Most conflicts in human relationships arise from the inability to express one's thoughts adequately or from misunderstanding and misinterpreting others' thoughts for one's own benefit.
Relationships generally only become a refuge for each other during moments of mutual joy or satisfaction, and they can easily become disconnected or deteriorated the moment that changes. This means that relationships carry the risk of breaking anytime if they do not adequately fulfill each other's needs.
Consequently, living in relationship with others, we find ourselves in a state of 'tension' and 'conflict' that constantly demands decision-making and negotiation.
Among the various factors that provoke conflict, common emotions are 'insult' and 'humiliation.' The moment a person feels insulted, along with the accompanying feeling of humiliation, a gap opens up between the two, marking the beginning of conflict. When insults do not stop at just one occurrence but are repeated often to a point where they become unbearable, the conflict intensifies and can have catastrophic results for the relationship. Conflicts, which often begin with trivial matters, may seem small at first, but they gradually escalate, amplifying tension and ultimately creating a tragic cycle that gives rise to further conflicts. Generally, conflict is understood as a factor that hinders social integration and reconciliation.
The German philosopher Georg Simmel (1858–1918) argues that conflict does not necessarily function negatively; rather, it is a natural occurrence in human relationships and serves as a driving force for transformation and a fundamental condition for overcoming the current situation. Conflict is an essential means for alleviating tension and a prerequisite for achieving reconciliation and integration, as it constitutes a 'form of socialization'. According to Simmel, the elements that complicate reconciliation and integration are not conflict itself, but rather 'indifference' towards others, which is the more serious negative factor that hinders unity and harmony. Despite Simmel's positive interpretation of conflict, the numerous conflicts we encounter in life often lead to severe consequences for those involved.
When we find ourselves in conflict situations, we generally tend to focus solely on the immediate issue at hand. Without properly recognizing the underlying causes and influences of the conflict, we often become caught up in urgent fixes to resolve the problem immediately, pouring all our energy into alleviating the anxiety and pain caused by the conflict, a common attitude.
However, to overcome these conflict phases and improve relationships, it is essential to let go of the impatience to hurriedly resolve the issue in front of us and have the 'courage' to look beyond the problem. Looking beyond the problem means not just focusing on the specific aspects of the immediate issue but viewing the entire conflict situation holistically, considering not only the concrete details of the problem but also its background, the patterns of relationships involved, and the underlying causes. To achieve this, it is crucial to change the negative perspective on conflict into a positive one—a 'paradigm shift.' When the paradigm shifts, the questions change, and when the questions change, the approach to solving the problem also changes. The transition to a creative interpretation of conflict depends on the ability to properly recognize, understand, and re-perceive the conflict.
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