Working for a Win/Win Situation

Recently much has been made of the Gap-Eul culture (see May 26 blog).  Even comedians are finding ways of getting the words into their routines, says the Catholic Times writer in his View from the Ark. The current understanding, seen as natural,  of the words ascribes being strong (having an advantage others don't have) with the word Gap, and being weak (lacking an advantage in any confrontational situation) with the word Eul, our writer believes this understanding to be woefully misleading.

No one is questioning, he says, that society is made up of individuals who are often described as weak and strong participants in our society, but we should not forget the win-win possibilities, one of the ways to build a healthy society. Otherwise, the weak tend to be oppressed by the  strong, and the law of the jungle prevails.

Recent incidents where the Gap (the strong) have oppressed the Eul (the weak) have angered many, leading to demands to remedy the situation. But law is not the answer for this type of abuse, says the columnist. We should rather look at ourselves and see where we have played the part of the Gap and used others to our advantage. He points out the example of Jesus, who was the Gap of Gaps and yet he accepted the role of the Eul.  Guided by this example, the writer suggests six ways for persons who are in a Gap position to overcome the temptation to take advantage of their position.

First: When someone asks for help, I can give it or not. This is my Gap position, but since as a Christian I have the duty to love, which is a debt I can't fully repay, this makes me a Eul.

Second: When people ask for my opinion or advice, I can consider myself Gap because of the trust they place in me. But remembering that wisdom comes from God makes me a Eul. 

Third: If I have a position in society with some authority, receiving respect that comes with the position, that makes me a Gap. But realizing that as a Christian I'm obligated to love my neighbor as myself, I know that when another is suffering I too am suffering, this makes me a Eul. Fourth: When I have received help and have paid out money for the help, the work done, I am a Gap, but to remember that without that help it would have been difficult to live the way I do, making me thankful and respectful to those who have helped me, this makes me a Eul.

Fifth: When I have money at my disposal to use the way I want, I am a Gap, but when I remember those who have difficulty living well, often not getting enough to eat, this makes me a Eul. Sixth: Thinking I can use what I have in the way I want makes me a Gap; when I realize all is a gift, this makes me a Eul.

Above all, when I remember I am God's child and friend and the temple of the Holy Spirit, I'm teaching what it is to have the blessings of a Gap. And when I live as a Eul, admonishing myself, lowering and behaving circumspectly, and asking especially from  the Holy Spirit for the gift of awe, I'm teaching what it is to have the blessings of a Eul. Both qualities are needed, both blessings help us to become the whole persons we were meant to be.


                               

Aftereffects of Propaganda

During the month of June, Catholics will be asked to pray for reconciliation and unification. This year, marking the 60th since the end of the Korean War, each diocese will set aside days to form a chain of prayer for the country.

A journalist of the Catholic Times recalls that during her first three years in grammar school, when the "Defense of the Country Month" came along, she often felt stressed because of the anti-Communist posters that seemed to be everywhere. She was too young to understand what happened during that war, she said, and being asked to draw pictures of North Korean soldiers captured by the South was difficult.

She had never seen a North Korean soldier, but in her drawings she remembers drawing dog-like teeth and horns coming out of their heads, making them look like monsters on a blood-red background. Her imagination or creativity, she said, had little to do with what was drawn; the pictures were similar to what the other students had drawn because of the intense anti-communist school programs. It was only later that she realized that those in the North had the same facial features as the Koreans in the South. The shock in learning this, she says, is still with her today.
 
At that time, rather than peace, it was confrontation that she and her classmates were being taught. The anti-communist programs have ceased but our understanding of the North, she says, has not changed very much. There are many who feel no need for unification and still harbor feelings of hostility toward the North. Those that feel this way would be considered the normal ones. Those that feel unification is a task for others to pursue would be large, since most Koreans have no interest in the unification project.
 
The Bishops National Reconciliation Committee has a number of different programs to help change this thinking: prayer meetings, symposiums, pilgrimages to the demilitarized areas, and the like. If, as Christians, we remember that the North Koreans are our brothers and sisters, our efforts are more likely to lay a solid foundation for reconciliation.
 
As Koreans, the bishop-president of the committee says we want to reconcile. As Christians, being brothers and sisters in Christ, we want to show magnanimity. And the journalist adds that like the times we made posters against the North, now is the time for making posters for reconciliation.

When we use propaganda to achieve a goal without a proper regard for the truth, the results often come back to haunt us. The efforts in the past to manipulate the thinking of the South toward the North may now be a stumbling block for many South Koreans who are finding it difficult to give up the old stereotypes of the past.

Doing what we Believe

We have all seen the picture of the  beheaded soldier in England and the woman who accosted the killer to stop any future killing. The picture was seen throughout the world. There were children leaving a school, and she thought that her actions would help stop the killing. She asked the person with the knife and gun in his hand, what did he want? As a Christian she felt it was her duty to do what she did. "We have the duty to help one another" is how she felt.
 
A columnist writing in a recent issue of the Catholic Times gives us her account of what happened, believing it was the woman's religious motivation that moved her to act as she did more than her maternal instincts.  She wanted to help those who were in a difficult situation, the columnist said, and was willing to face personal bodily harm by doing so out of love for her neighbor.

The columnist brings up the acronym NIMBY: Not In My Back Yard, which she says is the thinking of many in society: the unwillingness to accept any kind of sacrifice. The tendency in society is such that even those supposed to be the salt and light of the world are having difficulty bringing God into their everyday experiences. Isn't this what the Church is meant to be in society? she asks.

A theologian once said the greatest crisis facing the Church is that we do not live what we believe.  Numbers increase while the quality of our inner life decreases. Seeing this 'black cloud' hovering over the Church, she laments what this could mean for the future of the Korean Church.  
Pope Francis  in one of his recent sermons said our words have to be consistent with our actions. To make the Church believable, our words and our lives have to be one. We have to understand that when we are not witnessing by our lives what we believe, we can't proclaim the Gospel of Jesus.
 
The Second Vatican Council told us that justice was the way to peace. Peace in the world is the result of a life of love, and Jesus is the icon of that peace and its result. At each Mass, we say the prayer for peace. We should reflect on how to  make it a part of our life of faith, and can honestly say we are instruments of God's peace in the world.

Helping to Make Hospice Known

Film director Daniel Nam read about the Mo Hyon Hospice and was so moved by what he learned that he made a film about hospice life, Passionate Good bye, which will open on May 30th. The Catholic Times interviewed the director.
 
Mo Hyon is a word for  'mother's knoll', which refers, according  to the Religious Sisters working in the hospital,  to Mary, the mother of Jesus, who met  her son on the way to Calvary. A fitting name for a hospital for those who are terminally ill and are preparing for their last journey.

Seeing the way the terminally ill were still making the most of life, and the dedicated caring of those patients, the director said his negative feelings about death changed. The end of earthly life is not always tragic and can be a blessing, he said. Having witnessed how patients at the hospice faced death with courage and consolation, he wanted this made known to others. Knowing that death is close and yet getting a driver's license or writing their life stories or preparing to travel has moved the director to include these inspiring will-to-live stories into his movie script. The patients were also an inspiration, he said, for the actors in the film.

He mentions a 6-year old child who was saying good bye to his mother. The mother told him she would remain with him as an angel after her death. The child took the oxygen mask his mother used and put a chrysanthemum flower in it, believing that his mother will always be with him as an angel, an actual incident from the hospice. 

No one cared enough about the story, he said, to invest in the film, even though he revised the script over 70 times. The sisters told him why go ahead with a film that will not make money. Films are made, of course, with a desire for profit but death is not a  popular subject. Hospice is not readily understood in our Korean society, he said, so he wants to use the film as a teaching aid to acquaint as many as possible with the hospice movement.

He took a 12-week course to learn what is involved in caring for hospice patients. He established the Phoenix band, which for the last four years has come to the hospice to entertain the patients. The band helped build a warm relationship between patients and staff. He considers himself a tool to convey to as many people as possible the hospice message. 

Did the fear of death disappear for him? he was asked.  No, it's still there, he said, but now, having seen God's script being played out in the lives of those dealing with life and death, there is a greater understanding. He hopes those seeing the film will find consolation, laughter and joy in the story. Sharing our brief life on earth with others, he said, life becomes happier--"My life is God's." And he hopes it will continue to be full of meaning. He still lives with a 'question mark' when it comes to life and death, but does not feel alone in his questioning. In the past many others  have shared their reflections on the subject, so he has plenty of good company.

The Power of Words of Encouragement

It is often said we are slow to give words of praise and encouragement but quick to criticize. A Catholic diocesan bulletin tells the story of a child, his teachers and his mother, and how words of encouragement can nullify words of criticism. It started in kindergarten when the mother of the child was told by the teacher that her son 's behavior was erratic; he couldn't remain seated for three minutes, she said. On the way home, the mother told her son the teacher had praised him, from not being able to sit quietly for a minute to now being able to sit for three minutes. That evening, the boy, who usually needed to be prodded to eat, had two bowls of rice.

Time passed, and he entered grammar school. His teacher told the mother his marks were extremely poor, and he should be examined to uncover the problem. The mother, despite being upset by the remarks of the teacher, that evening told her son that the teacher had said he had a good mind, and if he studied hard he would be able to be the 21st in the class. Hearing these words, the boy's face lit up and he began walking around like a grownup.

When he graduated from middle school, the mother was told that with his marks he would find it difficult to enter a good college. The mother again told the boy that his teacher had said he has a good mind and with some effort, he would be able to enter a first class college, which he did, and graduated with honors.

When he received word of acceptance at college, he grasped his mother's hands and overcome with emotion, thanked her for her encouragement and love during those difficult early years. It was all your doing, he said, you made me what I am today.
The story clearly shows what can be achieved in turning around what could have been a difficult school experience for a child, if a mother's words of encouragement had not trumped the words of criticism coming from her son's many teachers. More than gifts, the bulletin stresses, greater results can be achieved by giving encouraging words.

And they are so easy to give, the bulletin points out, and we can always find a reason for giving this gift. A Korean proverb says we can repay a great debt with words of praise. One person has even recommended that we write down in a notebook these words of encouragement whenever we have been praised. When read again, they often have the ability to bring out the best in us.

Fear and Love in Our Faith LIfe

On the open forum page of the Catholic Times, the writer remembers a fishing trip of a few years ago, which left him with some thoughts about life and death. He was fishing at night in an area which was rugged and dangerous. It was pitch dark, and he was a little frightened. He heard a grumbling sound and looking around, about 10 meters from where he was standing, he saw a fisherman with his hat pushed flat on his head, humming. His first thought was to  begin a conversation but then decided it was best not to disturb him, and his attention went to his Soju (Korean liquor). When he looked again, he was gone.

Shortly after, he felt nausea and a shivering in his back and quickly left the area. The next day at the fishing store of the area, he mentioned what happened and was told it was a rather common experience of others at that spot, at that time of year.

One of the explanations, for those who like to deal with this kind of story, would be that it was a visit from the spirit world; another explanation would be that it was an optical illusion, that he had mistaken some natural object for what he thought was the fisherman. He mentioned that as a child there were times when similar occurrences did happen to him. Whatever the reason, he admits that it was a cause of fear.

Fear of what we have experienced in the past does not compare to the fear of something unknown, he says. The unknown world, death and the after life presents us with a great abyss. When we reflect on death and what is to follow, can we say, he wonders, that awe and fear have no place in our thoughts, remembering that the God of the Old Testament instills awe and fear.                                                                                                                                 In the New Testament, instead, we find intimacy and love, and yet the fear of hell seems to have more power to move our hearts. As believers we trust in the love of Jesus but also fear the loss of this love. For the writer, this means that both fear and love are motivations for his faith life.

Fear is not the same as being afraid, however. We talk a great deal of reverential fear, the fear of hurting those we love, awe in relating with God and the things of the spirit. When using words it's very easy to give them meanings another person would not accept. We have heard we are limited in what we think by the words we have available to express what we think.  A good reason, the writer advises, for us to make the effort necessary to understand what is being said without limiting the meaning of what is said to the limited meanings of our own mental dictionaries.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        

Helping the Young to Dream

Polarization--isn't it the distinguishing feature of our society? wonders the priest writing in the diocesan bulletin. Isn't it the reason for our many problems? Isn't the neo-liberalism brand of capitalism, now our self-portrait, responsible for the rich getting richer and for the poor being pushed to the brink, without any opportunity for change, for improvement?

The priest working with the youth in the Incheon diocese mentions that many of the young people who have runaway from home and  come to the youth shelters are invariably from the homes of the poor who have been pushed to the brink. The parents of these young people do not know, it seems, how to love their children. In the past, it was the stepmother who was the problem. Nowadays it's the parents who abandon their children, beat and abuse them.  Obviously, it's because the parents themselves have been tormented by their poverty that they have been unable, he says, to be proper parents. All are to be pitied, if under these difficult circumstances they have found it difficult to express normal parental love.

How is this to be changed? he asks. The understanding of love that we have as Christians is far from the reality that we have in society. But we can't just remain with that thought, he says. When a passenger ship is sinking and we can't save them all, we don't give up trying to do so. The Incheon diocese, since 1996, has established a children and youth foundation to help these young people who  have  been pushed to the limit. They have provided temporary shelters, short and long term, independent living centers to help rehabilitate them to begin a new life. There are counseling centers, treatment and training centers to help these young people begin a healthy life.

Why so much effort with the youth? There are many answers to this question. One is that the time with the youth is short, and a great deal can be done to remove the tragedy that could await them.

It is said that a person's values are as large as the dreams they have. In the shelters, the priests says, if you ask the children what dreams they have, invariably they say they don't have any, nor ever felt a need to dream. It is imperative, the priest said, that we help them form dreams and nurture those dreams for the future.

The slogan for the diocesan work with the youth, he says, is 'Yism' (Youth-ism). The hope is to help the young make a transparent and authentic effort to form dreams for the future. Isn't this the lofty hope that we should all have for our young people?