Influence of Culture On Us

The influence culture has on us is difficult to gauge. We are born into a culture and from the earliest years, it begins to form us. What we say or fail to say, what we do and don't do, what we consider polite behavior, can often be  predicted.  A vice principal of an elementary  school is an example in the Peace Weekly article  of how he was programed to act in one way but chose to act differently. The mission he gave himself was to be  concerned with those he was meeting daily.

With a simple word, we can energize or hurt another. The article begins with the words from a talk on Valentine Day of this year where Pope Francis talking to the young people said a healthy family requires the use of three phrases: "Thank you, I'm sorry, May I?" The  vice principal began using these  words in the position that he occupied at the school.

He mentions where he reprimanded a teacher for what he had done. This continued to bother him. The teacher from that time avoided the vice principal. In Korea, the senior and junior relationship is extremely strong and for an older person, and one with a higher position to apologize to a younger person, and of lower rank is difficult. He went to the class room  of the teacher and apologized for the hurt given by his words.

The teacher didn't know what to say hearing these words from the vice-principal. For the vice-principal to say he was sorry was awkward, to say he was sorry to a younger teacher was  embarrassing, but  as soon as the words left his mouth, he felt great relief. The teacher also was happy to have the relationship restored and told him of his relief.

The next day at home he told the family that he loved them. He was determined to use words that he had never used in the past. The wife with a smile on her face told him to refrain from using insincere words. She did admit: "We show that we love each other, by the way, we treat each other, but by expressing our love in words does help the respect and the care we have for each other."

That afternoon he ordered five pizzas for the teachers' room. They were puzzled  on what prompted the change in the vice-principal's behavior. He just wanted to show his appreciation for all they were doing, and they gave him a round of applause and were happy to see the change.

"Expressing with words what I had inside allows me to know myself. My family and those I work with daily are precious, showing thanks gives me great peace" these words of the vice-principal expressed his change of attitude.

We live according to the words we use, and they become our actions and way of life. In Sirach 18: 15-16 we read: "Like dew that abates a burning wind, so does a word improve a gift. Sometimes the word means more than the gift..." The article ends with the journalist lamenting the coldness and stiffness  of our society and a desire to see the more frequent use of kind words with  those we interact with daily.

Communication

Articles by a professor of ethics continue to appear in the diocesan bulletin on  communication. In the past, he outlined the conditions for communication, this week he considered the structures for communication. To be at the same eye level as the  persons with whom you want to  communicate is the expression he uses, for him  basic to the structure of communication is reciprocity. If one is strong and the other weak, of higher or lower  rank, and this is not overcome, we do not have the reciprocity but the danger of tyranny.

He uses the example of anthropologists who when they visit the natives of an area behave differently than travelers. They relate very naturally, freely and deeply with the natives. They work to be on the same level as the natives which  enables the natives to open up to the anthropologists. They look at the environment with the eyes of the natives. When those who come see themselves as civilized and feel superior, look at the natives with pity, the natives will not be open. This being at the level of the other is difficult.

What is the meaning of being at the same eye level? Matching the eye level of the other means to be  equal with the other. I have to have the same respect for him as I have for myself. He is not me, and I am not him; we are different, and we respect this difference and see it as important, all a part of the equality of the parties. The ability to do this is the sign of our maturity. The maturity of this relationship will also determine the quality of the discussion.

Parents and teachers to communicate with the children and young people will have to acquaint themselves with the need to match the eye level of those with whom they are relating. Just looking at it physically, the children are going to be intimidated. The children are not able  to be at the eye level of the adults, so from reason the adults have to lower themselves to the level of the child. If the communication doesn't develop, the professor says, it is because of the inability to lower themselves to the level of the child. Parents and teachers when the problems are not solved often fail to realize it is their inability to understand the child that is the problem.

Vertical, hierarchical order of our society, authoritarianism, makes the matching of eye levels very difficult. This equality is seen best in the relationship between friends. But even here we have the equality of similarity, and inadvertently both   vying with each other, which can make the  relationship tiring. Our society has difficulty helping us to react with each other at eye level.

The description of what it means to have the structures in place to communicate are clear, but because of our character weaknesses, the obstacles seem insurmountable. Acknowledgement of the facts would go a long way in improving the position we  find ourselves in when trying to communicate.

True Values in Life

Even the parishioners of the  small mission station here in Gyodong were given a petition to sign asking for legislation to determine the cause of the Sewol Ferry sinking on April 16th. Since the disaster a  hundred days have passed and the search for truth is still continuing.The tragedy and the conscientizing that is  taking place should bring changes to the country.

Family members of the victims are on a  hunger strike demanding an early adoption of a  law to find the cause of the incident that left more than 300 people dead or missing.

Both Catholic papers had editorials on the problems in finding  the truth. Flowery words are used to describe the anguish of the families and the sorrow that accompanies the tragedy, but little has been done to discover the truth. The tragedy was man-made, could have been prevented, and we have not come any closer to discovering who was at fault and why, after three months.

Ten of those missing have not been found and there is a fear that we will forget the implications of what happened. The impact on the public can be compared to the 9/11 tragedy in the States. More so than the States the sinking of the Sewol Ferry opened up avenues of thought  that were not  easily accessible to the public.

The sinking of the ferry brought to the mind, said one of the participants in a public discussion on the tragedy, the many problems we have in our society:  the emphasis on economic progress without qualification; the value we give to life and human rights, took second place to profits; widespread corruption; lack of interest for  safety; dereliction of duty; weakness of crisis management on the part of government;  incompetence; and the weakness of the mass media in reporting. Many other areas have been given light by the tragedy.

Another participant representing those who lost someone in the tragedy said we should not forget the kind of  society that permitted this disaster to happen. Because of political  party squabbles on how to proceed each party is jockeying for positions and not proceeding in efforts to find the truth. There are also those that are telling the families to put an end to their efforts to find the truth. It is not difficult to image the hurt that this is causing the families. All they want to know is the truth to prevent this kind of tragedy in the future.

At the conclusion of an article on the issues involved a university professor mentioned people trying to fix something after the problem has occurred, they are trying to close the stable door after the horse has bolted. Closing the door with laws, systems, and procedures will not take care of the problem, says the professor, what is necessary is coming to a new understanding of what is important in life.

'Time is Greater than Space'

With  the coming of Pope Francis to Korea, both within and outside the Church, various voices are heard expressing themselves. Some waiting for the pope's words of encouragement  and  consolation, others showing concern for the pope's health during the hot humid days of August. Voices of citizens who do not want to see government funds used on ceremonies  and want all to be kept small, in harmony with the pope's personality and values. There are also wishes  for the pope not to visit the largest home for the handicapped in Korea at the Flower Village, but rather to visit with  those who are demonstrating  against the acts of the  government in not  respecting the rights of the citizens, and the  unjust firing of workers in big business.

The peace columnist of the Peace Weekly feels it is  healthy to have these divergent views on the visit. Only one voice expressed during this time would not be a sign of a healthy society. There is one wish he would have; to lower some of  the walls and get rid of prejudices.

The pope wants us to think much about what we say and what we need not to say. We need to think deeply about what we say and write, and have a heart at peace.

We have invited the pope  to come to Korea, but at the same time he is inviting us to get closer to Jesus. We need to listen carefully to what he will say to us during the visit. More than being concerned with whom he meets and where he goes is what he has to say. We need to lower are walls and listen with equanimity.

The columnist introduces the story of Martha and Mary (Luke 10:38-42) where our Lord said the listening was the better part. Francis is coming to Korea as a messenger of the Gospel: to give witness to Jesus  and spread his message. There needs to be a harmony between the two sisters, but Jesus did say  Mary had selected the better part, and  it was  not going to be taken away.  The pope  wants us all to have a closer relationship with Jesus.

In Joy of the Gospel: "Here we see a first principle for progress in building a people: time is greater than space" (Joy of the Gospel # 222).  Where the pope goes is not as important as what he says. In #226:  "Conflict cannot be ignored or concealed. It has to be faced. But if we remain trapped in conflict, we lose our perspective; our horizons shrink and reality itself begins to fall apart. In the midst of conflict, we lose our sense of the profound unity of reality. "

The different opinions expressed on the visit are a sign of life, but also we need a desire for unity and to work towards its actuality.

Bullying in Society

Even in kindergartens we have conflicts among the children giving rise to violence and bullying. A religious sister, after reading an article in the daily paper brings the subject to our attention in the opinion page of the Catholic Times. She asks the readers how are we to deal with the increase of this type of violence?

A soldier recently because of bullying in his army camp responded with a shooting rage. Those of us  who have  experienced bullying, know how dispiriting and what it does to our self-respect. We, growing up, have seen this bullying and alienating of our friends. In those cases how did we behave? Although we did not join the bullying were we indifferent towards what was happening, feel no guilt from being a passive spectator? Were we like those who passed the one on the side of the road in Jesus' parable?

She feels the competitive society that is being formed with the rich becoming richer and the poor becoming poorer is not irrelevant to the question of alienation we are seeing. The emphasis that we put on education is going to put those who are not attracted to mental attainments at a great disadvantage. In an environment that extols mental achievements,  teachers will consider a student not able to keep up with the other students as a problem, a reason classmates often bully students. Many children who are annoying the slower students do not feel they are doing anything wrong.

She recommends that we try to put ourselves in the place of those who are being alienated in our society. We have not been good in doing this within our educational system; she laments. We are able to do this when we take time to reflect on our way of living. How much time to we give to this kind of self-introspection? We are too busy to take time out of schedules to reflect on the way we live.

Happiness blossoms with our relations. When we are separated from the relational net to which we belong we are separating ourselves from happiness. Isn't this the reason that Jesus wanted to include the enemies in this relational net? They also have  a need to be happy as a part of God's creation.

Even though there is no bullying involved many are lonely and feel alienated from others. The need for intimacy in our relational network has been loosening, and many have been excluded from the network. Happiness is not something that we grasp but is a gift we receive when those around us are happy. We have to look around us and see those who are stooped over with sadness and give them hope. The words we use and the efforts we make to listen to them may be the means of opening their hearts. This is one step in adding to our own happiness. Isn't this the way we can do something to remedy the abuse and alienation that are wide spread in our society and bring happiness to the lives of many?

Family Life and Society

In the diocesan bulletin, a religious priest writes about a young woman  who came to see him for a consultation. She was very active in the youth work of the parish. The priest whenever invited to give a talk to the  young people at a Mass would always encourage,  give them hope. After one of his talks, a girl had the courage to come to see him after Mass.

Briefly, what she said was that from a very early age, she always trusted people. She trusted her parents, her relations and those around her. She believed everybody was like her parents from an early age.

However, from the time in school, she'd  received many scars and bitter disappointments  from her fellow students and her teachers: not only, in middle and high school but also in college and after in the workplace. This continued even in her voluntary work within the parish setting. She hated many and  felt guilty. Whenever she went to confession, she was always confessing the same sins.

Recently, she said this all came to an end. Now when she trusts others, and they disappoint her and  say things that hurt she no longer harbors any ill feelings towards them. She is very much at peace, and light hearted.  She found this to be very strange and came to the priest to talk about her new feelings.

The priest told her that there are many young people who have grown up with trust and  confidence because of their parents' personalities and education received in the home, but not all have been so fortunate. That is a reason we have to treat others with love and understanding.

There is a tendency, he says, to forget the environment that many have to contend with growing up. Many grew up in dysfunctional families; their experience in the homes appears in the society in which they enter: distrust, immorality, competition, envy, jealously, egotism, materialism.

If religions and those with folk beliefs implemented the family values and took them seriously we would have understanding, love, sharing, respect for creation, other humans, animals and the environment.We would be moved by  loving compassion, the world would be different. The problems we have in the families will appear in our society, and influence society negatively.

Pope Francis had this to say about family life: "It is necessary to reaffirm the conviction that every family is the principal setting for the growth of each individual, since it is through the family that human beings become open to life and the natural need for relationships with others. Over and over again we see that family bonds are essential for the stability of relationships in society, for the work of education and for integral human development, for they are inspired by love, responsible inter-generational solidarity and mutual trust. These are factors, which can make even the most adverse situations more bearable, and bring a spirit of true fraternity to our world, enabling it to feel as a single family, where the greatest attention is paid to those most in need" (6/20/13).