Families are faced with many problems, and domestic violence is one of them. Kyeongyang magazine has in its recent issue a number of articles on Domestic Violence: a sin and a crime.
The writer is a woman who has been working as a social worker and counselor with one of the dioceses helping families. She begins the article with the story of a woman who lived with an abusive husband and mentioned how before marriage some of the signs were present during the period of courtship, but she didn't recognize them.
After being out with him for an evening, he would always be attentive in her getting home without mishap, and she saw this as kindness and concern. When she wore a short skirt, he would complain, and she saw this as his ardent nature. She accepted everything as signs of his love: a person who was strong, and she could trust but after marriage, she realized that it wasn't love but extreme possessiveness and jealousy: lacking trust in her faithfulness to him.
He
would beat her on coming home from work routinely. He would bring up a
relationship she had for a short period of time with a boyfriend, after
mentioning it to him, and it would often come up in conversations. He
even brought this up when she gave birth to their first child without
reason and out of the blue: "this is my child isn't it?" His verbal
abuse was hard to accept. She would be hit without reason, even in the
most common everyday issues communication was missing, put briefly all
was hell.
One day, he didn't return home after work; she received a call from him early that morning to come out to where he was. He was in his car, and she began to fear for her life. He began beating her, abusing her sexually, and she broke away and ran to the nearest house which happened to be a rectory unbeknown to her. The priest brought her to a shelter. Her face was swollen, broken bones and nose; it took some time to recover her former appearance.
They were a young virtuous couple who were envied by those that knew them. She was 33 years old and a member of a research team in a large enterprise, and the husband worked for a big company. Who would believe that an attractive educated and professionally qualified mother with two children would be the victim of domestic abuse?
From 1998, there has been a law on the books to prevent this kind of domestic abuse, but most have not paid much attention and has remained a family problem. The present government sees it as crime. More than twice in a period of three years, perpetrators may be confined to prison. If the victim does not want the confinement, he will have to attend a program, and will be given a stay of prosecution.
According to one agency in 2014, 69 women were killed by their spouses and 57 were nearly killed. With this 57, family members and friends were also killed or injured. These are the ones that have been reported. In 2013, less than 1 percent have asked for help in domestic violence incidents.
In 2014, the women's family bureau reported about 48,000 cases of domestic violence, the previous year 38,000 were reported. For the last three years, there has been on average 562 cases reported daily. The main reason for not separating is the children. However, studies show that it is better for the raising of children to leave this situation for their emotional health. Children living in these situations show uneasiness, depression and anti-social-behavior.
Many women find finances a reason they can't leave. Beatings have taken away their self-confidence: "they are not capable of anything." A woman who has been abused for many years has a feeling of powerlessness and without the help of others they find leaving the situation difficult.
Whenever we have a blockage, signs appear but are not quickly apparent. If we don't catch it at the beginning, the signs will become more obvious. When a drain is plugged, and water drains slowly or the drain is completely clogged and returns the water, we know something is wrong. In the Peace Weekly, a columnist begins his article on communication with these words on clogged drains.
Road congestion is similar. In the beginning, we have slow progress, followed at times by stoppage and loss of time and harm. Wisdom is to prevent blockage or fix problems as soon as possible. Isn't this the wisdom when communication between persons is not working correctly.
Between persons when we have an impasse, we look for ways to communicate: finding ways to understand one another. What is the reason for the breakdown in communication? Persons in positions of authority are at times obstacles to the free flow of ideas and communication: found in political societies, communities, religious societies and in families.
Authoritarianism on the part of the person on the top is often the reason for the lack of communication. What has to happen is the one on top has to stop being bossy. How does the one on top stop being bossy? We who are Christians have Jesus as our example of the ideal communicator.
What enabled him to be such an example? He was willing to sit down and eat with anybody. The columnist mentions two qualities that are necessary for communication to happen: to listen and be open to what the other one is saying. Jesus was always opened to prompting of the Spirit.
In our society, communities, parishes and families when we have problems with communication we need to work on hearing and being open. Those in positions of authority should be less captivated by their authority and bossy ways. When we listen to God's voice and the voices of others, the results will be communication.
德 is the Chinese character for virtue. The ideogram explains clearly what is necessary for a natural human life in all its fullness: a good subject for meditation. Before economic development we often saw on school gates the Korean word for virtue: few school children would now know its meaning.
The left side ㄔcould be seen as a person walking: a leg and a foot. We can understand it as our bodily behavior. The top of the right side 十目 are the characters for ten and eye. Before we do anything, we have to use our heads and examine well what we do: right thinking. 一心, the character for one and heart. We need a singleness of purpose. Body, mind and heart need to work together in harmony.
When we make the sign of the cross, we acknowledge these three aspects of our earthly life, but we also add the spiritual, our souls which infuse all. We touch the head, the heart and the shoulders, our bodies. Thinking, working and practicing the virtues make us open to the gifts of Grace. As Christians, Jesus comes into our lives with his death and Resurrection and gives meaning to our existence.
An article in a diocesan bulletin a priest tells his readers before taking his medical exams, he feels some trepidation but when he receives word, there is no problem, he is elated and has boasted about his good health to the parishioners. One of the women responded: "Father, do you want to live a long time?" Receiving this question he was shaken and embarrassed.
Was he so lacking in other areas that he
had to brag about his health? He mentions, he exercises his body
each day. There is time for nurturing the mind and the spirit. He knows
that life is more than the body and just living a healthy life, but what
we do with the health that we have is what is important.
"Stop
worrying, then, over questions like, 'What are we to eat, or what are
we to drink, or what are we to wear?' The unbelievers are always running
after these things. Your heavenly Father knows all that you need. Seek
first his kingship over you, his way of holiness, and all these things
will be given you besides" (Matt 6: 31-33).
He
concludes the article with the phrases 'Well Living' and 'Well Dying'. When we live well we will die well, and for a Christian to live well does not mean a long life.
A TV drama was the talk of Internet news for some time. Philosophy professor in a Catholic University in his article in the Catholic Times, was surprised hearing the drama was a fantasy. He praises the writer, director and cast for their efforts in producing a drama that has moved the hearts of many viewers.
What is the reason for this interest and message conveyed? We see this with myths and classics in which reality, for the most part, is missing, but people return to them repeatedly. To hear the present drama is full of wisdom, may embarrass the writer and producer.
We are attracted to what we lack, and most don't know why. Do I really desire what attracts me, and consider it a good or is it others who gave me the desire? Rarely do we bother to find an answer. What we desire is it true and good? In many cases, we prefer fantasy, and relegate our daily lives to the back burner and search for beauty in the unreal.
Our lives may be seen as purposeless and empty, and in the world of drama, we try to fill the void. In the real world, love, fellowship, and even family are reduced to a question of finances. We don't find this ideal love in our lives, and envy and try to find it in the fantasy world.
What do we look for in drama? Entertainment, but if that is all, it's only temporary and merely sentiment. We want to love and trust like the heroes and heroines but are confined to the real world. However, continue to dream of a harmonious world, and see ourselves as narrow-minded and cowards.
If this is the case, in a drama, the actions and words quickly pass through our minds and leave us with an afterimage, and he would like us to see this as a mirror to look at ourselves who live in the real world.
There is a danger of living vicariously in watching fantasy dramas and movies. Creating our real world is more difficult but a Christian has a world view that makes the reality more exciting, and satisfying.
A broad understanding of the social teaching of the Church is the way a Christian sees the world, and wants to change it to correspond to the teachings of Christ. A professor at a Catholic University gives us a brief introduction to this Social Gospel.
"There are three stages, which should normally be followed in the reduction of social principles into practice. First, one reviews the concrete situation; secondly, one forms a judgment on it in the light of these same principles; thirdly, one decides what in the circumstances can and should be done to implement these principles. These are the three stages that are usually expressed in the three terms: look, judge, act" (Mother and Teacher, Pope John 23rd).
Christians are looking at themselves and God's word and wanting to change the world to correspond to this thinking, which is also the way we become more spiritual.
Narrowing the point of view, the social teaching is part of the magisterium of the Church's prophetic voice. The universal teaching office of the Church: "It is the expression of the way the Church understands society
and of her position regarding social structures and changes" (Compendium #79).
This teaching comes from the scriptures and tradition, revealed to us by God in our consciences, intellects and the natural law. "This is not a marginal
interest or activity, or one that is tacked on to the Church's mission, rather
it is at the very heart of the Church's ministry of service" (Compendium # 67).
This is why Paul VI established the Committee for Justice and Peace in the Vatican. "This doctrine in turn is integrated into the Magisterium of the
Bishops who, in the concrete and particular situations of the many different
local circumstances, give precise definition to this teaching, translating it
and putting it into practice" (Compendium #80).
Whether the Christian wants to follow the teaching or not is up to the individual conscience, but at least they should not speak out at the bishops for being 'followers of North Korea' and telling the priests 'they are involved in politics'. This is not the correct attitude of a Christian. At least, they should listen and have respect for the teaching, even if they are not able to follow it.
There are also many non-Catholics who have respect for this teaching and try to make it part of their vision of society. In the recent election in Korea, 77 Catholics were elected to the parliament, and the hope is they will be working for the common good of society.
Today is the Church's birthday: Happy Pentecost.
Writing in the Peace Weekly the columnist, a professor of spirituality, ends his 50-week series on spirituality and feels academically speaking, it is still a subject that is not well understood in Korea.
Christianity has a history of 230 years but for the first 100 years, it was persecuted. Up until 1950, our society was in great unrest. Catholics, for the most part, did their duties and had little time for anything else. It was with the opening of the Second Vatican Council that in the 1960s, we saw growth and activity in the mission of the Church.
At this time, we had according to the teaching of the council begun educating in scriptural studies and our tradition. Persons were studying scripture and theology; programs were started for the laity with the impetus from the Council.
With an increase in the number of priests in the 20th century even though they were attending Mass in Latin, parishioners were praying the rosary and memorizing their prayers; up until the end of the 20th century, there were no big problems in the spiritual life of the Catholics.
In the last part of the 20th century, he says we saw indications of heterodoxy which the Vatican pointed out, and we had a movement within the church to train specialists in spirituality. However, since we started late there are many issues that have to be faced.
Books published in the past were well written, moved the emotions: essays and miscellaneous writings but few were written on spiritual scholarship or the spiritual classics. In Korea, we have many spiritual classics that were popular before the Protestant Reformation translated into Korean but not well-known to our Catholics.
Efforts are needed to introduce Catholics to a mature spirituality and church authorities should help with finances. Living the spiritual life does not mean we ignore the study of spirituality.
His opinion is that we do not separate spirituality from Systematic Theology and make it only a part of Practical Theology as is done in Korea. St. Thomas Aquinas considered Spirituality a part of Systematic Theology.
Ideas in our heads are going to end up in our actions. When we do not have a foundation in spiritual theology, we will often lose our way, and our spiritual life suffers. We will not have love, peace and joy to motivate us to give ourselves to Jesus' mission.
In the Peace Weekly we have an article on 'unmixed politics' and 'mixed politics.' He begins with a village built only with Korean traditional styled houses, and a franchised coffee shop among the homes. A beautiful village surrounded by mountain peaks as in a folding screen. Does it fit to have a franchised coffee shop in such an environment? One response: "Let me think about it. Is being always consonant with the culture always the only answer?
The columnist mentions a wine store near his home that offers Korean makgoli ( a sweet alcoholic drink made from rice). When you order makgoli you get a bowl of ice chunks in water. Taken together, he says, you have an unique and original taste,you experience something different. Gently melting ice also melts the tiredness of the day. It adds elegance to the makgoli.
Drinking a cup of coffee we are introduced to a topic of conversation and drinking makgoli with ice water, we are introduced to the present times. We are living in a time of diversity: in a Global village. Multiculturalism is the reality, to think only of a traditional Korean drink in Korean style homes, limits us. With this thinking we have difficulty living in our world village. He doesn't want to say this hodgepodge like culture is a good, but we need an open mind and wisdom.
Coexistence and win-win thinking is the maxim of society in which we live: a time of fusion. Korean culture is spreading to other countries: Korea pop music, dress, food. What is the reason for this? Truth, originality and self- respect is maintained, but we are open to listening, and communicating with others. In politics those who stubbornly held to the purity of their case without compromise lost in the recent election.
When political platforms are broad it has great merit. To foster zeal, inbreeding is a help, but not always a good, as we know from history in cultural revolutions, and many of our recent political-isms.
We also have the opposite: politics is the art of the possible, and its own brand of pragmatism: "It doesn't matter whether the cat is black or white as long as it catches the mouse." We have in the past alliances that helped to achieve the goals of the respective parties even though they were far from being sympathetic to the others' ideas.
Blending helps the creative buds to work. This slogan has long been used in industry and culture. We have to bring this into our political thinking. Understand what is different and work with it, and work so that everybody wins. I am always right and you are always wrong kind of camp thinking is not profitable with political realities. Conservative means you will have progressives and vice versa.
Koreans should be masters of this way of thinking. Look at the flag and the message is very clear: Yin and Yang thinking. We are blessed also to be peninsular, surrounded by water, where we have interchange and communication. We need to be an example to the rest of the world on how to get-along.
