Facing Issues Without Specialists

Suicide prevention is a topic of great concern to Korean society. And the "Heart and One Body Movement"  of the Seoul diocese has been in the forefront in addressing this urgent issue. As reported in the Peace Weekly, the Heart and One Body Movement is using the principles of Harrison Owen's Open Space Technology to structure their programs, as they did recently in discussions with members of the Legion of Mary.

In one of the first meetings, with more than 50 attending, several suggestions were made, including the need for more education on how to prevent suicides, for more study rooms for children of parents who have to work to support the family, and for children of divorced parents, or wherever conditions exist that lead to neglected children.

The Religious Sister who heads the center for suicide prevention has begun a forum  according to Owen's Open Space principles, which include abandoning the established framework and formalities for such meetings, proceeding without specialists, with an open  forum where a variety of ideas can be expressed as the need dictates, involving issues not easily solved, having high potential for conflict, and requiring an urgent issue--all of which are helpful in motivating the participants.

Sponsored by the One Mind and One Heart Movement the topic at a recent meeting was "What can we do to make our communities secure  from the problems associated with suicide?" The discussion was heated and the following were some of the suggestions offered.
 
*Why does a person commit suicide?  *Why does a person become lonely? *How can we read the hearts of those who are lonely? *How do we approach a person who is suffering from depression? *How do we go about saying a caring word to those who are lonely? *How do we go about being helpful to those who are lonely? *How to we show love to those who are having difficulty? *How are we to look after children who are neglected? *Should we gather children of the same age into groups?

Using open space technology principles, all participants in the forum were seen to take a lively interest in the discussion, with each participant deciding on some plan of action.  It is not the kind of program that attempts to fill a person's head with knowledge but instead attempts to find within one's self the answers to urgent issues. By hearing a variety of answers that come from personal experience, we are more likely to have a better understanding of what we are capable of achieving in the future.

The climate for the discussions was prepared without specialists with the experience and knowledge of the participants that was consistent with their religious faith. The group was not in any way impeded from coming up with resolutions that were doable, energizing the group to work toward these goals in the future.

Learning from the Olympics

The desk columnist of the Catholic Times shares his thoughts on the recently completed Sochi Olympics. The Olympic games, along with the World Cup, are heavily involved with commercial interests and extreme competition, a fact often criticized by some segments of the population. The games, however, the writer notes, do take us away from the inevitable boredom that creeps into every life, distracting us, and often providing real drama.

The athletes for a period of 4 years are continually practicing, intent on achieving their goal, winning the gold medal. All are working with all the energy they can muster for that one moment of glory. This is the reason we greet them with our applause.

In the Sochi Olympics we saw the Korean Ahn Hyun-soo win the gold for Russia in the short-track speed racing events. Many Koreans applauded Ahn for his victory but at the same time felt a sense of loss. There had been a problem with the skating federation in Korea and  the government-affiliated group, which were responsible, the columnist believes, for his defection, though he admits it was a complicated issue. To continue to skate, doing what he loved to do, Ahn decided to go to Russia,  become a citizen, and race for  Russia. The columnist feels that Korea should have been more understanding and allowed him to skate for his country.

We need to do well whenever we are given the chance, the writer says. Many dramas, songs and books have the theme of failing to do our best when we have the opportunity and regretting it after. Is this not true in the divorces that we see so often? he asks. Even though the separated partners often express no regret for having divorced, he feels this is a lie. When those who were so close and considered each other precious, if they had related with each other differently, it wouldn't have happened, he says.

This can also be seen in the parent-child relationship. When children finally grow up and want to make amends for a difficult family relationship, it is often too late and they are faced with the death of the parents. Wasn't this the case with Peter in the Gospels, he wonders,  when Peter betrayed our Lord and was left with an eternal lasting regret.  Let us do our best, he advises, when we have the chance.

This situation is not any different in the Church community. In the West, Christians are leaving the Church in large numbers, youth are leaving, vocations have dropped, religion no longer interests many of our Christians. On Sundays the churches are empty and there is no guarantee that the Korean Church will not go the way of the West.

The Church in Korea, however, has been blessed. Compared to the West, we have vitality and many vocations to the clerical and religious life. Even though life is busy, the Christians are very active in the life of the Church and are supporting it by their time, effort and prayers.

What is needed is more effort in growing into mature and holy Christians. We have no guarantee that it will remain this way, so he recommends that we deal with the parishioners as brothers and sisters, one by one, to prevent the dissatisfaction that we see in other parts of the world.

The Braggart's Disease

When we have a strong desire  to be appreciated and recognized but feel we are not, some of us will resort to the strangest schemes to solve our problem. A bulletin for priests recounts two such schemes, selected from a book of essays the writer had read many years before.

A woman in China who had an exquisite bed wanted to boast about it to the  whole world.  Since it was in her bedroom, showing it off to others would be difficult. She needed to find a way to brag about her bed that would seem reasonable.  She decided to spread the rumor  in the neighborhood that she was sick. This would bring many to her house and bedroom where they would see the bed and envy her. At the same time there was another woman who had a beautiful underskirt and was searching for a way to brag  about it.

Here again, since it was an underskirt she needed to find a way to brag about it without seeming to do so. She had heard about the woman who was sick and decided to visit her, and while there find a way to brag about her underskirt. Two women with the same hidden agenda are about to meet, one wanting to brag about her bed, the other wanting to brag about her underskirt. 
 
The woman with the underskirt, during the visit, did not ask about the problem the sick woman was having;  she was intent only in showing off her underskirt while she was sitting in the chair by the bed. She looked to see if the woman in the bed was looking at her underskirt. The woman in the bed noticed that the woman didn't show any interest in why she was in bed, and so concluded that she was there to show off her underskirt. The woman with the underskirt realized she hadn't asked the woman in bed the reason for her being in bed, and started showing some interest. The woman in the bed then told the woman with the underskirt that they both had the same disease: the braggart's disease.

This desire to be appreciated, says the writer,  comes from our trying  to free ourselves from the feeling of inferiority, and can bring about many personality problems. When this feeling of inferiority takes over, we become interested in externals, and vanity grows,  which makes for an unhealthy inner life. Instead of living according to our philosophy of life and convictions we are overly  concerned about what others may think about us, which makes it difficult for us to live an authentic life. 

When we look at ourselves with the eyes of faith, however, we notice that we have little to boast about, and are able to see more clearly our weaknesses. Even if we should find that there are things we can be proud of, looking at them carefully we notice that they have not been all our doing, having to acknowledge that we have received help from others, from family, from our environment, from God. With these thoughts we are humbled and begin to see our self more honestly.

"The greatest among you will be he one who serves the rest. Whoever exalts himself shall be humbled, but whoever humbles himself shall be exalted" (Matt.23:11).

 

What the Korean Martyrs Can Teach Us

In one of  Korea's  best selling novels an American is walking on a country road, sometime before the Korean War, when he sees a Korean couple: the man is riding a donkey, the woman walking behind him, puffing. The American asked the man if he knew about the 'ladies first' custom. The man said it was not Korean custom.

After the Korean War, the American returned to Korea and on the same road he met something quite different from what he had seen before the war. The woman was riding a donkey and the man was walking quite a distance behind. Things really have changed in Korea, he murmured to himself. But when he heard the reason for the change, he was stunned speechless.  After the war many still-unexploded land mines were thought to be in the area, and the man was being careful by having his wife go first. In the past, this thinking was expressed in the  short phrase: the domination of man over woman.  In  View from the Ark in the Catholic Times, the columnist, with tongue in cheek, says the men are making a big fuss over the changes.

One humorous story making the rounds, she says, among the many now being heard, is the one about a department store for husbands, where women can go to select the perfect marriage partner. You start on the first floor and proceed from there to the upper floors, each floor having better quality "merchandise" until arriving finally at the top floor, the fifth. 

One day, two women entered the department store. On the first floor, the welcoming sign said that the husbands on that floor had jobs and were good to children.  This was not bad, the women agreed, but they wanted to see what was on the second floor.  Here, they were told the husbands make a lot of money, are good to children and were also good looking. On the third floor, the husbands, besides having the qualities of the husbands on the first two floors, would help in doing the household chores. The husbands on the fourth floor had the qualities of the husbands on the other floors but also possessed romantic personalities. The two women, still not satisfied, were now set for seeing what 'jackpot' awaited them on the fifth floor, feeling their high expectations were soon to be realized. The sign on the fifth floor said: "Better to live alone. You want too much."

The columnist reminds us that women in the patriarchal society of the past greeted Catholicism with great hope: Before God all were equal. This teaching was felt by many as freeing the souls of our women. In the new list of those to be beatified, 24 of the 123 are women. She feels we need more stories telling us about our women martyrs.

One of these martyrs is Kang Wan-suk (Columba) who  was a leader in the early years of the Church in Korea. She was subjected 6 times to the leg-screw torture (a twisting of the legs with two sticks inserted between them). They wanted to find out where the Chinese priest Fr. Chu Mum-mo was hiding. She never uttered a word. When she heard of his death, she wrote her reminiscences and gave it to a Christian, but this has been lost. She died by beheading at the age of 40.

In Korea today there is of course no fear of dying like the martyrs but we can live, she says, with the same spirit of humility and emancipation.  Before blaming another, she urges us to look deeply at ourselves. And as a seeker after truth give thanks for everything, helping those who are struggling in our society. Isn't this the proper way, she asks, to live the spirituality of the ancient martyrs in each day of our lives in the 21 century?

Understanding the Culture of the Internet

On the subways almost everybody is busy with their smartphones, the ever present sign of the digital world we are now living in. A marriage of digital technology and the new media. The results of this marriage make possible a wide range of personal relationships and creativity never before even imagined. Thanks to digital technology we are being tied together, willingly or not, by accessing, via computer, the world wide web. The smartphone has become for many another appendage to the body.

A priest who has studied  mass media and religion reflects, in his column in the Catholic Times, on the social  results of this digital world. Anything that comes to us as new has as its foundation, he points out, something from the past which has made it possible. What is totally new, he says, can't produce anything meaningfully new; mixing two things completely new and presenting them to the public will, he believes, only be greeted with perplexity.  Consequently, the inventor has to prepare the public to receive the new product. Apple, the computer manufacturer, prepared their advertising to make their ground-breaking products readily acceptable to the public.

In a word, the new media is not something completely new. Within it, we have the technology from the past: the button and the switch, which enables us to move to a new step in the evolution of the media. Although it may present some initial problems, we are soon able to follow the changes that are taking place.

We may use the new technological improvements but their  implications and actual reality is something else. If someone spends the whole day in front of the monitor shopping, he is not necessarily knowledgeable about the internet. The office worker seated before a monitor all day long also may know little about how the internet works. Being able to use the internet, as consumers, does not necessarily mean understanding the internet. Those who are managing the internet are supplying us with what we want, and they want us to use what is offered, the priest says, and not to bother to look any deeper.

We can try to get to know what is going on but it is very difficult for most of us. What we can't overlook is what has led up to the new media. Besides being an industry, technology, content, an aspect of the culture it is a text we have to decode. In conclusion it is the enviroment in which we live.

 

Those working in the  media, however, are busily and continually reading us, intent on learning our preferences. "Would you possibly be interested in this article?" and similar queries often appear unbidden on our computer screens. Media's ability to determine our preferences can give us goosebumps.

It is now time for us to read what they are about--from being read to reading them.

K- pop And Meaning

K-pop is the abbreviation for Korean popular music. A priest studying overseas writes in his diocesan bulletin about the popularity of this mixed music genre: electronic, hip hop, pop, rock, and rhythm and blues, with its high spirits, catchy rhythm and well-done  choreography. Not only is K-pop popular in Japan, China and throughout South Asia but it has spread to Europe and the United States. 

He recalls a time last year when one of these K-pop songs caused a great sensation, becoming extremely popular. It had a lively rhythm, was easy to sing, and the choreography was comical. The vocalist, with   show-stopping attire, caught people's attention. Walking the streets of the city, you would hear the song coming from  many different places. The lyrics were easy to remember, and without  paying much attention to the song, he found himself muttering the words to himself. Later, he checked to see if the words were saying anything; there was, he said, no meaning he could make out, though the rhythm was lively and full of fun.

There is no intention, he says, to criticize the vocalists who sing such songs, but when songs have no discernible meaning but are entertaining only because of their lively rhythm and appealing choreography, it may tell us, he says, something about the culture we are making. Are we losing the desire to search for meaning? he asks. Isn't this the tendency we are seeing in our society today?

The songs we remember from the past, our best-loved songs, are the ones with meaning. Anything with meaning, not only songs, continues to remain in our memories. Nowadays, it seems that whatever is lively or interesting or entertaining is enough to grab our attention.

When teaching  students in his Sunday school program, he often hears the phrase "This is not fun; I don't like doing it." If we attempt to find meaning in what we do, without making it also entertaining, the chances are, he says,  that our students will not want to do it.

The mass media gives us many cultural ways of enjoying ourselves. The variety of entertaining possibilities are countless but if that is all we are looking for, we are missing a great deal. Before asking: Is that amusing and fun, we should ask what meaning could it have for me?  More important than looking for amusement and fun would be to look for what is long-lasting and profitable.

An objective, abiding meaning that can be discerned in life events is frequently thought not to exist; for many of us everything has merely short-term meaning. Trying to discover a more lasting meaning is considered illusion. The attempt is often made to fill the emptiness that comes with these thoughts with fun, entertainment and pleasure, only to finally realize their changing and impermanent nature, returning us once again to the emptiness.

The on-going search for meaning in our lives is essential. Those with some type of belief that enables one to continue searching will not be disappointed. A good book that has influenced many in their search for meaning is Viktor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning. 

Trust Between Generations

The first step in mutual understanding, says a college professor, is to realize that others  may not know the same things you do. Asked by an elementary school teacher to speak to her class, he talked to them about the war between North and South Korea, which began, he noted for the benefit of the class, on June 25, 1950. He was surprised that the students commented on his remembering the date but they knew nothing about the war. How could they not know about the war? he wondered.

This year new students, born around the year 1995, will be entering his college class. What kind of introduction will he prepare for the course they will begin? If what is said does not register with them, they will be perplexed. Just one generation away from their present reality may be all that is necessary for not understanding what many take for granted. This is not the students fault, he says; it is something that has been true in the past for all generations.

Whether teaching the younger generation as students, as workers, or dealing with them in other capacities, it is necessary to acknowledge, he says, the inevitable  gap that exists in Korea between the generations, a feeling of distance that  can give rise to distrust. Moreover, the pace of change in Korea has been one of the fastest in the world. Consequently, the older generation sees the younger generation as thoughtless, and the younger sees the older as "old fogies."  He admits that he has also spoken to these "old fogies" himself without the openness he felt he should have had. But it was, he admits, his way of feeling comfortable with them. 

This kind of relationship--where we lack the desire to communicate and the generation gap only allows us  to relate with others as strangers so as not to confront honestly and openly with one another--will it not, he asks, make this society a living hell? A  society that has lost its reason and trusts only in strength only adds, he believes, to the ill  feelings between classes. In a  recent survey among 21  developed countries  53 percent said they would have to take responsibility for their old age. The highest percentage of all the countries. Expectations on a nation's welfare system and trust in the government was one of the lowest of all the countries and he does not see this as  a sign of the elders' spirit of independence. Nor do we have the younger generation feeling the burden of taking care of the older generation. There is no feeling of solidarity between the generations.

Openness between the generations is absent, and it is the older generation, he believes, that has to first  extend their hand. They have to understand the current of the times, the young people's sensibilities and worries. The older generation needs to show the younger generation that they are interested  in having a meaningful encounter with them, and make all the efforts necessary to rid themselves of the obstacles to such an encounter. Kindness shown the younger generation, says the professor, will likely be returned in kind. Without this effort nothing will change.

Pope Francis has used the phrase 'the culture of encounter': "People express themselves fully only when they are not merely tolerated but know they are truly accepted." Opening ourselves to the other should be a mark of all of us. It would do much to change the society we live in.