Becoming A Member of a New Family

After the Korean War and its destruction of the Korean way of life, many orphans were sent to the West for adoption. The figure heard frequently is more than 200,000 children, most of them to the United States, 60,000 to Europe

The children most likely to be considered for adoption were fathered by Americn soldiers and abandoned, along with their mothers, after the war. Even today, although the government has tried to reduce the numbers of adopted children sent overseas with welfare programs, they are still the largest in modern history. over a thousand every year.

A recent article in the Peace Weekly describes a reunion between a mother and daughter, reunited after many years of separation, the daughter having been sent to Italy for adoption. It was a joyful and tearful meeting, with the mother saying: "You are the same as you were, the same." At the time of the adoption, the mother had recently divorced and felt that for the good of the child, adoption was her only choice.

The daughter, Kim Maria, now 40 years old, had been happy with her adopted parents. She graduated from a university with a doctorate degree, was the mother of two girls and had found work in Rome. But the thought of her birth mother was always with her.

She got in touch with a Korean priest, Fr. Kim, who was in Italy on a study program, and asked him to help find her mother. He was unsuccessful, even after an account of his search for Maria appeared in the Peace Weekly back in March of 2002.  Maria was finally able to find the mother by contacting the agency that put her up for adoption. She immediately notified Fr.Kim  and made the trip to Korea. Fr. Kim arranged for the reunion and served as interpreter.

On witnessing the meeting of mother and daughter, he said it  was like being part of the family. His work is finished, his hope now is that mother and daughter will continue to find happiness.

Difficulty of Changing Social Priorities

The editorial team-head of The Catholic Times and frequent columnist was hesitant to write about personal matters, but believing a poignant family matter was important to share, he found the courage to make it the subject of his column.

He had recently received the surprising news from his wife that she was pregnant with their third child. Many different thoughts passed through his mind. He was happy, but  since they were both over forty, there was also worry. This last child  would make his years of retirement different from what was planned. Taking care of the needs of the child would be an added financial burden, but even more than that, he was concerned for the health of his wife. He had wanted three children; two did not seem enough. Now, he was to have his wish answered.

He received  words  of congratulation and encouragement from many.  It was somewhat embarrassing but he was happy. It was a different feeling from what he had felt with the first two children. These days, having children is good for the  country, he was told; you have done a great work, people would jokingly say.  Of all the words of congratulation received, the one that meant the most to him was from the  mother who gave birth to their third child when she was 45 years old. She also was concerned because of  the  burden on the family, but she was happy with the decision to have the child. With this change in the family situation, another big change was soon to follow. The husband came home early from work and helped with the bathing of the baby, which he had not done with the other two children. The husband's love for the family also increased; he spent more time with the family, and there was more joy and laughter in the home.

Considering the current low birth rate in Korea, which is a  concern of all we need more articles of this type. Today, many young married couples don't want children and of those who do, few have more than two. The big issue is the cost of raising the children, which might account for some of the abortions, more than 300,000 every year-- a staggering figure.

There are families who are taking the  problem of the low birth rate to heart and are having children later than was the case up until a few years ago.  However, the cultural climate in Korea is similar to most of the advanced countries regarding family size: the norm is to raise one or two children and try to do it well.  Even many years ago  here in Korea before it was fashionable you had the  pace setters that the crowd followed--small families. It took many years and a great deal of government help and peer pressure,but the small famlies became the norm.  I was always surprised to see the few large families in the congregation. It made me pause to think what it must have meant for them to go against what  was accepted practice?

 The columnist ends with a prayer: "God, be with all the pregnant mothers and bless them. May the pain of the birth remind the mothers of Jesus and the  cross. And may they be thankful for the new life. Bless them and may we realize that life is your gift. Amen."

Silence as a Response to the Culture of Death.

A professor at the Jesuit University and a member of the Committee for Life of the Seoul  Diocese reports that in recent years more people are taking a pragmatic approach to life. Words like practicality, efficiency, utility are becoming part of our everyday thinking. The practical thing is thought to be the right thing to do, and morality need not be considered.The pragmatic attitude is probably good for the economic health of the country but not so good when applied to more basic goods such as life and love; they are put on the back burner.

The experiments performed by a  professor on embryos, and the subsequent publicity that got the world's attention and praise--until the deception was uncovered--is a particularly distressing example of the pragmatic approach. Supporters admitted that it was an infringement on the right to life, but for the progress and advancement of the country, they felt  the experiments should continue:  morality had to yield. Another example would be the women who were being asked to give ova, for a price, so the experiments could continue. This was against the law but for the sake of science and to be seen as trailblazers in this new field, the researchers' working premise was utility.

Although gene therapy in the womb is now impossible, the government has sanctioned the procedure--another example of efficiency at work.  Laws are made to be  useful, but what is sometimes not sufficiently considered are  the value and respect for life and its protection.

Pope John Paul, in his encyclical letter, "The Gospel of Life," puts it this way:
" In the materialistic perspective described so far, interpersonal relations are seriously impoverished. The first to be harmed are women, children, the sick or suffering, and the elderly. The criterion of personal dignity, which demands respect, generosity and service, is replaced by the criterion of efficiency, functionality and usefulness: others are considered not for what they are, but for what they have, do and produce. This is the supremacy of the strong over the weak."

The Seoul  Committee for Life regularly has an essay in the Peace Weekly that explores different issues of the culture of life, explaining problems we are likely to encounter. The easy way out of the problems is to accept the now pervasive solution of the culture of death. One of these essays wanted us to consider ourselves as accomplices to what has happened in society.  One of the principles often used and accepted by many is that silence means approval. To agree with this principle would make many of us responsible for the way the culture of death has been accepted by so many.

Are We Tuned In To The Right Frequency?

In his column in the Catholic Times, a priest recounts the story of a priest friend who made his retreat  in a monastery.  "The whole day was spent in prayer and doing only what the monks would be doing daily." It was a very prayerful and precious time.

What would a sophisticated  person of the world  think of time spent this way?  Time spent in a non-productive way. Those who want to see results and accomplishments see such time as inefficient, non-productive, a waste of time.

The priest asked himself whether the world would be a better place if there was more emphasis on the values of  efficiency and productivity. He was quick to say no. At the end of the retreat, he wondered if abandoning  the emphasis on efficiency and productivity, he would be taking a step into a better and different world from the one he was in.
 
There are many people who spend time in prayer, attend Mass, say the rosary, read Scripture, spend time before the Blessed Sacrament.  Christians of all persuasions spend a great deal of time in the presence of God in  a non-productive way. Not infrequently, those who pray and meditate  do so for reasons of  health and peace of mind. This is an approach we all can understand, but it is not the understanding of prayer we are dealing with here.

There is another way of looking at this quiet time with God, with its different value system and perspective. Prayer is opening ourselves to God: giving  ourselves to him so that he will be able to change us.  God is coming to us, moving us, speaking to us, so we can go out to others; contemplation is for others. We are globs of clay that we give to him to be  molded into whatever he wants.  For the Christian, this is a given, and deeply influences the way we see time.  In Acts, St. Paul quotes the poets, "In him, we live and move and have our being."  In prayer we try to conform to  God's will and not ask that God's will conform to ours: the initiative is with God, and we wait for his gift.  We believe that he wants the best for us, so we try to get rid of the impediments that prevent him from working in us. Is there anything more practical in a non-practical way?                                                

How To Meet Death--Hospice Movement

One of the Religious Sisters working in  hospice  has an  essay in the secular Chonsun Ilbo on "How to meet death." She  begins by telling us that a woman with terminal cancer, a grandmother, was having  problems with acute pain, and the son, greatly distressed, came to hospice for help, knowing that one of the ends of hospice care is visiting the  homes of the terminally ill  to mitigate the pain during the last days before death. 

The grandmother did not want to spend time in intensive care; she wanted to die at home but the pain was making life unbearable. With the hospice visits at the home and the painkillers, however, the nausea and vomiting ceased and she was able to eat. She was fearful of death and, because of being alone for much of the day, felt lonely. One night when she was in pain, the Sister visited. When she arrived, the grandmother said, "You are not  human." Shocked by what she had said, the Sister asked what she meant. She quicky and forcefully answered: "You are not human, you are like an angel."
 
The grandmother's response made the Sister realize what her job was about. The grandmother, because of her fears, loneliness and pain, was asking for someone to be there with her. It is not only the bodily pain but the mental pain which is difficult to accept. The Sister realized that those in hospice work need to schedule their time around the needs of the sick person.
 
Four months later, the grandmother was in a critical condition. When the Sister arrived, not only were the children there but all the grandchildren. " Grandmother," said the Sister,
"you are ready to go on a trip. Will it be alright to have the grandchldren send you off?"  At the Sister's suggestion, each child had some words of farewell. One said: " From now on no pain and you will be going to a  good place to rest." The grandmother was to weak to say anything but she acknowledged the greeting with her eyes and nodded. The face of the grandmother was peaceful and this enabled the family to rid themselves of their fear of death. The Sister recommended that the body be washed. The grandchildren washed the hands and feet, and the son and daughters washed the face and body. This was a time to come to  terms with her impending death. The Sister also thinks it's a good time to talk about the funeral and will, telling the sick person that all will be done as the sick person wants. 
 
Seeing how death was accepted by the family, the Sister reflected on the different ways we have of reacting to a dying family member. In our present society, most of us die in hospitals.  When asked whether they will be  at the side of the  dying parent many simply turn their head away. The feelings of the dying person, in most cases, are not given the importance they deserve.

The Sister finishes the essay by saying that all will meet death; only the time is not known, and that time somewhere in the distant future. Death is like the unborn baby in the mother's womb, dreaming about the new life outside. After death we are also going to another place, not knowing where. Like the new born baby, we also have to prepare for the new life.

Envioronmentally Friendly Catholic Church Of Korea

Recently, a small group of Maryknollers here in Korea  have been meeting once a month to discuss how we as a community can be more ecologically sensitive. The Society, which has urged us to move from words to action, provides the following guidelines:

a.  Applaud Society members who are engaged in the ministry of ecology and encourage more members to develop this ministry. 

b. Launch educational programs for Society members and those writing for Society publications.

c. Support and cooperate with the Maryknoll Office of Global Concerns in their endeavors to educate and to lobby for ecological issues. 

d. Join with other organizations, faith-based and civil, that share a concern for the environment.

e. Initiate long-term planning for stewardship of Society lands and properties.

f. Minimize the impact of greenhouse gas emissions by individual Society members and the Society itself.

g. Reduce, or eliminate when possible, institutional practices that damage the environment.

The Korean Church, in its on-going efforts to encourage better stewardship of creation, has sponsored articles, lectures, educational programs and increased involvement in ecological movements. A few months ago, we had another visit by Fr. Sean McDonagh, a Columban priest and well-known specialist in ecology, who was giving lectures in Korea.  He said that when he started talking on these issues, he felt like Galileo. His first book, "To Care For the Earth," was rejected by publishers for three years before it was finally published, and at the time not only was the relationship of ecology and theology little understood but the interest in ecology was minimal. "In comparison to what it was 30 years ago--when I could understand the feelings of Galileo--there's been quite a change in the number of articles being written and interviews I have had on the subject."

In Korea, the ecological movements have had a mixed reception. With the Four River Project, the ever increasing number of golf courses, loss of wetlands,  pollution of air, water and food, the environmentalists have had to contend with powerful economic interests, but the environmental movements and their goal of better stewardship  of the earth are no doubt here to stay. May the efforts continue.

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Why Don't We See The Teenager in the Delinquent?

A diocesan priest in charge of a home for teenagers writes about the antagonism of neighbors toward this home for 'juvenile delinquents.'  A principal  of a nearby school  would like the home blocked from the view of the students; they would be a  bad influence on the student body, he said.  The real estate people also want us to leave. Everyone in the neighborhood, it seems, the priest said, is hostile to the teenagers; he wonders what effect this will have on them.
 
Before this assignment at the home, he expected to be dealing with rough and sometimes violent teenagers and wondered how he would deal with them.  But after meeting them, though not always liking what he saw, he found them to be like most teenagers who like to play around and want to be accepted and loved. 
 
When the home showed a film on ecology and the damming of a river, a teenager asked what happens to the fish that like to swim in the rapidly flowing water--the priest also had the same thought-- those fish have no place to go, the teenager said, and then, comparing himself and the others at the home to those fish, said, "We also have no place to go in this world."

This teenager wasn't  clear on what he was trying to express but the priest understood. The world is not very inviting to those who  do not go along with the standards that are set by the world. Like nature, many of these young men are vulnerable; nobody wants to listen to what they have to say. The young man was expressing his feelings and the pain he was experiencing in his troubled life.

The priest mentions the respect he has for St. John Bosco, who said that young people not only have to be loved but have to feel that love. All of us are the same, but in an order of priority the young people should be given preference. But no matter how much their troubled behaviors are calling out to others for help, few are listening, not even the Church. The Church, the priest reminds us, should not follow the ways of the world, in this matter of juvenile delinquency, but should, as in all matters that concern living a more just and holy life, be involved in changing the ways of the world.