Sensitivity to Diverse Families

 

A university professor in the humanities department gives the readers of The View from the Ark of the Catholic Times a look at the Korean Family.

We often interpret family as a group made up of marriage, blood, and adoption. The modern nuclear family is a family consisting of a husband and wife and their children. This family is interpreted as universal and ideal. However, the family is not static but has been changing, and in Korean society, the nuclear family is not the majority.

The Korean nuclear family is different from the Western nuclear family, where people become independent from their parents as adults. Adult children tend to have a strong bond with their parents. When parents and children do not have a good relationship, they are unable to exchange care or financial support, and poor families are vulnerable to social structures in society. Even if the nuclear family form is maintained, a mixed form with extended family has been maintained because the relationship with elderly parents is important. In addition, they placed great importance on the relationship between children and elderly parents for the care of the elderly is a child's filial duty.

However, children live independently after marriage, and elderly parents live as single-family households or as single-person households. The perception that not directly caring for sick elderly parents or entering a nursing home means being unfilial or being abandoned by one's children is also changing. Additionally, even if a family member takes care of the child, they are supported by the nursing care system. Nevertheless, family care responsibilities are still important, and those who take care of them are mainly women.

As of 2024, the form of the Korean family is becoming more and more diverse. The number of single-person households is increasing across all age groups, and the number of dual-income couples without children is also increasing. In cases where three generations live together, the purpose is to support child care for children of dual-income couples rather than for elderly parents to receive care. Nevertheless, women sometimes stop their careers after giving birth to children and live the life of a full-time housewife, or later find employment in menial jobs or care-related jobs.

Women who fear losing their work and independence by dedicating themselves to caring and marriage choose not to marry, are at times criticized as selfish women. Although women's higher education has increased, work is interpreted as not being as important to women as it is to men, and the breadwinners are still men.

A happy family is a relationship in which family members share economic interests and emotional support. Single-person households may form relationships with companion animals or live alone and maintain relationships through loose solidarity with other people. The choice to focus on one's work and life cannot be criticized as selfish. Most married men are too busy working to spend much time with their families, but they are not accused of being selfish. The reason they can maintain a family is because they have a wife who is a full-time housewife who is devoted to the family.

People who value family values think of the nuclear family as a normal family and may be prejudiced against families that are not part of the nuclear family. Pity is at times no different from forms of discrimination by the privileged. In a marriage, respecting and considering each other is important. However, there are also families whose parents have passed away or who cannot live with their parents. 

The professor had a friend in college who never talked about her family. That's because that friend's father died when she was young. Later, her friends felt sorry for talking immaturely about their parents in front of her. There was no reason why that friend couldn't talk about her family to her heart's content. However, the image of a happy family had put a burden on the friend.

Children who receive nurturing, and financial support and feel the love of their parents, are more likely to live emotionally stable lives. However, people who grow up in families where this is not the case are not necessarily unhappy. Children from poor families, divorced families, or single-parent families can become more independent and mature in overcoming their difficulties. However, She hopes that acquaintances, neighbors, and churches will break away from prejudices towards these families— seeing them as deficient and problem families and become role models for them and become communities of empathy and care.

The Church on Pilgrimage

In the View from the Ark column of the Catholic Times, a pastor reminds us that we are members of a Church on pilgrimage and what this requires. 

 "Joy and hope (Gaudium et spes), sorrow and anguish, of modern society, especially of all poor and suffering people, are the joy and hope, sorrow and anguish of Christ's disciples. There is nothing truly human that does not touch the hearts of believers. This is because the community of Christ's disciples comprises humans. Gathered in Christ, they were guided by the Holy Spirit on their journey toward the Kingdom of God the Father and accepted the news of salvation that was to be proclaimed to all people. Therefore, the community of Christ's disciples experiences its close connection to humanity and human history" (Second Vatican Council Pastoral Constitution on the Church in the Modern World, paragraph 1).

The Second Vatican Council declares that the church is a 'pilgrimage church'. This means that the church is not separate from the world, but rather exists within the world and must play the role of light and salt of the world through the pilgrimage journey to the heavenly home. The statement in the Constitution on Pastorals that "the community of Christ’s disciples is closely bound up with humanity and human history" reminds us of how much attention the church must pay to the affairs of the world, and indeed to the affairs of fellow human beings. However, since the way human affairs are carried out is 'politics', how can the church, a community of Christ's disciples, not be interested in politics?

"Every day human interdependence grows ever closer and increasingly spreads across the world, the common good – the sum of the conditions of social life that enable groups and individual members to pursue self-perfection more fully and more easily –  It came to contain rights and obligations related to all mankind. Any group must take into account the needs and legitimate aspirations of other groups and, moreover, the common good of the entire human family (Article 26 of the Pastoral Constitution).

Article 28 of the Constitution on Pastoral Care states:

"We must respect and love even those who think and act differently from us in social, political, and religious matters. "The more we truly understand their way of thinking with kindness and love, the easier it is to communicate with them."

However, there is something you should not mistake here! ‘We’ in the statement in paragraph 28 refers to ‘the church’, the community of Christ’s disciples. In other words, if we are Christians, it is strongly assumed that we are people who live according to the teachings of the Council. This means that those who live with the name ‘Christ’ in their hearts should understand and try to live this.  

Authority is exercised legitimately only when it seeks the common good of the group concerned and if it employs morally licit means to attain it. If rulers were to enact unjust laws or take measures contrary to the moral order, such arrangements would not be binding in conscience (Catechism of the Catholic Church, Article 1903).

Despite this church teaching, if a Christian reading this is uncomfortable with the political participation of a priest who is part of the community of Christ's disciples, he should simply pray for his repentance rather than curse or condemn him. Because that is the teaching of the church.

"A distinction must be made between errors and those who commit them. Errors must always be rejected, but even those who commit errors always retain human dignity, even if they hold wrong or inaccurate religious concepts. God alone is the judge and searcher of hearts; for that reason, He forbids us to make judgments about the internal guilt of anyone. (Article 28 of the Pastoral Constitution).

Learning Mindfulness

In the Catholic Times Sunday Chat Column, a psychological counselor introduces us to the concept of mindfulness and how she feels it may be helpful to the readers in getting order into our often hectic lives. 

The Buddhists and many religions have made mindfulness a powerful procedure in their teaching and Catholics have expressed this way of life as Agere quod Agis, the Latin phrase (Do what you are doing).

We are exposed to a galore of self-help procedures, some not helpful, others bothersome, some not now, some make a lot of sense, and many we have heard about over the years expressed differently, putting them in our mental storehouse for mulling is all for the good. 

The columnist begins by expressing a desire to complain to God if it was permissible to do so. This would be her first prayer for the New Year. Even though the year was filled with regret, she also feels that God gave her a fair chance for a new start, and secretly dreams of changes in her life.

Her biggest goal in the new year is to be more mindful. ‘Mindfulness’ refers to ‘the attitude of paying attention and noticing what is happening here, now, as it is.’ Jon Kabat-Zinn developed meditation beyond a specific religious practice and into a tool that everyone can use to train their minds and founded MBSR (Mindfullness-Based Stress Reduction). Regarding mindfulness, which is enjoying a worldwide craze, he says, ‘It is not about changing yourself, but about recognizing your own nature moment by moment'.

Faced with this explanation, many people ask, ‘What on earth is mindfulness?’ This is an age where it is a virtue to place a high value on what is clearly revealed right before our eyes and to urge us to reach a quick conclusion.

In that case, she says: ‘Just try it.’ Mindfulness should be approached as an experience rather than as a theory. Passing through moments when things don't seem to be going well is the path to mindfulness.

Again, the question is asked: what lies at the end of the road? Actually, she doesn't know yet. However, she would like to walk further on that path. She is trying to put down her smartphone just for a moment and experience the real world rather than the virtual world more vividly for a moment.

Out of 24 hours a day, how much time do you spend scrolling aimlessly and staring blankly at your smartphone? Have you ever felt sad and devastated because time flew by without you even knowing what you were doing? If you want something different in the new year, she can confidently say that mindfulness is the answer.

These days, she is trying mindfulness meditation with her clients (those receiving counseling). Mindfulness recommends turning back less to the doing mode and more to the being mode. Nowadays, we see many things in our society that are too lopsided and unbalanced. So too is the weight between modes of doing and modes of being. We are so busy living each day that we may be stamping our feet in confusion without knowing where to turn. Stop for a moment and just be still. That could be the beginning of mindfulness.

If the phrase ‘Mindfulness?’ with a question mark is added to your notes, and it leads to the thought of ‘Should I buy a book about it?’, she thinks her first diary of the new year will be full of meaning with that much sharing. So, the first line of her New Year’s goal is 'My mindfulness'. The second line is 'Your mindfulness'.

Don't Be Afraid

 

 The Catholic Times View from the Ark gives the readers of the column some advice in overcoming difficulties growing up in not the best of circumstances. The columnist is working in the field of mass media and is a volunteer teacher of catechumens.

When he was a teenager, he was always hungry and tired due to the absence of his father. He had a strong desire for achievement and did well in his studies. He persistently tried to overcome reality. Nothing was accomplished smoothly.  

He entered college by luck, and could only get a job four years after graduating. It was the same even after joining the company. He felt like he was 50 meters behind the starting line of a 100-meter race. And deep down, there was always fear. He couldn't put it into words, but there was a hidden feeling of anxiety. He tried to soothe the fear by hanging out with friends and drinking, but couldn't hide it by lying to himself.

Even when middle-aged and doing well, he had nightmares. In his dreams, he was struggling to make a living after failing to graduate from middle school or was devastated because he couldn't find the test site or couldn't study at all when the exam day was near. Only those who experience the feeling of despair and tears in a dream will know the relief that comes upon waking up. 

He thought these dreams were due to his unprotected youth, a desire to achieve greater than his abilities. He didn't know that fear was a spiritual longing. At that time, he was wandering spiritually and did not know it. That thirst and loneliness led to fear and anxiety. God was not in his life. 

He was baptized in 2013. At that time, his daughter, a senior in high school, was working to pass the Catholic admissions process at Sogang University. He followed his wife and attended Sunday Mass as a ‘foot believer.’ There was no joy in the Mass or meeting Jesus. The place where Jesus should be was filled with worldly goals, children, and money. Then he faced the greatest hardship of his life. He got involved in a ridiculous incident and found himself in a situation where everything he had achieved in life fell apart. He had to endure humiliation and insults. Jesus came to him at a time when he could not survive without drinking or taking medicine.

He attended Mass almost every day, and whenever he had time, he went to the church for adoration and Eucharist and volunteered to serve the early morning Mass on Mondays. Early in the morning on a harsh winter day, he heard the voice of Jesus on the way to the parish church in the darkness: "Take courage. grow. Do not be afraid." (Matthew 14:27) He felt the pain of Jesus being betrayed by his disciples and ridiculed by the people as his pain. He could not hide the tears that flowed at the pain of Jesus 2000 years ago. 

Jesus was calling out to him: "It is I, it is I" but he could not hear. He did not feel Him or notice Him. He was afraid, anxious, and hungry. He lived an individual life, seeing only himself, without seeing Him who is whole and united. Although he did achieve some level of achievement through his will and effort, deep inside, there was always fear and anxiety.

In the new year, he wants to live a life with Him, a life in imitation of Him. As we live individual lives, we must always compete and consume other life forms to sustain life. Even within such individuality, there is a desire for the whole and unity, the attribute of God. The moment he realizes, and feels, that God is within him, fear disappears. Just as Jesus spoke to Peter 2,000 years ago, he speaks to him, now struggling in the water here in Gwangju. "Take courage. grow. Do not be afraid."

Maryknoll in Korea

In the recent issue of the Catholic Peace Weekly the Director of the Incheon Church History Research Institute will publish a collection of profiles summarizing the activities of the Maryknoll Mission  Society in the islands of the West Sea in the Incheon Diocese of Korea.

This is to look back on the lives of missionaries who practiced love for God and neighbors and to use them as examples for evangelization. The collection is scheduled to be published in the first half of this year.

Father Choi Benedict (B. Zweber, 1932-2001), who was called the ‘Schweitzer of the West Coast’, was a person who used an old military ship in 1964 and toured remote islands in the converted hospital ship ‘Star of the Sea’, caring for patients for free. Three years later, he was appointed to the parish of Deokjeokdo Island,  opened a hospital, and installed electricity and water for the island residents.

To revive the memories of these forgotten missionary priests, the Incheon Church History Research Institute is collecting missionary-related materials owned by parishioners. Items include: Photos showing missionary activities (pastoral ministry, social welfare, architecture, fellowship, etc.) — Publications (all missionary-related materials such as funeral books, prayer books, parish newsletters, or newspaper articles, testimonies, architectural drawings, blueprints) Missionary keepsakes, etc.

In the early 1960s, when the diocese was established, many refugees from North Korea lived in the West Sea islands. As a large population suddenly gathered on a small island, medical, welfare, and educational infrastructure was lacking. Maryknoll missionaries devoted themselves to spreading the gospel and improving the living conditions of the residents.

While Father Choi Benedict devoted himself to human needs, Father Michael Jeon (M. Bransfield, 1929-1989), the maternal grandson of the founder of Miller Beer in the United States, participated in projects to increase farm income and rural mechanization to help Ganghwa Island residents become self-reliant.  

In 1966, he started a pig coop on the island by importing 15 landrace (Danish breed) pigs and selling them to local believers and residents at half the market price each time they had new litters. He took care of the people of the West Sea islands both physically and financially, including purchasing threshing machines and cultivators and distributing them to other mission station residents

Father Jin Pil-se (J.P. Sinnott, 1929-2014), who was the first pastor of Yeongjong Parish in 1965, established the ‘Sacred Heart of Jesus Yeongjong Hospital’ and provided free medical care. Reclamation projects were also carried out on land devastated by the Korean War. He also devoted himself to the human rights movement and tried to publicize that the People's Revolutionary Party incident under the Yushin regime was fabricated. 

Father Buyeong-bal E. Moffett (1922-1986) was appointed as the first pastor of Baengnyeong Island Parish in 1959 and served as pastor for 14 years. He renovated the warehouse and used it as a temporary parish church, he built a nursery, a nursing home, and the 'Blessed Andrea Kim (Taegon) Hospital'.

The Incheon Church History Research Institute expressed concern about not wanting to lose memories of these years: "Relics and records of missionaries are at risk of disappearing due to population decline and aging in the West Sea island region."

Economic development has been extraordinary in Korea, a well-known fact. Also, the welfare level of Korea's help for the poor, sick, and disabled has improved greatly and will continue to improve. The Korea of 70 years ago is now just a memory. 

Coexistence

A philosophy professor at a Catholic university gives the readers of the Catholic Peace Weekly some thoughts on Symbiosis in the Diagnosis of the Times Column.

Recent life science has revealed that all living things on Earth arose from a single origin, and accordingly, the mechanisms that form those living things also function according to the same principles. Of course, understanding these facts about the origin of life in connection with God's creation is a naturalistic error and should be avoided. However, the task of reflecting on the principles of understanding and respecting life by philosophically interpreting these facts is a separate matter.

It was Lynn Margulis who revealed this scientific fact. According to this theory, called the theory of symbiosis, all life on Earth is not a single life form, but rather a more complex life form by combining various life forms and living together. There are more microorganisms living in our bodies than there are cells, and without them, our bodies would not function properly. In addition to immune and digestive functions, intestinal microorganisms have an impact that cannot be ignored, even on our emotions and intelligence.

Without them, we cannot exist as living things. Moreover, the phenomenon of symbiosis is not simply limited to the inside of an organism but is also a fact that applies to the entire living world. Not only individual life but also all of life, lives "together". It is a very narrow view of the world as a relationship of struggle and competition simply because individual life forms require other life forms to maintain themselves. In that sense, Social Darwinism, which explains evolution as a process in which the strong survive, is clearly wrong.

No life can validly live as life without other living things and without relationships with them. The relationship is never one-sided. Competition and strife are inevitable in the process of our lives, but they are just one aspect of the process of living things to live together. A story illustrates this fact well in the children's fable "Alice in Wonderland" written by Lewis Carroll. Heavy rain poured down on the village where the animals lived, and everyone got soaked. They decided to run to dry their wet bodies and offered a reward for the best runner. After running for a while, they all stopped running for their bodies were dry. Then, while arguing about who should receive the prize, the Dodo Bird says: Since we are all dry, we all win. "Everyone should get an award."

Competition and strife are inevitable in the society where people live. However, all of this is nothing more than the process that occurs in living together and ultimately moving towards a better life. The church systematizes this fact into teachings about the common good. It is clear that the virtue most lacking in our society is an understanding of the common good, and that it is one of the fundamental causes of a culture of disregard for life.

My life cannot exist without the vitality of other living beings. Only when we practice the principle of living together beyond the microscopic competition and struggle and promote the concept of the common good, can the culture of respect for life be properly established. As Christians, are we not the signs that declare and prove that the kingdom of God has already come into this world but we are not able to experience its presence? The task of Christians towards this is clearly to practice the principle of coexistence that respects and preserves life in the modern world. The transition to a culture of life will then be possible.

Giving Meaning to Life

The Catholic Peace Weekly has an article by a priest with a doctorate in pastoral counseling and now presently working as a counseling psychologist. He is devoted to presenting a holistic life direction in which daily life and religious life are not separated but integrated. 

An old couple came to visit him. The wife said that her husband has been depressed and irritable lately and that she would like him to give him some help.  Mr. Lee looked like he had been dragged along reluctantly. It wasn't a big problem, he said, but he scolded his wife for making a fuss and bothering the busy priest. However, as if he could not resist his wife's persuasion, he soon confessed his concerns.

"Father, I don’t have a smile these days. I had a prostate cancer procedure 4 years ago, and although the procedure went well, I am worried because my PSA (prostate cancer tumor marker) has not returned to normal. The doctor who operated on me said that there is nothing to worry about because prostate cancer is a good cancer and if left untreated, you can live for another 10 to 20 years. They say that if  I die during that time, I will not die from this disease but from a different disease, so there is no reason to be anxious.

"But I'm so depressed right now. No matter how beautiful the scenery is, I can't feel any joy in the thought. 'Those mountains and plants will still be alive even after 10 or 100 years, but I will soon be leaving this world.' So, I've been working out at the gym for 4 or 5 hours these days, but this depression doesn't go away. I even tried dancing at a club where the elderly gather but it was no use.

"I have worked hard up until now, raised all my children well, and now have enough to live well, so I feel so wronged and resentful that I have contracted this disease. I don't know why I want to live like this. I have lived 70 years of my life, so I have lived enough.”

Obsession and desire for life are natural to us humans. How can anxiety and fear for the rest of life be the only emotion felt by Mr. Lee? How would my life change if I was told by a doctor that I had only a few months or weeks to live? Can we truly prepare for death by feeling the preciousness of the present and being grateful for the rest of our lives? Or will we live in pain and helplessness, feeling fear and fear for the short time we have left in our lives? Although we will not die right away like Mr.Lee, just anticipating death can make our lives depressing and helpless. I wonder where the power to transcend death and live happily ever after comes from.

We already know that death anxiety can be overcome with meaning in life. However, only a few people can say with confidence what meaning their life actually has. What anyone can say with confidence is that, at least, I have raised a normal family, had children, raised them well, and have done my best to make a living. 

However, it seems that the great meaning of life was not felt. Could it be that he thought that his life had to be plausible to have some meaning? It is not that I have made a great contribution to the world, nor have I lived a life of great service and love for others.

The meaning of life may not be as grand as others think. Just living each day with joy and gratitude in God and practicing small acts of love is of great significance to believers. Mother Teresa once said, “We cannot have great love, but we can make small loves great.” The meaning of the nun's life was a small life of love that God viewed as great even though it seemed insignificant in human terms.

He concludes with the words that if Mr. Lee who has worked hard to serve God could discover the meaning of ordinary love in his life, he would be able to recover more joy in everyday life. He thinks that perhaps the feelings of anxiety and depression we feel in the face of death are a spiritual message from God that we should live the rest of our lives loving on a deeper level.