A scholar on the culture of life writes in the Kyunghyang magazine
about a three day study and training program he conducted for 21 unmarried young
people in their twenties. Before the program he prepared a
questionnaire, and begins the article with some of the
results.
Have you had an sexual experience with
another? 11 said yes, 6 had a one night stand experience. Sexual
relations are unrelated to marriage, 8 said yes. How long after relating
with a person is sexual contact proper? after marriage 3, after a year
3, after 6 months 1, after 100 days 3, one month 2, after a
week 1, within one week having sexual contact, time is irrelevant 7.
The
writer well versed in what is going on within our culture in matters of
sex was greatly shocked at the results.They were active members of
the community: teachers, choir members and altar servers, and yet 29 percent had a one- night stand. This was hard to
believe. And asks do you think this is unique only to this parish?
The
young people who are immersed in this culture pick up their
understanding of sexuality from the culture: sex is for pleasure.
Religious beliefs and their parish activity have little influence on
their actions. Before they are able to consider and make a judgement on
good or evil, they have been exposed to TV, smart phones, and the
internet. For many sex is something to enjoy and all that is necessary
is the condom and contraceptive pills. But is it really that simple?
He
goes into detail on some of the feelings of guilt that a Catholic would
have and also the concern about the possibility of pregnancy on the
part of the girl.Condoms are not 100 percent protection and this causes a
great deal of worry on the part of the girl. A contraceptive mind
will not be helpful in being recollected and having concern for the spiritual. Unless the young people can discern what the culture has done
to justify the way they look on evil, the money that is spent in the pastoral care of the young will have little results.
He concludes the article with the observation that a vocation needs to be nurtured. A
priest needs at least 7 years of nurturing. A religious needs about 10
years before final vows. Marriage is also a vocation and what kind of
preparation do we give those who will be marrying? In Korea those preparing for marriage are required to receive 3 or 4 hours of
education. He feels this is a dereliction of duty on the part of the
Church.The first step in the pastoral care for the family should
begin with the preparation of our young people for marriage and have
this systematized within diocesan and parish programs.
"I don't know yet who I will marry. But I don't want to betray the person that I will
someday marry." A person who would say such words would be considered a
fool, and be shunned in the world in which we live. Therefore we need
to begin to educate so we will have many more with the courage to speak
out this way. This is the effort that the Church has to make.
A celebrity in Korea was asked how come he was so glib with his
words. His secret was to read books and the newspapers. His family was
poor so he never considered college; his eloquence, he says, comes from
reading. These are the words that the columnist, a religious sister,
uses to begin her column on the making of hidden spectators on SNS.
The
power of words comes from a person's character. Word and life have to
meet. When one speaks too much one doesn't have control over all the
words spoken. When she lectures for a few hours, at
the end she often feels empty. She says things that she herself is not able to
practice and is filled with shame. She says a lot of good things but at
the same time there are a lot of meaningless words that she utters.
Isn't this the reason the pope said:"Those who don't abuse with the tongue are saints."
SNS
at present overflows with complaints and abuse. According to
neurologists, she says, online is becoming overcome with negativity.
The internet more than in real life is rampant with lies and fraud. One
scholar went so far as to say that the more one is online we have an increase
of negativity, and the possibility of encountering harmful relationships. The ability to
control oneself will diminish, loneliness, depression, and stress will appear because of
the inability to control oneself.
How much of
what we hear on line do we pass on to others? Ordinarily do we pass on
the scandals we hear about celebrities and politicians? When we
are face to face with others we do not find it easy to just blurt out,
without thought, what we think, but why is it on SNS we have the ease of
saying whatever comes to mind?
We are spectators that's
why, she answers. A spectator knows what is going on in the world and
enjoys talking about it. A spectator is mostly concerned about
oneself. Sees from afar, whether it is the other, an incident or
oneself there is no responsibility for what is seen. Only the emotion
and thought is what is real: attached to one's feelings and
unconcerned about the feelings of another. The words of a spectator are
light and flippant. One is not involved directly, just a sightseer and
stays hidden in his or her place: not one to go on the stage for all
to see.
With this in mind we can see how SNS helps one
to hide in the group as a spectator. This is different from one who
reads, who becomes a participant: meeting of the author and the
reader.The participator is conscious of feelings and takes responsibility for them, more than feelings, however, we have likes and
dislikes expressed. Experience and knowledge is chewed over, purified discerned, chosen and
put in order.The participator has to be responsible to himself quite different from the spectator.
Family is the basic community where an individual is given the
necessary nutriments to grow up healthy. An article in the Kyunghyang
magazine gives us the problems that children face with a break up of the
family. We usually think of family as parents and children, but today
the makeup has many different configurations. In elementary school the
children are introduced to a variety of families: grandparents and
grandchild, persons living alone, one parent families, refugee
families from the North, multicultural families, families where one of
the children is head of the household and many others. Consequently, we
have a need to understand and have concern for this variety. Discord
between families and within families affects the children.
The
family begins with marriage. For a Catholic the marriage bond is an
indissoluble bond between father and mother encompassing the birth and
education of the children. Despite this reality we have couples not
able to overcome the difficulties they face and divorce. Besides the
trauma of divorce experienced by the couple, the coldness of the
society in which they live, and the harm done to the children all add
to the misfortune. Children have problems making known the divorce of
the parents. "Better would be the death of the spouse. With death you
hear words of consolation with a divorce the thoughts are about
maladjustment and personal faults."
Divorce scars the
children. In 2012 there were 114,300 divorces and of that number 60,300
had young children. These children are prone to anxiety, despondency,
guilt, shame, and similar emotional difficulties. This appears in their
adjustment to school life.The writer of the article would like to see
more interest in working with the children of these broken families to
give them resiliency to face the future. She would like to see more
study in these areas to help the children overcome the trauma of
divorce.
In her article she quotes an elementary school
teacher who experienced divorce of his parents as a young child, and
even now when he talks about the divorce of his parents tears come to
his eyes. He notices that many of the problem children in his classes
are the children of the divorced or with family problems. The children,
however do not want to talk about it, not even with their closest
friends. He wants the teachers to be conscious of this sensitivity of
the children of divorced parents, and would like to see programs for the
teachers. She also hopes the Synod next year will be conscious of the problems of the children of the divorced.
There are many programs for the divorced in our
society but no programs that are easily available for the children of the divorced. She would like to see these programs in the
educational process and in our churches.Many children of the divorced are depressed and full of anger which needs our concern. Divorced parents should make clear to the children that the divorce is not their fault, and help them to have confidence in themselves. She
concludes her article with the thought that there are many children
who are not living with their parents, and we need to be conscious of
this and be ready to help.
Homosexuality is not a topic you see discussed in the Korean press with any depth but with the recent Synod on the family, the Peace Weekly brings the topic to the attention of the readers. The columnist mentions the film Philadelphia, a bombshell in Hollywood in 1993 when it was released. A story of a homosexual who suffered brutal prejudice and contempt worse than death filled the screen: human dignity was trammeled. The film made a big impression on the columnist.
Twenty years have passed, and each nation will have different circumstances, but he doesn't think much has changed. Those with this orientation have a difficult time within society. The Church has acknowledged this difficulty in the Catechism of the Church. "They do not choose their homosexual condition; for most of them it is a trial. They must be accepted with respect, compassion, and sensitivity. Every sign of unjust discrimination in their regard should be avoided (#2358).
However, the Church's voice on the ordeal of the homosexual person and raising the volume on what it has to say is difficult. The way society has accepted homosexual love and marriage has put a big burden on the Church and the reason the Church will be seen as passive in speaking about homosexuality. The columnist feels there is still some distance to go to overcome the animosity of society and the negative feelings of the homosexuals towards the Church.
He mentions the first preliminary position paper that showed compassion and understanding for the homosexual, but in the final paper some of the inviting language was changed which was not received well by the homosexual community. In the final paper the 2/3 majority was not achieved for the paragraph on homosexuality but the majority did accept what was written.
Some years ago there was a drama that showed the difficulties of the homosexual in Korean society. The son came out as a homosexual to his parents and the mother said to her husband crying: "she wanted to die. We don't want our child to be out in the middle of winter with a cold wind blowing without clothes, let us be a warm stove to him.... " It is clear our mother the Church needs to have this kind of mercy.
Homosexuality is contrary to natural law, a teaching of the Catholic Church and this we don't want to weaken. However, those who are suffering, the Church has to embrace and help heal their wounds, this is the self evident mission of the Church.
This is not only an issue with homosexuality. The Church's mission is to be pastoral and the Holy Spirit will show us the way to go. Pope Francis said the Church is like a field hospital and the columnist would like to see this mercy expressed to all who are in need of mercy.
Living to be 100 is no longer strange to our hearing. The Desk
Columnist of The Catholic Times gives us her reflections on this new
reality. She uses the statistics she received from an on line
community. In 1970 the average age for Korean men was 58.6 and women was
65.5. The statistics in 2010 showed men living to an average age of
77.6 and women were 84.4. Within a period of 40 years there was an
increase of 40 years.
A recent survey made in a Korea:
men wanted to live to 83 years of age and women to 82. 26.6 percent wanted
to live from 80-84 years of age, and 8.8 percent wanted to live over 100.She mentions studies of longevity of humans going
up to hundreds of years.
With this increase of the
years of life there has also been, she says, the increased interest in
death. In the beginning of this century like a gale, we heard a lot
about eating well and living well--"Well-Being" but this has gradually
and quietly changed into "Well Dying". At one time what was difficult
to talk about, one of the taboos, has given way today to a popular
topic of discussion: interest in advancing the quality of life and
preparation for death.
The English Economist
Magazine shows that Korea was listed as 32nd out of 40 countries
in their care for the dying. The atmosphere of our society, she says,
would give credence to these results. Within the Church you have those
who have studied the situation and would like to see a change from "
lets eat well, live well and die" to understanding the death is a
part of life and life is a preparation for "Well-dying".
There
is need for education for this preparation. In the West she says
because of the Christian culture there is a natural relationship between
life and death which we do not have in Korea because of the change in
the Confucian culture. Death is not seen as the natural outcome of
life. She mentions the negative feelings many Koreans have with
cemeteries and charnel houses which influences our society. Even within
the Church it is not easy to find programs that help us to have a
correct understanding about death.
One of our
theologians mentions that we do not repeat death, it's once in a life
time occurrence. When life has meaning than death will have meaning.
When we have a fear of death and fight against it we fight against life
and have not accepted its meaning. Living our life fully enables us to
accept death with hope.
The hermits of the middle
ages with their life of fasting, silence, work they often used the words:
Memento Mori. "Remember Death", "Remember those who have died." We
remember death we remember the briefness of life. We will not be lazy,
and remember what awaits us after death. "We are going into eternal
life. How blessed is death and how noble is this life here on earth
that has prepared us for death." She concludes her article with these words of
Karl Rahner.
Today is the Feast of All Souls; the month to pray for
the dead, to meditate on death and to make the most of the gift of life we
have received.
Silence the book by the Japanese novelist Shusaku Endo is well known: a story of the Christian persecution in Japan in the 17th century. Briefly: the Jesuits in the homeland heard of the apostasy of one their priests who was greatly respected. Members of the community who were his disciples volunteered to go to Japan and find out what happened. A very dangerous mission.
The Kyunghyang magazine has an article written by, a homemaker and catechist in her
parish. She takes her eyes off the main character of the book, Fr. Rodrigues who went
to Japan to find out what happened to his mentor, and she concentrates
on a minor, insignificant Kichijiro, the Japanese Christian fisherman
whom they picked as their guide to smuggle them into Japan. The writer
found it easy to identify with this character and she tries to enter
his mind and make it known to her readers. She has him speak for her.
I
accepted the mission but I was afraid. If the villagers find out,
wont they consider me a traitor and beat and kill me? I notified
the Christians of the arrival of the priests. Eight years before my brother and older sister refused to step on the sacred icon and were
tortured and burned to death. I was so afraid I stepped on the icon and
left the village. If I didn't apostatize they would have killed me. It
is because I was not killed that now I am guiding the priests is it
not? The attitudes of the villager has changed and I hope they will forget that I apostatized.
The
police came to the village and began to search for the priests. The
villagers who were happy to see the priests, over night changed, and
pointed me out to the police. I am afraid. I don't want to die. Is my
desire to live such a big sin? I wanted to live and stepped on the icon.
I stepped on the icon with my feet but I did not abandon God with my
heart. Isn't this permissible?
I became the guide for
the police. In order to live there was no other way. I knew where the
priests were: they threatened to kill me if I didn't find them. I
didn't want to die. I told the police where to find them. As soon as I
did I was sorry for what I had done, but it was too late.
Tomorrow
the priest may be killed. I went to the prison that night to see him.
Before it is too late I have to ask for forgiveness. I am not afraid of
the prison guards, I asked the priest to forgive me, forgive me for my
weakness. The priest said there are no weak and strong, and forgave me.
After hearing his words of forgiveness I began to cry.
The
writer tells her readers she was attracted to this weak,
cowardly and sinful Kichijiro, because she was like him. She like Kichijiro is a coward,
lazy, weak of heart, she has difficulty moving from thoughts to
actions. She is easily hurt and fears failure. If it came to choice of
saving her life or offending God she feels she would be one of the
first to betray God.
Like Kichijiro she finds it easy to
rationalize. Let alone giving up everything to follow our Lord, she finds
reason not to give up anything. Love of my neighbor as I love myself, she finds going out to her neighbor with her fingers as great love. Like
Kichijiro she meets many obstacles in her way,she complains, and
when she falls blames others.
However, like Kichijiro
she knows that God exists, God is always waiting for her, and when I
return to him he will always receive me. I know that God is merciful and
loves me.
She sees many people worthy of death on this earth.
She doesn't want to examine why God doesn't act in these cases and remains
silent. God is not suffering these persons, and not seeing
how wicked they can be, but is waiting for the time they will understand what they are doing and receive his forgiveness. She
is one of those persons that needs forgiveness.
We all know that life is not fair. Some find it easy to accept karma and reincarnation to solve the problems; a Christian accepts the reality.We call them crosses, often given to us by others, coming from our culture, our own actions, and reasons unknown to us, but what we do know is that we mature and grow by freeing ourselves from those we can, and overcome or live with those we can't.
An article written by Esther a young woman in the Kyeongyang magazine is entitled: 'You were born to be loved.' She begins telling her readers they will no doubt find what she says strange, but from a very early age she wondered why she was born. She was different from other children. Her father and mother did not live together and she was raised by her grandmother. At that time she thought she was the only one being raised by her grandmother, but later looking back, she realized that this was not uncommon in our society.
As a child she thought it was her fault that her parents separated, and never found other partners.
It would have been better if she had never been born. When people tell her parents to find someone to marry she would get upset and also when her grandmother would complain about her situation and more so when she bad-mouthed her mother.
As she aged this feeling remained with her. Grandmother was always sick, grandfather was an alcoholic and before he died suffered from dementia. As a child there was nothing that she could do. She was a burden on the family. If she was not there, they would not be in such dire straits. Her grades were good but nothing extraordinary. She had no confidence.
At school she was always late in paying for the school meals. Her dark skin made her the object of bullying. She felt that she was not worthy of love. She was afraid of the new. She wanted to be loved but when love was shown she was afraid that it would disappear, and avoided people. The thinking became unconscious, and deep down inside of her the feeling still remains.
This year from the beginning of February she has been teaching catechism to the first and second grade students. She lacks the knowledge that she should have of the Scriptures but when her students call her 'Teacher' and smile at her she is full of thanks and sees all with a great deal of love.
How did God make all these beautiful children? How precious these children are and how happy God must be to see them enjoying life. How can any one not like these little children? If there are such persons they are not part of God's kingdom. God must have had great love for her when she was small. That love must now also be with her. Still, she says the negative feelings are there, and wonders whether they will ever disappear.
She knows that God must love her much more than she loves her students. When these thoughts come to mind it is easy to pray. She is very thankful to these young children who have helped her to have these thoughts about God's love for her. It enables her to spend more effort and time in being a good teacher, and she ends with a heartfelt thanks to God for all that she has learned.
