Moving from the Other to a You

Only in the beauty created
by others is there consolation,
in the music of others and in others’ poems.
Only others save us,
even though solitude tastes like
opium. The others are not hell,
if you see them early, with their
foreheads pure, cleansed by dreams.
That is why I wonder what
word should be used, “he” or “you.” Every “he”
is a betrayal of a certain “you” but
in return someone else’s poem
offers the fidelity of a sober dialogue.

This poem by Adam Zagajewski, translated into English, begins an article in the Kyeongyang magazine by a professor, with a doctorate from an American university in modern poetry, in the English Department of a Korean university. She summarizes what the poem has meant to her and wants to share her feelings with her readers at the beginning of this new year.

When she became aware that for most of us our waking hours are taken up with the 'I', she doesn't know. But it's clear to her now that everything we attempt: decisions, successes, failures, self-examinations, understandings, sorrows,  despairs--all have to do with the "me." Which makes every thing we attempt to do difficult, and going to another level requires more effort than should be necessary.

This is the way our understanding usually comes to us, she says. Everything starts with me but unknowingly, the other doesn't remain the other but becomes an intimate and a warm mystery of 'you'. The other should come to us as a 'you'.  Therefore, if the other can become a 'you', and we let it remain the other, this is a betrayal.

When I am tired by struggling with others, she writes, facing failure on the  battlefield of life and yet still able to stretch  out my hand to the unknown other, the loneliness of the narrow way  I am walking becomes wider. When we have many other 'I' s walking the same way, we turn into a community.

Throwing off the self, she continues, I am able to see the beauty of the other.  When I am able, using all my strength, to give up protecting  my domain, it is then that I find relief, giving me strength to meet the other with happiness.  Having our eyes opened to getting rid of the 'I' and daily making the other into a 'you' as we see the hurt and pain of the other is the writer's wish for the new year.

The Power of Forgiveness

Much is learned, says a priest, from visiting parishioners who have not been coming out to church.  From the way they speak and the attitude they have it is not difficult to determine their degree of sympathy for the Church. There are those who want nothing to do with the priest and don't even open the door, and there are those who respond with a meaningless, I am sorry. You also see a spark of faith in their responses, but it was the response of a middle-aged woman that moved the priest to write about his experience in the  Catholic Digest Reader.

When he asked the woman why she wasn't going to Mass, she answered that she couldn't go to Mass. A few years earlier her husband, a truck driver, had killed a child in a truck accident. The husband spent some time in prison, and they did come to an agreement with the family, but the wife lived with a heavy heart, especially because the mother of the dead child visited them screaming, "Bring my child back to life." The father of the child also came to the home and told her how would she like to have her child struck dead on the road.  She became afraid and started going to the Catholic Church, entered the catechism class, and was baptized.

One Sunday, she said, while at Mass, she was so shocked that her heart seemed to stop. The parents of the child who was killed in the truck accident were members of the same church. And her own child was playing with the younger brother of the child who was killed. She didn't know how she finished the Mass but left for home right after. From that time on, she never returned, fearing that the parents on seeing her, all the anguish of the past would return. She had heard that the dead child's parents were Catholics, but it never entered her mind that they were members of the same parish.

The priest understood how painful and frustrating the situation was for the woman. In any event, he thought; the parents of  the dead child had the keys to solving the problem. The parents of the dead child  were devout members of the community and were thought well of by everybody. They couldn't forget their dead child, but the animosity towards the driver had disappeared. The priest on a visit to their home revealed to them that the wife of the man who killed their son in the accident was a member of the same church. They were surprised to hear the news and remained in silence for some time.

After the start of the new year, the father of the dead child came to see the priest. He told the priest, with a trembling voice, that he and his wife went to see the family of the truck driver a few days before Christmas with a box of apples. They sincerely  apologized for their actions. All they could think of was their child and never considered the pain of the driver of the truck and his feelings. They were embarrassed and sincerely sorry for their wretched and rude behavior towards the family and asked for forgiveness. He even told the truck driver that if he decided to come out to the church, he would like to be his godfather at baptism. He told the priest that he felt a lightness of heart when he thought about all of them coming together at Christmas.

Forgiveness is a gift of grace. It is the ability to embrace all that was done, especially the scars, and emptying oneself of all that was standing in the way of going out to the other in forgiveness. There are probably few things that we know as well from the teachings of Jesus as the call to forgive. Let us expand this heartfelt gift from the individual, to groups, and to nations.

Interview with Archbishop Yeom of Seoul

Yeom Soo-jung, the archbishop of Seoul, in his New Year interview carried in both  the Peace Broadcasting and Peace Weekly,   said he would like to see more Christians who have a better understanding of their faith and a deeper Christian identity. Below are just a few issues that the archbishop considered in the interview

The interviewer asked the archbishop for his thoughts on the  young people of the diocese. He said that the Church has not succeeded in giving them a true value system and a vital  spiritual live. The young, he says, are the future of the country; when the young are hurting, the country is hurting. The older generation has to be concerned  and make the effort to  remedy the situation. Children are the mirrors of the adults; the example of the adults is necessary. Our newspapers and TV show us people hurting others, unscrupulous business people, routine incivility among politicians--all of it a great embarrassment. We need adults who will show our young people a proper value system that is concerned for others. We need examples of those living correctly.

The results of the presidential election have revealed long-standing divisions in our society: between the young and the old, between different sectors of the country, and between ideologies. The interviewer felt that these divisions are increasing and asked the archbishop to comment. The presence of conflict in society, the archbishop answered, is at a critical point. Conflict brings about division, and division brings on greater conflict. After the Korean war and the period of reconstruction, we had, he said, the 'hungry society.' Today we have the 'angry society'. Political confusion, confrontational ideologies, generational misunderstandings, rivalries between different sections of the country, between the rich and the poor, bring about the conflicts in our society, the archbishop said.

Is there a solution to this problem?  asked the interviewer. Dialogue was the answer to the problem, said the archbishop, adding that though it's been proposed over the years, we have seen little of it in society. The master communicator, he said, was Jesus, who summed up the ideal attitude to have when relating to others:  "Treat others the way you would have them treat you."

We all want to be happy. The way this is done, said the archbishop, is to take the gaze off ourselves and turn it to the other. When we lower ourselves and become concerned for the other then we will be happy.

To the question, What does he want to say to the new president? he said he congratulates her and hopes she will be a president who has the love of all the people. A president who will give hope to the people, be magnanimous  and work for uniting all factions of the country.  By becoming the president, she has indicated her desire to be the president of all; he hopes she will keep that ideal in mind and work to providing us a friendlier society.  And with our financial situation getting better, the archbishop expressed the hope that the country will be more concerned with the poor of other countries.

An Open Letter to the Engaged

Many young people spend a good part of their early years looking for a suitable partner for life.To help them make this important transition to married life, a priest in pastoral work for families has written an open letter in the Peace Weekly, with some advice, knowing it's often a time when the young are full of self-doubt and worry.  

He reminds them that all of life is a learning experience, beginning at birth when we learn to walk, to talk, to become socialized enough to live amicably with others, and to live intimately with one other person, as both take on the responsibility of family life. One person alone meeting another such person to love and take care of becomes a complete offering, the priest says, when done unselfishly.

Marriage is one of the most important events in a person's life, and should be an irreversible event. That is why the choice of a life-time mate should be done with great care. To be unduly influenced by the externals in making the choice, not seeing the whole person, is likely to result in choosing the wrong partner; the priest recommends that prayer be used to help make that choice as intelligently as possible .

For couples to be swayed by sexual desire and decide for marriage on this impulse alone is preparing to live a miserable life together, says the priest. He compares this motive to the first button of a garment. If not placed correctly, all other actions are bound to cause problems.

You want a person with the right worldview, a person who understands filial piety as a way of life, knows how to use money, knows how to sacrifice and  be of service to others; obviously not an easy choice to make. It would also help to know the friends of your possible mate, his or her family, and, of course, as much of their preferences as possible. 

The sacrament of matrimony, for Catholics, ties the two together in an indissoluble bond that only death can end; it's prepared for by the sacrament of confirmation and fortified by the Holy Spirit. In the marriage ceremony, the couple should be occupied primarily by the spiritual meaning of their union.  A small and simple ceremony prepares for this in a healthy way; without elaborate ceremonial preparations, they are able to think of what they will give to the partner instead of what they will get.  The night before the wedding the two would do well to  prepare a letter, the priest suggests, outlining the kind of wife or husband they will try to be, and give it to the other on the first wedding night.  

He prays they will overcome all the temptations they will face in life. Not all is accomplished at the wedding. They should remember that married life is a process. They are learning how to live together, and like beginning drivers, there is a lot to learn. He asks that they imitate the Holy Family, and be open to the graces they will be given.

Elements of a Good Conversation

What are the elements of a good conversation? asks a priest in a recent column on happiness. First: Listen carefully to the other, he says, especially when involved in counseling work. There are few people in their 30s and 40s who don't already know the answers to their problems, even if they have come for advice. We need only listen attentively and sympathetically to their complaints.

Second: Put aside the desire to win. In many conversations we often try to convince the other person of the righteousness of our position. It's even difficult to convince family members so you can imagine the difficulty of trying to convince others who don't share your background. 

People find it difficult to change their thinking. The Jews for 400 years were slaves in Egypt; when they received their freedom, they could not forget their past. It took another 40 years of discipline in the dessert to rid themselves of the slave mentality. And even after our Lord arose from the dead, it was difficult to change the thinking of the Apostles.

In life, we select some aspects of life as worthy of pursuing; others that should be ignored. In baseball, for example, a batter is considered good if he's able to select the right ball to hit, at least one out of three times, making the player an elite hitter. Balls are thrown high, low and off to the side  in an attempt to get the batter to make an out. This is often how it is in life. Selecting the right ball, or story, is not easy. To think we are going to put the ball in play all the time or win the heart of those we love all the time with our words is as unrealistic as a baseball player who never makes an out.

Third: Learn to lose graciously. For Koreans, he says, this is difficult to do. Everyone feels the urge to win, to do well in whatever field they are competing in. Children, he says, who are taught to accept the possibility of losing will live properly, but few today, young or old, know how to lose with grace.

Fourth: Do not listen only to one side and then come to a decision, based on some prior knowledge that may now be inadequate. In our faith life, as in other aspects of life, we can be moved by some new and enticing idea that will later prove to be erroneous.

Fifth: End your conversation cordially. There are times when relating with others causes us to be upset. No matter how difficult the conversation has been, we should leave with some kind word for the other. He describes our Lord's conversation, while hanging on the cross, with one of the two thieves nailed to the cross beside him, as an example of a good conversation.

Sixth: Do not quarrel. Better than clumsily judging is to have the wisdom to leave it up to God. Before we are certain and before much thought, it is best not to rebuke another. "Before investigating, find no fault; examine first, then criticize. Before hearing, answer not, and interrupt no one in the middle of his speech. Dispute not about what is not your concern; in the strife of the arrogant take no part" (Sirach 11:7-9).

Words can bring both joy and grief, and the words of the good thief who brought him salvation at the very end of his life should be an example to us of how words can bring not only blessings but a more fulfilling life to us.

A New Year Filled with Hope

We are reminded by the desk columnist of the Catholic Times that this year in the East is the year of the snake. Our task, he says, is to use it well. God gives us the seeds and not the fruit. We are to sow the seeds and nurture the plant until it produces fruit. As we enter the new year, he asks us to ponder what would be necessary to make it a year filled with hope.

For a Christian, he says the best answer would be to make the journey with the Holy Spirit as our guide. As is true of any journey, what is important is deciding with whom do we make the journey. The Holy Spirit has promised to be with us to the end of time, which should be reason  enough to know which traveling companion is best.

While a speedy and safe trip is always welcomed on any new journey, a reliable compass pointing out which direction to take is more important. If we lose our direction, we  can roam aimlessly and get lost. A compass is necessary to reach our goal. For us, it is the Scriptures. Like rails a train needs to travel on, Scripture can carry us on to our destination. Without it, our efforts are often derailed and our destination out of reach. Likewise, without the proper guiding words and prayer, we can find ourselves without a destination.

Scripture not only aids us as a compass but as a map; the map shows us not only our destination but also how to get there. What may be necessary, in the new times we are living in now, is a new map, a new explanation to fit the challenges of our present culture.

Let us rid ourselves of our regrets and failures by holding on firmly to our  Lord's hands.  We are loved more than we can imagine. When we are not relating with our Lord and have no reason for thanks, we will find ourselves lacking peace and squabbling with others. When we can throw off our greed and show concern for others, we will have thanks come back to us. Each day is a new beginning. Let it begin with caring words such as I love you, Thank you, Be happy.

If we are to experience the goodness of life and  give thanks, it is taken for granted that there have been times of helplessness; we should not fear them. They are the shortcuts to experiencing blessings. We do not envy another's good luck but try to imitate their persevering efforts in not giving up when the going gets tough.

We are beginning a new year and, as in all new beginnings, doing so without blemish or regrets. Let us give thanks for this new beginning and live it with joy.

World Day of Peace Message 2013

Each year at this time we prepare for the New Year and in the Church also for World  Peace Day. The Holy Father greets all Catholics with his message of peace, asking us all to be messengers of the culture of life and peace, as does the recent editorial in the Catholic Times.

In the Pope's peace message, entitled "Blessed  are the Peacemakers," he notes that because we all have a desire for peace we have both a right to its blessings and a duty to work for its attainment, despite the continual threat of bloody conflicts and war.

"It is alarming to see," he says, "hotbeds of tension and conflict caused by growing instances of inequality between rich and poor, by the prevalence of a selfish and individualistic mindset, which also finds expression in an unregulated financial capitalism. In addition to the varied forms of terrorism and international crime, peace is also endangered by those forms of fundamentalism and fanaticism that distort the true nature of religion, which aims to foster fellowship and reconciliation among people.... In effect, our times--marked by globalization, with its positive and negative aspects, as well as the continuation of violent conflicts and threats of war--demand a new, shared commitment in pursuit of the common good and the development of all men, and of the whole man." 

The pope sees our universal desire for peace as being part of God's plans for the world. Having been created with this desire, it's only natural for us to make efforts to achieve it; peace is the fruit of the gift of life we have received. Peace allows us to live with others in fruitfulness, in fellowship and sharing. A necessary condition for its reception is to breakdown the dogmatic acceptance of relativism.
 
In order to be a worker for peace, according to the editorial, we have to be in  continuous communication with God.  We are then able to bring light into the darkness that engulfs peace, overcoming evil in its many guises: egotism, violence, greed, hate, injustice, to name only a few. Those who are working for their eradication are the protectors of peace. 

In the world today, as the pope has mentioned, with its injustice and violence, abortion and euthanasia, and the like, we are violating the dignity of the person. And the clearest example of this occurs when we accept the culture of death. It is the task of Christians to work for the undoing of this culture of death.  When we act against human dignity, we cannot  foster happiness and peace. Let us in the new year be workers for peace. 


Happy New Year