Filial Piety and Family Life in Korea

One sees in recent years, many grandmothers and grandfathers living alone in Korea. That was a rare sight before the industrialization. In the little mission station were I am stationed we have a surprising large number living alone. Poverty is part of the problem for many do have families but the elders do feel freer and less of a burden on the family, living alone.

One pastor, writing about visiting an area of his parish met a grandmother on the the ridge of a rice paddy and began a conversation. She mentioned that a son had returned to the village and was now busy repairing the homestead in which his mother was living. He was hearing the sound of the hammer driving the nails in the repair of the old house.

He told the grandmother that must be very happy news for the mother to have her son back and living with her. The grandmother agreed and said she was living alone and hates it, would love to be with the family of her son and daughter-in-law.

Some time later he met the grandmother working in the same area and asked how the son and grandmother were doing: "She must be very happy person now that she is with the family?"

"Well I am not quite sure that all is well. Her son doesn't listen to her and does what ever he pleases, and it is more difficult now than it was when she was living alone."

Living alone has problems but also living with their sons and daughter-in-laws is not always peaceful. There are some elders living alone that have family, if this shows in the family register, the person living alone is not entitled to help from the government.

In teaching of catechism one of the unfair questions that I have asked Korean men is what would you do if there was a difficulty in the family between your wife and mother? They will try to resolve it, but if not possible what then? The son has a difficulty in having to choose between mother and wife. This would be true in all cultures but the Christian understanding that they leave their parents and become one with the wife is not an idea which fits easily into their understanding of filial piety.

There are 7 reasons in Confucian thinking that allows a son to get a divorce and the first is a daughter-in-law not obeying the parents. Filial piety in Christianity is a strong precept but the Korean society probably sees it on a level even beyond that of the Christian. Korean society is not helping to strengthen family life; poverty and the expectations that society has required of families I would see as part of the reason.

The Life of a Missioner in Korea

After ordination, for one year, I work on development work for the society and did a lot of visiting of parishes in an effort to introduce Maryknoll . I was not a very successful promoter but by far most of the encounters with pastors were very pleasant and helpful.

In order to help me get acquainted and to break the awkwardness of doing something with which I was not familiar I would usually start by asking questions. One of the questions to a pastor was: "Father what have you learned over the years that would help a newly ordained priest?"
One priest very quickly told me: "Father buy a chair and sit in it and when your ass gets bigger buy another, and sit." I was certainly stupefied by the answer. I can still remember the parish in which this happened, and have thought of the occasion many times. It was the response of one who must have been hurt much during his years . It has remained with me and has proved that this attitude towards life is possible.

Cyncism is a very unattractive flaw and the older we get a possible response to what we hear and see. Living in Korea and being in pastoral work for many years this response would be rather forced and not natural. The Korean Christians are very respectful of authority, do we have the Confucian culture to thank for this? There is a great deal of formality but this also oils the wheels of relationships.

We know how to react to others. Koreans who are members of a community are extremely respectful of those who are leading the community. There is always a gift when some one comes to visit. I just heard today that those who wear black even during a famine never go hungry and never pay the bill when invited out, there is also a third. I suppose that we have those who can become cynical even in this society but I do not think that it is an easy step for a missioner. The Korean Catholics do have a tendency to spoil their priests, not very helpful for a follower of Jesus. Our Maryknoll Bishop here in Inchon for many years use to remind us that "we came to Korea to do good and we did very well. "

Korean Basic Christian Communities

The Catholic Church in Korea for many years has been working to energize the small group movement (Basic Christian Communities) within the church but according to the recent editorial in the Catholic Times it faces many problems. The apathy of the priests and the lay people was given as a reason for the difficulty.

Probably the Church has trusted too much on the passive knowledge that the Catholics have received at the liturgy, from the readings and the sermons. The Catholic have to meet together in small groups to discuss and carry over to their daily lives what they have learned. In the country, dealing with country matters in the city with the city matters, those with little education with little education. What is important is that they read the Scripture and see their life in the light of the Scriptures. This requires them getting together in small groups and trying to see, judge and act in company with those they are meeting with.


The 5th General Meeting of AsIPA ended on the 28th of October. There was a delegation that attended from Korea and the program was written up in this weeks Catholic paper. "By AsIPA the initials for Asian, Integral, Pastoral, Approach. Asian, for being part of the local culture, and rooted in the daily lives of the people. Integral, to bring all the various aspects of parish life into the community and mission with Christ. Pastoral, caring for all that live around us by all of God's people, regardless of their race or religion. Approach, the tools must build community, enable participation, and build confidence, using Scripture and acknowledging the presence of Christ in our midst." The AsIPA is an Asian adaptation of a program developed in South Africa for Bible-centered small Christian communities. A desk within the Federation of Asian Bishop's Conferences (FABC) Office of Laity and Family oversees its development.

Korea for many years has tried to develop these small group meeting. They have many different names but they all come down to talking with those they know in the Lord to see if they can come to a way of acting on what they have learned from Jesus. Our Bishop representative from Korea commented that : "We in Korea have remained in the area of sharing our thoughts on the Scripture but we have to go beyond this and tie what we have learned from the Scripture to our daily life. If we are going to have a new vision of Church we have to learn what the success of the Philippine Church is able to teach us. "

The Korean Church has the example of small group meetings in the larger society. The Protestants have their weekly gatherings in the homes which does serve as a stimulus and a prod but society has also in the meantime become more complicated. People have less time and more woman are now working outside the home. It is getting more difficult to find time to meet. There will be attempts to adapt to the situation and if the priests and the laypeople do see a need for it, we will be seeing change in the near future.

The Love of Married Life

One of the columnists in the Catholic Times had an article on marriages in Korea, prompted by the many marriage invitations that she has received . It made her reflect on what is love and what is marriage? Below is a summary of her thoughts.

"When the world gets shrunk to one person and that person is lifted up close God that is love. Those who have been in love understand; marriage on the other hand if not going well can change to where it looks like a loose fitting shoe, with the possibility of turning into hate and weariness."

There are some that say marriage has no meaning. There is no longer any tingly feeling in the relationship, the fantasy has evaporated and the times and daily life have removed the pleasant taste.

During the romance period there was the desire to learn all about the secret part of the partner's life, but you learn that there is no mystery and the illusion has disappeared. The other's defects and shortcoming you did not want to see come to full view and you retreat from the mystery and fantasy of married life.

But marriage is not only this but a beautiful promise and one can see it as the greatest gift that God has given to human kind. The important part of the joining of two people for life is the chance to grow more like the other person, and with the passage of the years like fruit, a ripening. The love hate relationship that the couple has experienced has made them closer and stronger in their relationship.

The relationship of the couple is the school in which they have learned the meaning of love, and the learning will continue until death. The time together is teaching them what love is. With time the love grows stronger from the many difficulties they have to endure. She entreats those who are married to live not according to their own ways but the ways of the other.

The love they experienced during the romance period was just a preparation for the true love in marriage. Do not see marriage as paradise but that is where it is heading . She finishes her reflection with the very meaningful Korean expression: "affection of hate".( There is affection even accompanying the emotion of hate) "Marriage is maturing together with the years, the most beautiful sight there is in the world."

We hear discussions on whether we have outgrown the institution of marriage. There are those who see it as an impossible joining of two people for life. It is sad that for many it does not work but can we say it is the fault of the institution, or that the spiritual growth that was necessary in the living together of two people did not keep pace with their chronological age. In my first years in Korea most of the marriages were arranged . The feeling at that time was that love comes after the marriage. I wonder even today if that is not the better way of looking at married love. The Church should possibly give us more examples of this married love, canonizing more of those who have lived a beautiful saintly married life.

Why a Chrysanthemum Festival?

The small community here in Gyodong came back this afternoon from the Sunday Mass and Chrysanthemum Festival in the parish- the parish day of thanks. All who have been working in growing chrysanthemums brought their masterpieces to be judged by the pastor. It began on the first of November and finishes on Sunday the 8th.

The chrysanthemum flower has many different varieties and colors. It was a very popular flower in China that goes back thousands of years, entered Korea and from Korea to Japan, and the rest of the world. Besides the beauty of the flower, it has medicinal uses, culinary and even insecticidal uses.

The judging of the plants should be interesting. There will be plants with just one big bloom and others with a lot of blooms. I heard that they are judged by form, texture, color size and the condition of the flower.

One priest in a small country parish decided to become a chrysanthemum farmer to make his church known. Most thought that there was so little to do in a small country parish that he began farming. However, he says that after he was assigned to the parish many visitors coming to the parish asking for the whereabouts of the church were told they had never heard of it. The community is not that large and it was hard for the pastor to understand why the parish was not known. He decided that he would make the parish known by having a chrysanthemum festival and invite all those in the community.

Many in the community helped out in getting ready for the festival. He also went out to help others in exchange for their work. Eating by himself was not as pleasant as eating with others who came to help. He realized the worth of labor, the pleasure of working with others, more appreciative of God's designs , and bending his back towards the earth helped him to appreciate humility (humus earth). Also there have been those who have decided to enter the Catholic community.

Our Festival in the parish was a success. There was no need to make the parish known but rather a festival to celebrate the beauty of this earth. Besides the exhibition of the flowers, parishoners' works of calligraphy and art were also exhibited. We enjoyed beautiful music during the Mass and the seminarians after Mass entertained us with 'samulnori' ( four instrument pastime)-the Korean traditional percussion music using the four instruments: bass drum, an hourglass like drum, a small gong and a large gong. All done with a great deal of movement which gets those attending wanting to move their feet and hands to the rhythm. We all left with a deeper appreciation of God's beauty in many different forms.

Perception ..something to think about...

Maryknoll News- Of, For and By the Maryknoll Priests and Brothers had an interesting article in which the editor asked us to apply the experiment to Maryknoll.

Washington, DC Metro Station on a cold January morning in 2007. The man with a violin played six Bach pieces for about 48 minutes. During that time approx. 2 thousand people went through the station, most of them on their way to work. After 3 minutes a middle aged man noticed there was a musician playing. He slowed his pace, stopped for a few seconds and then hurried to meet his schedule.

4 minutes later: The violinist received his first dollar: a woman threw the money in the hat and , without stopping, continued to walk.

6 minutes: A young man leaned against the wall to listen to him, then looked at his watch and started to walk again.

10 minutes: A 3 year old boy stopped but his mother tugged him along hurriedly. The kid stopped to look at the violinist again, but the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk, turning his head all the time. This action was repeated by several other children. Every parent, without exception, forced their children to move on quickly.

45 minutes: The musician played continuously. Only 6 people stopped and listened for a short while. About 20 gave money but continued to walk at their normal pace.The man collected a total of $32.

No one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the greatest musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, with a violin worth $3.5 million dollars. Two days before, Joshua Bell sold out a theater in Boston where the seats averaged $100.

This is a true story. Joshua Bell playing incognito in the metro station was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and people's priorities. The questions raised: in a common place environment at an inappropriate hour, do we perceive beauty? Do we stop to appreciate it? Do we recognize talent in an unexpected context?

One possible conclusion reached from the experiment could be this: If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world, playing some of the finest music ever written, with one of the most beautiful instruments ever made.... How many other things are we missing?

Communion and Communication

There are 7 Catholic seminaries in Korea today which have helped to increase the number of vocations but it has also divided the priests into different groups. When the only seminary was in Seoul, all the priests knew each other, and then the Kwangju seminary was built, dividing the priests into two groups. Today we have 7 different places of formation, and for a country that is so homogeneous and organized this is hard for some to accept.


The religious probably have more difficulty with this since they are more accustomed to community. It is not as easy to fraternize with their fellow religious since they are formed in different seminaries.


One religious mentioned that we need "commonio and communicatio", communion and communication if we are going to see renewal in the Church-a sign of health. He would recommend that all the priests in the country after finishing their studies go to the same seminary for a period of "communion and communication". He knows this idea has been around for a long time and does have many who are in favor of the proposal, but he realizes that there are too many obstacles to overcome and in the long run not feasible.


Cardinal Avery Dulles introduced the 5 models of Church in which one was community, (mystical body). These images were not independent of each other but made for an integral approach to what the Church was. All part of our image of Church. A Church where we are all joined together in the body of Christ.


Without our consciousness of communion it would be difficult to communicate on a deeper level . In the Church today there are divisions and misunderstandings; there are problems in parishes , dioceses and communities and most of it comes because of a failure to communicate from the heart, conscious of our oneness in Christ.


The dream of having all the priests go to one seminary for a year of communion and communication is a dream and it will remain so but the desire to see more communion and communicatio in the Church is a very realistic proposal and one that we should all entertain.