A professor emeritus of the Catholic Medical school in his Peace
Weekly column, remembers the question of his mother: "Does God really
exist?" He was greatly surprised by this unexpected question. The son with a perplexed look on his face: "Mother why such a
question at this time...?" "God has told us he will answer all our
petitions but he has not answered my prayers," was her answer.
She
has over the years prayed fervently for the grandchildren to do well
in school, prayers for the children to get good jobs after college, to
enjoy good health, mostly for family and in her eyes these prayers
weren't answered. Somewhat confused and evasively he answered: "How can
God give answer to everything that people ask at the same time? After a
long time, in God's order, all will work out for the good." Not only his
mother, he says, but many are perplexed and their prayers leave much to
be desired.
The Japanese writer Shusaku Endo considered this silence of God in his novel Silence.
This book continues to be read by many of our Catholics in Korea.
Briefly the plot is based on the 17th century persecution in Japan. A
Jesuit priest Ferreira, a beloved teacher in the seminary, was sent to
Japan as a missioner, and word came back that he had apostatized.
His student, Fr. Rodriguez, went to Japan to find out what happened and
he himself apostatized in an effort to stop the killing of the
Catholics. He did all that the authorities wanted which was to step
on the image of Jesus.
Fr. Rodriguez overcome with remorse, guilt, and resentment cried to heaven: "Lord, why seeing all this suffering do you keep silent, it is impossible to understand." Then to Rodriguez came the voice: "Son! I am not silent I am suffering with you and in torment with you."
Those
reading the book and seeing the suffering of the Christians and
feeling resentment in the silence of God, with the words addressed
to Rodriguez have a greater love for God and a greater trust in
him. Are there any words that can give more consolation and hope?
Spring is here; we hear the sound of the cuckoo bird and are filled with the sentiments that come with the season. The sound is plaintive and
evocative of feeling. However, the bird has the habit of laying its
eggs in another bird's nest, and fools the mother birds into thinking
they are their eggs. The other eggs are destroyed and the cuckoo bird
monopolizes the nest. A priest writing in a pastoral bulletin tells his
reader this is a shameless way of behaving, and wonders if, at times, we act in the
same fashion.
In order to prevent this from
happening--where the cuckoo male becomes the father of the birds in
the nest--makers of the nest have develop methods to distinguish
the intruder's eggs, but in most cases they trust the eggs to be
their own, and lovingly take care of them. The mother cuckoo waits until
the babies are grown and keeps on circling the nest until they are
able to live on their own and takes them. From one mountain
to another in its call the cuckoo is alerting the baby cuckoos of its presence.
There
is fundamental difference between the way we deal with people and the
way Jesus did: we can consider a person as a means or as an end. Jesus gave himself completely to others. This was his love for
all. Love was not merited, but love was
the reason for his life. This journey required giving,
emptying himself and even the cross. We were never a means.
However,
we can use God as a means to satisfy our greed, desires and egoism, but we end up with emptiness. We don't prize the
giver as much as what is given.
This kind of person is
concerned only about his fence, family, and resembles the cuckoo
bird in wondering how the nest of another will be of benefit. It
may seem like success for some but not able to put roots down, and living like a tight rope walker gives little peace.
When we
hear the call of the cuckoo, the writer concludes, let us ask ourselves if we are using God as a
means or as an end.When we are using another to satisfy our needs we are
no different than the cuckoo bird. If we understand God to be our end
than we need to act in this way when relating with others.
A professor who teaches spirituality in the department of Catholic University writes in the Peace Weekly about his talks, which he gives on Spirituality, and on every occasion he mentions the Gallup survey that was made in 2004.
One of the questions on the survey was why do Catholic's believe. Our professor was surprised that 73% of the respondents wanted peace of mind. He admits that the survey is not a specialized study but it does give an indication of the thinking of the Catholics and a great majority have accepted religion for peace of mind. The real reason one accepts religion should be eternal life here and hereafter, but only 5 percent gave this as an answer. In his talks he wants the audience to think about their responses.
Last year a similar survey was made, 10 years after the first one, with a slight change in the results. This time 63% wanted peace of mind, and those who were looking for eternal life rose to 12%. How much of the change were because of his efforts, he leaves as a question, but he thinks Pope Francis' visit had something to do with the change. But still we have a problem with the thinking of our Catholics.
Those with no religion believe that 60% of religious people are looking for peace of mind, and presume that 14 % are looking for eternal life-- similar to the Catholics' answers. With this kind of thinking the priest wonders whether spirituality and psychology become one. Of course he agrees that this was not absent from our history of spirituality but it was secondary.
Peace of mind is offered outside religion where spirituality is replaced by psychology. Searching for peace of mind has nothing to do with religion, and can be found in all areas of life outside of religion-- not the way we arrive at a Catholic spirituality.
As Catholics we are looking for salvation to be with God now, and for all eternity.This is the makeup of the spirituality we choose, and not looking for peace from the blessings of this world.
We have been called to have the joy that was in Jesus and to imitate him. We are called to mission which is the spirituality we want.The peace of mind is a by-product and not motivating force. If we consider only our needs and desires we become selfish, and forget why we have been called, and make religion a means and not an end. We have been called to be like Christ and to love as he did.
Today is Ascension Sunday, and the 49th Communication Day. This year
however, we see the message of the Pope directed not to preaching the
Gospel to the whole world but for the first time the
need for communicating in the family. The Peace Weekly editorial comments on
this change of emphasis. "The family, in conclusion, is not a subject of debate or a terrain for ideological skirmishes. Rather, it is an environment in which we learn to communicate in an experience of closeness, a setting where communication takes place, a “communicating community”.
The Church has shown the importance of the family in the two synods with family as the subject. Last year the extraordinary synod and this year in October the Ordinary synod both on the family. All the problems come from the family, and can be solved in the family.
"Communication, consequently, is an important part of family life, and we need to facilitate this kind of environment in the family."In the family, we learn to embrace and support one another, to discern
the meaning of facial expressions and moments of silence, to laugh and
cry together with people who did not choose one other yet are so
important to each other. This greatly helps us to understand the meaning
of communication as recognizing and creating closeness."
Communication in the family is a problem because of the structure and environment in which families live. In an article on the subject we are told that communication in the family is disappearing. From the office of statistics we are told the time children spend talking to parents continues to decrease, and noticed especially with the increase of smart phones. It is not unheard of a family, sitting down each with their smart phones, waiting for the food. Even a bigger problem is not to have anything to say when attempts at dialogue are made.
Father in his way, mother in her way and the children in their own way, make up the family. Only at some big event are they all together. There are days when they do not meet. Even the couple, in one out of three families, doesn't talk to each other for more than 30 minutes a day. The older the children get the less talk between the spouses.
"It is in the context of the family we learn how to communicate.
Focusing on this meaning can help make our communication more
authentic and humane, while helping us to view the family in a new
perspective." These words of the pope help us to understand how precious family ties are. The article on the subject ends with the words of a priest, head of a diocesan research center on the family: "members of a family have to realize how important members are to each other, and how precious to the growth of a person life in the family is."
May is the month of Mary and family. The family is the smallest community in society; the nation and society exist for the family. This teaching of the Church is emphasized, but sadly
the family is not what we expect and desire. Families are old, have a low birthrate, divorces are many; single parent families,
grandparents and grandchildren living together, make family life
difficult. In the Catholic Times the columnist spells out the problems he sees in society and asks: Is your family life happy?
Society
can't take care of all the problems families face. Families are
considered necessary for economic development, numbers being an
important index. Labor and education, with their competition are making life difficult for students and our young people. Peace of mind, that God wants for these young people and a feeling of worth is
difficult to achieve.
Not having a social safety net, the war of competition is the reality, and in many cases when they do
have a job they have difficulty making ends meet which makes for a low
birth rate. After the birth of the first child they see the
difficulties of raising a child and decide against any more. In a study that was made at Oxford
University in England: with the present
birthrate, Korea will no longer exist as a country in 2300.
Confusion
in society does not allow one to examine their condition. Emptiness is felt, and the family is of little help. Even over small
matters their are conflicts and marriage is faced with the possibility
of divorce, and yet without the time to think over what they want in marriage, they feel pushed into marriage. Children are the ones who
suffer from this condition.
Both father and mother
have to work and the children because of the structures of society often
do not have the love and warmth of family life. Loneliness is
filled with the smart phone, computer games, or the violence and
stimulation from images. Grandparents are tried beyond their ability in caring for the children. And we have those living alone in one room
shelters who have to eke out a living.
All these are
conditions of our society. It is not easy for the government to find
where to begin their efforts. As the basic community in
society, in which one is born in the image of God, we are to feel this dignity and called to live accordingly.
We
don't as people of faith just look at our families and sigh, and
worry about the future of the children, and the elders in society. We
don't only want to pray and worry about the future but also want to make the next year's month of the family a better place in which to raise a family.
We hear a lot about 'well-being' but little about 'well-dying'. In the Window from the Ark,
in the Catholic Times, a university president expresses his opinion on the subject. He
begins his column with the famous list that was left behind recently in
Korea, and the suicide by the person responsible for the distribution of
the 'black money' to politicians. Shock and lack of trust was the
feeling of many in society.
Korea has led the world
for the last 8 years in the number of suicides. When a person comes up
against a wall, instead of trying to overcome the difficulty, it is
easier to end it with death, this has become endemic to society.
Values towards life and death when confused, society will be confused: a sign that we have not given death sufficient thought. A society
in search for bodily pleasure is not going to be interested in the
aging process, and death.
We don't like to talk about
death, however, religious people are experts on the subject of death, when we avoid the topic we are in dereliction of duty.
Since
the 1960s, in Europe, they noticed an attitude to erase death from the thoughts of the citizens, and
started doing something with programs for awareness of death-- what
followed was the study of death: Thanatology. In Europe this has become a
subject in middle and high schools, and in nearby Japan, since 2002, they have made it a subject in their curriculum. Since we instinctively
try to avoid pain we want to avoid the talk about death, but it is a
way to growth. We become humble and grow in sanctity. When we face life
and examine it closely we aspire to change and grow in virtue. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, psychiatrist, said that death was the last growing experience we humans have.
Elegance is not only a mark in life but also in death. Not
only the way we live is important but also the way we die. Life
has dignity but so also does death and we have to respect it. The way a
person dies will depend greatly on the way they lived. A good life
brings a good death. Nurses who have
worked in hospice often experience this fact. A mature
person faces death with peace, quiet and courage. Catholics express this
as praying for a good death; this needs preparation.
Our
professor would like to see the culture of life spread throughout Korea
and especially among our young people,
in our Sunday school programs, studying about death. This concern for death will
paradoxically help us to appreciate life, and work to bring about a
culture of life. When the color of white is contrasted to
black they both stand out all the more. When we study death we are more
perceptive in the way we see life, and helps us mature. It is not only to eat and live will, but
the time has come to prepare to die well.
Law criminalizing adultery is no longer
unconstitutional in Korea and has received a great deal of comment in
the press and among citizens. A religious sister in a With Bible article, uses
the words of a woman in her forties: "Why marry? Living by oneself
is so pleasant. Marriage is binding, we can love and live alone."
'Neither a father or a husband' is a popular SNS internet novel that
many find good reason to not want to marry, and in the comments show
their enthusiasm and agreement.
Numbers of those living
alone increase daily; living alone is not lonely but peaceful. With
the social network one feels connected with others even though living
alone. The social network has become the refuge for the lonely and a way
to eradicate loneliness. We try to avoid loneliness by buying fun
and love. The efforts to expel the loneliness does not work--only
temporary relief. We spend more time and want more stimulation, and
become slaves.
Sherry Turkel, social psychologist,
says that our expectations from technology are increasing and our
trust on people decreasing. We are using technology more to take
care of ourselves than to help us to relate with others. Technology
has promised us comfort and freedom and instead imprisons us. We
are using the technology to communicate love and friendship but instead
of making us more peaceful we are becoming lonelier and confused.
Greek
mythology has the talkative Echo and self-loving Narcissus whose
inability to make their love a reality ends tragically for both. In the
SNS world we have many Echos and Narcissuses who want to make
themselves known with their selfies and self-praises.
More
than any time in the past we enjoy more freedom but are we more free? Freed from the taboos about sex and bodily pleasures, are we less
lonely? Fast food, booze, games, drama, gambling, lottery, many
temptations but are we more fulfilled? With the advance of technology
we are more comfortable but are we less tired?
Unfortunately,
our quality of life is decreasing, our thinking more superficial, and our memories poorer. In the digital age we have anxiety disorders,
obsessions and depression, that many have to deal with. In Korea we
have large numbers who have no reason to live, more communication but
more alone, more things to enjoy but lonelier.
Love for a Christian
is not something that is instantaneous, but takes a great deal of
effort. God takes the initiative and is leading the couple. Purity is
an important virtue of those marrying. She mentions in conclusion
the large number of married people who are entering chatting rooms. What
should Christians make of this? Aren't our neighbors those that are
the closest to us- family members? Aren't they the ones we want to communicate with at a deep level? She concludes the article with the words: "Do not conform yourselves to
this age but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, so that you may
judge what is God's will, what is good, pleasing and perfect" (Rom.
12:2).
