We all know that life is not fair. Some find it easy to accept karma and reincarnation to solve the problems; a Christian accepts the reality.We call them crosses, often given to us by others, coming from our culture, our own actions, and reasons unknown to us, but what we do know is that we mature and grow by freeing ourselves from those we can, and overcome or live with those we can't.
An article written by Esther a young woman in the Kyeongyang magazine is entitled: 'You were born to be loved.' She begins telling her readers they will no doubt find what she says strange, but from a very early age she wondered why she was born. She was different from other children. Her father and mother did not live together and she was raised by her grandmother. At that time she thought she was the only one being raised by her grandmother, but later looking back, she realized that this was not uncommon in our society.
As a child she thought it was her fault that her parents separated, and never found other partners.
It would have been better if she had never been born. When people tell her parents to find someone to marry she would get upset and also when her grandmother would complain about her situation and more so when she bad-mouthed her mother.
As she aged this feeling remained with her. Grandmother was always sick, grandfather was an alcoholic and before he died suffered from dementia. As a child there was nothing that she could do. She was a burden on the family. If she was not there, they would not be in such dire straits. Her grades were good but nothing extraordinary. She had no confidence.
At school she was always late in paying for the school meals. Her dark skin made her the object of bullying. She felt that she was not worthy of love. She was afraid of the new. She wanted to be loved but when love was shown she was afraid that it would disappear, and avoided people. The thinking became unconscious, and deep down inside of her the feeling still remains.
This year from the beginning of February she has been teaching catechism to the first and second grade students. She lacks the knowledge that she should have of the Scriptures but when her students call her 'Teacher' and smile at her she is full of thanks and sees all with a great deal of love.
How did God make all these beautiful children? How precious these children are and how happy God must be to see them enjoying life. How can any one not like these little children? If there are such persons they are not part of God's kingdom. God must have had great love for her when she was small. That love must now also be with her. Still, she says the negative feelings are there, and wonders whether they will ever disappear.
She knows that God must love her much more than she loves her students. When these thoughts come to mind it is easy to pray. She is very thankful to these young children who have helped her to have these thoughts about God's love for her. It enables her to spend more effort and time in being a good teacher, and she ends with a heartfelt thanks to God for all that she has learned.
With Bible
magazine has an article on women who have come to Korea as immigrants
and are married to Koreans. The writer recalls her knapsack trip to
Europe with her best friend some twenty years ago. They visited the paternal
aunt of her friend in Germany. The aunt was one of the Korean nurses
that went to Germany in 1970 and remained, marrying a German. She was a
migrant woman living in Germany. The visit was not to a big city but a
small village in the country and she remembers the stares of the
villagers seeing these strange faces from Asia.
The uncle, the German
husband, brought them around and introduced them to a grocery store run
by an immigrant from Turkey. The Germans needed workers so they welcomed
those from Turkey, but as the numbers grew, they were taking away work
from the Germans and they were a drain on the welfare programs of the
country. They also did not mix in with the Germans but remained
attached to their own cultural ways; grocery stores with Turkish
products began to appear everywhere, which caused a lot of comment.
Germany had the same problems that Korea is facing today.
Today back in Korea when
she hears talk about the migrants in Korea she remember her days back in
Germany some 20 years before. Eight percent of the marriages in Korea
in 2013 were with foreigners. 70.5 percent of those marrying were
Korean men marrying foreign women. In 2005 it was 13.5 percent and has
gradually decreased. Today it is one out of ten and usually foreign
women are the largest number.The government is helping these women in
many different ways to make them feel at home in Korea. This does not
solve, however, all their problems.
In 2009 the educational level of the women migrants: 42.3 percent were high school graduates, 27.7 percent middle school, and 20.6 percent college graduates and higher. With the men we have 40.1 percent with college or better, 34.5 percent with high school, and 18.9 percent middle school. The educational level of the men was much higher than the women.
Different from the ordinary immigrants those who have come to Korea for marriage are relating with those from the mother country;
outside of the family in which they married the contacts are few. This
does not change, she says, with the length of time they are in the
country.There is less prejudice shown to the foreign workers and the
Chinese compatriots living in Korea. A large number of the women have
been bought which adds to the problem and the reason they are often
mistreated in the families.
There are wonderful
stories about women who have made the transition successfully but most
of the talk is about women who have been bought and find it difficult to
adapt to the thinking and culture, and abused by their husbands.She
confesses that if she were one of them she would not be able to remain in such a union.
Last year a summer study
was made by the Buddhist Research Center on the place of Buddhism in a
multicultural society. Catholic of the three religions studied:
Buddhists, Protestants and Catholics, the Catholics had the most
favorable relationship with the foreign workers. Would you be able to be
a friend with a foreigner? Catholics answered 45.3 with a yes,
Protestants 39.4 and Buddhist 38.6. I don't want to get close to them:
Catholic 1.2 percent, Protestant 3.6 percent and Buddhist 5.5 percent.
She says we should not look at this with pride for when she thinks how
many Catholics would be willing to be friends to a migrant she feels
depressed.
She concludes the article
with a reflection that Our Blessed Mother was a migrant in a foreign
land. She knew no one and she compares the situation of Mary with the
women who are married to Korean men. These foreign women are hoping for a
new life and need the courage to bring it about. Let us all figure out, she asks,
what we can do to make contact with these woman, and help them to make
the transition to Korean life.
A priest working in religious education for the diocese writes about
going beyond objective and subjective thinking in an article in Bible
& Life. His office was a five minute walk from his sleeping
quarters; last year for a number of reasons he moved to the diocesan
rectory. Now, the trip to the office takes him about 20 minutes by car
and if he takes public transportation, the 12 kilometers, round trip,
takes about one hour of traveling time. Most people would not consider
this a long distance. For him, however, it was long.
He
recalls the words of a song that mentioned love and friendship: "the
distance was far from love and closer than friendship, not a lover nor a
friend it was an awkward distance." He wants to see the distance he has
to travel to the office more or less with this understanding.
The
distance he has to travel is just perfect to protect, defend and
excuse himself. When he is late for a meeting, the long distance becomes
an excuse, and when he begs for a ride to his sleeping quarters it is
then, only a short distance from the office, it wont take long. He
admits having the shameless courage to utter these words. For the priest
the objective reality of the distance has no meaning. He can make it
mean what he wants. His subjective needs always come first, the
objective concedes.
One day on his way to work at one
of the intersections, waiting for a green light his attention was
riveted on a beautiful melody he was hearing on the radio. When the
light changed, without thought, he put his foot on the accelerator, and
slightly hit the bumper of the car in front. His mistake.They pulled off to the side of the road and checked the damage. There were no
scratches on either bumper. Since there was no damage they took pictures
and exchanged addresses and telephone numbers. The driver of the car
was a young woman on her way to work; she said she would notify him.
That
day there was no call from the woman and he thought that all was
resolved, but that evening about 8 o'clock a call came from a man who
said he was the young woman's older brother. The accident, he said, so
frightened his sister she was not able to do her daily exercises, she
will have to go to the hospital tomorrow. He then mentioned the damaged bumper and on he went, making no sense to the priest.At the end he
said let us agree on 300 dollars, and he gave his bank account number
and hung up. The priest was at fault and no matter what he thought, said or did
wouldn't make any difference. He was angry and it took him, he
says, much time and effort to calm down.
He was in a
similar accident some years ago when a woman in her 50s hit his bumper
in the rear when they stopped at a red light. The shock was great but
no big accident. He got out of the car to look at the bumper there was
a little scratch. The woman driver was ready to cry. He told her
all was well, to regain composure, sent her on her way, and told
her to be careful.
He was big-hearted, able to
understand the difficulties of the woman, to comfort her in her
distress, and here now he is filled with anger. He thought of all the bad
things about the situation and his own carelessness was forgotten, and
just thought of the blackmailing(?) of the brother and sister, and finally,with difficulty, put
the issue aside.
Everything that happens to him he
resolves in a subjective way and the reality of what happened always
gives in to these subjective feelings. Love is no different. What I think is love is love,
and little concern for what the reality is. Another person's pure act
of charity often comes to him as hypocrisy.We can't give a numerical
number to an objective act of charity. There is no fragrance that comes to us from these acts. Even judging on these acts in a subjective way is not sufficient. "There
is no limit to love's forbearance, to its trust, its hope, its power to
endure" (I Cor. 13:7). Love is everything. Without any partiality or bias when I am able to fill myself with the above that will be love.
Atheism comes in many forms: weak and strong. Often we hear of those who abandon their atheism for religion and religion for atheism. The reasons are varied: some are intellectual and some emotional. An article in With Bible magazine, a weak atheist puts aside his atheism for a very emotional reason: the death of his 80 year old grandmother who he dearly loved and wanted to see again, and writes about the change that came during the three day wake service.
The grandchild had in the previous months lived with great doubt about God and felt resentment, and turned away from him. He gave up on prayer. Let's us grant that there is a God than all he could do was pray, he wouldn't see the grandmother again.
He paraphrases the words of Blaise Pascal the writer of the Pensées on God's existence. "If we consider that God does not exist, and he doesn't exist, there is no gain or loss by my life. However, if I live my life without God,and he does exist than my life is a big minus. In the same manner of speaking if I live believing there is a God, and there is, than I will have great joy here and hereafter." These words gave the writer peace and consolation.
The grandmother, he tells us, lived with the rosary in her hand and the Bible beside her. She raised her children with a faith life always recollected and conscious of God.
To realize the hope of seeing his grandmother again the priest in his funeral sermon gave him the way. In his sermon to the bereaved family: "You must show in your lives that what your grandmother believed and valued was true by the way you live your lives."
When he went to the grave site he learned it was not only his grandmother with these values but there were many others buried at the site with baptismal names that were inscribed on the tomb stones that went back to his great, great, great great grandfather.
Catholicism came to Korea in the 18th century and from these early days the faith was passed down to his immediate family. Grandmother had family members who had died as martyrs and she wanted to hand on this faith to her own family. The grandchild at the grave site was determined to put aside his unbelief and to start living his faith and to pass it on to his children.
The
writer wanted to meet her again, without any embarrassment; this was the gift that she gave him
with her death: returning to the faith that he had lost with a new understanding of what he had abandoned.
The two
Catholic papers had editorials on the Extraordinary Synod on the family
that was recently concluded. The Korean Church was not upset as many in
the West, divided into different camps and with different understandings
of Church. The Pope at the end of the Synod did take the middle road
and had critical words for both the traditionalists and the progressive and liberals.These
camps, within the Church, are forming in Korea but they have not
reached the level of the West.
Korean
Catholicism doesn't carry the baggage of the West so they are able to
read what is said and accept it with little trouble.
"Whatever is received, is received in the manner of the one receiving"
and Korea as a young Church, strong in faith, helped by the martyrs
and with a great love for the pope are an obedient Church.
Both
papers mentioned how the Synod was not only interested in the communion
for the divorced and remarried, and acceptance of those with a
homosexual orientation, but with all the problems that married persons
have to contend with in life. The majority did accept the two paragraphs
on the married and homosexuality of the final revised report, but not with the 2/3 majority required for
inclusion in the finally paper, but the two paragraphs will be part of the discussion
at next years synod.
Family
is the smallest church, and societies' smallest unit; at the same
time the origin of many of our problems, and where we need to find fundamental solutions. Consequently, we all know that if we don't
foster healthy families, the roots and trunk of society and the church
are in danger.
This
year with the end of the Extraordinary Synod we will begin preparing
for the Ordinary Synod next year. Korean Catholicism will begin preparing
for the Synod with a greater understanding of the problems of family begun years earlier. One of the editorials was concerned with a possible too literal interpretation of the catechism.
The
Church did not begin in the temple, or the synagogue or in the desert,
but in a room of a family house. The Last Supper was in a room of a
house and the Holy Spirit descended in a room of a family house.
The
Eucharist is the 'salvation here in the present'. The Eucharist is the
coming together of God and the Church. We are here given the sign that
we have been saved. The pope wants to find ways to bring back to the
fold those who have been excluded by the regulations of the Church. The
editorial mentions that Jesus' standard was not the law but the good news.
One
of the editorials concludes with the words of Pope Francis that we
should never be afraid of treating the wounds of those who are hurting.
We should not overlook persons who need God's mercy. How to do that without opposing the words of Jesus will be the task of the next Synod.
Natural
fertility regulation is the way a woman interprets her natural signs of
fertility to become pregnant or avoid pregnancy. Also called the
Billings Ovulation Method, developed by Drs John and Evelyn Billings.
The method has been accepted even in China with great success but there
are many in the West who find it too much trouble and prefer the
artificial means and possible risks to health.
Catholic
Times' article shows how the couple can have more satisfaction in their
married life, add more meaning to their sexual love relationship and
family by using the natural method of fertility regulation. Lee Theresa
the representative of the Korean Happy Family Movement stresses that
the natural method of birth regulation opens one to see the wonders in
the gift that God has given us, to understand the gift, and
strengthens the love of the couple.
Both husband and wife accept the natural cycle of fertility and work
with it. They go beyond the bodily pleasure to achieve a oneness in their spiritual understanding and concern for
each other, and in temperance, grow in respect for one another. In
practicing NFR the couples notice a positive change in their
relationship. Theresa wants it known that "conversation between the
couple increases, sensitive issues are discussed.They learn other ways
of expressing their love, more than with the emotions they become more
intimate and there is a greater respect for themselves."
There
are many who have a wrong understanding of the natural fertility
method: too complicated, difficult to learn, the period of
abstinence is long, an unreliable method of regulation etc..The
biggest misunderstanding, she says, is the use only to avoid pregnancy
or to avoid artificial means.
Many
Catholics despite the teaching of the Church are ignorant of the method
or are lazy or do not understand what real love between the couple
should entail. This is not only true, she laments, of the couples but
pharmaceutical companies and doctors who recommend the quick and easy
methods of preventing pregnancy.
How
can one ignore the feeling of love that arises and refrain from
expressing this in the sexual act? She believes that those who think
this way confuse love and the sexual act as the same, and in extreme
cases there are those that see them as opposite to each other.
We
all have a respect for life but do not know concrete ways to realize
this in our lives.There are many cases in married life where sexuality
becomes a problem. The understanding of each others sexuality and the
changes that occur are not always easy to accept.
In
conclusion of the article, Theresa says that couples who use the
natural methods are giving the children a wonderful lesson in sex
education. Like the lessons given by the parents at the weekly
attendance at Mass, natural family regulation practiced by the parents
will be an important aspect of family life.
Silence is golden is a well know axiom and in the present society not overly appreciated. In her Catholic Times' media ecology column, the religious sister recalls a trip she was making from Pusan to the outskirts of Seoul, and was accompanied most of the way by a young man, sitting behind her, who was on the mobile phone, with only a few rest periods, chitchatting.The sister tried to read, pray and think but found it difficult.
We from the time we were born have enjoyed muttering. We were born with the capacity and the desire to talk. A joy only humans enjoy. Since we enjoy talking we increase the amount. Children who talk are developing their brain, creativity, powers of thinking, and socializing ability: forming their personality. When we become adults we no longer speak to satiety like a child. We regulate our feelings and our thoughts so that our personality comes out in our speaking.
We speak, she says, too much now days. No matter how much they try, some can't help but be a chatter box. Scholars have a name for this sickness: logorrhea. We do a lot of it now with our cell phones. Once in the hand there is a need to talk. With the phone we can not transmit our feelings and our body language; possible only when we are speaking face to face.
When the phone is not ringing the person is always waiting. Fingering the smart phone in the hand and never putting it down for fear they will lose contact with humanity, and feel empty and lonely. If there is no one to talk to they will go to their friends in SNS, an unlimited number of possibilities with whom to communicate. She wonders if this is not a case of addiction to the word.
Much of the fare on TV is made for the understanding of a 13 year old child, and yet we see many who without any discipline are on their smart phones laughing and watching without thought of where they are and those around them.
We do not give words to all our thoughts since we are responsible for the words we utter.There are words we need to speak and those we refrain from speaking, words we use in different places and with different individuals.
'A wise person who values reading is careful in the use of every word and gesture', an axiom from the past. Why is this so? she asks. The words we speak come from the words we read. Reading becomes the thinking that forms our words. Our thinking becomes deeper and the words we use have more weight.
When we feel that we are talking too much she recommends we put all aside, and begin reading. We will learn more than we expected; like prayer we will encounter the language of silence.
