A New Paradigm for the Family

Last year family committees in the parish councils had problems deciding what to call the retreats being prepared for the parishes. In the past, they would be called couple retreats but times have changed. So begins the column in the "Eyes of the Believer" of the Catholic Times.

Today it is necessary to include other types of families: divorced, separated, bereaved, nonmarried and even the 'goose families'. (Families separated for the education of the children in foreign countries— mothers only return seasonally reuniting the families like migrating geese.)  The scope of the retreat was expanded and promoted with the title of "family retreat". Often over half of the participants registered alone. The content is not limited to marital relations but includes communication and human relationships.

May is Family Month when marriage renewal ceremonies were carried out in many parishes, today no longer welcomed. In parishes the number of married couples is small and programs are not able to keep up with the changes in society.  A new family pastoral paradigm is necessary otherwise efforts will miss the targets.

Homes of the 21st century are undergoing rapid change. The number of households is increasing due to the increase in the single-person households, low fertility rate, divorce, and remarriage etc., if the church continues to adhere to the traditional 'normal family' then all others will be excluded.

Moreover, even though today all households are greatly influenced by changes in social structure and systems, the existing family pastoral approach seems to remain in the past and the individual or family differences are bypassed, limiting the problem of the family to the private domain. The church still has a patriarchal family problem, so the unequal structures in society in which women are alienated and suffer are not treated as an issue, and the reality of discrimination continues.

This year's parish pastoral direction for the diocese is the foundation for mission;  emphasizing the family community—highly anticipated because it focuses on pastoral care. It offers a variety of family programs for the spiritual growth of the members, communicating the heritage of the faith in grandparents, parents, and children with specific pastoral activities, daily household prayer, and weekly gospel sharing in the home. There are, of course, programs that take into account changes in the times, but the impression is that they are mainly focused on homes made up of couples and children.

The way the pastoral care of the family can be combined with culture is infinite. He hopes the diocese will put money and personnel into the research to make this the future reality.

Freedom of the Will and Quantum Physics

An article in the Kyeongyang magazine on freedom and willpower by a teacher and researcher in quantum physics gives us some thoughts to reflect on. He recalls as a child that the parents at the start of a new school year would tell the homeroom teacher if the children don't listen, punish them so that they will be good persons.  There were teachers that would do just that. Our writer did not go along with this and thought much on what was rightful punishment.

Children grow up in the manner that the adults teach the children, when a child does something wrong it's the adults who are responsible. Should they not be the ones who are punished?

He remembers while a student in philosophy class hearing about the predestination teaching of John Calvin the Protestant reformer. God knows from the moment of the creation of the world all is decided whether I will go to heaven or hell. When he heard this as a child he got angry for God made him a puppet. He was even thinking of giving up on religion and went to see his parish priest.

The priest told him this was wrong thinking. Catholic believe that God gave us freedom of the will. He was relieved to hear this from the priest. Later he heard about the 'Uncertainty Principle' of Werner Heisenberg 1901-1976 and from that time wanted to be a physicist.

He mentions the thinking of some at the time of the industrial revolution who thought all that was to be discovered was discovered. J.C.Maxwell the English physicist made known electromagnetic waves and Tesla and  Marconi discovered wireless communication. Edison discovered the light bulb and Bell the telephone.

Newton with his law of gravitation and motion they were  able to not  only explain but to forsee what would happen. The French Astronomer and matematicism Pierre -Simon Laplace said if he knew the position and velocity of every single particle in the universe he could predict the future. 

Max Planck a German theoretical physicist is considered to be one of the founders of quantum theory. From one of his teachers he heard that little is left to be discovered in physics, we need now to go deeper and in more detail but in  1920 Heisenberg came out with his uncertainty principle which brought great change to physics.

With Newton, the law of motion determined what would happen  and now we hear about the uncertainity principle which makes us realize the limit of knowing. Einstein had problems with this and that is why he is quoted as saying:"God does not play dice with the world."

The problem of free will can't be solved by science and athough quantum physics does not give an answer neither does it take away the possibility  of free will but rather gives room for it.

In the Scriptures  we have the choice of good and evil which requires  freedom of the will. In Ecclesiasticus 15:14-16: "He himself  made man in the beginning, and then left him free to make his own decisions. If you wish you can keep the commandments to behave faithfully is within your power.  He has set fire and water before you; put out your hand to whichever youy prefer. Man has life and death before him; whichever a man likes better will be given him."

In Steven Covey's  Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, we have those who have deduced from  these habits a  theory of decision according to  the following categories: biological, phycological and environmental. In the biological, the genes are blamed—the ancestors. In the psychological, the way they were brought up— parent's fault. With the enviroment the faults are with others. 

We are to develop this freedom of the will; take responsiblity for our own lives and develop habits that will foster the strengthening of our willpower. The future is not decided but will depend on us, God is calling us to that future.

Remembering the Death of a Temporary Worker

Writing in 'In the Eyes of the Believer' a Catholic Times' column, a lawyer mentions his cell phone on the desk was ringing. He didn't sleep;  just closed his eyes as he laid in bed, not answering the phone—another drunk friend calls to come out in the middle of the night.

The phone kept ringing at intervals for an hour. Oh, that crazy guy. But that was not it. At around 3 am his sister, who lives in the same neighborhood, knocked on the door, shouting:"Brother, why aren't you answering the phone? I got a call from the hospital emergency room. Yong-gun is in the emergency room I don't know what's going on."

He descended into hell. In the early dawn of the new day, the turnpike had few cars but his sister felt all the cars were going too slow.The brother was overcome with all kinds of thoughts and as he was beginning to recover some peace of mind his body revolted and he became nauseous.

"The young man fell from a high place, some of his forehead and face bones were fractured but there was no internal bleeding and he is conscious. He has no breaks in his back or legs. He has been favored from heaven" these words of the doctor took him from hell to heaven but they were his wishful dreaming.

Oh, my God, He didn't know the word 'son' was such a word filled with dread. It doesn't take much to turn one's world upside down.

The trip to the hospital was long. They entered the hospital and looked for the name of his nephew on the emergency room list but couldn't find it. Yong-gun was lying in the hospital morgue, the doctors were not able to do anything. The 24-year-old son, in the prime of life, his body was separated from his head, the body burnt on the conveyor belt.

The son was a temporary worker at a power plant burning coal to produce electricity.He followed the conveyor belt to pick up the coals the fell from the conveyor belt. He would use the light of his mobile phone to do the work.
 
Seeing the work site the mother noticed the risk for accidents was spread throughout the workplace. The handrails provided for safety are of little help in preventing falls. Safety equipment that would stop the conveyor belt if someone was caught was not part of the safety net. Using such devices slows down the operation from time to time and that is bad for business.
 
It is said there were about 40 workers who died in the power plant in the last five years. It's more profitable for the company to have a fast machine without safety devices and compensate workers who are killed and injured. Money controls the world.
 
That's right. "What can I do to heal this world that causes a 24-year-old youth to die needlessly? I will pray for help to decide what to do to make this world a better place."
 
Yong-gun was eager to rid the country of temporary workers and so will the mother.  {workers without the full employee-benefit packages}
 
"I want to see you a lot. You have left us but your mother will be working like you to get rid of the temporary workers. I love you, my son."

Work and Life Balance

In the Peace Column of the Catholic Weekly, the writer is surprised  on hearing about the young people of Korea. They have lost their desire to do big things and instead want to pursue (Small but Certain Happiness). A phrase that the young people have now made their own.  

As an expression of frustration waiting for the future: marriage, childbirth, and homes he is saddened since their hopes have been greatly curtailed. However, this pursuit of  small happinesses such as eating delicious food, drinking coffee, chatting and traveling is possibly a big step in the right direction.

The writer does see an overlapping with the teaching of the Little Flower, St. Teresa.  She died at the age of 24 but left us the message of the "small way to God" which  has given many comfort and peace. "I understood that every flower created by [God] is beautiful, that the brilliance of the rose and the whiteness of the lily do not lessen the perfume of the violet or the sweet simplicity of the daisy. I understood that if all the lowly flowers wished to be roses, nature would lose its springtide beauty, and the fields would no longer be enameled with lovely hues."

The search for 'small sure happinesses will continue— social class systems are not going to easily change. This has been the reality for some time. We  hear a lot  about well being, healing and YOLO, the acronym for "you only live once". This is not only true in Korea these post-neoliberalism values are spreading throughout the world and to all  age groups in society.

The phrase 'work-life balance' has been Koreanized with the first sylables of the phrase put into Korean script. We have similar trends in Japan, and Taiwan; similar to what is happening in parts of Europe.

One of the professors working in the field of  'Happiness' says:  Happiness is not in the degree but in the frequency that is important. He agrees we need to turn our attention to little happinesses in life which will make us much happier.

Carpe diem, which means to enjoy the present— to be true to this moment— is a word coming down from the Roman era. He quotes the words of Elizabeth Kubler Ross that God gave us a world where we can live a better life today, not tomorrow. She recalls the moments of play, people near death have enjoyed. "Do you remember riding a bike on a country road?" "Do you remember going to the beach?" No one says: "I would have been happy if I had just a little more money." She says: "(play) is the life force of all life ..." People know how to work, but they do not know how to exist." Teresa also said, "My God, you know that I have only time today here and now to love you."
 
Pope Francis emphasized in his Apostolic Exhortation Gaudete Et Exsultate (Rejoice and be Glad). "Holiness will grow in small gestures. Here is an example: a woman goes shopping, she meets a neighbour and they begin to speak, and the gossip starts. But she says in her heart: 'No, I will not speak badly of anyone.' This is a step forward in holiness" (#16).

Piling up small happinesses with small gestures— Carpe Diem recalls the path of happiness and sanctification. The problem is not knowledge but moving our feet to the practice of what we believe.

Happy New Year

You look much younger than your age is always welcomed and gives joy to those hearing these words, be they elderly or young. So begins an article in a diocesan bulletin preparing for the New Year by a college professor.
 
Many are those who work diligently to look just one year younger. Basic is to take care of the skin; trying to keep the face—wrinkle free. Consequently, the use of all kinds of lotions and programs to achieve this.
 
He doesn't exempt himself from the efforts for he has used face creams, face packs to keep the wrinkles away. Watching TV has shown him the ways. However, there is a time that what worked at a younger age ceases to be effective. External methods are of no avail.
 
He began to look at the faces of those who uniquely stand out as looking much younger than their age. They were not using creams, toners and the like but their facial expressions were the secret for their youthful looking faces. Even faces with wrinkles when they laughed they looked much younger. And the opposite was true with those who had little facial expressions or looked angry.
 
In Korea there is the expression:一笑一少一怒一老 meaning the moment you smile, you become younger and the moment you anger, you become older. The professor finally understands what was being said with this well know the phrase.
 
We are beginning a New Year and he hopes that we will take these words to heart and make this new year one of much laughter. He mentions the words of  Pope Francis in his exhortation: Exultate and Gaudete (Rejoice and be Glad).
 
St. Paul in 2nd Corinthians 4:16 tells us:"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day."  Our bodies are getting older and there is little we can do about it but there is no reason why the spirit should grow old. Happy New Year!

Gossip Can Kill

In her column in the Catholic Peace Weekly, a religious sister introduces us to three cowardly phrases which are often heard.

The first she experienced herself recently. She met Mr. B, who she had known for some time. They exchanged greetings when suddenly an uncomfortable memory about him returned. The wound had not healed. She doesn't remember the exact situation but the gist of what came to mind: "some people say" introduced his complaint about her in the words of others. She was young at that time and felt an excessive sense of responsibility and did not give him the consideration he deserved. The feelings on meeting him brought back memories, resentful of his act of 'gossiping' and raising the level of the attack by anonymity.

There is a saying that "gossip kills three people":  the speaker, listener, and the object of gossip. However, delivering the "gossip" directly to the object of gossip is an act of killing twice.

She lists the three most cowardly words. The first is Mr. B's way: "Someone doesn't think too much of you" and goes on the attack. Second are the words that come after the gossip—"actually I was not going to repeat this but...." These words are not only cowardly but mean-spirited. 'I am not the person who tells you this'—defending themselves and at the same time, blaming others. 

The third type of gossip tears down another's personality and then says: "Of course I don't believe this..." These are not my words, but someone else is saying this. This is the only way they say what they want to say and escape behind anonymity. They shoot the arrow and hide.
 
Jesus tells us not to murder, but also not to injure our neighbors with our words (Matt. 5: 21-22).   
Many are the ways we can kill another and words do it fairly well. Pope Francis is quoted as saying:
"Gossipers are terrorists because with their tongues they drop a bomb and then leave, and the bomb they drop destroys reputations everywhere." He also said: “I am convinced that if each one of us would purposely avoid gossip, in the end, we would become a saint! It’s a beautiful path!” 

It's difficult to have a  face to face fight with another but being attacked by an unidentified person when defenseless, inflicts a bigger wound. Online it is easy to hide behind anonymity— cowardly and maliciously making gratuitous comments and using them as tools of attack.
 
Today with the internet we are bombarded with false news, distortions, satire difficult to discern, yellow journalism, exaggerations, sensationalism, ideology disguised as news and a plethora of opinions masquerading as truth. Gossip may be even true but that doesn't mean there is a need to make it known to the whole world without good reason and in a manner that is unnecessarily cruel.

We don't realize the power of the words we use. If we don't have something good to say, better to say nothing is not the ideal, but unless we are absolutely sure of what we utter it is only just and honest to make this known to the listeners and not to pass it off as certain truth. Transparency in what we say is the ideal, and when it comes to having an uncomfortable feeling about another we need the courage to face the person directly and to convey our thoughts and feelings instead of speaking behind their back.

Plans After Retiring

It was late in autumn after a meal and watching the movie Bohemian Rhapsody that a priest reminiscences in a bulletin for priests on his life after retiring.
 
He recalls the question of one of his fellow priests who asked: What do you plan to do after retirement? This sudden question caught him by surprise and left him embarrassed. He answered that according to the doctor's recommendation, if he takes care of himself in his seventies, he will in his eighties be able to briskly walk for about 9 years. Later he gave a hearty laugh and thought something was missing in this reply.
 
About a month ago he gave up an apartment in which he lived and moved to a joint retirement home prepared for by the diocese. Before the move, he tells the readers about his housekeeper who worked in the kitchen for 25 years. She told him that she was thankful for the opportunity to work doing the same thing every day for 25 years.
 
"Everyday I wake up thankful for the joy and happiness to do the same thing like a machine preparing three meals each day for an elderly priest which gives me great joy and fills me with gratitude. I am given a new day in the God's kingdom. How can I not be filled with joy." The priest on hearing these words felt that he was hit in the back of his head with a blow of a hammer.
 
Yes, priestly life in retirement is to get the strength to live the same 24 hours of each day in a new way in God's kingdom. What a great blessing filled with thankfulness to live in God's kingdom. When he looks back on his past fifty years of pastoral life, he is sorry for not feeling the joy, pleasure, and happiness of  God's kingdom even though by saying the daily Mass daily, he was living this liturgically, condensing the life of Jesus and all that he came to give us.
 
Living his community parish life with his coworkers he was oblivious to the joy and happiness of living the kingdom of God with the parish community taken up with the duties of his office. Anyway, even if he didn't feel the  joy of living God's kingdom in his ministry, now after retirement his plan is to live as his housekeeper expressed so clearly with joy. Each day will be to meditate on the life of Jesus through the daily sacrifice of the Mass and to realize each day as he wakes up that he is in the kingdom of God with all the sacrifices, happiness, joy, and thanksgiving of the Kingdom.
 
The priest has come to an understanding on the great gift he has received to live each day which is the same as yesterday but in the kingdom of God;  grateful for the strength to be a part of the kingdom but now in faith. He has no idea how long  he will be helping to build up this kingdom. It's  his plan to live with gratitude for the joy of life.

Whenever we say the 'Our Father': "Thy kingdom come, they will be done on earth as it is in heaven" he prays that all of us experience the love, joy, happiness, and thanksgiving of the kingdom.