Growing Old Gracefully

A research  professor writing in the Catholic Times reflects on what  it means to grow old gracefully. Riding the subway recently she noticed that some of the elderly men were behaving in ways she found very strange, not like the elders of our society normally behave. It made the other passengers feel uncomfortable, she said. There appeared to be no  understanding  of how their actions were being received by the other passengers. They seemed to be men from another part of the world. 

As is widely known, our society is getting older and we have fewer young people to take care of the elderly. The numbers of those older than 65 years of age continue to grow and  the younger generation, who are expected to take care of the elders, continues to decrease. Complicating the problem even further, our society is developing technologically at an even faster pace, which makes it difficult for the older generation to keep up with the changes.

Under the name of restructuring, many of the young people are losing their jobs in industry.This situation  magnifies the feeling of the  older generation of being useless and a burden on society; often overcome by a sense of shame and helplessness. For some time now the older generation, with a smile on their faces, have been saying that whatever they have, much or little, they will keep their possessions until they die in order to get the treatment they deserve from their children.

Do we need to look upon these words and behavior of the elders as a display of strength, as something healthy? she asks. She wonders if it is not society that is bringing about these changes of skepticism and depression that frequently cause the elderly to take their own lives. As the elderly get older the rate of suicides among them increases. At the same age, the number of men committing suicide is two to three times that of women, an indication, she says, of the helplessness felt by many of the older men. She feels that our society and many of our families make those who feel dependent and unproductive lose their sense of worth and honor in society.

While our society is extolling the efforts of the nation in becoming more prosperous and developed like other first world countries, she wonders if it is at the expense of losing our traditional values and destroying family life. Without a safety net in place, those who will suffer the most are the sick, the young and old, she says.

It is often said that a noble attribute of the old is their wisdom. They have lived through the difficulties of life and have learned a great deal and have a lot to teach the young and middle-aged adults. But because one has aged does not mean they will automatically receive respect. With age it is natural to become physically weaker, but effort should be made to keep their mental faculties and the relationship with others as healthy as possible.  She hopes that the younger generation and the  middle aged adults will realize they have a great deal to  learn from the older generation.

Preparing for Lent.

This  coming Wednesday is the beginning of Lent. With the receiving of ashes,  we begin the forty days.  Each year, we hear the  same words from the Gospel of the day reminding us of the need to spend the Lenten period in  prayer, mortification, and alms giving. Often during this time we can be mostly interested in ourselves, forgetting we are called to be disciples in service to others.

The Catholic Times, in their editorial and desk column, reminds us that in today's world, where there is a great deal of talk of how we should be helping the less fortunate, there is little actually done to carry this out. Without serious reflection during Lent, this time will usually only center on finding ways that will help us become holier, as we concentrate on doing more acts of sacrifice and praying--all very important, but it should not stop there. We need to leave our comfort zone and  follow the example Pope Francis is giving us, not only by his words but more so by his actions.

The columnist reminds us that the Pope's actions are concrete acts of concern for the poor and the alienated in society. She mentions that in his Lenten message, he writes: "In imitation of our Master, we Christians are called to confront the poverty of our brothers and sisters, to touch it, to make it our own and to take practical steps to alleviate it." He goes on to say that we are called to be disciples as we go out to others, to be "God's leaven in the midst of humanity." We are, in other words, to imitate Jesus.

One lesson that is often learned from reading the Gospels is how uncomprehending were the male disciples. They had the greatest possible teacher for three years, traveled with him, saw his many miracles, and heard his teachings repeatedly, and yet when the going was tough they left him. 

When we take a close look at the disciples, what is  immediately noticed is that up until the very end it was the women disciples who stayed with him. From Luke 8:3, we learn the names of some of them: "Mary called the Magdalene, from whom seven devils had gone out; Joanna, the wife of Herod's steward Chuza; Susanna and many others who were assisting them out of their means."  They were the faithful ones.

Why was this the case?  The answers are varied,  but one thing  is certain: the women did not have any  ambitions to be prime ministers and members of the inner circle when the kingdom of David was restored, as the apostles did. Even the apostles' closeness to Jesus did not help them from being overly concerned about their own welfare. 

The women, however, were following Jesus not to receive but to give. The apostles were more interested in receiving, and this was their weak point. When they saw their dreams dissolve with the arrest, passion and death of Jesus all came to an end. Motivation is difficult to change  because it deals with our self-esteem.
 

This Lent we need to practice forgetting ourselves, becoming more interested in what we can do for others than in what Jesus can do for us.

"For Me There Are Two Heavens"

30 years ago here in Korea 103 Catholics were canonized. At the canonization a priest asked what seemed to be a strange question considering the nature of the event:  "What meaning does this ceremony have for those who have  been dead for many years? " A columnist in the Peace Weekly, who is a close friend of the priest, explores the meaning of the priest's words. At first the words were not understood but over the years he began to understand their meaning: the saints are not being canonized for their benefit but for ours.

This year, 124 of the earliest martyrs will be beatified and, hopefully, Pope Francis will be here for the ceremony; we will know, he says, by the end of March. What meaning does this ceremony have for us? They already have the glory of heaven, he points out. At the canonization or beatification we are only making public what has already taken place.

So what is the meaning to us? He gives us two answers. First, they are our Korean ancestors, persons we can be proud of. Second, we don't want to tarnish their image by the life we are living. We desire to follow their example, living in a way that will be worthy of those who came before us.  And what are the ways we can use to follow their example? Pope Francis has given a way in a recent talk at Mass.

The Pope said not to stand still, encouraging us to keep on walking the life of faith by living with with faith, hope and charity, living like lambs and not like wolves. The columnist understands the Pope's words to mean that we are not to divide our lives into two worlds, separating our daily life from our faith life. They are not separate and should be lived as one life. And lastly, to live our lives with joy, which will naturally occur, he believes, when we live happily.

And how do we live happily? He cites the example of Simon Hwang Il -kwang (1757-1802). He was a member of the lowest class in the Korean Joseon society of that  time. He was a butcher  and considered an outcast, but once he entered the community of faith he was treated like a brother, even by the noble class of society. There were no reservations in their treatment of him which brought a great deal of happiness into his life. He described how he felt:  "For me there are two heavens, the one here on earth and the one that will come after death."

The words of Simon should make us think about the society we are making. Is the breaking down of walls separating us from others an ideal we strive to attain? Or are we satisfied with the polarization of ideology, education and class? Is this just too much of an ideal to have any real merit in our daily lives? We as Christians can easily see the way Jesus related with others no matter their place  in the society of the times. There is always something we can learn from the other, and something we can give the other that will enable us and the other to  grow. But when this door is closed we are hindering the way our society can mature and be open to the  joy that God is offering us.

Experiencing What We Hear

"We are able to  hear only what exists in our own  thoughts."  A priest writing in the Bible & Life magazine gives us an example of how this reality became known to him.  From his pre-school days he often  heard about the Apricot Tower. His brother and sister had often gone to the location for picnics and  writing contests. While in elementary school he finally had the opportunity to go there with his classmates. However, he didn't see any apricots. Maybe, he thought, the Apricot Tower is a mountain full of apricots or a tower made from the wood of the  apricot tree or a mountain resembling an apricot tree. But no matter how hard he tried to find something that resembled an apricot, he could not.

He finally asked the teacher in charge of the outing where could he find the Apricot Tower.  The teacher very kindly pointed to a stone pillar and said: "That is the 'sa il ku' (4-19) Tower.  Even with the words of the teacher he continued to hear the Korean word for apricot: salgu.  He didn't have the courage to ask any further questions. The next day the class submitted their  papers on the day's excursion. The teacher wrote on the margin of his paper: "Not apricot but 'sa il ku' (4-19) Tower. The teacher's  words made no sense to him for he did not know what the 4-19 meant.

On April 19, 1960, a popular democratic student uprising against the Syngman Rhee dictatorship began the first reform movement after the Korean War. It is simply called "April 19".  In Korean, the  month of April is  called the 4th month, so "4-19" would signify the 19th day of April.  In spoken Korean one can hear the word for apricot, if the middle syllable is missing or not heard. This is what the writer was alluding to in his article.  As a child he did not have the necessary information that would  allow him to hear the proper meaning of the words spoken other than the meaning of the word that he did know, which was 'apricot'.

He compares this thinking with our talk about the rainbow. Koreans see 7 colors: red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo and violet. But other cultures and times have accepted other colors which he says depends on what  a person has been prepared to see by his learning.

In Mark 8:16 disciples are grumbling that they didn't bring the bread along. Jesus was telling them to guard against the yeast of the Pharisees and of Herod but all that the disciples heard was the word 'yeast,'  associating it with bread, and not understanding that Jesus was telling them to be on their guard against the influence of these two groups. The word 'yeast' reminded them of their lack of bread.  But he reprimanded them: "Do you still not see and comprehend?" Because their minds were so taken up with their own material desires and personal ambitions they were unable to hear what Jesus was saying.

In conclusion, he reminds us how the words we hear about love from Jesus may mean  little to us because we have little experience of the love that Jesus speaks about. Without this experience we will have difficulty understanding his words, but be disposed  to doubt, refuse or deny  what we hear. If we are to understand the words of love, we have to experience and learn about them in our own lives.

Facing Issues Without Specialists

Suicide prevention is a topic of great concern to Korean society. And the "Heart and One Body Movement"  of the Seoul diocese has been in the forefront in addressing this urgent issue. As reported in the Peace Weekly, the Heart and One Body Movement is using the principles of Harrison Owen's Open Space Technology to structure their programs, as they did recently in discussions with members of the Legion of Mary.

In one of the first meetings, with more than 50 attending, several suggestions were made, including the need for more education on how to prevent suicides, for more study rooms for children of parents who have to work to support the family, and for children of divorced parents, or wherever conditions exist that lead to neglected children.

The Religious Sister who heads the center for suicide prevention has begun a forum  according to Owen's Open Space principles, which include abandoning the established framework and formalities for such meetings, proceeding without specialists, with an open  forum where a variety of ideas can be expressed as the need dictates, involving issues not easily solved, having high potential for conflict, and requiring an urgent issue--all of which are helpful in motivating the participants.

Sponsored by the One Mind and One Heart Movement the topic at a recent meeting was "What can we do to make our communities secure  from the problems associated with suicide?" The discussion was heated and the following were some of the suggestions offered.
 
*Why does a person commit suicide?  *Why does a person become lonely? *How can we read the hearts of those who are lonely? *How do we approach a person who is suffering from depression? *How do we go about saying a caring word to those who are lonely? *How do we go about being helpful to those who are lonely? *How to we show love to those who are having difficulty? *How are we to look after children who are neglected? *Should we gather children of the same age into groups?

Using open space technology principles, all participants in the forum were seen to take a lively interest in the discussion, with each participant deciding on some plan of action.  It is not the kind of program that attempts to fill a person's head with knowledge but instead attempts to find within one's self the answers to urgent issues. By hearing a variety of answers that come from personal experience, we are more likely to have a better understanding of what we are capable of achieving in the future.

The climate for the discussions was prepared without specialists with the experience and knowledge of the participants that was consistent with their religious faith. The group was not in any way impeded from coming up with resolutions that were doable, energizing the group to work toward these goals in the future.

Learning from the Olympics

The desk columnist of the Catholic Times shares his thoughts on the recently completed Sochi Olympics. The Olympic games, along with the World Cup, are heavily involved with commercial interests and extreme competition, a fact often criticized by some segments of the population. The games, however, the writer notes, do take us away from the inevitable boredom that creeps into every life, distracting us, and often providing real drama.

The athletes for a period of 4 years are continually practicing, intent on achieving their goal, winning the gold medal. All are working with all the energy they can muster for that one moment of glory. This is the reason we greet them with our applause.

In the Sochi Olympics we saw the Korean Ahn Hyun-soo win the gold for Russia in the short-track speed racing events. Many Koreans applauded Ahn for his victory but at the same time felt a sense of loss. There had been a problem with the skating federation in Korea and  the government-affiliated group, which were responsible, the columnist believes, for his defection, though he admits it was a complicated issue. To continue to skate, doing what he loved to do, Ahn decided to go to Russia,  become a citizen, and race for  Russia. The columnist feels that Korea should have been more understanding and allowed him to skate for his country.

We need to do well whenever we are given the chance, the writer says. Many dramas, songs and books have the theme of failing to do our best when we have the opportunity and regretting it after. Is this not true in the divorces that we see so often? he asks. Even though the separated partners often express no regret for having divorced, he feels this is a lie. When those who were so close and considered each other precious, if they had related with each other differently, it wouldn't have happened, he says.

This can also be seen in the parent-child relationship. When children finally grow up and want to make amends for a difficult family relationship, it is often too late and they are faced with the death of the parents. Wasn't this the case with Peter in the Gospels, he wonders,  when Peter betrayed our Lord and was left with an eternal lasting regret.  Let us do our best, he advises, when we have the chance.

This situation is not any different in the Church community. In the West, Christians are leaving the Church in large numbers, youth are leaving, vocations have dropped, religion no longer interests many of our Christians. On Sundays the churches are empty and there is no guarantee that the Korean Church will not go the way of the West.

The Church in Korea, however, has been blessed. Compared to the West, we have vitality and many vocations to the clerical and religious life. Even though life is busy, the Christians are very active in the life of the Church and are supporting it by their time, effort and prayers.

What is needed is more effort in growing into mature and holy Christians. We have no guarantee that it will remain this way, so he recommends that we deal with the parishioners as brothers and sisters, one by one, to prevent the dissatisfaction that we see in other parts of the world.

The Braggart's Disease

When we have a strong desire  to be appreciated and recognized but feel we are not, some of us will resort to the strangest schemes to solve our problem. A bulletin for priests recounts two such schemes, selected from a book of essays the writer had read many years before.

A woman in China who had an exquisite bed wanted to boast about it to the  whole world.  Since it was in her bedroom, showing it off to others would be difficult. She needed to find a way to brag about her bed that would seem reasonable.  She decided to spread the rumor  in the neighborhood that she was sick. This would bring many to her house and bedroom where they would see the bed and envy her. At the same time there was another woman who had a beautiful underskirt and was searching for a way to brag  about it.

Here again, since it was an underskirt she needed to find a way to brag about it without seeming to do so. She had heard about the woman who was sick and decided to visit her, and while there find a way to brag about her underskirt. Two women with the same hidden agenda are about to meet, one wanting to brag about her bed, the other wanting to brag about her underskirt. 
 
The woman with the underskirt, during the visit, did not ask about the problem the sick woman was having;  she was intent only in showing off her underskirt while she was sitting in the chair by the bed. She looked to see if the woman in the bed was looking at her underskirt. The woman in the bed noticed that the woman didn't show any interest in why she was in bed, and so concluded that she was there to show off her underskirt. The woman with the underskirt realized she hadn't asked the woman in bed the reason for her being in bed, and started showing some interest. The woman in the bed then told the woman with the underskirt that they both had the same disease: the braggart's disease.

This desire to be appreciated, says the writer,  comes from our trying  to free ourselves from the feeling of inferiority, and can bring about many personality problems. When this feeling of inferiority takes over, we become interested in externals, and vanity grows,  which makes for an unhealthy inner life. Instead of living according to our philosophy of life and convictions we are overly  concerned about what others may think about us, which makes it difficult for us to live an authentic life. 

When we look at ourselves with the eyes of faith, however, we notice that we have little to boast about, and are able to see more clearly our weaknesses. Even if we should find that there are things we can be proud of, looking at them carefully we notice that they have not been all our doing, having to acknowledge that we have received help from others, from family, from our environment, from God. With these thoughts we are humbled and begin to see our self more honestly.

"The greatest among you will be he one who serves the rest. Whoever exalts himself shall be humbled, but whoever humbles himself shall be exalted" (Matt.23:11).