A couple came to see the pastor about the lack of communication between them. Married for over thirty years, and recently experienced an iron wall separating them. The priest writes about the encounter with the couple in the Pastoral Bulletin; wonders about the results of living in this way.
The couple expressed in detail their problem and was hoping for some words of wisdom from the pastor resolving their difficulty. The priest prayed that the couple in receiving Jesus in communion they would again find trust and the flame of love again.
Communication is at the heart of relationships. One good at communicating is looked upon kindly, and easily approached. They show concern for others and their own situation, and are looked upon favorably-- all enjoy their company.
We have the smart phone, the internet, and many other means of communicating but it has not improved but rather distanced ourselves from better and deeper communication, and we are called to be communicators.
God's desire in the Trinity is to be intimate, and open to communication. We are not responding to the invitation to be open to the other when we only remember the scars inflicted, and close our hearts to the other. We justify our actions by not wanting to be scarred again. Closing our hearts to others, we are isolating ourselves, making us lonelier. When we close ourselves off from our neighbor, the world and nature we imprison ourselves in a cave.
Communication is an essential part of our existence. Without communication we destroy our humanity, become overly nervous, and depressed. We don't communicate only to achieve some result but to be who we are. When we are with a close friend we speak without fear of being misunderstood. Opening ourselves to the other and being accepted we know we are worthy of love which renews us.
Our Lord is calling us to an intimacy of friendship. We are completely open to him giving him even our sins and failings and receiving mercy and forgiveness. We need to be open to communication, or we will not be living a truly human life. God the Father communicated with us by giving us his son; Jesus gave himself completely in communication as food-- Take and Eat.
Cardinal Paul Shan Kuo-hsi died on August 22, 2012 in Taipei Taiwan
at the age of 90 and left us an account of his experience recopied in the Pastoral Bulletin. His account of the trials and embarrassment he
endured is even difficult to copy. The article did skip some of the
most difficult aspects of his last days.
" In Taipei, I could not defecate for two days so the
doctor gave me some laxatives. They started to work around midnight. I
woke up the male nurse to help me get to the washroom. Before we got all
the way, my bowels emptied; the feces dropped out of me, fell to the
floor and the nurse stepped in them. He was not happy. While he washed
his slippers and the floor, he muttered words that I could not
understand. He then took off my soiled pajamas, sat me on the toilet
bowl naked and, while he washed the shit off my legs, scolded me like an
adult scolds a child."
“Just two or three steps from the toilet and you couldn’t hold on. It
gives me so much trouble. You have to tell me earlier next time,” was the bawling out he got from the male nurse.
"I felt like a one-year-old kid. Every sentence was like a sharp
knife, cutting away all the esteem, honor, titles, status, authority and
dignity of my past 90 years. After cleaning me up, he laid me on my bed
and quickly went back to sleep.
"I was
prescribed with a strong diuretic to expel the fluid in my lungs – but I
wasn’t told about it. The medication took effect during Mass. By the
time I got to the readings, I had to go to the toilet. On the way, I wet
myself so badly my urine left a trail on the floor. Since my ordination 57 years ago, that had never happened during
Mass. I lost my dignity. I felt I had no place to hide in front of the
nuns, doctors and nurses. This is how God started to cure my vanity.
These experiences made me realize two important spiritual facts--One: If you want to get close to Jesus, you must depend on God’s assistance to empty yourself. Two: When our loving God plays tricks on us, making us embarrassed,
chronic problems of our heart and mind can be healed; obstacles on our
spiritual path will be removed.
That embarrassment brought rejuvenation to a nonagenarian suffering
from terminal illness."
In just days, it took him back to the innocence
he had in his childhood and expelled unhelpful habits that had
accumulated for years.
“For God everything is possible.” (Matthew 19:26)
Korea, for many years has been a leader in sending missioners to
other countries, and most of them would be Protestants, but Catholic
numbers are beginning to grow. A Catholic Times article reports that
the Church began in earnest sending their members overseas in the
1980s: the Korean Foreign Mission Society sent three missioners to Papua New Guinea in 1981, Jeon Ju diocese sent priests to South
America, and religious orders sent men to missions.
Korean
Benedictines sent two men to the Philippines, the Korean Foreign
Mission society in 1990 sent three missioners to Taiwan-- not only
religious and priests but also laypeople. The
Columban Missionary Society sent a team of laypeople to the
Philippines in 1990. The Columban Mission Society, each year in their
missionary formation programs, educate and send missioners to
different parts of the world.
In Asia there are many
Koreans who are working in difficult situations. According to the figures
from the Vatican in 2009 there were 316 Koreans in 20 different
countries, and in 2014 there were 385 missioners
in 21 countries: 225 in 17 countries of the Americas, and 79 in 20 countries
of Africa. In Asia the largest number of Asians
working on the Catholic mission field would be from Korea.
The
Asian missioners have learned a great deal from the missioners of the
West and in their 40 years on the mission have learned by trial and
error, and the mistakes made by the missioners in history.
Missioners
usually go to the poor and marginalized peoples of the world. They
work with the handicapped, women, children, young people in education
programs. In these impoverished areas devastated by natural disasters,
war and tribal disputes, they bring medical help, welfare, and aid to better their lives with a new value system and hope for the future.
A
Columban Sister has been in Myanmar for 11 years. She is helping them to
discover God and giving them a way of life that comes from the
teachings of Jesus. They are seeing results from their labors. They have
seen those moved by the missioners and have decided to
become priests.
Missioners need a good education to
overcome the many difficulties they find in the mission
field. It is the same continent but many
cultures, religions, and languages. One priest wants the missioners to ask themselves how much do they know about Asia. There is a
need to know the culture, the histories and to begin dialogue between the
religions and work to incluturate.
Mission in the future may be working
with the atheists and unbelievers whose numbers continue to increase and believers decrease. Life has meaning-- may be the clarion call of the missioner to those who trusted in themselves and what they could see and touch, and found that it sapped their energies and
left them without hope. Missioners will have the need to evangelize themselves to bring hope to the many who have lost a reason for living, less in Asia, but numbers continue to increase.
Marriages in Korea do no better than any other part of the
world. Last year Korea was listed as number 8th in the list of
countries with the most divorces. The efforts of the Church to stem
the tide is ongoing with movements, literature, and efforts to
educate parishioners. One of the diocesan bulletins is running a
series of articles on understanding the problems in marriages, and offering solutions.
There are many commonly held ideas about
marriage while common are not helpful. An aspect that is basic to all
of them is trying to change the other. When we achieve this, problems
will disappear but they don't. We look for the answers outside of
ourselves.
What is important is to change ourselves.
These wrong notions that we have about marriage make finding the
solutions more difficult.The wrong headed ideas:
1) Both have to change.
2) Working hard to change the partner.
3) My partner is every thing.
4) My partner has to satisfy all my wants.
5) Marriage does not require a great deal of work.
6) Efforts continue with no change.
7) Love is in the feelings.
8) Ideal love is outside marriage.
9) My parent's marriage went smoothly so will my marriage.
10) Great change is required for a good marriage.
The
relationship of husband and wife is the most important relationship in
the family. When this is healthy the other relationships grow. Children
learn from this relationship: the values that make for a happy life and
the way they will see the world. After children are born often the
concern is for the children. The couple's relationship becomes less
important, and ignored, will surface again after the children leave. The
estrangement will appear in their awkward relationship: silence and
avoidance will just make the bond more difficult. This relationship will leave scars on the children that will last a lifetime. This reality is well know by most parents,
and a prod to nurture the love they have promised
each other. A precious gift to the children.
April 16th is the first anniversary of the sinking of the Sewol;
both Catholic papers continue to write about the tragedy and the
problems that are appearing as they begin the investigation of
the tragedy.
When the bishops of Korea were on
their ad limina visit to the Vatican, Pope Francis asked them how were
the problems associated with the sinking of the ferry working out. One
of the columnist mentions that he doesn't know how the bishops
answered, but they were no doubt confused.
Families
want the government to raise the ship, find the bodies of the missing,
and get to the truth of the sinking. A year has passed and Lee Suk-tae
who was nominated by the families wants to start the investigation but
obstacles are put in their way, preventing an objective search
for the truth. Politics continue to enter the picture. The families do not want the government
to influence the outcome by appointing officials to committee posts.
Confucianism
is strong in Korean society and not finding the bodies of the dead
is a difficult situation for the families to face--without closure
that comes with a funeral.
The Catholic Church
continues to be a strong voice siding with the families and keeping the
issue before the public with Masses and meetings throughout the country. Society has felt the pain of the families and has shown respect and
sympathy for them, and those involved in the
tragedy. Even those who did not die in the tragedy have suffered trauma
that will be with them for life.
Chairman Lee Suk-tae
payed a visit to Cardinal Yeom of Seoul asking for help to give the
committee the strength to do its work. The investigation will uncover a
great deal of corruption, laxity, ignoring of safety standards, all in a
desire for economic growth. Cardinal expressed the opinion that
the very essence of the investigation is to find the truth behind the
tragedy.
The special committee has to be given freedom
to begin the investigation, and politics should have no place in the
workings of the committee was the strong statement made in one of the
editorials.
Today is Mercy Sunday and throughout the Catholic World a time to
reflect on how merciful we have been to others and how open we have
been in receiving God's mercy in the confessional. Pope Francis has
proclaimed a Holy Year of Mercy starting on Dec. 8 of this year. A time
to experience the love of God who consoles, pardons, and instils hope.
In
the archives of the Pastoral Bulletin from last year there is a lesson
on how mercy was shown by two men, Mr. Kim and Mr. Park, who were
contemplating suicide, and whose friendship changed their lives. The
story of their friendship and change in life did make the international
news a few years ago.
Mr. Kim gave surety for a
friend and was left with a debt of over 300.000 dollars. Mr. Park
lost his wife in a traffic accident, and was being sued for wrong
doing, and during the litigation became depressed and decided
to end it all. They both found their way to the Han River bridge. The
police were called and they were helped to change their minds and
promised to give life another chance.
The police
mentioned how the two of them left the bridge and ended up going for a
drink at a nearby pub, and became close friends-- both in their
late 30s. That night each decided to buy 10 lottery tickets and if
they won they would split the money. They came in second and won over 300,000 dollars. Mr. Kim had the winning ticket but both men had a
naturally kind nature, and each wanted to give the money to the other.
They
exchanged letters and briefly: Mr. Park wrote he had a job, and
could take care of his family but Mr. Kim had a debt of over 300
thousand dollars and that was the reason he was thinking of suicide. Mr.
Kim, however, said because of the death of Mr. Park's wife, the family was
without a mother and the litigation made his situation more serious.
They went back-and-forth trying to give the money to the other.
One
night Mr. Kim, having too much to drink went to the house of Mr. Park,
or so he thought, and put a letter in his mail box with the winning
ticket. Mrs. Zin, however, was the owner of the house, and seeing the ticket and money, notified a newspaper, where it was reported and became
internet news.
A bank hearing the story of the
two men, offered to give a similar sum of money that they won in the
lottery to Mr. Kim, to take care of his debt, and pay for the best lawyers in the country to help Mr. Park in his litigation, and solve his problems with the law.
The
article concludes with the words of a leader in society who recalled
how winning the lottery has broken up families, and in this case how
each was only concerned for the other, brought tears to his eyes. There
is still a lot to be grateful for in society."A little bit of mercy makes the world less cold and more just." Pope Francis
A man remembers the exploitation of the elementary Sunday school
children some fifty years ago in the building of his parish church, and
writes about it in the diocesan bulletin. Many of the children would
take a whetstone attached to poles with which they polished the imitation
stone on the floor of the church. Many of the children ruined their
clothes in the process. This was their Saturday afternoon work for a
couple of months.
While building the church
at the end of the 60s the writer mentions that he would spend his
weekends at the construction site doing miscellaneous tasks-- no
catechism during that time, all done under the watchful eyes of the
parish sisters. The construction site was a dangerous place with all
the equipment on the property. Today the church would have been sued for
labor exploitation of the young, but because of the poverty of the
times this wasn't even imagined and all joyfully joined in the work.
Many
times during the construction, the work stopped because of lack of
funds. Adults would be doing odd jobs and the children kept busy with their tasks. Often
the floor of the church would be covered with newspapers, and the
parishioners would attend Mass sitting on the floor.
His mother hearing that her son was at the construction site,
and working, made her happy. They were not able to give much to the
construction of the building so this was a way of participating in the
building of the church. The thinking of those days is hard to understand
by our present generation: we have difficulty putting up with
inconveniences.
Whenever he goes back to his home parish
and attends Mass he looks down at the floor that he helped to build, and
feels good about his participation. There are many from those days who
have entered religious life,and have done well in living their faith as
lay persons.
In entering a newly built, top of the line church, the feelings of the parishioners are different from those he
had as a child. They were able to live with the imperfect and simple, difficult with the new generation. Community was very
important in those days, not as true in our times.
He
concludes his article with thoughts on how we become imprisoned by the culture in which we live, without thought of what is causing us to
go in one direction instead of another. We are being changed. A present need is for
us to observe our culture and judge its worth and failings. Moral
judgements need to be made and it is not only a question of what
political party is in charge.
We don't reflect on what the culture is doing to us-- necessary if we want to be evangelizers. We need to know what is imprisoning us. The very thing the culture tells us is freeing us is taking our freedom away, and we are blind in not seeing what is happening. He uses the story of Lazarus and Dives in Luke 16:19. A good man who was so influenced by his culture, he couldn't see anything besides his own needs.
