Not a Tit for Tat Approach to LIfe

The older he gets, says the opinion page columnist in the Catholic Times, the more he feels the distinction between himself and others is disappearing. The sense  'of his being the other' is felt deeply.

As he ages his capabilities are diminishing.  His activities, his movements, thinking, creativity, ability to recreate and enjoy bodily sensations all have been weakened. His days have become boringly similar to the ones in the past, and he expects that future days will follow the same pattern--until he  arrives at the day when it is the same for all.

We came into the world with empty hands and will leave with empty hands. All of us, from the highest to the lowest, rich or poor, will arrive at the end, very helpless, capable of being exchanged with another without much loss.

All who have any semblance of intelligence, he says, know that by helping another we are helping ourselves. Sartre, the existentialist philosopher, expounds on this. Our human psychology is like a delicate machine. For every action, there is a reaction. If I am kind to another, then the person is thankful and returns the kindness, creating a domino effect of shared kindness. Altruism not only is virtuous action but is profitable.

The columnist goes on to tells us that the idea of 'his being the other'  does not have anything to do with this previous paragraph's  tit for tat  approach.   This is not what he means by these words; the thought is much deeper, he says.  "When I am kind to another that very kindness is a reason for my joy. When I do a kindness, before it comes back to me in kindness I  have already received my compensation."

If we all acted without any desire for compensation and did everything out of a pure motive in the coming years, what kind of society would we have? he asks. And adds, isn't this kind of attitude the agape principle? Isn't this what our great teacher Jesus taught us, lived and practiced?

The happiness that comes from loving thoughts and actions are felt more authentically when it comes to us from a giving self and not from the receiving self. This is the example that Christ gave us. The columnist says that his recent awareness that 'the other is me'  is a small revelation to him. He expects there will be more revelations. When he was young, this was not part of his thinking. However, with age, this thought entered into his life, and now feels that he has not entered old age in vain. Age has given him a new way to look at life bringing him confidence and joy.

Something to Shout About

There are many things heard that are far from uplifting, and when there is something to shout about, it seldom gets to be known but stays subdued within a person's heart. However, the Peace Weekly recently had an article about a parish in Seoul that is very proud of its accomplishments and God's working within the community.

Catholic parishes are usually well-filled on Sundays, but on weekdays it's rather quiet. The journalist writing the story arrived at the Seoul parish on a weekday afternoon around 3:00. Although there was a parish Mass going on, there were no other parish activities; yet there were many in the  parish meeting room enjoying beverages, talking and reading. The office worker mentioned, to the surprise of the journalist, that since it was vacation time there were fewer than usual that afternoon.

Not only Catholics but others come to the parish meeting room to spend time, using the vending machines for beverages and socializing around the many tables that have been set up to encourage meeting and sharing with others. The beverages are just a little above cost which makes them attractive both to the congregation and to those not part of the community. In a period of 2 years, 12 different exhibitions were held in the meeting room, which also attracted many from outside the parish community.

The percentage of Catholics in the larger community is over 20 percent. Since the year 2007, and up until last year, they have had 2011 people baptized. And though the parish has been divided, they still maintain the 20 percent. 

The article credits the success of these efforts to the educational programs in the parish, the reading of Scripture and popular books on spirituality.  Every month since 2009, they have had lectures by qualified people, which have been attended by many from the larger community.

Since 2007, the reading of spiritually oriented books has been extraordinary, which has made for a great change in the spiritual development of the Christians. The parish bulletin has recommended 76 spiritual books, and parishioners have  responded by contributing book reviews. And the religious goods store sold nearly 62 thousand books, about 40 books per household of those attending Mass on Sunday.

The money given in thanksgiving each month would be more than the Sunday collections and monthly offerings in the ordinary parish.In addition, the Seoul parish has helped other parishes and groups in the diocese with tens of thousands of dollars. And during the past year, they saw the start of 13 different presidia of the Legion of Mary. Certainly the Seoul parish has accomplished much in a very short time, and has much to shout about.  

The pastor is  quoted in the  article and  alludes to the educational programs and reading  that  have changed the attitude of the Christians. "They have begun sharing with  others. This is the new evangelization that is needed for the new times in which we are in."  he concludes.    

Diminution of the Art of Communication

A sister columnist in the Catholic Times recalls one of the older members present at her lecture and what he said about a subway ride he had taken recently. He noticed that across the aisle from him was a child no more than 3 or 4 years old. She was sitting behind her father, he said, so her movements were not seen by the father.  When making eye contact with the child, he found that without a word being uttered there was a conversation going on between them. She would be playing hide and seek with him, coming out from the 'hide' with a  big smile. There was a long period of non-verbal communication with her, which surprised him;  even grownups, he said, say that his appearance scares them. This child was different. He felt that she could read his heart, and on reflection, he says it was like meeting God.

Hearing this man speak about the incident, the sister was filled with emotion. That child and the old man were doing something that is not common. With all our technical advances, this simple, unsophisticated communication between two people is disappearing.

We rarely look at each other. Riding the subway these days, almost everybody is somewhere else, absorbed in their own world: attending to the digital apparatus they have plugged into their ear and are glued to with their eyes. Everything outside of this virtual world has been shut down. As we are becoming more interested in entering an imaginary world, we are turning ourselves into isolated islands.

The sister asks what has brought us to this harsh reality. There are many answers to the question, she says, but one that affects many is the unlimited competition we face and the resulting insecurity of not being able to succeed in such a competitive culture. But more importantly, we are no longer the masters of our destiny but instruments, means to an end over which we have no control--civilization has become the master. All these gifts that we have received in communication technology should help us relate better with one another instead of separating us from one another.

My happiness, the sister said, depends on the happiness of the other and my love for the other. For the new year, the sister reminds us that  God often comes to us in the guise of the other, and we also are God's path to the other. This should be, she reminds us, our understanding of God's incarnation as one of us.

All those who know God in their lives are conscious that we are both conduits and receivers of God's graces: a message of great consolation and hope.

Mature Spirituality

Writing in Living with the Bible, a professor of spirituality at the Catholic University asks what is of a higher order, spirituality, devotional life, or the religious life? His answer: they are all the same.

Provided we go to church because we believe in Jesus, then all our  acts taken together are our faith life. However, many see these acts only as exterior acts and then judge hastily that they have no interiority or depth. That is why we have the ranking of the life of faith.

What we used to call the devout life is now called the spiritual life.The word 'spirituality' came into common use during the second half of the 20th century. And it is now not only used within the church but used in all areas of society. Spirituality has to do with what is considered unusual and special; it's therefore often thought to be, though incorrectly, of greater worth than the devout or religious life.

In our tradition, the professor reminds us. we used the words 'asceticism' and 'mysticism'. The spiritual writers of the past considered the desire to be one with God the mystical journey. These words, however, are better applied in explaining  the spiritual life. But because of the misunderstandings of the past, the church chooses to use the word 'spirituality,' which, unfortunately, has its own problems.

Some time ago a survey showed that 90 percent of our Catholics go to church for peace of mind. In our present Korean society, there is a  search for psychological peace, which has influenced all of society. Consequently, many see the interior life as simply an aspect of achieving a satisfying and healthy life. So the psychologists become the spokesmen for the spiritual life.

The professor says that though we have hundreds of religions in Korea, for the  most part we live peacefully together. The reason for this, he feels, is that when any religion comes here, it's influenced by the Shamanism permeating our culture, which means, he claims, that it has not always been a worthwhile collaboration.

He recalls the words of St. Paul (Cor. 1-13): "Has Christ, then, been divided into parts?" And the words of St. Matthew (5:48): Our spiritually is one. We are called to be holy like God is holy.... In a word, you must be made perfect as your heavenly Father is perfect....We are called to resemble Jesus." 

These words, says the professor, sums up the spiritual journey we are on. God gives us the graces, and we respond in the practice of the virtues: faith, hope, and charity, the evangelical counsels and all the other virtues, to partake in Christ's mystery, and through Christ  to arrive at God with a new life.

Privilege of Helping Others

The 29th of January is Overseas Assistance Sunday, and both the Catholic Times and Peace Weekly interviewed Han Pia, who has made it her life's work to be concerned with others. She wears many hats, and recently became the first  president of the Korean Global Citizenship School  of World Vision.

She was selected by college students as the person they most respected in Korea. She has been considered a role model for the young and a good example on how to be an effective leader.  Her book March outside the Atlas has sold over a million copies and is considered one of the most influential books in Korea during the last 10 years. Instead of a 'global village,' she prefers to use the term 'global home,' which she feels is more conducive to getting us to see beyond our own country borders.

She has traveled around the world and written travel books on her experiences in the remote areas of many countries, and has participated in relief operations which she has written up in her books. During vacation periods, she travels to different Korean cities to give talks on poverty, human rights, multiculturalism, and the environment. Asked why she became a focus of  interest to so many, especially the young, she answers: "I was a nobody, without even a calling card. I'm surprised myself and anxious about what  has happened. I work  to the best of my ability. But isn't it right that I do not yet know what my limit is?" she asks in return. Expressions like these are what make her popular with the young.

Where are those persons without fear, consternation, or loneliness? she asks.  When we go on a road we haven't traveled before, there are no guidelines; we have to put ourselves in the hands of God. The more we are afraid and perplexed, the more we move closer to God.

In her lectures, she poses the question: why do we have two hands?  She answers that with one hand we take care of our needs and with the other the needs of others. It is not difficult to say nice things about sharing and love, and we can be moved by horrible scenes, but often it stops there. Is there any meaning to this kind of attitude? Finding meaning, she says, requires that we move our legs and our hands.

Last year the interviewer said that Catholics, on average, gave about 3 dollars for aid overseas. Pia says that the average meal in Korea costs about 5 dollars; 3 dollars are  not enough even for a full meal.  She hopes we will see a difference in the offerings in the future.

She hopes the readers of the Catholic Times and Peace Weekly will remember why we have two hands. She also hopes that all Catholics will realize they are conduits of God's blessings to those they meet. To think only of ourselves, she reminds us, is a shabby way to live.

Reasons for Respect of the Other

A priest columnist of the Peace Weekly introduces us to a foreign bishop, now dead, who had a large following and was considered a model bishop. The column recounts several stories that have circulated about the bishop's life.

His cathedral had recently been designated a basilica, and during the inaugurating ceremonies, the bishop, in his sermon, was explaining to the congregation the signification of calling the cathedral church a basilica.  "It comes from an old word meaning king," he pointed out, "and so today we celebrate making this cathedral into a basilica, the house of a king. By the name change we are saying that Jesus, our king, resides here in this building."

On hearing this explanation, a young man in the congregation raised his hand and asked: "All churches have the Lord residing in them; why do we call one a basilica and the other a church?"

The unexpected question caused the bishop to hesitate, not knowing how best to answer. It was an older priest who answered the question, explaining that there are two kinds of sanctuaries: one built with bricks and stone and one built with flesh and blood--our bodies. Since they are the abode of the Lord, they also are basilicas.

That evening the bishop, on returning to the cathedral after being out with the young people for a drive--he had a great love for the young and they for him--saw a homeless person, apparently drunk, on the cathedral steps. Coming to mind were the words: "What are we going to do with this fleshly-made basilica?' He knew what to do, getting out of the car and bringing the man into his office.

This is just one of the many stories that have been told about this bishop, our columnist tells us. Persons are not commodities, not means to an end, but are themselves the end. He mentions that he hesitates reading news reports because so many are about children who have been ostracized and treated as things. Especially demoralizing for him are the stories that tell us about children who, because of failing to meet academic requirements, disappointing not only themselves but family and friends, have decided that the world is too stressful and a place where they no longer want to live.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   Why has this deplorable situation developed? Is it not because we see people as means and not as ends?  When the media considers what and how to cover a news story, it is often money that comes into focus. When money is center stage, where is the person going to fit ? he asks.

Life is not to be squandered, cast away as if it were an outworn garment. It is God's will for us to live and, as we are told in scripture, "to live more abundantly."  Not to kill others is also part of his will for us.  When we enter a church, we take off our hats and offer homage. When we meet another person, shouldn't this same respect be extended to whomever we meet?

Authoritarian Attitude

Having an authoritarian attitude is usually considered a negative trait, and a parish priest writing in a bulletin for priests acknowledges that priests often hear about this observation, usually directed, of course, not at them but at other priests. In any case it is the priest himself who is most hurt by it, and it also hinders the growth of others he comes in contact with. He considers his goal in life to be always growing in maturity, but if the authoritarian attitude on his part is preventing others from growing, this is a serious problem in his own growth.

In his seminarian years he knew wonderful teachers but some acted toward the seminarians in ways that are hard to understand. Sometimes in class, questions that were not considered properly orthodox would not be seen by some teachers as an opportunity to dig deeper into the matter but would be a reason for personal attacks on the students. At times, it would even be a reason for a student to doubt his vocation. This authoritarian attitude on the part of a teacher can have long-term repercussions on the formation of the future priest.

When we come in contact with this authoritarian attitude, the chance to grow will be deferred. In not getting the warm and kind concern of the teacher, we in response expend all kinds of energy on the emotions that are engendered in such contact; it  is no help in growth.

The  writer admits that he also is not free from this criticism and tries to find the reasons for this in his own life. He can't get rid of the uneasiness in himself that he tries to overcome with this authoritarian attitude: lack of understanding the other, little expertise and  experience. What he knows and the way he lives his life are often different, making for difficult human relationships. He admits that he has not been able to remedy these problems in a healthy way: accepting the emotions  that come with the failures. He has tried to restrain these feelings and to protect himself. But with this troubling rupture in his relationships, he feels a lack of ease and intimacy when dealing with others.

Because of this pattern in his life, self-confidence and respect for himself has been weakened, with a weakening of his own control over himself. Anxiety suddenly comes upon him and brings fear. In this condition, there is a tendency to drink too much and to shield himself by putting on the armor of authority in an effort to mask and flee his condition. Others like himself who fail to examine themselves and take the steps to overcome the condition will, like himself, use these unhealthy ways of dealing with the situation.

He concludes that with this kind of attitude, we do harm not only to ourselves but to all those we come in contact with; a good reason to do everything we can to overcome the problem.