Still Waiting for the Korean War Armistice

August 15th is  National Liberation Day and the Feast of the Assumption for Korean Catholics; two good reasons to rejoice. A columnist in the Catholic Times recalls her harrowing experience at the age of 11 during the Korean War. This  experience, part of the life of older Koreans, is still a nightmare for many.

The media covered the 60th anniversary of the start of the Korean War in June, and our columnist said it reopened many of her old wounds with the pain that she felt at that time. When the family heard that the Communists were about to enter the city, her father--a former mayor of the city--and her brother, decided it would be prudent to leave the house. A few days later the communists took control of  their house, and, with red banners fluttering from the front gate, made it the court house of the city. The grandparents, mother and three girls were forced to live in one room.

The communists confiscated the furniture and all their rice; the columnist remembers using her wits to salvage some of the rice that the communists had washed and left lying about. They were also threatened with a knife if they refused to tell them where the father had gone. They continually bombarded the grandparents with all kinds of abuse. It was, she remembers, a hellish time.

The father was finally apprehended and with a number of others was brought into the city and shot. The grandparents left the house on that very day to be with relatives; when they heard the news of his death, they went in search of the body to bury it properly.

After the city was recaptured  from the communists, city leaders formed a security committee to search out the communists and to be in charge of restoring order. The brother of the columnist was a committe member. The mother pleaded with him not to seek revenge on those who assisted the communists. No one, said the mother, should be considered an unfaithful citizen solely on what had been said during that difficult time. If only one person spoke against you, then you would not be able to get recognized as a law abiding citizen and you would not be able to travel freely.

Four years later the mother died, and the writer, now orphaned, spent her time reading to deal with the emptiness she felt. She went to many different Churches, and, after graduating from college, finally entered the Catholic Church and was baptized with the name of Sylvia.

She is now in her 70s and has seen the ups and downs of life. In recent months, with the sinking of the Chonam and the various responses, she feels that matters have become worse. She prays that we do not seek revenge.

What happened after the Korean war with the vigilantes and those who  assisted the communists  is still a wound that has not healed for many, as it has not for our columnist.  When the fighting ends, life just doesn't go back to normal; the scars remain. Is it  best to forget and trust in the good will of the other?  Or do you gain more by being unbending to gain peace--the unconditional approach which has worked in the past? Fortunately for the younger Koreans, there is no need to forget and to ask these questions. They belong, unfortunately, to the older generation who lived through the nightmare.

Getting Rid of Greed, Anger and Foolishness

In Korea, Buddhists are the largest religious group with 15 million members; Protestants are second with 8.6 million and  Catholics next with about 5.1 million. In all three groups, you have  different degrees of  adherence to practice.

In the opinion page of a recent Catholic Times, a writer mentions that Buddhists believe that the troubles that poison our life are greed. anger and foolishness. He describes what we have to do when confronted with these distractions, and begins with the addiction to gambling.
 
He notes that at the subway stop for the horse race stadium, the car empties as the hopeful gamblers make their way to the race track. Although  Korean law attempts to discourage gambling, it does not seem to deter very many. The writer, disagreeing with those who say that gambling is fun, sees it as an addiction to greed--a desire for quick money. Another greed can be seen by anyone walking the streets in the evening: merry making and the attraction of sexual pleasure--all coming from  the greed of the body. "Avoid greed in all its forms...."(Lk 12:15).

Peace of mind and heart are lost with the second poison, anger. Some get angry over the slightest provocation. Some like to inflict pain on others. But there are those who, even when deeply hurt, never lose their composure; fortunately, there are many of them. "Get rid of all bitterness, all passion and anger, harsh words, slander, and malice of every kind."  (Ephesians 4:30,31).

Prejudice comes from superficial knowledge. Attempting to hide our ignorance, we become stubborn, and can fall into great error: "Adulterous conduct, greed, maliciousness, deceit, sensuality, envy, blasphemy, arrogance, and obtuse spirit" (Mk 7:22).  We have to get rid of this foolishness. As Christians we have the virtue of humility and  gratitude that should keep us well grounded. In Buddhism, the writer tells us there are three ascetic practices: do good and avoid evil, keep a peaceful mind, and seek the truth. This is also valid for  Catholics. Let us get rid of our greed, control our anger, and rid ourselves of foolishness.

With over half the population interested in a better moral life, the efforts should show in the way the country becomes more receptive to the things of the spirit.  At present, the Four River Project has united Catholics and Buddhists in opposition to the project. The relationship between the two groups has been cordial and this latest cooperation will make it more so. If Christians and Buddhists were determined to get rid of greed, anger and foolishness, it would make quite a difference in Korean life. Determining  what are greed, anger and foolishness, however,  would require a miracle of grace.

A Foreigner who has Adapted Exceptionally to Life in Korea

There are many talented foreigners living in Korea and some are making those talents available for the good of society. Cristina Confalonieri, recently interviewed by the Catholic Times, is from Italy and had worked at the headquarters of the EU in Brussels, Belgium. She now happily shares her many gifts with the Korean people. She is well known for the television program "Chit Chat of Beautiful Ladies." She also heads the Yeoksam Global Village Center that helps foreigners adapt to Korean Life, lectures at the Catholic University in International Law, and teaches Italian at Seoul National University. As if this were not enough, she is an essayist, works as a civil servant, and is always willing to help the disadvantaged in our society.

She told the interviewer she prefers to be out doing things than staying at home. Since childhood, she prefers to keep busy: studying,  teaching, experiencing things; her talent to multi-task is obvious from what she has accomplished in such a short period of time in a culture not her own.

Since marrying a Korean, she has been asked most often why she picked a Korean? "It  is not that I love a Korean," she says, "but the one I love happens to be Korean. If you are with the one you love, it doesn't make any difference where you are."

She has, however, found it difficult to deal with most Koreans because of their tendency not to say what they think and feel. Adapting to this trait has not been easy for her, although she is now more accepting of this behavior.

During the interview, she mentioned a number of things she wants to spend more time doing. Helping foreign women married to Korean men become more comfortable with the culture is a top priority. She feels sorry for those who have come here from less developed countries and encounter discrimination. She is especially concerned for the mothers-to-be. Unless they are helped now, she believes, their children will feel alienated and have difficulty in being accepted, and this will likely be a problem for the country in future years. The country has not been very accepting of non-Koreans; she would like to change this attitude. Although the culture of our foreigners is, of course, different from the Korean culture, there is no difference in their desire to be loved and to live happily. She wants to be a part of making this a reality in Korea.

Becoming A Member of a New Family

After the Korean War and its destruction of the Korean way of life, many orphans were sent to the West for adoption. The figure heard frequently is more than 200,000 children, most of them to the United States, 60,000 to Europe

The children most likely to be considered for adoption were fathered by Americn soldiers and abandoned, along with their mothers, after the war. Even today, although the government has tried to reduce the numbers of adopted children sent overseas with welfare programs, they are still the largest in modern history. over a thousand every year.

A recent article in the Peace Weekly describes a reunion between a mother and daughter, reunited after many years of separation, the daughter having been sent to Italy for adoption. It was a joyful and tearful meeting, with the mother saying: "You are the same as you were, the same." At the time of the adoption, the mother had recently divorced and felt that for the good of the child, adoption was her only choice.

The daughter, Kim Maria, now 40 years old, had been happy with her adopted parents. She graduated from a university with a doctorate degree, was the mother of two girls and had found work in Rome. But the thought of her birth mother was always with her.

She got in touch with a Korean priest, Fr. Kim, who was in Italy on a study program, and asked him to help find her mother. He was unsuccessful, even after an account of his search for Maria appeared in the Peace Weekly back in March of 2002.  Maria was finally able to find the mother by contacting the agency that put her up for adoption. She immediately notified Fr.Kim  and made the trip to Korea. Fr. Kim arranged for the reunion and served as interpreter.

On witnessing the meeting of mother and daughter, he said it  was like being part of the family. His work is finished, his hope now is that mother and daughter will continue to find happiness.

Difficulty of Changing Social Priorities

The editorial team-head of The Catholic Times and frequent columnist was hesitant to write about personal matters, but believing a poignant family matter was important to share, he found the courage to make it the subject of his column.

He had recently received the surprising news from his wife that she was pregnant with their third child. Many different thoughts passed through his mind. He was happy, but  since they were both over forty, there was also worry. This last child  would make his years of retirement different from what was planned. Taking care of the needs of the child would be an added financial burden, but even more than that, he was concerned for the health of his wife. He had wanted three children; two did not seem enough. Now, he was to have his wish answered.

He received  words  of congratulation and encouragement from many.  It was somewhat embarrassing but he was happy. It was a different feeling from what he had felt with the first two children. These days, having children is good for the  country, he was told; you have done a great work, people would jokingly say.  Of all the words of congratulation received, the one that meant the most to him was from the  mother who gave birth to their third child when she was 45 years old. She also was concerned because of  the  burden on the family, but she was happy with the decision to have the child. With this change in the family situation, another big change was soon to follow. The husband came home early from work and helped with the bathing of the baby, which he had not done with the other two children. The husband's love for the family also increased; he spent more time with the family, and there was more joy and laughter in the home.

Considering the current low birth rate in Korea, which is a  concern of all we need more articles of this type. Today, many young married couples don't want children and of those who do, few have more than two. The big issue is the cost of raising the children, which might account for some of the abortions, more than 300,000 every year-- a staggering figure.

There are families who are taking the  problem of the low birth rate to heart and are having children later than was the case up until a few years ago.  However, the cultural climate in Korea is similar to most of the advanced countries regarding family size: the norm is to raise one or two children and try to do it well.  Even many years ago  here in Korea before it was fashionable you had the  pace setters that the crowd followed--small families. It took many years and a great deal of government help and peer pressure,but the small famlies became the norm.  I was always surprised to see the few large families in the congregation. It made me pause to think what it must have meant for them to go against what  was accepted practice?

 The columnist ends with a prayer: "God, be with all the pregnant mothers and bless them. May the pain of the birth remind the mothers of Jesus and the  cross. And may they be thankful for the new life. Bless them and may we realize that life is your gift. Amen."

Silence as a Response to the Culture of Death.

A professor at the Jesuit University and a member of the Committee for Life of the Seoul  Diocese reports that in recent years more people are taking a pragmatic approach to life. Words like practicality, efficiency, utility are becoming part of our everyday thinking. The practical thing is thought to be the right thing to do, and morality need not be considered.The pragmatic attitude is probably good for the economic health of the country but not so good when applied to more basic goods such as life and love; they are put on the back burner.

The experiments performed by a  professor on embryos, and the subsequent publicity that got the world's attention and praise--until the deception was uncovered--is a particularly distressing example of the pragmatic approach. Supporters admitted that it was an infringement on the right to life, but for the progress and advancement of the country, they felt  the experiments should continue:  morality had to yield. Another example would be the women who were being asked to give ova, for a price, so the experiments could continue. This was against the law but for the sake of science and to be seen as trailblazers in this new field, the researchers' working premise was utility.

Although gene therapy in the womb is now impossible, the government has sanctioned the procedure--another example of efficiency at work.  Laws are made to be  useful, but what is sometimes not sufficiently considered are  the value and respect for life and its protection.

Pope John Paul, in his encyclical letter, "The Gospel of Life," puts it this way:
" In the materialistic perspective described so far, interpersonal relations are seriously impoverished. The first to be harmed are women, children, the sick or suffering, and the elderly. The criterion of personal dignity, which demands respect, generosity and service, is replaced by the criterion of efficiency, functionality and usefulness: others are considered not for what they are, but for what they have, do and produce. This is the supremacy of the strong over the weak."

The Seoul  Committee for Life regularly has an essay in the Peace Weekly that explores different issues of the culture of life, explaining problems we are likely to encounter. The easy way out of the problems is to accept the now pervasive solution of the culture of death. One of these essays wanted us to consider ourselves as accomplices to what has happened in society.  One of the principles often used and accepted by many is that silence means approval. To agree with this principle would make many of us responsible for the way the culture of death has been accepted by so many.

Are We Tuned In To The Right Frequency?

In his column in the Catholic Times, a priest recounts the story of a priest friend who made his retreat  in a monastery.  "The whole day was spent in prayer and doing only what the monks would be doing daily." It was a very prayerful and precious time.

What would a sophisticated  person of the world  think of time spent this way?  Time spent in a non-productive way. Those who want to see results and accomplishments see such time as inefficient, non-productive, a waste of time.

The priest asked himself whether the world would be a better place if there was more emphasis on the values of  efficiency and productivity. He was quick to say no. At the end of the retreat, he wondered if abandoning  the emphasis on efficiency and productivity, he would be taking a step into a better and different world from the one he was in.
 
There are many people who spend time in prayer, attend Mass, say the rosary, read Scripture, spend time before the Blessed Sacrament.  Christians of all persuasions spend a great deal of time in the presence of God in  a non-productive way. Not infrequently, those who pray and meditate  do so for reasons of  health and peace of mind. This is an approach we all can understand, but it is not the understanding of prayer we are dealing with here.

There is another way of looking at this quiet time with God, with its different value system and perspective. Prayer is opening ourselves to God: giving  ourselves to him so that he will be able to change us.  God is coming to us, moving us, speaking to us, so we can go out to others; contemplation is for others. We are globs of clay that we give to him to be  molded into whatever he wants.  For the Christian, this is a given, and deeply influences the way we see time.  In Acts, St. Paul quotes the poets, "In him, we live and move and have our being."  In prayer we try to conform to  God's will and not ask that God's will conform to ours: the initiative is with God, and we wait for his gift.  We believe that he wants the best for us, so we try to get rid of the impediments that prevent him from working in us. Is there anything more practical in a non-practical way?