Mature Understanding of Church

Has the Korean Church been able to accept the teachings of Vatican II? A symposium in a diocese, written up in the  Peace Weekly, doesn't think Korean Catholicism has left behind pre-Vatican II thinking, and accepted the  changes in our understanding of Church.

Words we hear often: Is it a  rupture with the past or continuity with the past?  Many have black and white thinking-- all or nothing. Why is it  difficult to see the continuity with the past, and  evolution of our  thinking on certain subjects? We do believe in   movements of the Holy Spirit  leading the Church, and yet some have difficulty in understanding that circumstances, and questions never asked before require we  formulate new ways of speaking to a humanity with different values.

In the early fifth-century, a church father, St. Vincent of Lérins is often quoted as one who saw preservation and development as a truth of life. Pope Francis is quoted  using the words of St. Vincent which speak loudly of something we have problems understanding  even today."The doctrine of the Christian religion should follow the law of progress, so that it may be consolidated by years, developed by time and made more sublime by age."  St. Vincent is also the same church father who said:“We hold that which has been believed everywhere, always, and by everyone."

A seminary rector during the symposium said cold-headedly, he believes the Korean Church has not accepted the thinking of the Second Vatican Council. He wants the Church to go back to the documents and begin living the teachings. For the Church to go out to the world  and preach repent, the Church has to repent, when we say: be on the side of the poor, are we merely using words? We often use the word love and often hurt others,  and  talk about communication and fail to communicate.

We need to  examine ourselves in these areas. We need to be just in our dealings within the church. We need to change our pastoral work so that the laity become active in the pastoral work: help to inclulturate the Church's teachings to Korea, help to bring about unification of North and South in our teaching, and work to bring it about.

Another presenter made known the  need to open up the way  for the lay people to work in evangelization overseas, make the need for evangelization known to the community of Catholics,  and to arouse interest in the evangelization of society and the world.  

I Hate to Go to the Academy!

Recently one of the  internet sites  had a  poem written by an elementary school girl with an illustration of the mother on the floor and the child by her side as a vampire with blood on her lips. Description of the  caricature, even now, is difficult to express in words, and easy to understand the response of those that saw the site. The child wanted the mother to know how much she hated going to the private academy for more study after school.

Complaints were so many and so critical of the site that the publishing company apologized and withdrew all contents, Children are not as conscious of what others will think, but honestly and simply express their inner feelings-- in this case difficult for adults to accept.

A college dean writes about the problems faced by the children in our educational system in the View from the Ark of the Catholic Times. He gives us another example of an essay written for a daily paper by a child who expresses the stress that students experience and wants the  parents to know this is the reason for the suicides, and laments that the children  are like  sponges, made to absorb repeated stress.

Children who frequent these private, after school academies, face a continual barrage of  slogans that  make the time at the academies  stressful and  fuel the competitive spirit in learning. Each day  they are exhausted by the studies and  repulsed  by what they   will continue to face, and a reason they turn to  their smart phones for relief. Fear of being a drop out in our society is present, and a reason for suicides.

Our columnist  tells us the day of the  geniuses has come to an end, and we are in the time of the creative thinker. No matter the conditions, they are prepared.  They can accept failure and  frustration with their fighting spirit. They can adapt to any situation and become  close to any person. Education you see, considers marks important but the education you don't see fosters leadership, creativity and  sacrifice. Competition is one form of violence. Extreme  competition instead of motivating for success  will foster frustration.

Competition fosters  academic cliques,  and ranking in society, an evil that  militates against harmony. The educational system we have  instead of fighting against the evils in society  has helped to increase the structural evils.  Development of society requires the mutual help of citizens and not the  elite of society acting as individualists.   

Recently we have more talk about the good results  of play even in theological thought. We are able to stimulate our senses, memories are helped, language and emotional life, creativity  and  social life is fostered. Before criticizing children for their behavior,  we should give them a place to work on liberating themselves from the demands made on them. Since our teaching of religion has a goal to speak to the whole person, and develop  mature human beings--  this makes for a strong  nation and church. Is there  any pastoral work that is more important than this?                 

Women from the North and Men from the South

In Korea we have close to 30 thousand refugees from the North and 70 percent of them are women.
Many of these women were married in the North and have left family to escape the hunger. Circumstances, and the whirlpool of life in which they were involved was the reason for the life they now have in the South.

Loneliness and missing their families are their biggest difficulties  in the South. Hunger which they faced  was their reason for leaving, but the longer here  the more they miss their families, and feel guilt for having left them, although they now have escaped the hunger.These are the words of a refugee from the North who has a column in the Peace Weekly.

As time passes many prepare to build another nest here in the South and end up marrying a South Korean. Marriage Information Companies they have  established, and family members introduce them to mates, hoping to overcome the loneliness with marriage. Compared to men in the North, who she describes as unsocial, the men in the South leave the women with an impression of intimacy and kindness. After marriage, for a  short period of time, they are happy but shortly the difference in culture and thinking begin to appear, and misunderstanding follows. Marriages, occasionally, don't even last a year before divorce.

Personalities and money matters are often the issue. Women in the North have been under a dictatorial government and in fighting the evils in society, in order to live, have had to endure much. This has made their way of speaking coarse, and even in small matters they fight to resolve their problems. Men here in the South are quiet and introspective and facing this demeanor on the part of the wife is difficult to understand.

Women feel it is their job to handle the money of the house. In the North this was the women's work. In the house to have money that is 'yours' and 'mine' is  not understood. With this kind of thinking we have a lack of trust and women despair.

We have the separation of the two Koreas and in marriage we find the difference so pronounced that living together as husband and wife is difficult. Is this not a lack of care for the  other? Men need to understand the women's scars and make allowances; women need to  understand how the man looks upon the use of money and see her husband as a partner for life.

Problems defectors face in the South and especially those married to South Koreans should be used as a  blueprint to work towards unification. Without serious efforts to help the defectors adapt to life in the South, our approach  to achieve unification will lack honesty and be a pipe dream.                   

Need for Change in Family Life

"Do you know the reason why young couples are  reluctant to have children?"  "Not Like their parents, they are not confident in taking on the sacrifice required, and weren't especially happy as a child."  

We have the lowest birthrate in the world. Something has to be  done: reeducation, change in thinking, and change in society. These were some of the thoughts that came out of a seminar on family and media, sponsored by the Korean bishops. An article in the Peace Weekly gives us a brief account of the contents of the seminar.

One speaker said that half of the high school girls  have no thought about marriage, and children. Word  circulates that college girls will discuss family planning with their neighbors, not something we can easily laugh about. What is meant is they want to know how much money it will cost to have a child?  Parents need to show how important life is, and raise the children to find happiness, and we will see a change in the birthrate.

Children do not consider the grandparents as part of the family, and this is easy to see. Increase in longevity will see  four and five generations living together, and  require healthy mature parents to help educate  children for this reality. 

One of the  presenters, a commentator on our  popular culture,  shows the readers  how difficult it is to see a healthy adult life portrayed in TV dramas. Usually one out of  three dramas has a secret with a birth of a child, these embarrassing details makes  the life of the child difficult. We don't have dramas in which the tired, exhausted young people  show trust, and follow with  expectation  the example of the adults. 

She does  give an example of some programs that give a positive understanding of the lives of the elderly and she mentions how the drama received a popular response from all the viewers across all the  generations. She makes a plea for more of this type of drama which will bring change to the thinking of the viewers. 

Another presenter showed the importance of dialogue in the family. The professor talked about communication within the family, and the results from it. Communication allows for intimacy, self respect, and  raises the satisfaction of family life. This becomes the motivating force  for a healthy family life: listening, encouragement, reminisces-- basic elements of communication. He concludes his remarks hoping the many different kinds of families will begin using this kind of communication.   

How Easy To Misunderstand

One of the diocesan bulletins has an article by a priest responsible for the pastoral work with families in the diocese. He lists five ways in which  couples fail to understand each other. Give and take  between husband and wife is distorted by serious misunderstandings.

"Francis has a cold and fever and is in bed. He asks his  wife to come home early from work to be with him. The wife answers that she has some important work to do and will not be able to leave work early.  Francis believes that Clara doesn't love him, for she  thinks nothing of his request. Francis thinks this will always be the case. Clara's deficiencies all come to his  attention. He has lived  with her for 20 years, and she doesn't understand his feelings. He will not be able to trust her, and is overcome with anger." 

He calls the first way of misunderstanding the catastrophic response: a great obstacle to communication. This happens when a simple word or action brings an extreme response. A spouse comes to an unjustified conclusion-feels attacked, hurt and angry.

A second misunderstanding is the black and white or all or nothing response. If it is not now it will never be. The words always and absolutely are often used. We have an inability to nuance what was said or see extenuating circumstances: not able to see the gray.

Tunnel vision is  seeing only one side of the issue, and usually the negative. One is prevented from seeing the larger picture, and the other's good points.

 Often one comes to a conclusion not warranted by the facts. One jumps to a conclusion with flimsy facts.

The fifth misunderstanding is to think the other  person is a mind reader and not bother to spend time discussing the issue. Not understanding we are  a failure at mind reading, we  give all the blame to the other. "Living with the person for 20 years is it necessary to  bring it up. I know what the answer will be." This kind of thinking is only going to make the problems more serious.

These misunderstandings are made with husband and wife in mind but often the same problems occur in our failure to  understand the other. We think it is the other person's fault  and fail to make the connections that would allow us to see our own responsibility for the lack of communication.

Internalizing the Gospel

View from the Ark of the Catholic Times, a priest columnist, tells us  about a  theological research  center run only by lay persons.  All theological subjects are treated but  the lay person's place in the Church is naturally a subject of study. One of the few in the  Catholic world.

Many of the movements in which lay people are involved, and we have many in Korea: Legion of Mary, Marriage Encounter, Cursillo etc. are made up of married members. Their spirituality, they falsely believe, as a married person, does not reach that of the clergy and religious, which leaves the laity with a feeling of inferiority.

Columnist mentions a priest writer who says in the West the numbers going to Church have decreased greatly, but those interested in spirituality have increased. People want a spiritual life but not a church, they are happy with questions and don't want answers, they want truth but not obedience. They are dreaming of the restoration of a new world of values.

He sees Korean Catholics in a completely opposite way. They want the Church but not spirituality;   answers not questions, liturgy not piety, obedience not truth, and he says this with sadness. They are not concerned with what is going on in the world but, to an extreme, only in what is happening in the family. There is not an appreciation of mission and social responsibility.

Clergy, religious and lay people need a mature spirituality to live a holy life. Not only to experience God but to enable us to go out to our brothers and sisters and to the world in which we live.

The theological research center in the diocese is not just educating but equipping their graduates to go out and work in society with the social gospel that they have learned and working with different groups. We see this in many other dioceses of the country. This is an answer to what the society to which we belong needs, and the Church needs to be prepared to offer it.

Even though there are many things we don't like about the direction the government is taking, we don't just complain without any Gospel reasons, and do something foolish. Instead we use what is happening to internalize the message, and come to an unified way of thinking about what we are called to do.

My God vs Our God

"I made our God into my God" are the first words of  an article in a diocesan bulletin by a TV writer.

When she was young she was a Sunday school teacher in her parish  community. A work she found extremely enjoyable and would not consider it anyway as a task.  Her attachment was like a person with a new car. Attachment  gave birth to selfishness and from there she said she became arrogant and wanted to do everything her way. When we get our way, she says, results are not always good. Leaving her teaching also came with a lot of pain. Looking back, numberless times, and reflecting on what happened,  she knows that it was her selfishness that brought about the unwanted results.

Whether it was fortunate or not she moved her parish register to another parish. She began anew with another community and got involved as a volunteer with a scripture study group. But here also she had problems. Here again under the mask of devotion,  her selfishness was quite different from those with whom she met.  She was intent in overcoming her fault but it disappeared only to appear in another guise, and to destroy everything she was trying to achieve. Unkind words were spread, and not intended, feelings of hate were past on to others and received, and she again removed herself from the  community.

The real problem,however, came following on this:  "I am a person that causes disorder in community!"  With this thought in mind  she felt it best  not to be part of the community which would be doing what God would want.  So from then on she quietly prayed, studied and went to Mass, and in doing so she felt closer to God than she did when she was part of the community.

However, with the help of grace she made the Cursillo and again experienced community. She realized at that time how foolish were her thoughts that she had  living the solitary life of faith. Fear you might sin, and consequently doing nothing is not what we are called to do. Far better is to be sorry for you faults, and continue to work to grow and mature.   

God does not want us to make him 'my God' but wants us to make him 'our God'.  Jesus has told us:  "Where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I in their midst" (Matt. 18:20).