Married Life Without Fights

There are many mysteries concerning married life and many suggestions on how to make marriage more successful.The obstacles couples are facing today are increasing, and society does not make it any easier for couples and families to grow in love and to strengthen the bonds of this most  basic community in our society.

The columnist of Daily Life and Faith Life in the Catholic Times speaks about his meeting with a couple, whose relationship engenders both jealously and envy. Very impolitely, moved by a gnawing curiosity, he asked, "You both are on your best behavior before me, but when you get home, don't you fight?"

The husband responded, "I would like to fight but my wife doesn't cooperate, so there is no fight." The wife added, "He goes right along with whatever I want, so fighting is not possible."

The columnist said he failed to satisfy is curiosity with the first question and tried again, "Where does that love come from? Is it from your faith life?"

The wife said, "Before we were married I wasn't much of a Christian. I liked what I saw in him and decided to marry him. It was during our honeymoon that I realized the kind of man he was. It was then that I gave him my complete trust."

"What is that all about?"

"Father, on my wedding day I was all nerves, I just wanted to live a happy life. At that time we decided to go to Chejudo, a favorite spot for honeymooners, it did take some sacrifice on our part but I dreamed of living with joy for two nights and three days.                    
When we arrived at the hotel, the first thing my husband did was to go to the telephone directory and started flipping through the pages. I asked what he was doing. He said he was looking for the office numbers of the churches near to the hotel. When I asked him why, he said he wanted to know the time of  Sunday Masses. Hearing that, all my elation, my dreams of our time together, vanished. He threw cold water on all that I had envisioned for the three days. The next day, while attending morning Mass, the thought came to me that if he was that concerned about the God he couldn't see, he would be  concerned about me who he could see. On the plane back I made up my mind to be committed to him."  

The columnist reflects on that rather insignificant act of the husband on his honeymoon that had  such a profound impact on the wife, as if set in stone, never to be erased. In the same way, the columnist believes that everything we do has an impact on our lives. That we are not aware of this fact is probably a blessing, but it doesn't mean the connection is not there.                                                       

Bishop William McNaughton's Recollections on the Council

Bishop William McNaughton, 85, the first bishop of the Incheon diocese and the last foreign bishop in the Korean Church, was interviewed in Rome after attending the outdoor Mass in St. Peter's Square, which commemorated the start, 50 years earlier, of Vatican II. The  Peace Weekly, taken from  CNS, reported his  recollections of the council, noting that he is one of 70 still alive of those who attended the council.

Speaking about his first visit to Rome, the bishop said that because of television he felt he was at the gate of heaven, seeing the basilica with all the lights  turned on. He attended every session except for two because of illness. For him, the highlight of the council was the approval of the Dogmatic Constitution of the Church, a magnificent document that devotes a whole chapter to the "people of God." That term is often interpreted as a reference to the laity, but a more careful reading of the constitution makes it clear that it refers to everyone in the Church: pope and bishops, as well as laity.

Bishop McNaughton speaks with regret that there has been so much ignorance and misunderstanding of the council documents. The Constitution of the Sacred Liturgy, for instance, authorized moving the tabernacle to a separate devotional chapel, he said, but many simply shunted the Eucharist to the side of the main sanctuary. This is a reason, he feels, there is not a full understanding of what the tabernacle means. The document also called for fewer statues in churches, but some removed all statues and put the Blessed Mother's statue out in a corridor or lobby. Another example, he said, citing The Decree on the Renewal of the Religious Life, was the directive that urged religious women to modify their habit according to circumstances of time and place and the needs of the ministry. It did not say habits should be removed because the habit is a "sign of consecration." All are obvious examples, he said, that the documents were not being read, or not read closely enough.

In the interview, the bishop says the council must be understood in continuity with the church's tradition and not as a radical break with the past. "Look at the footnotes," he said. "There is a  constant reference there to the various ecumenical councils of the Church and to the fathers of the Church. So it is a continuity."

The bishop, accordingly, rejects arguments that the council was to blame for the decline in Catholic observance and the rise of secularism over the last century. "The council did not cause this, he said. It was the society we created that brought this change into our lives.

Our task now is winning back the world, which is the aim of the new evangelization. However unpromising the political landscape may appear for that project to succeed, Bishop McNaughton is ultimately hopeful that it will.

The Twilight Years

Baby boomers are now reaching retirement age, and what this means for Korea is the topic of the View from the Ark column in the Catholic Times. The columnist begins with a sijo  (a short lyrical poem) a teacher gave him on graduating from middle school: "In one hand a stick, in the other, thorns to beat and prevent the approach of old age, but no matter what is done, the white hairs will come."

According to the census of 2010. our society is aging rapidly: 11 percent of the population is over 65; in 2018, it is predicted to be over 18 percent; in 2026, over 20 percent. One-fourth of those over 65, however, are still active in society; over half of them in some religious capacity.

From a Catholic perspective, the statistics show that more than 20 percent of Catholics are more than 60  years of age, and more than 19 percent are in their 50s. The Church is getting older quicker than the larger society. The advance of the nuclear family and early retirement means that the concern for the elderly will soon be a societal problem. According to a survey made by the bureau of statistics the  concerns of those over 65 are money and health.

The elderly also want more health examinations: 33 percent; nursing care: 29 percent; help with home chores, 16 percent; and help in finding a job, 8 percent. Consequently, the problems in the future, the columnist says, will be poverty, disease, loneliness, living alone, and difficulty in finding work, which means the burden on society will increase.

The setting sun gives us the beautiful twilight hours of the evening. And at this time of year, autumn gives us the beautiful colors of falling leaves. We come into the world with blessings, and after our formal education and overcoming the vicissitudes of  life, we too enter our twilight years. What will that  mean for most of us?

The columnist tells us the elders have much to teach the generations that will follow. There is the wisdom of age: learning from poverty, lessons from life, and asceticism.  We all desire to live the happy life. Are the elders in our society living the happy life?

Many have told us about the beauty of old age. St Augustine tells us of his discovery of God, in his old age: "Late have I loved you, beauty so ancient and so new; late have I loved you! Lo, you were within, but I outside, seeking there for you; and upon the shapely things you  have made I rushed headlong."  St. Francis de Sales tells us in the Introduction to the Devout Life that we, like a pearl in a clam, should be a pearl of joy to the world.

The twilight years  are the years during which we should have emptied ourselves of the accidentals of life for its essentials and a trust in God. Living with thanks, mellowness, humility, and love, we can rest finally in the enjoyment of the everlasting life we have received on our journey of pilgrimage to God.

Misuse of DNA Data

Examining a few hairs of the head  to  predict the  future of a child and the parent's disposition to disease would make life a  great deal easier, a professor begins his article in the Catholic Times, Even if we did not start off with the best mental and physical equipment, we would be able to attain long life and success. All thanks to the genetic information now available. But is this really the case? the professor asks.
 
We all would like to know what the future holds for us. Isn't this the reason one reads books on fortune telling, casts horoscopes, analyzes a person's face, and the like. The advances made in genetic science has given hope to some, that with the study of the genes we will be able to foresee the future, and by comparing and analyzing the gene map, we will come to know the  height, personality, capabilities and possibilities of disease.

All these possibilities, however, carry potential dangers. Muscular dystrophy, as well as 139 other genetic disorders  can be predicted in the embryonic and fetus stage. The possibilities of treatment are minimal so most of the unhappiness results in abortions, which the present Child Health Law allows.
 
The DNA Act and the Punishment of Violence Act, enacted a few years ago, allow collecting DNA from suspects of habitual and heinous crimes in order to diminish the number of these crimes. But the professor says these laws can be misused, as they were recently, following a labor dispute and a controversial government policy. Those who used work strikes to make their points in labor disputes, and those who were demonstrating against the government were arrested, and the courts had no problem with allowing the collection of  DNA from some of the striking workers and the anti-government demonstrators.  But they are not violent criminals, the writer points out, and should not  be considered habitual offenders.

Collecting DNA from an individual brands the person as a sick member of society, and discrimination against the person usually follows. He mentions that the eugenics movement of the United States tried to prevent bad genes from increasing in society. A great deal of money went into the movement and a great many things were done that are embarrassing to remember: limiting emigration and forcing sterilization. It was later realized that the genetic information does not determine a person's ability or future.

He concludes the article with a question: what is to be done with DNA testing? It's an important issue requiring serous thought. Hopefully, many will be part of the discussion.

Art of Living

Ideas on the meaning of spirituality--its role in the world and its place in our personal lives--have been hotly debated for centuries. Recently, a journalist for the Peace Weekly has given us her ideas on this important subject after reading the book, Art of Living, by the German Benedictine priest Anselm Grun. By discussing spirituality in a very practical manner, Grun lays out nine ways we can go about giving spirituality a more prominent place in our daily lives.

-accept ourselves as we are and not as we think we ought to be  -make time for leisure and enjoying life
-find meaning in whatever we do
-maintain a deep relationship with others
-relate with friends
-practice the virtue of charity
-turn difficulties into opportunities
-continue to search for your dream
-live each moment.

We are asked to look for the ability and courage to live; only we can do that. Too many of us are trying to escape from ourselves, from our discontent, from guilt, from other people. We can't do it by running away from our conflicts, Grun says, and no one can do it for us, so we should resolve to face our problems bravely and come to a reconciliation. The first step in this reconciliation, he says, is to permit ourselves the time to face the situation.

Grun asks us, the journalist says, to be conscious of time; it will show us the true meaning of death. When death is always before our eyes, we will relate correctly with our work, with material goods, and with those around us; it will be our way to peace. To live with the thought of death means to live in the present totally and with awareness, and come to appreciate life as a gift. 

Grun advises that we also slow down the pace of our lives, in order to lessen the anxiety that develops from living a fast-paced life. Anxious people can't stop, wait, and take the time to look around before deciding on what to do next. Everything tends to be done quickly, without much thoughtful preparation. They live frantically, run around in circles, and fail to live well. 

To live well, to allow our spiritual nature to flourish, we have to have time for leisure; without it, we will not take full advantage of the life we have been given. Only those who have found this deep rhythmic spirituality in their lives are able to live a fully meaningful life.

Moving Hearts -- The New Evangelization

Spreading the Gospel is the mission of the Church.  Each year the next-to-last  Sunday of October, the month of harvest, is Mission Sunday, during which we hear sermons on ways to carry out this mission.  On this Sunday all collections are sent to Rome and distributed to the areas of the world most in need.

It's also a time to reflect on the need for mission work and how we can help in this harvesting.  What is in question is not the mandate but how to put it into practice. The columnist of View from the Ark, in the Catholic Times, feels  using words to carry out this mandate no longer has the results  it once did in the early days of the Church.

In the time of Jesus, for the most part, words were the only way to  express our thoughts; this is no longer the case. Today it can be done in many ways: with our hands and feet, our music, books, pictures, and films, our poetry and the internet, among many other possibilities. He feels the printed page, although important, no longer influences us as much as it did in the past; the electronic revolution has changed all that.

Because of the  enormous amount of information we have to deal with today, it's becoming difficult to  distinguish what's true from what's false, and so we tend to question whatever we hear and read, often adopting a doubting attitude about everything. Because of this tendency, the  columnist feels that the influence of words to change our lives is greatly reduced.

So what do we do? he asks. In Korea we say "Confucius said," or "Mencius said," but what does that mean if we do not act and live by what is being said. This is true also of the words of the Gospel, which we aspire to make known to all.

The bishops of Japan made a study of this problem and concluded that in the Japanese and Korean cultures words have li ttle to do with the way we act. Actions, the examples of others, are what moves and inspires us to want to change.

Two men who lived what they preached, according to the columnist, and influenced the lives of many were Fr. Lee Tae Seok and Cardinal Kim. The documentary on the life of Fr. Lee in the Sudan moved many people, and Cardinal Kim's visits to refugee villages, saying Mass at the Seoul City dump, spending time at Easter with women prostitutes and with those in prison moved the hearts of many.  It is this kind of evangelizing that should be the focus of our present concerns. Moving hearts, says the columnist, is what the new evangelization is all about.

An Extrodinary Japanese

We don't find too many Koreans praising the Japanese but the editorial board of a Korean bulletin for priest does just that. Founder of the Panasonic Company, Konosuke Matsushita has been praised for spreading his life-affirming message to today's young people.  

Matshusita was born into a wealthy family that lost everything while he was still very young. Never finishing grammar school and struggling with poor health during his youth, he worked at minor jobs before starting a small electronic company in 1918, which in time developed into the Panasonic Company, one of the world's largest company, with over 130,000 employees.

Much of his success, according to the Bulletin article, came about because of the gifts he had received. Because of the gift of poverty, he had to work as a shoeshine boy and as a paperboy, receiving in the process a great deal of experience on how to live.

Because of poor health, he had to exercise to regain and maintain his health. And because of little education (his formal education ended at the age of nine), everybody he met was his teacher. He never lost the opportunity to ask others for help in improving whatever he was doing.

He was praised for his ability in dealing with others, which he credited to his seeing others as his superiors. His attitude was that they were likely to know more than he did, and were likely to be more competent than he was. Lacking formal education he had to gather as much knowledge as he could from other people. By admitting to knowing nothing, he said he was at all times always learning.

The Bulletin article points out that many who have made a study of Matsushita say he was a very ordinary man who became an extraordinary man because he completely embraced his ordinariness as few others have done. His secret for economic success was to enable those working in his company to work to the utmost of their capabilities. He was for a time an innovator in improving cooperation between labor and management, in developing talent, and in making the workplace a lifelong commitment.

He used to say that the difference between the jail and the monastery is the difference between living with discontent or living with thanks. If in prison and you give thanks, you are in a monastery; if in a monastery and not content, you are in jail.

Here is a man who grew up with adversity and yet could see the beauty, the value and opportunities of life without having any religious beliefs to guide him. He became a great leader in our world where so many others, having struggled with adversity, have given up hope.

There are many who live according to what Catholics would call natural law or right  reason. We can only thank God for their sensitivity to the dictates of right reason. When we see a person who has money as his object and in search of profits  and behaving the way Mitsubishi did it is  extraordinary.