He felt lost, and the future prospects did not look good, which caused the doctor to lose sleep. The cancer did shrink with the chemotherapy. The doctor did a lot of praying and  considering the possibility of a recurrence used a small degree of radiation. All the friends also had low expectations for his return to health,

For 7 months after the  end of treatment his friend has returned to his teaching position, and his research. All the hair has grown back; everything has returned to normal. With the recurrence of the cancer three times, the doctor is apprehensive. He wants to believe that he is cured and thanks his friend for putting up the good fight.

He gives us another case in which the results were not as fortunate. They were also friends from elementary school. He was a doctor with his own practice. He was operated on at a large hospital for rectal cancer and received word after the operation that it was not successful because the cancer had spread. He was thankful he was not involved this time because of the  stress that he feels. However, the operation was not successful and the friend confided on his doctor friend. What was he to do? The doctor friend didn't know what to say. The cancer had spread to the liver. He tried to give hope to his friend and started the chemo and radiation.

He was the only child  of his parents, and the mother spoiled him. His father wanted him to be a lawyer, but he chose medicine. The father was a very strongly opinionated person and wanted his way, which gave rise to the feeling of estrangement between them. The mother was a devout Catholic who wanted him to be baptized, but he wasn't interested. His marriage ended in divorce, and he was the care giver of the parents who were in their eighties. He drank too much, had bad eating habits, diabetes, liver problems and now the cancer.

The doctor finishes the article by telling us that the cancer spread, and before he died, he did receive baptism, and all his many friends from the different parts of the  country came to be with him during the last days. The relationship between the father and son changed for the better. The doctor concludes he wasn't any help in returning the body to health but he was a help in bringing his friend to a new spiritual life, a new beginning. And finishes telling us it is difficult having a friend as a patient.