Death is a part of life and we often want to close our eyes to the
eventuality. You have those who welcome death, those who fight against
it, and those who are resigned. A film maker Lee Chang-jae, a university
professor of film, has made the documentary Hospice 2014, taken at a hospice managed by religious sisters. He wanted to film the life
of those who would face death, within a short period of time.
Although not a Catholic he selected the Mohyon Hospice because of the atmosphere.
The
Catholic Times has an interview with the film maker which gives us a
good idea of what he learned from his experience. The first hurdle was
to get permission to make the movie. The filming took 10 months; to
ask permission to take pictures in such an environment required a great
deal of maneuvering and sensitivity. He was able, after much talk, to convince the patients that it
would be guidance for those who would come after them, a great gift, and
they gave their permission.
Filming of the hour of
death was difficult; it is a time for mourning and he was with his
camera. With the editing he says he was present at the death bed of at
least 500 persons. Without his drinking, he said, it would not have been possible. He saw the film in the cutting room; doesn't have the
courage to see it in a movie house.
He decided to make
the film while on a 34 day pilgrimage to the Cathedral of Santiago de
Compostela in Spain. At that time in his life he was having some
personal problems that he needed to resolve. He did not give the
trip a lot of thought and packed his bag and was off. During the trip
he was systematically getting rid of his belongings. To lighten his
bag he was even throwing out his soaps and tooth paste. When he
returned home he found that there were items that he hadn't even used
once. In the journey of life he wonders how much do we possess that is
not necessary, and makes the journey more difficult.
If we
had the opportunity to experience death it would change our priorities,
our intentions would change, and we would rid ourselves of many of our attachments. He
learned a great deal from the leave taking of many. Rather choosing to be with the medical equipment is it not better to accept the values of life, and spend the
time with the family in preparation for separation?
He ended the interview with the questions asked by the doctors to the patients: Do you want me to put
you to sleep so that you will not feel any pain? Do you rather prefer
to feel a little pain and only half of you will be asleep? Or feel
pain but be wide awake so that you will be conscious of what is around you? What will you select? The response, he says, will tell us gently
our attitude towards life.
There are many things with which we are unaware, once we hear and see the
situation we are moved with tenderness, and the closer we approach we
realize the seriousness of the issue. The handicapped problem is one of
these, with many of the handicapped we are not dealing with a grave problem,
however, the developmentally handicapped is of another
kind. The Peace Weekly, with these words, begins the editorial on
developmental disabilities in Korean society.
Parents
want to live to take care of their child; putting it
another way they hope that the child dies the day before they do. It is
not difficult to understand the heart breaking grief of these parents. To
be responsible for these children for a few days is difficult, to be with
them every moment of the day for life is even hard to imagine.
According to statistics we have 200,000 with developmental
disabilities; the numbers of those caring for them are many.
Interest
of the government in the problems of the developmentally disabled seems
to be improving. It will still take some time before we see it
operational within society. Church outreach to the developmentally
disabled is not extensive. Of the 230 parishes in Seoul there are only 11 with programs for the disabled. This is the reality at present for the church which should be sensitive to this problem.
Whenever
these questions about the alienated and suffering in society appear
the government and the church should have concern and support. The
conventional response is often one as spectator. If we understood the
stress and difficulties of these families we would not
respond in this way. We often have a prejudice shown to them and a lack of understanding.
"
Do you know how much happiness the existence of my child gives to
those around. 'It is difficult, very difficult' they say, and in their
heart they give thanks. The disability of our child shows others the
importance of family and the meaning of life. I tell my child: you have a
big job to help in the work of God's salvation." These words of a mother of a child with disabilities gives us something to think about.
One parish in Seoul starting in March, will have a Mass on each Sunday afternoon for the developmentally disabled and their families.
There have been Masses for the mentally impaired on occasions but this is
the first time there will be a regular Sunday Mass for the
developmentally disabled. After the
Mass will be time for play. A program for healing will be prepared for the
mothers. All in the diocese will be welcomed.
Today begins the week of prayer for Christian Unity that will end on
Jan. 25, the Feast of the Conversion of St. Paul. Christians remember
the words of Jesus in the Gospel of John 17:21: "that all be one as you, Father, are in me, and I in you; I pray that they may be [one] in us, that the world may believe that you sent me."
Nothing
can compare to the harm done to the mission to evangelize given to the
Church by Jesus than the divisions and disunity of those who believe in
Jesus. Here is one of the more serious reasons for Christians not to
attack each other, work to understand and respect each
other and work for unity.
Both Catholic papers gave
space to the Unity Octave and one article gave us questions and
answers by the priest director of the Bishops' Committee for Church Unity and Religious Dialogue. Listed below are a few of the questions and answers.
Why do we
need to work for unity? Isn't it necessary for a family to work for
harmony? One third of the Korean population is Christian. We are all in
the family of Jesus and need to treat each other as family and friends.
In living the Gospel we need to have the fellowship and brotherly love
among ourselves.
What are the works of the movement for
unity in Korea? Not only have we worked together in works for our
neighbors but in national calamities and in
movements for human rights. We have worked
together in the independence movement. We worked together in the democratization of the country in the 1970s; we have worked for the
eradication of capital punishment and many other movements to better
society. The translation of the Common Bible is probably the high point
of working together.
By dialoguing and with study what changes can we hope to achieve? We will understand each other better.
Catholics can refrain from saying that Protestants have left their home and are now without a mother, and Protestants can refrain from
calling the Catholic Church Mary's Church. Catholics often say we are
closer to the Buddhism than the Protestants. These and similar phrases
do not help in getting to know and understand each other. We can
hope for the day when Catholics and Protestants can discuss the Bible
and even their religious life together.
What are the
biggest problems in achieving unity? Christian history of Korea is
short and many have accepted their religious belief as something
private and not connected with others. Consequently the
difficulty in changing one's prejudiced opinion of another. Faith
life has to do mostly with our prayers and spiritual works but it is not expressed in our daily lives. This will take time says the priest, and a reason working with other Christians will be difficult.
However, this is also the reason we have to work together for unity.
Changing family life will change the world, so believes the priest in his article in the Kyeongyang magazine. He is speaking about a program for engaged couples. They begin on Friday evening and conclude on Sunday afternoon. One of the participants expressed it this way: "We have talked with each other a great deal, I thought, but never have we been so focused, or talked at such depth as we did, a good preparation for the future."
The priest has been involved with the program for the last 5 years. The program is supervised by Marriage Encounter couples and one priest. The numbers who want to make the program are many so one has to register at least two or three months in advance. You have priests who make the program a condition for their witnessing the marriage, you have those who give the engaged couple the registration for the program as a gift. In most of the programs about one third of the couples are not both Catholic, and you have one couple in each program without any religious affiliation.
Older married couples talk of their experience of married life, the difficulties they experienced and the way they solved them. These are the topics the engaged couples will discuss in their time together. Preparation for the one day of marriage with their presents, meals, invitations and the like, is not as important, they realize, as the groundwork for a long married life, and the problems they will face.
Couples preparing for marriage are celebrating their new life together but also are concerned about the future. They see many who shortly after marriage divorce because of incompatibility. Instead of sacrificing and understanding the other, each considers their own needs. Working to overcome the difficulties of married life together is more difficult for some, than to call it quits.
During the program with the interviews, and confessions the priest meets couples who are at peace, mature, and those who are uncomfortable, and young. You have women who cry, couples who decide to leave during the program; couples who fight severely during the program and those who postpone their marriage or decide to cancel their marriage.
A dynamic sign that the program is serving a good purpose and having good results. Surprisingly, to get priests and couples to partake as leaders in the weekend is not always easy, but those who take the program and after marriage want to be of help during the weekends are more than they need. He hopes to see the number of programs increased and the weekends spread to all of the dioceses in the country. We blogged this Weekend back in Dec. 14th of 2010, and was glad to see the growth in the numbers of those interested has increased.
Money accepted as God is contaminating every thing in our society. We hear often, in a mocking way, without money you can't go to Church. With money, no sin, without it you have sin. Many who have retired or were forced to retire are living with difficulties often because of money.
The first of these, says a priest writing for a pastoral bulletin, is losing the sense of belonging. All have this desire to belong. When a person retires there is the possibility of losing the feeling of security. No longer does one have a sense of belonging, feels lonely, and despondent. A person with a job can feel this loneliness, how much more a person who no longer has the work place.
Another problem for the retired is a lack of hobbies or interests. During their years in the work place one was too busy to have any other concerns besides work, and now retired, relating with others for some is not easy, and money can be a problem when they hear the word hobby. For many each day is filled with boredom and despondency.
Family is the third problem. During the years in the work place there was not the time for dialogue nor the concern for a warmer family atmosphere, all changed after retirement. At this time discord was easily perceived. Fathers noticed that there was more rapport with the mothers, which is no surprise since they spent more time with the children.
Many of the fathers mention after retirement the difficulties of life. The father has retired but the mother's work continues. Often these words are heard by the fathers from the children. The home should be a place of refuge but it is not, and many feel more lonely in the home. They want to be closer to the families and that is where the Church should become involved.
This situation is one in which the Church should take an interest and help with programs for the elderly. There are many families where walls have been built between the family members, and there is a need to find ways of giving comfort and helping the elderly couples to overcome their problems.
The modern families are not as closely knit as they were in the past, and although many parents are not giving all their savings to the children as once was done, the extended family is no longer a reality. The writer wants the parishes to become concerned for these elder members who don't feel a sense of belonging. Suicide is also a result of this restlessness. Programs for healing are required.
Joy of the Gospel begins with the meeting of Jesus. This is the
message of Pope Francis in his first exhortation. On the opinion page
of the Catholic Times the priest writer asks: Is there a foundation
for the hope that we should have for the new evangelization?
Yes,
he answers and gives us the writings of Fr. Gerald Foley to consider.
"When we are baptized we become in earnest a disciple of Jesus not in
the parish but in our families and in the work place. In our daily lives
we discover the holy not in a passive way but actively, and it is only
the layperson that can do it."
Christians in this fast
changing world are finding it difficult facing their problems:
lack of communication, conflict between husband and
wife, parents and children, lack of trust, scars, the need for
reconciliation etc. We also have problems with contraception, abortion,
sex education, divorce and remarriage, sex outside of marriage, living together without marriage, depression, suicides, which give rise to
bigger problems. In the past there was a dependence on morality and
belief with little concern for problems in families, and few programs to
address the new situations.
The priest feels there
has to be an emphasis on families in the pastoral work of the church;
integrating our daily lives with our faith life. When the parishioners
do not find support within the church they will start looking outside
for the nourishment they need. This he feels is part of the reason
for the increase of the tepid. Lack of joy in the life of Christians and
the formality and sense of duty in their religious lives is not a good
sign for the future.
We need a new way of doing
evangelization. The Church is too much parish centered. He wants the
family to be the center of pastoral work. This is also the thinking of
Pope John Paul II, and the writer feels an epoch change has to
take place in Korea. The joy of the Gospel has to be handed down to the
children from the parents. God's grace has to be experienced in the
marriage and in the family. Pastoral work should be centered on the
family.
This past year we had the Extraordinary General
Assembly of the Synod of Bishops on topics related to the family and
evangelization. This will be followed this year with an Ordinary
General Assembly of the Synod. The pope is hoping that the sessions
will be a way of bringing the mercy of Jesus to the families and wants us to dream of the possibilities. A dream of the whole church,
otherwise it will be a series of day dreams, but if all of us have the same dream
it will be the reality.
Catholic Digest has an article by a former education minister on the formula for happiness. What is the essence of education? His answer is to make the students happy. Parents desire the same happiness but for them success needs to come first. 'Sweetness comes after the bitter' is very much part of the parent's thinking: you study hard, go to a good college, get a good job, and succeed, and happiness will follow. On the contrary, in the study of psychology, economy and sociology, says the writer, it is clear that those who are happy are the ones who succeed.
He tells us about a trip to a monastery near the Black Sea that was built after the recognition of Catholicism by the Empire in the 4th century. The corruption in the Church was great, and a desire for a return to a renewal of the spiritual life. The monastery he visited was built on the side of a cliff and at its prime would have had over 200 monks; the location was close to Constantinople and had many monasteries.
These monks, he says, could have been searching for different values and goals. Some were looking for reasons for the universe and life, some wanted prayer, others found life in society difficult etc..... They had three meals a day, related with their brother monks, worked with them and experienced many different feelings, practiced the virtues and were tempted with many of the vices.
How did these monks experience happiness differently from those outside the monastery? He refers to a study made in a convent of sisters on happiness. The happiness level had nothing to do with the experience in the convent or the level of maturity but more to do with habit and training. In other words sisters who where optimistic, joyful and positive were happier than those who did not have these dispositions. Sister who as children was happy would continue to be disposed in this way until death.
In the monastery on the cliff, happy monks lived together with the unhappy ones. And the writer concludes that what you do in life, or happens to you will not determine the degree of happiness but happiness will rest on a person's natural capabilities, habits and personality.
He mentions a professor at Berkeley who says a person with a lot of money has more purchasing power but also has more wants which takes away from the quality of life, and the possession of happiness, with the danger of becoming a slave to money.
Professor Sonja Lyubomirsky who in her positive psychology studies says the same thing. Happiness brings success. We have to continually experience this happiness be trained and educated in this way of thinking. We should not be awaiting future happiness but happiness in the here and now. We need to educate for happiness and not success.
The opinion in the article works on the empirical scientific research that has been made but the ever present understanding of grace in a person's life, for a Christian, is something we can not evaluate with the tools of science.
