Understanding Children Not Always Easy

In his pastoral diary,  appearing  in the Peace Weekly, a priest working with young people recounts a troubling experience that keeps repeating each Sunday at the 9 o'clock morning Mass for children. Just before the sermon, around 9:15, a number of stragglers would enter the church, a not uncommon occurrence in most parishes.
  
He  called these latecomers 15-minute friends. In the beginning, he just laughed and showed little concern. But as time passed, the numbers coming late increased. He did not know why this was happening but decided to find out. At first he thought that since Sunday was a day of rest the children had difficulty getting up in the morning. Surprisingly, this had nothing to do with it.

The children told him they intended to get to the Mass on time, but spending time waiting was just too tedious, the waiting seemed endless.

To get a better grasp of the problem, every Sunday he began examining what was happening in the congregation. The ones that came early would play with their cell phones, their heads down, or they would be reading the Church bulletin. The adults and others in the church would not be concerned with them, and he began to reflect on his own lack of concern on what might be going on in the minds of these children.

Boredom seemed to be at the root of the problem. So the priest decided to start a welcoming group made up  of high school students. They would come early to the morning Mass for children and spend time with them, making friends. In just a few months there was a noticeable change in the children. The high school students enjoyed what they were doing. And the boredom of the young children before Mass ended.

Children find  boredom difficult to accept. And yet finding ways to deal with the boredom is a great growth experience. Expecting  children to sit and visit with the Blessed Sacrament may be asking  too much; it's even difficult for an adult who does not have the proper motivation. However, the attempt to spend quiet time with Jesus in the tabernacle should not be seen as an impossibility. With time and proper instruction attitudes do  change. Jesus said, "Let the children come to me. Do not hinder them. The kingdom of God belongs to such as these" (Matt. 19:14).  .                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             

                            

Survival Motif of Society

Seven singers appear once a week on a popular TV program called "I am a singer," and each week one of them is disqualified. The studio audience of  five hundred votes and the singer with the lowest score is eliminated, replaced the following week by another singer. The columnist in the Catholic Times begins his article with the thought that this "I am a singer" syndrome has spread to all of society.

The columnist wants to know what has caused this frenzy. "Could it be the competition for survival, the survival motif, that is central to the program?" he wonders. The goal of the game is to stay in the game--staying 'alive'--as long as possible. He presumes that this similarity to the survival methods used to stay competitive in society is what gives the program its appeal.

That is the bitter side to the program's appeal. In our present society, the programs and projects that are getting so much public attention are often survival-related. It is seen not only in the world of singing competition, but in cooking, fashion, dieting and even in the  innocent world of games for the young. If the survival motif is not there, it is considered, cynically, as lagging behind the times.

We all from an early age learn to survive. Our friends, even brothers and sisters, become potential competitors. Our writer sees neo-liberalism as the culprit. Society is becoming more jungle-like, and our attempts at survival more cruel. Everybody wants to disassociate from this jungle but the situation is such that it is difficult. So they give themselves to their cravings and are controlled by them.

For those who are trying to live a life of faith, the influence from  society with the emphasis, "I have to live first" is not small.  In the parish and in parish groups  the  survival game is played; others are seen as competitors and pushed to the side. Because of this competitive mentality some are saying, even in the Church, we are not experiencing the fullness of humanity.

As Christians we know that the order and values of God's kingdom are different than those on earth.  Victors on the earth are not necessarily the ones that God sees as victorious. God, we are told, makes the first last and the last first.

We all make our 'Gunghap'

When people are considering marriage in Korea the word Gunghap is often heard. This is the matching of the four pillars (saju): time, day, month and year of birth, with the five elements (metal,water,fire,wood and earth). With this information the fortune teller forecasts the couple's marital harmony. Gunghap has a long history; it's used not only for marrying couples but for other relationships, including business purposes. When the  reading is not propitious then the Gunghap is not considered good.

A priest from the Suwon diocese, who heads the Family Pastoral Research Center, writes about the Gunghap in his column in the Korean Times. For a Catholic, putting one's trust in this method and in effect turning away from God, is to rely on superstition and give oneself over to idolatry. No matter what the reading of the Gunghap is, the couple themselves will determine their future.

In the reading of the Gunghap, the focus is on determining what qualities the partners have in common and the qualities that are antagonistic. The priest says that in his experience, he has found that it is precisely the non-common, 'antagonistic' aspects of personality that unite a couple, rather than separating them as the Gunghap believes. The effort to come to terms with these often friction-causing aspects of personality, the priest says, that helps foster understanding and concern for the other. Seeing their own failings and making an effort to understand the other, they become more like each other.

Dialogue is what is important and the time together to foster heart-to-heart conversation. It is not just enjoying each others company. It is getting to know the other deep down: what they like and dislike, what was difficult in their growing up years, what was their relationship with parents and siblings, what is their world view and values in life, what are their dispositions, personality and efforts to come to an objective  understanding of what they are facing in life.

Catholics in the past. he  explains, made much of having the same religious belief. But in Korea because we have few Catholics, the Church allows for a dispensation marriage although Church Law does not allow for the marrying of a non-Catholic. Among devout Catholics, in times past, a dispensation was never even considered; they would make efforts to have the partner baptized before the wedding. This has always been considered an important element in a happy marriage.

With the passage of time the partners in a happy marriage become more like each other. This is because the sacrifices and concern for the other has made the Gunghap  similar. They know each other, and with constant dialogue their thoughts and hearts tend to become one.

Importance of Interfaith Dialogue

Korea is seen by many to be a country where religions can exist in harmony.  Few countries have the variety of religions living side by side with so little friction: indigenous religions, religions from the outside, and a mixture of these. There is no religion that  can be considered representative of the country. And although it is easy to say that Koreans have a spiritual outlook on life, almost half of them do not consider themselves believers. Some would even say that Korea is one of the 10 most atheistic countries in the world.

Statistics mean little without interpretation, and yet there is something that is unique about the way Koreans see life and its meaning. Percentage-wise, Christianity has more followers in Korea, except for the Philippines and East Timor, than in other Asian countries. There is a feeling on the part of Koreans to live and let live; they do not like to confront others or inflict pain. Foreigners can see this as somewhat artificial: saying yes when they mean no. The Korean, however,  has little difficulty in understanding what is meant.

Shamanism, also a part of the religious background, influencing many other religions, including Christianity, helps to explain the Korean openness to other beliefs, even though most religions  have beliefs that can be considered exclusive or absolute or deeply embedded within a culture . The many years of Buddhist and Confucian ascendancy have greatly influenced the culture and the way Koreans see the world, sometimes for good and sometimes for the not so good. 

One of the big changes in our understanding of Catholicism since the II Vatican Council is the openness of  the Church to other religions and its desire to participate in interfaith dialogue and ecumenical contacts. The Church, realizing  that many of the conflicts in the world--in the past and in the present--have had a religious basis, wants to work for a world without conflict and oppression. The Church strongly supports religious freedom; though proposing  what she believes is true she does not desire others to believe against their will. The words we hear often today: "She proposes, not imposes."

An  example of the efforts of the Korean Church to foster understanding among religions is the 4th annual meeting of religions sponsored by the Korean bishops. On June 23 and 24, the bishops and the apostolic nuncio, with 19 deacons, will be spending time learning about other religions, as they visit with the Orthodox, Anglicans, Buddhists, and  Islamists.

The need for such exchanges is felt by many. Others are also doing what they can as individuals, as parishes, and as religious communities to  foster understanding and respect for the  beliefs of others. Seeing the need, the Korean bishops have increased the formal exchanges to twice a year. A sign to the whole Church of the importance of interfaith dialogue.

Chasing After the Rainbow--A Parable

Naming in order the  seven colors of the rainbow, our columnist in the Catholic Times recalls from his school days that if the light waves were either longer or shorter we would not see the beauty of the rainbow. Each color has its special  place in the rainbow but its relationship with the others is indistinct. How far do the colors extend is impossible to determine but they all make up the rainbow.

The writer  gives us this as a  parable  of our present 'reality' and  'ideal' relationship. The colors of the rainbow melt into each other and yet are separate.The writer wants us to see our present reality and ideal  relating in this way.

Reality and the ideal  are joined together as the colors of the rainbow, in a way that each has its own domain. As a writer he has to prepare his manuscripts if he is to make his living; take the children to school for their exam; these actions are part of the here and now.  In the mix are the thoughts that precede these  actions. Thoughts may be part of the near or distant future, but they are moving and giving direction to the  present reality.

When giving a brief talk at a celebration or a memorial when numbers or quantities are mentioned the audience does not seem to be paying attention, but they are all ears. If he mentions how much he makes  during a month, the audience begins comparing the figure to what they receive: "I am doing better than he is."Hearing a figure larger makes the listener want  to do something to change the reality. On the other hand, when you say something  that can't be refuted, concerning a  model for  good living that fits reality and hits home, everybody is apparently listening  but nobody is interested, and they forget quickly. A defense reaction takes over--people don't like to be taught.

When we very minutely look at some reality, one of its kind, according to the subjective mentality of the individual the boundaries of  what is being viewed seem to oscillate. When we go back into history this is even more evident.  Imagination comes into play and we often see a  mirage.

Present reality, actuality, present condition, real life are items  opposite to  desire, ideal,  dream, myth, and fiction. Concerning the boundary lines between them  he quotes a poet who  said that ' what is real begins to become myth and  lies become history.'

The writer asks the readers, whether the parable  of the rainbow as an explanation of reality and the ideal, succeeds. The parable of the rainbow is beautiful  beyond dispute. Living is difficult, cold, sad, living with pollution, contamination facing death, and yet we are taking one step at a time towards the  beauty that is beckoning us. The ideal directs reality, the ideal that is rooted in the present. He concludes with the words of another poet, Wordsworth in his  poem 'Rainbow':   'The child is the father of the man.'   

Translating this vague and philosophical article  was without  doubt done poorly, but since there were certain thoughts the writer expressed which were interesting and primed the mind, it appears above with apologies to the columnist.

Some Things are More Important than Life Itself

A professor at the Catholic University and a guest columnist in the Catholic Times comments on the remarks the President of Korea  delivered at a recent workshop for civil servants. The president vented his anger for the  corruption and self-interest of civil servants recently exposed in different parts of the country. Our citizens are perplexed and concerned, he said, over the revelations.  "What is happening to the country?" he asked. "It seems that the whole country is corrupt. Although much of this has been simmering for years, we are going to need a new way of measuring what makes a just society, and change our ways. We have to come to a new understanding of public service."

Similar words have echoed  from many other times and places in  history. In China, we have the words of scholars who stressed that public servants should be just and fair in all their dealings.  They should know clearly the difference between public and personal interests.  A Korean scholar from  the ancient kingdom of Koryo  said, "For public  servants there is nothing more important than to be just, and when dealing with money, nothing more  important than integrity."

The professor brings to our attention the  words of Dasan, Chong Yak-yong, who said that to be a good public servant, and leave much good behind, six things are necessary. 1) Under no circumstances accept a bribe--one has to be incorruptible. 2) When it comes to sex--be Incorruptible. 3) When relating to authority--be Incorruptible. And this incorruptibility will bring about 4) the birth of personal light and transparency. 5) Personal dignity. And 6) An upright character that will perform work with integrity.

Incorruptibility is the basic virtue of a public servant and the source from which all else follows. The professor then brings up St. Thomas More, who as a public servant rose to  become the king's chancellor. He refused to give his signature agreeing to the king's annulment and becoming the head of the Church in England. Before dying on the scaffold,  he told those who were present, " I am considered a good servant of the King; I want to die a good servant of God." His friend Erasmus said that England lost one of her greatest men.

A public servant should not have honors and wealth before his eyes but, like Thomas More, the public good. The civil servant is not working to attain his  own goals but is working for the citizens, for all. The life of Thomas More teaches all of us that there are certain things that are more important than life itself. (The Chinese Character on the left top has the meaning of justice)

Benedictine Monks

Recently a secular paper headlined an article about a Benedictine monastery: "Pray and Work, and Desire Like a Leaf Will Drop..."  The article started with the monastery's schedule: reading and meditation(04:30)-prayer(04:50)- meditation(05:30)-Mass (06:00)-meal (07:00)-prayer (8:00)-work (08:15)-prayer (11:45)-meal (12:00)- prayer (13:30)-work (13:45)- prayer (17:30)- meditation (18:00)-meal (18:30)-prayer (19:40...

The monastery, a red brick building,  is surrounded by high trees at the foot of a mountain where the monks take care of a pear orchard of 1200 trees. The  day begins at 4:30 in the morning and goes to 7:40 in the evening with prayer and work. The monks work in the orchard accompanied by the smell of the earth and the sweat from their work. By working, they realize their poverty and limits, and are disciplined in humility. Not hampered by possessions, they become disciplined in detachment.

The article introduces us to a book written by the head monk Fr. Francis Lee: There is no Other Road Besides Love. It recalls the joys and difficulties of 30 years in the monastery. He spent eight years as a  grammar school teacher and entered the monastery in 1982 at the age of 33. The book is based on his sermons for morning Mass during the last  22 years.  The book is his way of saying thanks for "the now, for here, and for his present work in life."

Monks do not grow old, he says, like the paulownia tree by the front  gate that receives its happiness from its surroundings but by a happiness that  flows from the existence of  life itself. He tells us about a German monk who, having gone through the Japanese occupation and a communist imprisonment, spent his last years taking care of those suffering from Hansen's disease.  In his sick bed, he was asked by a monk, "Father, heaven is such a great place, don't you want to get there as quickly as possible?" Laughing, he tells the monk, "You go." Another monk asked, "The saints all lived with a desire for heaven, don't you want to go?" Again laughing, he said, "Let us go together." Fr. Lee very quickly learned that the holier a person is the more human he becomes. 

There are many Catholics who go to monasteries for retreats, looking for silence and time to meditate away from their daily life. During face-to-face confession, many who have lived with frustration, trials, and mental pain--and finally ridding themselves of this unpleasantness with confession--have asked the confessor to hug them.

The Benedictines in Korea have six  monasteries with 140 monks. In  the world they have about 300 independent monasteries with about 8,000 monks. He concludes his remarks by telling us that when a tree is filled with leaves it is difficult to see the heavens during the daytime or the stars at night. Similarly, when we have desires, fantasies, and are overcome with emotions, we have difficulties seeing with the eyes of the soul. With the detachment and poverty of the winter trees, it is possible to see God and more of our true self. The more we empty ourselves the more God can fill us. This is the life of true happiness.